No One Like You
by opti-mnff
Summary: A collection of one-shots and missing moments from the bewildering relationship of Andy Dwyer and April Ludgate. *Currently updating on Mon-Thu*
1. Jerry and Porn

**A/N**: First off, sorry to anyone still waiting for the finish line for _Always Right There _(this is my attempt at humor). I'm an awful person about what I've done to that story, mostly concerning updates. I'm truly, honestly sorry. However, if you want to look at the bright side of this situation I'm currently in a way better place in my life - sticking with school, had a lovely summer with a woman I can now call my wife, and I'm writing things for television shows more than books now.

It's official. I guess I really am an American, eh?

Whatever, this is the first time writing within P&R (and to be honest I'm not finished with it) so I'm gonna stick with S1-5 "missing moments." Or maybe not, since who knows. Either way, I really _really _like April and Andy so I wrote this thing and it would be so awesome to get some feedback. Read, review, vomit all over it and call me an idiot. I don't care! I'm just happy you stopped on in :)

10.17.14 - Wonderful cover-art by Adie (**smallnova **on tumblr!)

* * *

If Andy even knew what the textbook definition was for an epiphany he wouldn't be able to find it. Either way, something about the mixture of Pawnee air and shoe polish made his head feel weird – Ann had told him to stop 'testing' the polish for freshness by taking massive whiffs of the stuff but what did she know, she was a nurse – and today he pretty much had to get Kyle out of his chair as quickly as possible or his brain would melt. Part of him wanted to see it happen. He's pretty sure April would think it was cool.

That was the thing, person, bothering him: April. His life was at a really strange place, and Andy didn't know why he was so excited when she came in with coffee. It always made his headache feel a little better, and they usually went to mess with Jerry afterwards. But that wasn't it, he thought. He liked hanging out with her and didn't feel like he was constantly bombarded with schemes to get Ann to notice him again when they did goof around in the building.

April just didn't care most of the time, and when she did care about something Andy was always surprised that it was something cool like jello shots, video games, or pig's blood and not crap like Ann tried to get him into. He also loved it when she smiled. It didn't happen often from what he could tell, but he _really _liked when he made her laugh.

"I always wondered when we'd get kids' sports programs back up and running," Kyle said attempting to sound excited, "John always likes to do stuff outside. What if he…"

"What if you stopped talking for once Kyle?" Andy interrupted suddenly, slapping his rag on the man's shoe.

"I-I think I've said more words in this sentence than I've ever said to you in my whole life," the balding man muttered, awkwardly squinting and looking around for the cause of Andy's outburst.

"Yeah, well you still talk too much," Andy mulled it over and was going to explain that Kyle was stupid and boring, and no one even cared about his kids (_apparently_ he has kids, and hopefully they're his because Andy has his suspicions) but his head was starting to get a little fuzzy and weird again.

One day he'd figure out what the problem was. On top of the scary strong odor already in the air, it was probably because of that really dull, almost nondescript vanilla smell that always crept into the area when April was around. After living in a pit long enough, your nose can find just about any food and vanilla smelled just as strong as the waxy polish.

When Andy told him, Ron said it was important for any man to know how to hunt and forage by his senses alone so he tried to sniff out different things. He could even identify most of the people at Parks and Rec. just by their smells, which was admittedly super weird. The one that always scared him was Tom: the man smelled like a mixture of a squirrel Andy once knew and a pile of soap left too long in the sun.

"Hey," a low, clinically bored voice spoke from beside Andy interrupting his thoughts. "Jerry's out for the rest of the day so we can, like, light his desk on fire or something."

And just like that, he smiled. The uncalled for (but probably called for; Kyle sucked) explosion, something to do with Kyle and dodgeball or whatever, was about as far back in his mind as possible. Andy liked feeling like that, but he wasn't one-hundred percent sure why. April was super cool and getting yelled at by Ron or Leslie was a lot better with her around. When she stopped by she would bring him coffee too, and that was pretty great.

"Okay, you're done bud," Andy smacked Kyle's leg and motioned for him to move. "Scram."

By this point he had stopped arguing and moved on with his day, hoping that no one would notice the caked wax on his right foot and the massive glaring shine from the left one. It didn't matter how much he hoped, since everyone always did.

It was probably weird that Andy liked hanging out with April when she messed with Jerry, mostly because he looked at her a lot and didn't stop when she turned back and caught him. Or when she called him creepy, which he probably deserved, but smiled her barely-there grin nonetheless and made a hasty excuse to bail out immediately.

"So, do you wanna move all of his keys again?" Andy asked excitedly. She had noticed that Jerry wasn't a touch typist and he frequently looked down to his keyboard to finish his emails and reports, so they went in and switched every key around. They made sure not to spell anything out, or April did at least. Andy would never get tired of Jerry asking why there was a penis on his keyboard, and she wasn't going to admit it but it was hilarious.

"No, that was stupid," April answered, bouncing onto the backs of her heels and rocking back and forth. "We should put porn on his computer. I can photoshop his face on it."

"Or put thumbtacks on his char! No wait, we tried that," Andy scrunched up his face in pain. He'd forgotten about the prank last time, and those tacks didn't want to come out of his butt at all. At first it was funny, except for the incredible shards of pain in his ass, but April insisted they immediately get to the hospital. That had made him stop laughing. She almost looked like she cared for a brief instant before making fun of him, breaking whatever strange tension there was for a second.

"Maybe we should do something that won't put him in the hospital or get him fired," April muttered, looking down at her sneakers solemnly before glancing back to him.

Andy couldn't stop himself from laughing and it wasn't too long before she joined in.

It was going to be _awesome_. April was a genius, he decided. She was a really cool genius who wasn't a geek or too mean to him either, so that was even more awesome. Their timing couldn't have been better - Tom had seen them fiddling around Jerry's desk but ignored them, asking to talk to someone at SkyMall named Andreas about perfumes. Leslie was doing actual work somewhere else in the building, most likely making sure that the entire department had jobs, and Ron probably saw but never said anything.

There had been one part that wasn't so awesome, or it was. Andy wasn't sure. It was sweet but made his head hurt even more.

While April was busy moving the drawers of Jerry's desk around, getting him to pull each one out and swap them, one of the drawers was a bit harder to move and was still struggling after a few minutes of hassle and jiggling.

"This drawer's being stupid," Andy said, straining to pull one of the grey metal boxes out.

"I don't think drawers can be stupid," April mumbled, trying to remain semi-quiet.

"Well, maybe this one's a really smart drawer?" Pulling his hand off the handle, he looked at her with his neck craned in that inquisitive expression. "It's so smart for a drawer, but I'm a dude so I'm way smarter than any drawer."

Andy started pacing around the desk, staring down the middle-left box that was causing so many problems for them. It wasn't long before the bad cop came out in him. And with Burt, came the cheap sunglasses he always kept in his pockets just for the occasion.

"You'll open up eventually," he said, "they always do."

April had to hide her smile behind her hands if she wanted to at least look partially bored. She couldn't help it, Andy – or Burt, at this point – was now interrogating a piece of office furniture with a completely serious expression on his face. If it went on long enough she might even _laugh_. Openly, and not at someone else's expense. By now he was asking for contacts, for the information regarding a bunch of made up nonsense that sounded sorta professional and something a cop would say.

"All your little friends are already broken. They squealed," Andy grunted at the grey and silver compartment. April snorted a bit, partially a laugh, and Andy took it in stride, "Yeah, how's it feel being with the pigs now? Hm? Gonna break soon little piggy?"

Beyond the nonsensical question, it was still really funny to April, but then Ron walked out of his office.

"Andrew, can I ask you something?" The moustache was hiding the grimace underneath, but Andy still looked up at him brightly and immediately broke the persona of high-strung, hardcore FBI agent Burt Macklin. Despite this he was still wearing the dollar store shades.

"Sure, Ron," he answered slowly.

"I'm just curious as to why you're asking Jerry's desk questions and calling it the world's greatest delicacy," Ron said brusquely.

April had to bite her bottom lip to stop her laughter, waiting for Andy to respond.

"We're… um, putting a surprise in his desk to uh-y'know we're gonna get him a birthday present…" he trailed off, "for his daughter's… dog."

"You're going to get Jerry a birthday present," Ron repeated, holding his hands out in front of him as if preparing to strangle someone, "for his daughter's dog?"

"Yes," April replied flatly, speaking up for Andy while he muttered a stream of nonsense words and 'uhms' and 'ahhs.'

The challenge had been made, and April's dead eyes and Ron's hardened stare met for a solid twenty seconds before Andy felt awkward and wanted to leave. Probably forever, and preferably out of the country, as long as he never had to see these two stare at each other like they were going to suddenly engage in hand-to-hand combat or fall asleep.

"Well it's actually a birthday present for Jerry's daughter's dog's… um, birthday," Andy broke the awkward silence, "Y'know, like a dog's bi-"

"Why then, were you asking it questions?" Ron asked again.

"He's obstructing justice," April droned, pointing to Andy's glasses. He turned back to her and smiled, and if he hadn't been wearing sunglasses indoors he would have seen her face flush.

After that there was a second of silence and Ron blinked, looked up down between the desk and the two of them sitting there vandalizing perfectly good, well maintained government property. The bristles of his moustache turned up slightly and he nodded.

"Keep doing whatever it is you're doing then," Ron said as he turned around and made his way back into his office and shutting the door.

Whatever he had planned for them - some speech or reprimand - would have to wait for later it seemed. At least Jerry would be technically responsible because no one would rat them out. Now that that was over, Andy waited a few more seconds before April seemed to break from her trance after the mental sparring with Ron.

"I think I just heard it say something about you," she said quickly while looking at Andy with a scandalized expression, "Burt, I think the suspect just said something about your mother."

Andy broke out into a smile, forgetting about Ron and how he had quickly lost his cool. When he tripped over his words and sounded pretty dumb Ann would always call him stupid, which he thought was cute for a little bit. April never did that, and if she did it was hysterical to him. Then he dropped the smile and turned to the desk. Prepared to face it down, Andy grimaced because no one talked about Missy Macklin without walking out with a freshly minted black eye. Or a dent or broken lock or something. It wasn't pretty however you looked at it. It was still super hard to pull it off without looking back at April and staring, probably saying something stupid, and then realizing he had a headache and his stomach felt weird again.

April, however, took to the task of making sure Jerry's skin color was perfectly matching the fully nude body of some random porn actor that was now sitting spread eagle on his desktop. It always amused her that his password was never changed and she could get into his files so easily. Seriously, who uses their wife's name for their work password? April didn't even know that you could have your own password and was scrambling around one of the drawers for anything else to mess with when Andy accidentally bumped into the rolling desk chair and fell into the desk. Looking for some support his hand went into the opened desk and landed firmly down on April's. Luckily his right hand grabbed the rest of the desk or she was pretty sure the whole thing would have been knocked over.

They were both technically adults, in theory, so touching hands shouldn't have been a big deal or even awkward for more than a second. What were they, fourteen? Still, April thought that it felt really weird having Andy's paw of a hand slam into hers and part of her wanted to wrap her fingers around his and kiss the shit out of him right there. But that sounded stupid after a second of really wanting to do it. Then again, it felt _weird_ in a cool way.

Quickly retracting her hand, April scooted back. There was a wry, little smile on her face the moment Andy turned around and she tried to shift to an uncomfortable frown. It was obvious that he caught it because his face was red and bright. She didn't look back at him after that like she usually would have, instead turning the computer off and walking out of the Parks offices quickly.

"Oh, oh okay," Andy muttered to himself. It _was _pretty creepy, wasn't it? He didn't know if he wanted to hit himself for not talking to her or ignore it altogether. When he looked up from the desk he saw Ron staring at him through his office window, looking like if Andy walked in it would result in a small skirmish with any of the assorted weapons and whatever Ron could use as a makeshift weapon.

Ignoring the urge to go into Ron's office and ask him about what's even happening between him and April, Andy tried to focus on getting rid of his insane headache. It was like there was a thunderstorm in his brain, and it was all the friggin' shoeshine's fault.


	2. Anger and Rings

**A/N: **I can't stop writing these. I literally _can't_. Oh well, enjoy! Even if you don't, read and review. I would love it.

_Missing moments from S3E7_

* * *

April hadn't ever been great at expressing herself to other people, and today was one of the hardest days for her to get over. Dating Andy had seemed like a cool idea from the start – he was fun and she didn't hate hanging around with him otherwise – but planning ahead to a time where she would say that she loved him wasn't exactly a priority. Stuff like this didn't make any sense to her anyways; who the hell cared about people, let alone one person in particular? But she did, and it was _weird_. Things he said, his generally stupid ideas, and definitely making out were all pretty sweet. But April hated people; she hated the stupid ways they'd never stop talking. Except Andy, he talked loads but always made her laugh and somehow made her smile just by saying whatever words came to his mind. And she hated all the annoying little personal details they wanted to learn from her - except Andy, because they had a game where they would make fun of all the dumb things they had done in their lives. Andy won with the pit last time but there was a high school dance April never wanted to talk about ever again, except she wanted to share it with him.

It was like they clicked or whatever cliché was supposed to be applicable. They had fun, liked each other, and April didn't want to leave after five minutes of dumb chit-chat. Mostly because there wasn't any and they were usually busy egging a house or pantsing Jerry. Things were looking up, at least when she had the brilliant idea of telling him all of this.

"Hey, I love you," April said quickly. She had tried to act nonchalant all day, wrestling with the thought that she loved someone and she wouldn't follow that up with a quick 'syke.' Then Andy had said what could probably be considered the worst response possible.

She hated him. He was just like the rest, except worse. There had been a brief moment where she actually wanted to share something with him that was about both of them and not just a big joke. That's why it horrified her to no end when April found herself questioning feelings about a big dumb oaf like Andy without even a hint of internal sarcasm. And it hurt, most of all. Harvest Festival was supposed to be a big day for the whole town, what with Li'l Sebastian and a Ferris wheel in Pawnee, and April had this grand idea that maybe, just maybe, it'd be a big day for them too.

"Dude, there's a churro stand over there and some guy selling burritos too," Andy interrupted her thoughts through a mouthful of bread. "Hey what's wrong?"

"Nothing, everything's awesome," she replied sarcastically, donning a winning smile and wishing a bus would fall from the sky directly on Andy, "I'm just gonna go… over there, where you're not."

Leaving him to his food, she tried to work this through in her head. There was something there, feelings or whatever other gross thing possible, and April didn't know how to deal with having this rejection. Andy had done everything to show that he felt the same way, hell she's pretty sure when they did it the first time he said it 'accidentally,' and now here she had to _think _about this. At least she was going to until Tom broke the news to her that Jerry had let the entire town's favorite mini horse out, and there was no sign of him anywhere.

* * *

"Leslie, you gotta help me," Andy pleaded, catching the woman before she would fly to the other end of the festival grounds and leave him without any support, "April's mad and I don't know why."

"Andy, I'm busy. I'm sorry," she responded, and Andy knew she was actually sorry. Any other day they would sit down, get funnel cake and waffles afterwards, and talk it through and come up with a solution.

"Yeah, I know… I just really don't know what to do," he muttered. "I've never wanted to make someone not mad at me before."

"Last week you nailed Kyle's shoes to a wall with April," Ben said flatly as Andy tried to keep up with their brisk pace.

"And you guys almost got Jerry fired for porn – with his face on it," Leslie said, noticeably irritated before recomposing herself. "By the way, good job on that one, totally a classic."

Ben broke off from the two of them mumbling something about responsibility and classics, leaving Andy to try and match an unhindered Knope on her way to get something done. He'd never felt his heart go this fast in his entire life.

"Yeah, but Kyle and Jerry suck," he managed to get out between heavy breaths, "and April's the coolest."

"Almost there Andy, just give it a bit and you'll figure it out," Leslie smiled and stopped to talk directly to Andy, " I really have to make sure Joan and the rest of her sideshow keep their hands off this situation."

He didn't really know what she meant by him almost being there, and nothing she said had really helped. Except for the part where Leslie said their prank was a classic. That was so long ago he thought most people would have forgotten about it altogether except for April and him. This made Andy even more confused about the situation, especially because he thought they were going to go win April one of those stupidly big teddy bears and now they weren't even near each other and he felt like she was super mad at him for something dumb. How was he supposed to know that saying 'awesomesauce' would make her so angry? The last time he called something she said awesomesauce they high-fived and made out in a parking lot. What was the big deal this time? He loved her, but why did she need to hear that? It was already pretty damn obvious, at least to him.

Struggling with the thoughts boiling his brain, Andy was glad to go searching for the missing horse. At least until April started being mean to him, ignoring him, and looked like she didn't even want to tell him what he did wrong. Why wouldn't anyone tell him?

* * *

"Stop talking," April growled to a quiet Andy.

"I'm… not." Andy answered, confused, "Oh, do you want to talk because this is super boring, and I was thinking that maybe we could figure out a way to get Li'l Sebastian and there's this trap I thought of-"

Everything made her head hurt, especially when he wouldn't stop his run-on sentences from going to a place where April wanted to forgive him. But no, that wasn't going to happen. No amount of traps – regardless of possible human bloodshed, spikes, and/or flanges – could stop her from feeling like shit about the whole situation, and Andy was supposed to pay for making her feel that way. He was going to pay for making April feel anything at all, especially something so strongly for him.

"I'm gonna go look over here," April interrupted. "You can go somewhere else if you want. Just don't follow me."

If she hadn't been so mad at the moment, Andy's sudden fallen face would have made the growing knot in her stomach tighten to a strangulating grasp. On top of that, there was a bubbling anger at someone that wasn't refusing to reciprocate her feelings. April was furious at herself now, and she definitely didn't understand that. It was almost like some part of her hated being mad at Andy.

Not knowing how to deal with that, she had a brilliant idea when passing the medical tent. If anyone knew how to handle this situation it certainly wasn't Ann. Everything she said was useless and pretty much up for debate as to how closely it was related to the English language anyways. April just needed a pick-me-up and messing with Ann was probably number two or three on her shortlist. She waited at the entrance flap, hanging on a pole for a few seconds before working up the nerve to pop her head inside.

"Ann, can I… talk to you?" April said pretending to sound serious, fumbling for something to use against her, "It's about your Chlamydia test, we've found signs of Her-"

"Okay, okay, okay let's not do this here, then," the effervescent nurse responded while trying to drown out April.

Rushing outside, Ann pushed her from the entrance of the tent with an alarming strength that might have sent April falling if she hadn't been leaning on one of the support poles anyways. She had to keep a reference on that; Ann had crazy nurse muscles.

"Listen, you can't just say stuff like that okay?" Ann said quickly, "I get it, you're still mad but there's literally nothing to be mad at anymore and-"

"Okay, we're never going to be friends," April intoned slowly, interrupting the hasty nurse.

"All right… I think that'd be best for everyone's sanity," Ann replied, to which April nodded vigorously, "but what are you doing here?"

This was stupid, and she knew it. It was like every idiot girl she knew in high school that made April want to ask Ron politely for a gun just to 'visit some old friends' as she put it. Here she was, going back on her original intent of screwing up Ann's day to ask for help.

"God, what am I doing…?" April groaned, hoping for that mythical bus to appear and run her over, "Fine, I told Andy I love him and he said that was awesomesauce. I'm mad at him and he's-"

"Got no idea, right?" Ann finished the sentence curtly, nodding and folding her arms. "Yeah, I did the same thing a few years ago and I think it took him a week and no spaghetti to realize what I was mad about."

April sighed in response; this wasn't what she needed to hear. She wanted Ann to commiserate and call Andy an idiot, maybe say something stupid that April could pounce on and humiliate her for weeks about.

"Ugh, whatever this was dumb and a terrible idea," April said, walking away. "Thanks for nothing, Ann!"

She was just happy that Ann didn't walk after her, even if she had some choice words to yell behind her back, because by now she was worried there might actually be emotion on her face from this whole situation. April loved that large, dim-witted guy but she wanted to hate him so much just like she did everyone else. This was going to be harder than she thought possible.

* * *

Andy passed three different stalls selling bratwurst, two of which had spinning meat cones that would have made Ron weep on the spot, and not one of them even interested him. This was worse than anything he had ever gone through with Ann and processing that made him realize something. He really did love April; tiny, crazy, genius April who the city of Pawnee should have probably recognized as the least trustworthy to handle a firearm right next to Andy. They fit together as two pieces of an insane, edgework puzzle that had been lit on fire several times, somehow making it out of each fire with a shiny new bit that unraveled a greater picture of their lives.

Then the power went out, the Ferris wheel stopped, and Ron basically saved his skin. Just like that puzzle they were meant to come back from this stronger.

* * *

Hours later, Andy and April had helped the others finish the maze and find that damnably lovable horse. It had been a pretty quiet four hours, with neither of them talking but holding hands and, when she complained about all this walking, all Andy did was crouch and motion to her. Piggyback rides were awesome, and he knew that on top of listening to her complaints and trying to help she loved getting them. When he was tired of running around with her on his back, mostly from running since she weighed almost nothing, they went back to their leisurely stroll looking for their goal. Whatever it was supposed to be that night, April was pretty sure she had already scored hard.

Even after that, they were pretty quiet. They hadn't really done that before, mostly sticking to pranks and kissing until their lips and basically everything else hurt, and it felt good. April liked this different, and she was sure that the only reason it was anything remotely enjoyable was because Andy was with her.

"I like this," April mumbled, swinging Andy's hand as they looked between stalks and at crossroads, "it's different."

"Yeah, it's pretty cool," he answered with a smile on his face so wide that no mythical bus or mysterious house fire could stop. "You're cool, the coolest. I love you."

"You can stop saying it, jeez," April groaned, and against every instinct in her body had actually blushed in response, "I love you, too."

Then the silence fell, but neither of their smiles did. This night, this different, _was _something special for them – in their own, crazy way that could only come from Andy and April. Talking about serious, adult subjects always made her want to vomit spontaneously but April liked it with him. Andy couldn't complain much either, especially with the woman he walked around a fairground and _thought _about for more than ten minutes.

"You know, I doubt anyone's gonna walk past here for a bit," with a gleam in her eyes that made Andy grin in response, April motioned to the stalks around them.

"That would be awesome," he said casually. "I love hide and seek."

Standing there, hand held mid-motion, she didn't know whether to laugh or make fun of him. She wanted to screw him in a cornfield, and his response was to play hide and seek. April couldn't help herself when she fell over laughing so hard that her gut might actually rebel and explode from the sudden use.

"Was it something I said?" Andy asked innocently.

* * *

"Andy," April begged at around five o'clock in the morning, "wake up, we have to talk."

He shrugged her off at first, mumbling something and rolling around on the mattress still sitting on the floor of Burly's spare room. It only took a few smacks for him to get the idea and struggle out of his dream.

"What's up, babe?" Andy mumbled in a sleep-riddled slur.

"I wanna talk about today," she said pulling her knees to her chest and biting on her bottom lip in concentration. "It's important."

"All right," sitting up and groggily rubbing at his eyes, Andy attempted to stay at full attention for her. "What's up?"

"I'm… well, I'm… uh," sighing, she continued, "I'm sorry for blowing up over nothing today."

"What?" Andy asked, incredulous, "April that was totally worth blowing up about. I was being a jerk."

"No, I should have known what you meant," she said, reaching out a hand to grab his arm and pull them together. "I know you love me, it's just weird for me to say stuff like this to people."

Andy pulled her deeper in, barely holding back from crushing her small body into his. He didn't understand exactly why, but her telling him that – something he had partially figured out anyways – felt almost as special as the rest of the night. After a few seconds of silence, he could feel her legs wrap around his and that telltale giggle. But first, he wanted to tell _her _something.

"I wanna let you know… I have no idea how I will, but I wanna let you know," Andy interrupted, "that I love you and you mean literally everything to me."

If anything her attempts were getting harder to turn down, but he still wanted to say something. There had to be something. Suddenly, it came to him. He knew what he had to do. Reaching around a small pile of candy around the makeshift bed, he felt a small plastic hook and pushed April away from him gently.

"Wow, rude," April joked, ready to move back in for the kill.

"No, babe, stop," Andy insisted. His tone made her move to turn on a lamp sitting on the floor sideways, revealing the misshapen ring in his hand. A half-eaten cherry ring pop was in his hands.

"Uhh… I don't think that's safe," she said warily.

"I have to ask you something," Andy replied, a large amount of heat suddenly coming up to his cheeks, "and I don't want you to laugh or anything. Just answer me… April Ludgate, will you marry me?"

Staring at a partially eaten candy ring, April had no idea how to react to the information at hand. Instead of thinking about it, she let her natural apathy take over and attempt to take it in stride. She let a few seconds pass, expecting a full minute to go by but before even ten seconds had gone she was pushing herself on top of Andy and biting at his lip.

"Fine," she finally answered after a minute or two.

"Awesome," Andy said, pulling her back in for a kiss.

April decided that maybe this was a terrible idea. Maybe everything today had been a terrible idea, even telling Andy her feelings. But then she looked at the beautiful yellow plastic on her hand and couldn't stifle a laugh. The ring was a fake and they lived in squalor, but they were _they_. And, to April, that felt better than anything else in her life had up to that point.

Well, almost everything.


	3. Tears and Photographs

**A/N: **With S6E18 I kinda got carried away with one line in particular: "._..and then we wouldn't be married, and I don't like thinking about that._"

Read, review, do whatever! Thanks for at least stopping in :)

* * *

Talking to Leslie wasn't always Andy's favorite pastime. She was easily the third coolest person he knew and one of the smartest by a long shot, but if she was yelling at him or telling him to do something Andy wanted to get as far away from her as possible. The only reason he didn't drop the call was because it had to do with April. At the government thrown prom she'd been acting weird, talking about how they wouldn't be married if they were in high school or something just as stupid, and Leslie was chewing his ear off about it. Apparently Leslie was pretty damn observant too.

"Andy," she half-shouted, waking him up from his thoughts, "are you even listening to me? This is important, and you know it."

"Oh come on Leslie," he pouted, "April's just being weird again. I told her she was being dumb at the prom and we had fun."

"You really should talk to her and hash things out!" Leslie yelled through the static of the call.

"We talk all the time," he replied, feeling more confused than ever. "Like, literally every day."

"Ugh," she groaned, "Andy, your wife is feeling insecure. Go talk to her."

"That can't be possible, we had Ron change the batteries in that fire alarm last week," he answered incredulously.

There was a moment of silence where Andy swore that he heard Leslie mumble something about a 'dysfunctional nightmare' but he didn't feel like remembering those definitions. He was getting tired of walking around the building looking for April anyways, so he sat down and waited for the rest of the tirade. There were only a few places she would go, and the Parks office definitely wasn't it. She must have been at the shelter, he decided.

"Andy, you sweet innocent child," she muttered, before continuing with a gentler tone. "This is about April feeling like there's a chance that you're… y'know, done with her."

"What?" Andy laughed in response. "That is the dumbest thing I've heard today, and I think about a lot of stuff."

"Seriously Andy, talk to her," she finished, hanging up on him.

This was crazy. After getting kicked out of prom, and the subsequent failed laking of the limousine, that night had been awesome. They got drunk, shooed Orin out from beneath their bed, and decided that worrying about anything like this was stupid and not worth it. Andy kept the rest of the night in a special memory bank for other occasions. The after-party was always the best part of prom, anyways. That was supposed to be the end of it, but then Leslie called him in the middle of the day with all of this stuff about having to talk to his wife and everything came back up. It was all so confusing.

Life was great for them, and Andy never really thought about it beyond that. They had a house, they had Champion, and every day was like another fun adventure for them to get through. He loved it, and loved her and spending every day around her. Being across an ocean had been hell mostly because he only talked to her and saw her through Skype calls. In the middle of his ruminations, Ron walked into the offices. Seeing him sitting down, contemplative, the older man instantly went into his office to try and hide from whatever 'emotional' stuff Andy was dealing with. He wasn't going to bother Ron anyways – he needed to find April and talk.

She wasn't a person with a naturally positive disposition and Andy knew that, but when he was around her the last thing he wanted was for her to be in anything resembling a bad mood. Any time she was enjoying herself, it was really hard for him to not be. He loved the way her smile kind of snuck its way on her face, and the hitching chuckle that she called a laugh. It was all the most awesome stuff in his life smashed into one – he loved seeing April happy, and living with a depressed April wasn't doing him any favors. It was definitely a failure on his part.

It was going to turn out pretty easy, seeing as he was the only with the car and she pretty much had to be working at the shelter. Andy had only ever seen her walk through Pawnee three or four times in his life, and it still bewildered him. Walking into a small office where she worked he found an empty desk and no snarky note telling people to never come back, or anything else that would have her touch to it.

"Hey," he asked a lady sitting at the front desk, "is April Ludgate out for lunch or something?"

"No she left for the day," the woman answered roughly. "She might be at the Parks offices."

Why would she leave the only sort of work that she actually, if only marginally, enjoyed? Andy's head hurt even more. Getting back into his car, he tried to make a mental checklist of where she would go and finally made the decision to check home. It took him an hour or so to figure it out, but that was almost a new record.

* * *

She thought all of it was over. It had been weeks thinking like this, and after that fake prom and seeing Andy melt back into his high school persona, the crippling thoughts had been dragged back to the surface. April even felt better that night, especially after getting kicked out. Then when they woke up, it hit her again and again. Every day it was like a niggling doubt, almost like fear and if there was anything she hated more than people it was feeling afraid of something so obviously stupid. They were _married _and if the last week was any indication, Andy was certainly not bored of her. Despite that, she laid down on the couch and bit at the sleeve of her sweater in contemplation.

No matter what she told herself, or what happened between them, this felt wrong and almost like they were on timer until everything boiled over and one of them forgot why they were even in the relationship. The thought alone made her want to cry. Feeling so _weak _and powerless was the worst thing April had ever considered in their relationship, and even the doubts made so little sense to her. Still the idea gnawed at her and made everything feel strange and almost floating, like some kind of horrible dream she wanted to get drawn out of.

"This is stupid," she mumbled to herself, wiping at her eyes and sitting up.

Why couldn't it just be water under the bridge for them and they could go back to making out, dressing Champion up as every one of the Golden era monsters, and hosting summertime Halloween parties? But they did that anyways, and even then she couldn't get the idea of it not being enough out of her head. She loved him, he loved her and that should have been enough. She was sure it had to be enough, but there it was nonetheless, that horrifying doubt. Interrupting her thoughts, the sounds of a car pulling into the driveway broke into the house and she was relieved to see Andy walk up to the front door through the window.

"Hey, honey?" Andy asked into the house, "You here?"

"Living room," she responded, waiting for the sped-up footsteps and excited yelling. But they didn't come.

Again she wanted to curl up in a ball and forget everything, hoping that Andy would curl up next to her and not say what she was sure was coming. Every single day they lived together was the same thing. When he came home later than her: he would call out, she would answer, and then he would basically nosedive into the couch or bed after her. They had a pattern, and when it was broken things were never looking up.

"Hey, uhh…" Andy started, scratching the back of his head, "can we talk?"

"Yeah, sure," she answered, moving to lay her head down on the armrest and focus on Andy's words.

He sat down next to her and remained silent and motionless for a moment, his eyes darting around the room and to her every few seconds awkwardly. After a few more seconds of silence he groaned and spoke up.

"Come here," he motioned towards himself. "Come on, honey."

April slinked over to him and he pulled her onto his lap, wrapping his arm around her. This was really serious, she decided, and he was trying to let her off as easily as possible. She wanted to smack herself for these thoughts, but everything was starting to add up in some really crazy way. When she rested her head on his shoulder he let his head drop and they sat like that for a few moments without saying anything. She lived for this, no matter what anyone else saw in their relationship. The days where they hung out and played pranks on the city of Pawnee were great, they really were, but the reason she always missed Andy when he was away was for times like this.

Nothing was better than curling up and just sitting there, talking once every few minutes if that, holding each other and wanting nothing more and nothing less from each other. Neither of them knew this was going to be their favorite time together, since both of them preferred being covered in egg yolks and fake blood to sitting around acting like an old married couple, but at the end of the day there was little that April wanted more than to just be there with him. And she knew for a fact he felt the same way, but in spite of that she still wondered when he would drop the horrible bomb on her.

"I was talking to Leslie and, uh…" Andy interrupted quickly, "we should talk, right? Like, it's, um, a good thing we talk so much and…"

"Andy, I know what you're trying to say," April looked up to him and fuck if there wasn't a little bit of a tear welling in her eyes, "and I understand."

"What?" he asked, sounding surprised.

"Yeah," she answered, pushing her head deeper into him in the hopes that she could burn this moment into her memory for the rest of her life, "I do, and it's okay. I'm just as surprised this lasted as long."

There was a rough movement and April was wrenched from that incredible position, and left standing with Andy staring directly at her looking all over her face. After what felt like an eternity of scrutiny, he pulled her into a back-breaking hug which just sent those tears streaming down her face even faster.

"April, don't," Andy said, and there was a slight quiver and seriousness in his voice that struck her by surprise. "What happened that made you start thinking like that?"

"Babe, you know as much as I do that this," she made a gesture between the two of them, "was just dumb kids being dumb. Leslie said it herself."

"Yeah, and it's still cool, right?" Andy asked, and the redness around his eyes and nose was obvious now.

"It's just that, y'know…" April sniffed, and Andy gripped her shoulders even harder, "I don't even know. I started having these thoughts one day and then we went to that stupid prom, and then I thought about us not being married and it was so stupid, but…"

She had intended to keep going, trying to remember everything that her brain had been turning over and over, but had been interrupted by a rough pair of lips crashing down on hers. Andy had pulled them together and was trying to silence her with a kiss, and for a moment she felt everything wash away again. Then the flood of terrible thoughts and the situation came crashing down on her again.

"April, we're awesome together," he finally said, "and you know that. Talk to me, come on."

"Why?" April asked, looking up at him as she cried more than she ever had in front of him. Generally they both hated crying, and there hadn't ever really been a scenario for them both to be doing it like there was now. Even so, she didn't bother wiping her tears away and she could tell Andy was fighting his damndest despite the few of his own that escaped.

"Why what?" he answered, face struggling to keep straight and not contort with more tears.

"I don't even know… I just can't stop thinking about you getting bored and wanting to leave, and having more fun without me, finding some super cool chick that isn't me…" she trailed off, sitting back down and playing with the sleeves of her sweatshirt.

Andy crouched down to get himself at eye level with her and the look in his eyes, the determination, made April's heart feel like a thundering jackhammer. Something was broken in there, devoid of the childish glee and near lack of consideration that they usually housed. He grabbed her hand for a moment and squeezed, fingers rubbing over the cheap looking wedding band on hers before letting go and looking back to her eyes, that serious glint still there.

"Listen," he demanded, holding her face in his hands, "you are literally the best thing that has ever happened to me. If I hadn't met you I'd probably still be living in a pit eating tomatoes every day."

Despite the growing fear in the back of her head, April chuckled lightly and continued listening to his piece. She wanted to say that he was literally the best thing to happen to her, but the words were choking.

"And you know what, I can prove it." Andy got up to his feet and pulled her with him. She hesitated for a moment and before she could react he had picked her up and dragged her into the bedroom. He sat her down on the bed and pulled out a stack of squares, laying them onto a table next to their bed.

"Here," he pointed to a bunch of unframed pictures they were meaning to get around to, "this one's from when you told me to chase my dream and go see the Grand Canyon. And I went, with _you_."

She picked up the picture and looked at the two of them smiling in front of the large crater. It really was an awesome day. Andy was flitting through the photos incredibly quickly, and the amazing thing was that he seemed to be actually processing each and every single one. It was almost as if this wasn't the first time he'd done this.

Speechless, she grabbed his hand and squeezed as hard as she could. There were times she wondered if Andy even had a brain that functioned but then he went and showed her things like this. It made her realize that even if he wasn't as showy about it that he could be one of the sweetest, most thoughtful people on the planet. If it was anyone else but Andy that would have made her sick to the stomach but for whatever reason, he was the exception. Andy smiled and returned the squeeze, picking up another photo and laughing, cycling through the memories.

"And this one," he said gesturing to another. "Remember when we went with Leslie and everyone after Ann and Chris left, we went to go get breakfast…"

"And we gave each other cool whipped cream moustaches," she laughed, looking over the picture of Andy with a cream beard and April sporting a fu manchu. "Leslie was too busy laughing at us to cry over Ann anymore."

By now they were snuggled up together, going through the pile of pictures – the collection of _their _memories – and laughing at each one. Every piece of their life, from Champion's homecoming party to Andy's broken nose, was recorded here and waiting to be hung up to be put up in _their _house. With each little piece, that horrible droning in her head melted away.

"April, look at this one," Andy interrupted, showing her a picture of their wedding with Chris frozen in a gyration that made her neck hurt, "look at me, look how happy I am."

In the picture Andy was finishing up playing the song he wrote for her, looking at April, and the largest smile anyone could ever have was across his face. There had been no one else in April's life that smiled this much that didn't make her want to drive an axe through their skull. Like most other things, Andy was an exception that she was more than glad to make.

"It's because I just married you," Andy explained, rubbing April's shoulders while they scanned their assortment of pictures and captured memories, "and I was the happiest guy in the universe, and I still am."

"I'm sorry," April apologized, putting her head in her hand, "this was so stupid, and it's so obvious and, ugh…"

She broke off into a laugh, and Andy joined in. Of course this was such a stupid thing for her to be thinking, but something had made it impossible to even talk with Andy about. But now, there they were, sitting down and looking through their own version of a photo album, talking about their problems.

"Nah, it's cool," Andy said. "I mean, I've thought about it too."

"What?" April asked, confused at the idea of Andy thinking anything like this about her. That wasn't how this was supposed to work – she was supposed to be the one worried about their relationship and not _him_.

"See what I mean, it's dumb!" he exploded, shaking his head. "Let's just go back to being awesome together, okay?"

April nodded her head and leaned in to kiss Andy. Maybe she would keep having those thoughts, and maybe one day they would overcome her, but she decided that if they talked about it and acted like – and the idea made her want to wretch – adults about it, there wasn't a whole lot that could get in the way of their lives.

"Yeah, that sounds awesome," she answered after breaking away from him. April lifted her hand in the air and Andy immediately high-fived her, leaving his hand there for a moment longer and intertwining their fingers before going back in for another kiss. April concluded that she had to have been crazy to ever worry about this at all and knew that if it ever came up again, they were only one pile of mismanaged memories away from erasing those doubts.


	4. Changes and Kids

**A/N: This one's important! **Hey, I've got a potentially terrible idea. I would love to get one of these out a day, almost like my attempt to write drabbles once a day months ago, but my creative energy is super limited. If you guys get any ideas for stuff you'd like to see head over to my askbox on my tumblr (just check my user page here for it) and drop some ideas in there. I'll let them accumulate until either I'm ready to start this endeavor or I realize there isn't enough interest to warrant the attempt. I'm going to keep writing either way, but I always enjoy the challenge of the One-A-Day.

Anyways, this one's a bit fluffier than the last. Hope you enjoy it :)

* * *

April had no idea why they volunteered. In hindsight, the idea was terrible. She already had to deal with a gigantic toddler on a day-to-day basis, and adding three more to the mix might have been the tipping point into actual madness. There had never been _so much poop _in her house, so many crying faces, and garbled nonsense that they were supposed to somehow interpret as language and this was only the first day. Leslie and Ben were out on the road, heading out to size up a possible National Park in the Midwest, and April and Andy had made the great snap play of suggesting they look after the kids. For most of the first year no one had ever dared to ask if they needed help mostly from the fear of Leslie taking a sizable chunk out of their head for even suggesting it. Now, however, work and parenting were starting to clash in a way that everyone could see was affecting them. So they had three kids at their house for two whole days.

"Hey, don't put that in your mouth!" April demanded, taking Champion's bone away from one of the kids.

She didn't know at what point things changed. Only a handful of years back, it would have been hilarious to watch that child eat a rawhide bone and realize the horrible mistake he'd made. Now, she was carrying him away and patting his back in the hope that she had made the right call. Somehow April had coaxed the others into taking a nap, and so far that seemed to be the best plan – divide and conquer.

"Ugh," she stared at her phone, hoping that time would magically shift forward another half an hour.

Andy was going to be late only because she had trusted him with Leslie's list of required items for taking care of her children for more than twenty minutes. In her time at the Parks department, April had seen some serious binders but the Leslie Knope Child Care Requirements and Checklist™ binder was truly a masterpiece of mindful insanity. Paring it down to the essentials, or a small novella, Andy was trying his best to gather a few things for the night. There had been a communal agreement to 'pass off' the little ones over a few days, and Ron was set to take them after April and Andy had their shift. Preoccupying her mind elsewhere, it surprised her to hear Andy pull into the driveway after what felt like an infinite span of walking around with her eyes on a mostly stationary child.

"Oh man," Andy complained as he dropped a bag on the ground, leaving it behind to set the other four on the kitchen table, "there is so much cool stuff at that bed and toilet and whatever place."

"Why is there so much stuff?" She asked, looking curiously at a massive assortment of children's food, diapers, blankets that they already had, and other odds and ends that would have racked up a bill April didn't want anything to do with.

"Yeah, about that," he said, scratching the back of his head and picking up a blue rattle. "I saw this cool rattle, and then I remembered to get food but it tasted really bad so I got them the good fake applesauce stuff, but don't worry I called Leslie and she said it was fine for them to have it."

April squinted at her husband, letting his run-on sentences continue to flow as she considered him.

"She said they never got it because it was too expensive to buy all the time, but that stuff," he punctuated with tapping a package of 'food' that vaguely resembled a sauce, "is super delicious. And I noticed they sit around with their blankets and bite on them and get 'em all gross, so I called Leslie and she said it was fine but I still got them more blankets because I know I hate when I drool in my sleep, and-"

Before he drained his face entirely of blood in the middle of marking off every one of his purchases, April pushed the baby food and clothes out of his hands and pulled him down to kiss him quickly on the lips. Not saying another word, they got to work taking out Andy's overwhelming debt in childcare form, and the rest of their 'shift' April spent the time wondering when things _had _changed. She liked this change.

* * *

Now all of them were walking and, much to Champion and April's chagrin, they wanted to be everywhere in the house. They had already taken the precaution of keeping every door closed off, some simply closed and others gated off with those weird little baby prisons, but some of these had proven useless against the tallest of the triplets, Chris. He was the quickest to pick up new things Andy figured out, mostly from playing memory with him and having to switch games because he had gotten bored of knowing exactly where every picture was, and noticed he watched the way he twisted a doorknob with specific intent. Despite that, he made nothing of it. At least until he found a toddler walking around a bathroom with wet tiling and a porcelain bathtub waiting to accept the child's forehead slamming into the edge.

"No, no," Andy reached out and picked the kid up, trying to keep a loose enough grip like Ben had told him, "we don't play around in the bathroom. Well, you don't."

They mutually decided to keep the bathroom door locked despite the pain in the ass it turned out to be, especially when the keys went missing and the same scenario played out once again. Andy found himself accidentally getting a little too heated over the situation, yelling at a small child for his curiosity. He was learning to use the bathroom properly, but Andy still hated having all those sharp edges so easily available and waiting to be fallen onto.

"He just kinda looked at me like this," he explained later, making a face to April. "Do you think he hates me?"

"No, babe, you did the right thing," April said, rubbing his shoulder and trying to calm him down. "He hasn't played around in there for a few hours."

She had never seen Andy so worked up about something without it involving burritos and/or a stinkbomb, so they made a compromise to go out and buy tons of rugs and carpets and wherever he felt it wasn't safe they would put them down. In a week's time any tile flooring was soon replaced with an emblazoned rug or two; or three. April had many of the same worries, in fact she had the idea to lock some of the rooms before the situation even came to it, but this was beginning to be a fun experiment with Andy so she let him take the wheel on a few of the easily fixed concerns. Andy wasn't the only one making emergency calls to Leslie, and her questions were a bit more future-oriented than April would ever admit to anyone besides her husband and Leslie.

* * *

Time had been too tight for the two of them, with Andy taking on more and more responsibilities as director for charitable events and April pouring more and more time into the shelter, so the kids were separated during their babysitting for the first time. April and Andy took Chris, who was somehow still growing seemingly every day, since April loved playing board games with him – and later she would ruminate on how disgusting that would have sounded to her in her teens – and Andy found out that, for a five year old, the kid had a cannon. Even if he did stand only twelve or so feet away, every toss of the little plastic baseball threw him for a loop.

"Babe, you gotta look at this!" Andy screamed for her from the backyard, "Chris almost took my arm off!"

April put down a pile of mostly indiscernible and, more importantly, super boring documents to take a break. What little of a backyard they had was taken up every day of that week with Andy and Chris wrestling, playing catch, and messing around with the toys that the boy had taken with him from home. Literally every single day April would finish some boring report for the shelter and look out to see the two of them running in circles, screaming to high heaven about absolutely nothing, and let the smile stick to her face for the rest of the day. The duties had shifted somewhere along the line, with April seemingly losing her part and Andy stepping up to the plate and, again, she liked it. Something about seeing Andy running around with a kid in their house felt right, and the thought stuck as she walked out to see what the fuss was about.

"Uncle Andy showed me how to 'fro real fast," Chris explained, his slight lisp making the 'th' and 's' sounds a struggle. April _loved _it, and couldn't help but grin at his attempts to sound it out anyways.

"Nah, it's all natural talent," Andy chuckled, moving over to tousle the kid's hair. "Whaddya say, break time?"

Chris nodded vigorously, and Andy brought both of his hands up for the inevitable high five. The two of them raced inside with April trailing behind, laughing to herself. Nothing she could say would take them off the subject of baseball, something she knew Andy wasn't even really that fond of in comparison to football, so she let them at it while Andy cooked up his 'world famous grilled cheese' and kept their conversation going for the rest of the night.

Hours later when Chris had fallen asleep and they found themselves curled up on the couch staring at the TV, April figured that they had somehow fallen into some semblance of adulthood and it was way cooler than her childhood self could account for. A few minutes of silence passed but the thought was eating away at her, so April had to speak up.

"You're so good with him Andy," she blurted out, smiling at the mental picture of the two of them running in circles, "with Chris, y'know."

"I never knew kids could be so cool," Andy answered with a chuckle, "and he likes you too."

"Yeah, but he always asks for us because of you," April explained, taking his hand and pushing her fingers between his and squeezing, "and that's awesome."

Andy laughed and looked down at her, both of them grinning awkwardly. She was reminded of the first few times they went out and the same strange charge she got from exchanges like this. Just like then, an idea started to form in her head and before she let every eventuality present itself she made a leap of faith.

"Are we ever gonna… y'know," April muttered, playing with Andy's fingers, "do you ever think about, like, what if-"

"Kids?" Andy asked, hopeful. She rolled in her lips in response and nodded, searching his face for a response. After a few seconds of silence, a small pit of worry opened up and she had to ask.

"I mean, if you think it'd be-" April started.

"What happened to the creepy Transylvanians?" Andy interrupted with an expression of honest confusion on his face.

"Romanians," she corrected him with a laugh, "and I'm serious. Do you ever think about it?"

In spite of everything that she witnessed him do for the kids there was still a minor worry that maybe he wasn't really ready or willing. Andy scratched his head and sat further back in the couch, pulling her with him as he sank. By now she was half-sitting up in his lap and Andy was rubbing his face in serious contemplation.

"Yeah, I guess," he answered, clearly unsure of where this was heading. "I figured you wanted to wait or something."

"I did, at first," April said slowly, "but the last couple years of this, and watching Leslie and Ben's kids I think… I think I want to have kids."

There were several incredible grins over the span of their marriage that April had etched into her mind: their wedding, the day they brought Champion home, and now this. Her requirements weren't that strict. The only thing that mattered, above all else, was that when she looked at Andy smiling like that the first reaction she had was to return the smile, feel every bone in her body charge with energy, and forget everything else but them. Andy's response to her statement definitely qualified for one of those grins. Locking her arms around the back of his neck she leaned in for a kiss and he was too happy to oblige.

"Dude, that's-" Andy began.

"No," April warned him jokingly before laughing.

"Yeah, let's do it," he rectified his previous statement. "I wanna make, like, thirty babies with you."

"Let's start with one," she said, resting her head on his shoulder and letting the idea wash over her.


	5. Tests and Labor

**A/N: **Okay, let's lighten the mood today shall we? This was requested by and-im-stefon-meyers on tumblr under "Pregnancy/labor."

As always, read and review. It's pretty dang cool, I gotta say. And if you want you can leave requests either via PM here or in my tumblr askbox. Thanks!

* * *

"Yes, holy shit… we did it!" Andy screamed triumphant, raising the white and pink stick in the air like a victory banner.

"Andy I did pee on that," April said, scrunching her nose up at him. His smile deflated and he threw it on the ground. "Besides, it could still be wrong."

While Andy wiped his hands off on April's shirt, he gave her a sympathetic hug and took to shaking his hands spasmodically while talking.

"Babe, if I know anything about biology-"

"Which you don't," April finished.

"Well if I'm even remotely qualified to be a doctor-" he started again.

"You're not," she told him.

"Okay, but if you trust me," Andy corrected, accepting the begrudged smile as an answer, "and if I'm half the dad I want to be, then it doesn't matter when it happens. It'll happen, and it's gonna be so friggin' _awesome_."

April nodded her head and smiled, deciding to let Andy's advice rule her brain for a while. Maybe this one would be defective, but what did that matter? If that was the case, that meant they got to keep trying. At this point they had already passed the thirty babies quota and came up short, so how could more sex hurt?

* * *

Before the big baby decision nothing was worse to April than having to stand up, look at more than four to five people, and talk to them about something. Somehow this was even lower on the list of things to do. It only hit her when she called everyone into the Parks offices for an emergency meeting, making sure to get Leslie in as well, how awful talking to people about _this _would be. If April announced this without Leslie present Pawnee would likely burn to the ground then be rebuilt from scratch, and April would probably get yelled at. She wished Andy wasn't trying to seal an important deal with Kernston's and the charity for low-income mothers. That sentence alone made the decision really easy in the end, but April explaining it to people? No thanks.

"Okay so," April began, pacing between the permits counter and the center of the room, "I've called everyone that matters in here to tell you something really important."

"Aww, that's sweet. I didn't know you cared," Terry (April thought that was his current name but couldn't remember) spoke up, surprised.

"Who let you in?" April demanded, throwing her hands up in disgust.

"Well, I'll let myself out," Terry mused happily. Leslie gave him a staggering glare that left him sitting down however.

"If it's this important he can stay," she explained, "just for the purposes of records."

"Ugh, fine," April groaned along with a few others. "Don't ruin this, Terry."

"All right," she took a deep breath and went back to pacing. After stopping herself in front of them, April let everything out in an incredibly quick torrent of words, "Look, Andy and I are having a baby and we went to go see a doctor or something, he said there was a stupid little person in my body, and now we're gonna be parents, like, early next year."

There was a collective moment of silence as the blast of information washed over everyone listening. April dreaded the wait and had a fleeting thought to run out of the room and leave town, probably to go change her name and remarry Andy under an assumed identity. Part of her liked that idea way better, but then the feeling was broken when Tom looked at something in the corner of the room and gave a gigantic smile, raising his hands and whooping. Leslie stood up slowly and walked over to April, mumbling a garbled string of nonsense words and crying.

"Leslie, ew no," April tried to keep her arms dead straight but gave in to the hug anyways.

"I knew it," Leslie said through her sniffles and otherwise incoherent rambling. "You're going to be an amazing, frightening, beautiful mother and Ben and I will help you figure everything out and we can watch him, or her, whenever you want and..."

Donna shook her head and laughed while Leslie trailed off with her head now firmly stuck to April's shoulder. It was probably the most sensible response. Jerry/Larry/Terry/whoever clapped his hands over his mouth and said something stupid. April had already forgotten it one syllable into the words mostly because of the woman strangling her and muttering incomplete sentences. Leslie's deathgrip was only loosened when Ron walked over to the pair of them. His face was stoic and his hands were still in the khaki pants he was wearing.

"Congratulations," he finally said, raising his hand for her to shake it. April instantly burst into tears.

"You always know what not to say Ron," she said, throwing her arms around him for a hug. Luckily no one could see his face or there would be no end to the comments as his moustache raised into a smile and he returned the hug, albeit quickly.

"Have you started thinking of names yet?" Tom asked, jumping out of his chair. "Lemme drop one on you – Thomas J. Ludgate-Dwyer."

"What's the J. stand for?" Donna asked, already prepared and preemptively typing something into her phone.

"J-E-A-N, hyphen, to the Raplhi-_oooooh_," a voice wailed from the doors of the offices, and suddenly Jean-Ralphio was inside throwing his arms over every available shoulder.

"Why is the Jewish hedgehog in this building?" Ron asked, turning around and resuming his gruff exterior.

"I have been formally requested to discuss my _tax fru-haud_," he crooned, holding his hands up to his mouth before returning to the voice of a normal human, "and Tom tweeted it out, sounded like a classy operation."

"Sure, why not," April shrugged, "but on one condition: I own you like a slave now. Bow to me, slave."

She pointed at Jean-Ralphio whose smile had withered away. April's open-eyed glare and slight grin of her own made him look around the room for support, only to find people nodding sadly in agreement. He slinked backwards before turning around into a full-on sprint out of the room.

"Probably a good call," Tom admitted, snapping his fingers. April was just disappointed her slave had run off, but all in all the news seemed to go over pretty well.

* * *

They said she'd be glowing, and that sunshine would radiate out of her butt. Everything would be _fine_. It would _literally _be the best idea they'd ever had and both of them would come out better people for it, but April could only focus on the blinding pain in her ankles and the nauseating feeling rumbling in her stomach. Regret wasn't even a ten-thousandth the strength of word she would have used to describe the anger over her decision, but April had fought too long by this point to give up. Also it would be technically illegal and unsafe to do anything about it.

"This is terrible," April yelled to no one other than her ballooning stomach, "and I hate you, you unborn hellkite."

Taking Leslie's kids every once and a while made everything seem so easy but even this one discomfort – a horrible, physically crippling discomfort – made everything feel like another dumb mistake in a long line of stupid decisions. Outside looking in Ben had said but what did he know, and Leslie told her that it was just a part of the journey and something else stupid that sounded like a Chris Traeger branded therapy session. Now she was hungry, another weird trait she figured was just a dumb myth or whatever, and the craving for a plethora of awful combinations was too strong sometimes. If her head and legs didn't feel like they were about dissolve from pain then it would have been pretty funny. She had been pacing in the kitchen for far too long and sitting down sounded boring, so April kept on walking back and forth doing absolutely nothing waiting for Andy to confirm her requests.

"Uhh, babe," Andy interrupted, "did you want it bread, pickles, salsa, salami, bread? Or…"

"No," April groaned, "bread, pickles, salsa, fluff, more salsa, chips, salami, then no bread."

"Okay, fluff's new," Andy said, writing on his palm.

"Ugh, nevermind," she said, feeling gross simply thinking about the nightmare sandwich. "Just get me some tuna salad."

"You hate tuna salad," he answered, confused.

"Less talking, more tuna," April screamed.

Andy nodded and ran out of the house, desperately trying to satiate the needs of his quite pregnant wife. He decided that when he told people about this and had Ben write his biography (One Crime at a Time: The Burt Macklin Story) this part would be written like a horror story and the chapter would be named 'Terror at the Dwyer-Ludgate Household.' By then he'd convince her that Ludgate-Dwyer sounded way less cool.

He didn't have to deal with all of her problems so he just kept his mouth shut most of the time and did as he was told, occasionally making a suggestion at great personal risk. On one fateful night, the mention of the word pizza led to Andy returning with a jar of marshmallow fluff and a cheese and anchovies pizza. April took one bite out of the putrid Frankenpizza, made a face, and then immediately vomited all over the remains. Andy stopped recommending things after that and left it up to her. As Andy opened the car door his phone vibrated loudly with his text alert – it was from April.

_dont forget the fluff_

Why was it always the fluff, and why did she have to eat an entire jar? Andy left the thought in his head, treasuring his jaw far too much to risk anything. It didn't matter that when he returned with a container of JJ's tuna salad special and a jar of sugary slime April looked at both and threw them at him. Her response to her own actions was to immediately apologize and start crying, something that Andy never got used to _at all_. After she cried or exploded in fury it never took too long for her to calm down and then they would be stuck together in bed, Andy trying to give her plenty of space but refusing to keep less than an arm from draping over her.

* * *

"Why did I ever let you do this to me?" April screamed from the cot, holding Andy's hand in an iron grip. He knew better than to answer.

Both of them were aware how long labor could take, and especially April who kept repeating the words 'seventy-two hours' out loud between breaths, but Andy tried his best to remain stoic about everything. He had read a few pages of those books then got bored – no pictures – and what he did read was super scary, but mostly the part about how long it could take and some of the risks the baby and mother would have. April spent all of her available time drowning herself in those books so she obviously knew, but they never talked about it before. Andy hoped it would be an in-and-out if only because he was sure one doctor would slip up and somehow a sharp object would find its way into April's hands and at that point it would be anyone's game.

"When the hell is this party starting," April demanded, squeezing harder on Andy's hand. "This sludge-baby wants out, and his lease is about fucking _up_!"

"We have to wait for specific contraction timings," one nurse explained.

"Oh God," she replied, slamming her head back into the pillow. "It's the end, it's all over. Janet and April are going down in one poop-filled blaze of glory today. Don't let them know this is how it ended, Andy."

Andy had no idea how to respond while keeping his head intact, so he kept his grip on her hand. After a while April started to roll her shoulders uncomfortably and, seeing a brief opportunity, he moved his hands over her shoulders and tried to give her the patented Dwyer massage. Normally she hated them and it just led to a hose fight in the backyard, but her standards must have been seriously lowered because April stopped her ravings and took a few deeper breaths. It was barely any time at all like this before she contorted her face in agony over another contraction.

"Hand, Dwyer!" April yelled, putting her hand in the air. He clamped on immediately, hoping he had done something right earlier.

"How's the mother?" a man removing a white coat asked as he walked in. Andy kept his mouth shut, eyes wide and trying to ready himself for whatever was about to happen in front of his eyes. He had made sure to ignore those pictures.

"There's literally, ugh, hellspawn in my body and it wants out," April responded. Her grip loosened a bit, and Andy had a brief moment where he thought he could get something in between her rants.

"Hey, uh, do you want anything, babe?" He asked tentatively, wincing in preparation.

"Unless you've got an air conditioner you want to turn on in front of my face, no," she quipped.

"Andy," the doctor addressed him. "Go wet that rag over there, and make sure to use lukewarm water. Pat her forehead down with it."

He nodded and let April try and pull a metal bar from the bed instead of his arm from the socket for a second while he ran to do what the doctor said. After he had done what he was told Andy returned to his post and started dabbing some of the liquid on his wife's head. The litany of curses that was already unleashed started to slow down, and with that she took more deep breaths.

"Okay, that feels pretty good," April admitted, sighing and relaxing her grip ever so slightly. "But now I feel sweaty and weird."

"Oh, I got some of those little ice cube things before we came in," Andy said gleefully, picking up a small bowl from a pan and handing her a few of them.

She stuck one in her mouth and took another deep breath. Somehow things seemed to be falling back from the dreadful edge of April trying to get up out of bed, grabbing a pen or toothpick, and stabbing the nearest human being – likely Andy – in an attempt to run from labor. The doctor nodded to him and not knowing what that meant he just nodded back, trying to feed his wife ice chips until that was inevitably the wrong idea. Then it started happening and Andy was sure his wrist would never be the same – there was an awful lot of heavy breathing, some sights that Andy wished wouldn't be stored in his brain forever, and a few screams and agonized yells filling the room.

Then there she was; the sludge-baby, newborn hellkite, or whatever name April had given to her when all she wanted to do was take all of April's food and beat the shit out of her every day. The midwife told them that the nurses and orderlies had tried their best to keep a small blonde woman from destroying half the hospital in her attempt to get in, so they had only a handful of minutes alone.

"Whoa," Andy breathed, not really sure how to handle the situation in front of him. "That's, like, our kid."

"Yeah, I know," April replied, equally speechless. She was too busy staring at the little red face in her arms to really think of anything intelligent to say. "I'm really trying to hate her, but I can't."

"Can I, uh…?" Andy motioned to the little bundle.

April nodded, her tired eyes still bright from looking at this little creature she had birthed. His face was perpetually split by a smile and when the little mess of nasty skin was put in his arms, he let go. Andy didn't like crying an awful lot, mostly because it made him look like an idiot when his face balled up and his eyes got all squinty, but he didn't have any other response for this moment. Nothing in his life had really prepared him for it.

"Andy," April said, chuckling and rolling her lips in an attempt to keep any tears back, "you gotta stop being all emotional, dude."

"Oh right, yeah," he laughed and blinked rapidly. "I just can't… I don't really know; I don't want to put her down."

"Well the midwife," April pointed to the lady walking towards them, "is gonna have to take her for a bit."

Andy nodded. He already knew that and thought he had prepared for it, but didn't want to give up the angry looking bundle of weird looking skin and grossly matted specks of hair. Reluctantly he passed the baby onto the rather demanding woman and had to sit down next to April's bed, waiting for the eventual storm that was upon them. The minor squeal from one of the doorways was all they needed to hear to ready themselves, and soon Leslie was in the room running to the front of the bed and looking like she'd gotten into a fight with a raccoon. Her eyes darted between the incredibly tired April and Andy, who was sure his legs were never going to stop moving from all the excitement.

"Okay Leslie, just... bring it on," April waved towards herself, waiting for the still silent woman to let loose.

"I… hm, this is the most perfect moment ever," she finally said.

"You realize we have kids," an exhausted Ben reminded her from behind.

"Not for us," Leslie responded, jabbing him in the side harder than was probably necessary. Things had gotten hairy out there. "Today's the day we see the new Ludgate-Dwyer family start, and I'm almost afraid for the future of Pawnee but things always seem to work out for you two."

"Leslie, stop," April said, wiping at her eyes. "I'm gonna cry all over this disgusting, beautiful gown."

She finally broke the distance and moved over to hug the two of them, and Ben shook Andy's hand – or tried to before Andy shook his head and took him up in a massive hug. After being let down Ben held his chest and had to take a few deep breaths before congratulating the two of them.

"So, what's her name?" Ben asked, still coughing intermittently.

"Roberta," they said in unison before April finished, "because my grandmother was the only cool person in my family."

"That's so… you," Leslie finished, shaking her head and laughing.

"Also, uh, we want to ask you guys something," Andy started, scratching his head. "We were wondering if you guys, y'know you and Ben, would mind being the godparents and, uh-"

Leslie didn't give him time to finish whatever weird tangent he was guaranteed to fall into because she had grabbed Andy and pulled him into another hug.

"Guys, that's so thoughtful," Ben started.

"Ugh, I don't want it to be him. Can't Orin and that Food 'n Stuff cashier do it?" April complained, glaring at Ben before giving him a slight smile when she was sure no one had been looking.

"Well, we know Chris and Ann already asked you guys but it's more of a metaphor-"

"It's symbolic," April corrected.

"Yeah, so symbology and whatever. But really guys, it'd be so cool," Andy pleaded. "Leslie you're like the coolest person that isn't April and Ben's the best dad, so whaddya say?"

"Thanks, Andy," Ben said, tilting his head and wondering where that had come from. Andy responded by patting him on the back and smiling.

"Of course we will," Leslie shouted, almost like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Oh, and we're not gonna shirk on that babysitting promise. You guys saved us from going completely insane, so if you ever need anything."

"Yeah, and Jerry said he and Gayle would love to watch her whenever, y'know," Ben spoke up.

The room quieted and the other three looked at him in disgust. Andy shook his head in disappointment, April was considering how lucky he was that the last thing she wanted to do was stand up, and Leslie gave Ben a glare that he'd obviously seen before.

"What, he's got a great family," Ben tried.

"I'd rather a pack of wild coyotes raise my child than Terry," April said flatly.

"That'd actually be pretty cool," Andy agreed, rubbing his chin before high-fiving her.

The rest of the night people cycled in and out. Leslie and Ben took their leave when little Roberta was brought back to them, cleaned and declared perfectly healthy if a little underweight. Ben had to pry her away from the baby. When Ron and Diane found their way there, April swore that Ron said something in gibberish babytalk to their child before they had to awkwardly make their exit. Apparently Zoe had found an old man's oxygen tank and was having a minor escapade with her sister down the halls, leaving John behind. After that they hadn't expected anyone to come, and they were right. Donna and Tom texted Andy and April, both of them congratulating the new parents in their own way. Donna said that she wished it were a boy, since by the time he was legal Donna would be on the top of her game. Tom offered them a 10% discount at his flourishing bistro, calling it a "Friends with Families" discount.

On their way back home, Andy kept remarking that he was the luckiest guy there ever was until he realized that both of his girls had fallen asleep. He smiled in the sweet silence as they pulled into the driveway, knowing that waking either of them would result in equal amounts of vomiting and hatred from the both of them. Looking at April, mouth open and snoring loudly, and little Roberta all squished up in her clothes Andy knew that it was going to be worth it.


	6. Doubts and Greg

**A/N: **And so the show goes on (you can help your regularly scheduled one-shot production by hitting me up with a request wherever an inbox is available). I thought about reversing the roles of Ch. 3 and really liked the idea of Andy asking Leslie for advice again. Mostly because I love their relationship.

Tell me if you liked it. Or don't, whatever!

* * *

Andy's pretty happy in his marriage, but sometimes he has to wonder if he's the only one. A few years had made reading April pretty easy for the most part and yet he didn't really know if she was happy. When they dated everything was fun and games, marshmallow guns and pillow forts, but now they had _bills _and _silverware _and other gross, adult things. All of those were things that she vehemently fought against every step of the way, and part of Andy knew she was just being stubborn like only April could be but other times he felt like he was changing her in ways she didn't even want. Then he'd forget about all of that and they'd share a pizza over a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie that just hit streaming, make out over half of it, and spend the rest of the night either in bed or terrorizing the general populace of Pawnee.

Andy tried remembering that when he met April for lunch only to find her talking heatedly with the only person from the shelter she ever said anything favorable about. Most people she met there were categorized as either horrible excuses for people or human slime, but then there was Greg. Greg sounded like a superhero when Andy had to hear about him: he took Orin's strange animal obsession and squeezed all of the creepy out, only left with a classically handsome, short animal rights activist that made Andy feel confused about where he stood on the whole heterosexuality thing.

"Hey, babe," Andy spoke up, enunciating the second word much louder than necessary.

"Andy you're late," she complained, gesturing to the empty glasses and plates in front of the two already sitting down.

"April, Andy's _just _in time actually!" Greg said brightly, waving at him. Andy grunted and nodded but that didn't break his smile. He reminded Andy of Chris Traeger, but not in a fun way.

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about something super important," April said, nodding to Greg. "There's a big conference in Bloomington this weekend for the vet school, where they get these guest speakers to talk about potential job opportunities for graduates. We were invited."

Andy smiled and congratulated her, but Greg's hand was in the air and April turned to high-five him.

"That's awesome babe," he said after pulling her into a hug. "When are we leaving?"

"Oh, you don't have to go," she explained. "It'll be easier if it's just us, and don't you have that stupid weekend thing with the guy from Kerston's?"

That was probably one of the more adult things April had ever said to him. Andy had tried the whole Johnny Karate thing, but found that he couldn't do solely that and keep their lives together with some all right cash here and there. So, begrudgingly, he accepted a job offer from that super cool British guy he and Ben had met, Lord Fancypants or whatever. He even let Andy have the opportunity to be one of the Midwest representatives for his charity branch, something Andy found he really liked without the massive distance between him and April. And he had been trying to nail Kernston for months – for whatever reason the nipple kingdom wasn't all too willing to put their name brand seal on a charitable foundation. Somehow he had finally convinced the CFO to go on a work retreat full of golf and weird resorts where Andy could try and schmooze a few extra zeroes out of the company. It took him a second to realize that was the most adult thing he'd ever _done _let alone thought, but shook it out of his head when April snapped her fingers in front of his face to get his attention.

"I guess," he said slowly.

"It's a weekend, Andy," Greg said cheerfully, smacking Andy's knee playfully. "You can let April off the leash for a few days, right?"

"Yeah, it'll be fine," April said, challenging Andy to say anything. There wasn't much he was going to be able to say anyways – there wasn't any leash.

Andy nodded and left early, letting the two of them get back to planning their weekend. He gave April a brief peck on the cheek and turned around, feeling a strange weight in the back of his head. It was familiar but that feeling hadn't even bothered to show its face for years, and that was focused on someone else entirely. He hated that feeling and wanted to pretend like it wasn't even there, and that might have been a better play than before when he let it consume him but Andy had more at stake this time. As much as Greg was this perfect, super nice guy Andy never thought that the thing he'd feel towards him was _jealousy_.

* * *

"Hey Leslie, it's me, uh, Andy. You know that though, I'm probably in your contacts. Listen, I need to ask you some stuff," Andy said, failing to figure out how to end his message. "It's about April. I understand if you're busy, or whatever. Thanks."

The moment Andy pressed 'end' there was a bright chirping and Leslie's face popped up on his screen. He didn't understand how she had time to listen to the message but smiled to himself and answered anyways. Leslie was so cool.

"Hey, Leslie?" Andy asked, a little shaky.

"Good day to call Andy," Leslie sounded exhausted on the other end and he felt bad for calling her out of the blue like this. "But I can cut out early. Meet me at JJ's in an hour."

"Sure," he answered. "Hey, thanks Leslie."

"No problem," and she hung up.

Leslie really was one of the best people Andy knew. He'd be lying if he hadn't discussed things with April who was fully against it at first but had started to warm up to the idea before Ben stepped in and ruined it for the three of them. But Andy liked Ben a lot and he seemed to make Leslie happy so he didn't really care that much. Suddenly reinvigorated, Andy walked down the street to JJ's to get an early start shoveling the all-day breakfast specials into his mouth. Leslie never let him pay for anything even when he never tried to. After he had gotten through the first plate, Leslie found her way to his table. Bags were forming under her eyes but they still had the same excited, ready and willing stare that never dropped. Her hair was a mess and she was lugging around a pile of binders that made Andy's shoulders hurt just looking at them.

"Okay," she sighed after finding her place sitting down. "I've got ten more minutes, then I have to be back from lunch."

"Cool… uh," Andy drifted, not sure how to broach the subject. Chewing a sausage, he started, "Um, how did you deal with Ben and that Washington campaign lady being so buddy buddy and working together and all that crap."

"I didn't have anything to deal with in Jen," she explained, shrugging. "They worked together, but I knew that Ben didn't really _like _her as a person. She just offered him a really good job, and so I had to support him."

"What if Ben actually liked her a lot, and always talked to you about her?" Andy asked, feeling queasy and putting his fork down. "Like, what do you do about that?"

"Sorry, what does this have to do with April?" Leslie had been rubbing at her eyes tiredly, but stopped and asked in a confused voice.

"Well this guy, Greg-"

"Oh, Greg!" she interrupted excitedly. "Greg's such a great guy. I met him when we did a survey of possible Wamapoke parks and he single handedly wrangled all of the raccoons out of one just down the street, he's so awesome. What about him?"

Andy groaned and put his head in his hands. This wasn't going as well as he was hoping.

"Leslie," he complained, "he _is _so awesome. April thinks so too…"

He quieted, picking at his food and dripping syrup over his somehow freshly ironed shirt – Leslie figured he just bought new ones constantly but had caught him ironing at a laundry mat one day, at which she couldn't help but cry – and Andy wanted Greg to just be super nice and _not _care about animals. That way April would hate him and he could stop feeling like shit about this. Leslie cocked her head, mouth slightly open and half-starting sentences before finally figuring out what she had been trying to say the whole time.

"Do you – you think… hm, you think April's cheating on you?" Leslie asked, ignoring the waffles that were laid in front of her despite that delicious aroma and mountain of cream. "Andy, are you serious?"

"I don't think she's cheating on me," Andy admitted, pushing his food away and towards Leslie.

"So what's the big deal with Greg?" she wondered, chewing through a waffle and picking up a leftover strip of bacon Andy had left behind.

"I think… well, I dunno," Andy shook his head and looked down to the floor. "I think April wants to leave me."

There was a short choking sound followed by a cough and when Andy looked up Leslie was patting her chest and trying to hold back a stream of rough coughs. Her eyes took on the quickly calculating glaze as she looked back and forth between something in front of her as if checking boxes and scratching off others. Andy tried doing that once but figured it was dumb because all he ended up doing was moving his eyes between April's boobs and he got super preoccupied after that. Crossing his arms uncomfortably he waited for Leslie to say something.

"It doesn't make sense, Andy," finally breaking the silence, Leslie shook her head. "You two are some of the strangest people I've ever met, and this _is_ Pawnee, but you guys are like glue. I've never seen one of you mad at the other for more than a day or two. Why would you think that'd just stop?"

"Well, we've been doing all this really important, grown-up stuff lately," Andy scratched his head and continued. "She always hated all that, and she's been really weird the last couple days when she gets home. I think she's bored."

"She's worn-out from planning a work weekend while actually working and volunteering, Andy. Let me tell you from experience, April's not bored – she's tired," Leslie smiled, hoping her hit landed.

"Yeah, tired of me," Andy sulked, feeling no different from her words. Leslie probably knew what she was talking about, she usually did, but it still wasn't helping him at all.

"Okay then let me ask you this," Leslie said, straightening up and looking him straight in the eye," when April and Ben were in Washington did you feel like this?"

Andy laughed immediately. Now that was just crazy. April and _Ben_? That was probably one of the dumbest things he'd ever heard. He voiced his opinion, making sure to throw in a part about Ben being awesome.

"April's so awesome but she's super weird sometimes," Andy started, not really sure what he was even trying to get across. "And I love that, y'know, but she always acts like she really doesn't care about stuff. Last couple of days I feel like she doesn't care about me anymore."

"Andy, just because April has a friend doesn't mean she wants to sleep with him," Leslie tried to calm him down, putting her hand on his and giving him a gentle squeeze.

"Right, feminism." Andy nodded seriously.

"Right…" she said slowly.

"I'm still confused," Andy admitted, shaking his head and rubbing his face. "Leslie, what am I supposed to do?"

"Andy, you're a giant child and with that comes the immaturity, thoughtlessness, and laziness of one," Leslie rambled off, and Andy wasn't sure if this was supposed to make him feel better. "But, you're also one of the sweetest people in the world, you'd do anything for those you love, and you're loyal almost to a fault. April knows that. That's why she loves you, and I don't think she's going to just throw that away because Greg likes possums more than you."

Andy couldn't help but return her smile. Still, something was unsettling him.

"You always know what to say, Leslie," he said. "But I still can't shake it, y'know? It's kind of annoying and shitty."

Leslie nodded knowingly and bit her lip in concentration. Andy pulled a piece of drying toast from his abandoned plate and ate it slowly, considering everything she had said. In reality, it didn't make a whole lot of sense but he felt like April had just a year earlier when she had a minor breakdown over their relationship. He had been the one to tell her how stupid it was to have any insecurity about them and here Andy was going through the same motions.

"Okay Andy, let's do a hypothetical," Leslie said but hastily followed up when Andy looked uncertain of what she meant. "I'm going to say something that isn't necessarily going to happen, and then I'm going to ask you a really serious question. I want you to answer honestly too. Got it?"

"Yes, ma'am," Andy answered, standing up a bit straighter but still slouching. "Hit me."

"All right, let me ask you if," she stressed that last 'if' loudly and raised her hands defensively, "_if _April is unhappy with your marriage what you think should happen?"

Leslie prepared herself for the worst. She loved Andy like an underdeveloped brother, and he was really just a big child stumbling his way through adulthood. What made her care about him so much was that he never hid that fact, because if she was being truthful Leslie was convinced everyone on the planet was just a scared little kid trying to figure out what the hell to do themselves. He had that honesty, at least. Instead of slumping and looking completely re-beaten and defeating all of their previous talk, Andy looked like he was giving the hypothetical serious consideration.

"So, _if _she's super sad about us," Andy was trying to remain calm while saying the sentence, "and she wants to leave, she'll be happier with Greg?"

"Sure, why not," Leslie acquiesced. No part of her believed that April would be able to stand that font of excitement for more than ten seconds at a time. Still, Andy had fixated on one thing and she was going to run with it.

"Then…" he bit down on the same piece of toast from earlier and chewed it thoughtfully, "she should be with him and not me. I mean, if she's happy I'm happy."

Leslie felt her face break into a smile instinctively as she looked into Andy's eyes and saw nothing but a sad honesty in him. Years ago, had he been asked the same thing about Ann Leslie was sure Andy would have nothing good to say on the subject, but things had definitely changed. She quickly glanced to her watch, realized the time, and stood up. He did the same, awkwardly looking around and unsure of what was happening.

"April would have to be crazy to leave you," she grinned, holding her arms out and accepting Andy's usual crushing hug.

"Thanks Leslie," he said after letting her go. "Sorry, I got a little carried away."

"No it's fine," she coughed out, blinking away tears. "Listen, I've got a plan for you: just sit tight, go to your charity work retreat, and when April gets back just talk to her. Honesty is important, and April appreciates how, well,_ honest_ you can be."

"Yeah, we're super good at talking," Andy chuckled, "mostly because we have a lot of sex after that."

"All right, didn't need to know that," Leslie raised her hand and turned to walk away. "Good luck Andy!"

Andy nodded to himself after she had left. The hypocritical or whatever made him feel a little better about everything, and he would talk with her about it. Having been through a few weird times in their relationship where neither of them spoke to the other it had become second nature to talk about whatever might be bothering either of them. This time Andy had hesitated and he wanted to smack himself for doing it.

* * *

Andy couldn't have been happier to return to his house. He had walked away with twenty thousand dollars in the name of Andy's pet project, but golf was seriously one of the most boring things he'd ever had to endure. Even if Jimmy, the CFO, was a pretty cool guy and only got weird and business-y when they sat down at the end of the day to talk terms Andy had grown tired of him after only a couple afternoons. On his way home he had picked Champion up from Leslie and the kids and he was sitting impatiently in the passenger seat – whenever someone need to watch him, Champion always ended up with Leslie and Ben. The kids loved him and he had known them since they were barely born, and it definitely helped that Ben secretly liked Champion a whole lot more than he let on.

Walking Champion inside, Andy saw April asleep on the couch and snoring loudly. Letting his grip go slack slightly, the dog limped over to her and started licking her face excitedly. After a few seconds of squinting and eventual sneezing from one tongue too many in her nostrils, April shot up with a bewildered look on her face.

"Good afternoon honey," Andy mumbled. "Didn't know you were gonna be back before me."

"Yeah, we did the speech crap and walked around campus for a day or two," she yawned and stretched awkwardly, "but I needed to get away from Greg."

"Really?" Andy asked, figuring this was his chance to go down this road without too much friction. "I thought you liked him?"

"He was fine when he talked about animals," April shrugged. "Then he never stopped talking… and talking _so _loudly. And then he wanted to go hiking and I was seriously considering shoving one of his stupid boots down his throat."

"Well Champ was still at Leslie's so I figured you'd still be away," he explained, scratching the dog's ears before Champion bound up onto April's lap and stretched out as best he could.

"Oh God," she closed her eyes and rubbed her temples, "I forgot about Champion. Sorry, babe it was just a nightmare getting rid of Greg."

Andy sat down next to her on the couch and gave her a short kiss on the lips, only lingering because stopping wasn't ever Andy's strong suit.

"I'm sorry, because I've been an idiot," he explained when her eyebrows mashed together and she looked at him with a puzzled expression. "I thought you… I thought you were going on this trip with Greg because you were bored of me and wanted to be with him, and I-"

He was going to continue but April had started laughing uncontrollably, loudly overpowering his thoughts. She slapped him on the arm, still bowled over from laughter and took another few seconds of comical shaking before she had quieted down.

"Oh, you're serious," she said, wiping away tears that had come out from the clearly hilarious thing Andy had said. "Babe, are you serious?"

"I just thought you were mad at me for making you do real people stuff and," Andy was realizing the craziness in his words as they spilled out, "and I thought you were getting bored or something."

"Andy," April grabbed the sides of his face and kept eye contact all the while talking, "that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard you say. Now, you're going to go to the bedroom and get all the pillows and a blanket. We're going to make a fort on the couch, and then we're gonna have sex in that fort."

"Okay," he said stupidly. Getting up from the couch he nearly tripped over his own feet in a scramble to the bedroom where he scooped up everything that looked remotely like a pillow in his arms. He only wanted to get the stupid blanket out of his face because he was pretty sure he saw April's fancy suit on the floor. Every single thought of her leaving him was tossed out into the open air as he desperately fought with the thick cover obscuring most of his vision.


	7. King and Queen

**A/N: **This one is pretty short in comparison, but it's literally just pure fluff. I thought we could all use a couple days of fun after the string of serious stuff. Requested anonymously on tumblr as "fun while shopping/PDA."

Thanks for joining me on this dumb, dumb effort so far! Anyone that wants to help by submitting requests can do so pretty much anywhere I have an inbox. Also, it's going to be really awkward for me if those numbers at the end are already taken on the show - you'll know what I mean :)

* * *

Andy was already bored the moment they stepped inside the Kroger's. Out of some dumb obligation to Ben's lists, April had kept going back every week to pick up groceries. Andy obviously had to go with her or she'd die of boredom, and in the end he always made her walk away with something really stupid. The last time they went instead of getting milk he decided they really needed two giant foam noodles for the pool they didn't have.

"April," Andy complained, pushing the cart filled with _boring _things sporadically, "everything in here's food."

"You're not getting those Super Soakers, we already have two," April quipped. There were a set of green ones he'd never seen before on sale, but they were already barely under budget.

"Ugh," he groaned and scanned the aisle for anything cool to at least take his mind off things.

Then he saw it – quite possibly the only food display he'd ever need to see again in his life. In front of him, delicately sculpted, was a pile of marshmallow packages set up in the shape of a gigantic throne. He didn't bother to read what it was for, because Andy was too busy abandoning the groceries and clambering up to sit on the throne. Somehow he hadn't pushed too many of the bags away, and no one was stopping him, so before he could rethink what he was doing he was sitting atop a throne of marshmallows. April did notice.

"Andy," she was staring dumbfounded at her husband, "what are you doing?"

"Servicing my subjects," he said with a regal wave of his hand.

April was sure he meant 'surveying' but the image in her head was too good to correct him. She started to walk up to him to drag him off of the display, but he wasn't budging. Silently she cursed their difference in size, and another part of her wanted to jump up there with him.

"Come, my… lady," he gave another flourish of his hand. "My queen doth… be requested, hence. Um, here."

"What?" she couldn't figure what the hell Andy was trying to say that time.

"Come up here, let's make out on this thing!" Andy said excitedly, bouncing up and down and causing a few packs of the little white things to fly off the display.

She wasn't going to be able to fight _that _logic, and she never had. April gave him a wry smile, he laughed, and she started to make her way up the mountain of squishy, delicious stepping stones. It was obvious when she took her first step on them that the display was definitely never meant to be used like this. Andy reached out a hand to help her up but in the process had shifted forward too far and, combined with a poorly placed step by April, sent the entire right side of the display flowing out into the aisle. Both of them went with the flood, left lying on their backs in the middle of the wrecked fluff throne.

"Y'know," Andy groaned, pushing on his back, "that went about as well as I hoped."

April was already laughing when he started speaking. She sat up, brushing off any rogue marshmallows that had exploded out of their packaging and looking around for the inevitable employee that would usher them out of the store. That guy never came, and April remembered there were perks for shopping incredibly late at night on a Tuesday.

"Hey, Andy," suddenly remembering something, April shook his shoulder. "Isn't there something on your list about doing it on a candy bed?"

It was really one of the dumber things on his bucket list, but it was only a matter of time before he came home horny and with a suitcase full of Laffy Taffy. April considered it an eventuality, and had spent a couple nights staring thoughtfully at a bunch of leftover Halloween candy.

"Oh yeah," Andy said, and immediately rolled over on top of her in the sugary mess.

"Not. In. Here," she was evading his mouth rolling around and making an even bigger mess, their cart now long forgotten and silently rolling around in the aisle. "Buy all of it. Let's go home."

"What, it's not like anyone's even here," Andy complained, his hand riding up the inside of her shirt and along her sides, causing April to laugh.

He was wrong, there were a few other customers and people definitely working, but by the time he was kissing her neck suddenly she really didn't care. There wasn't a whole she could do when he pulled that card. Laughing, she pushed herself between Andy's legs and heard him groan a little. She could feel the weirdly chilly air of a supermarket's air conditioning on her stomach and his lips trailing further down her chest when a voice called out, horrified.

"Excuse me!" a shrill, annoyed woman intoned, causing Andy to stop, annoyingly. "What do you think this is – a brothel?"

April looked over to see, of course, none other than the morality watchdog Marcia Langman staring in disgust at the two of them. What were their odds of seeing her there, April thought. They never saw anyone else when they went out at midnight to finally get shopping over with. Marcia had a bag over her shoulder and one of those dinky little baskets filled with toothpaste and gum. Andy immediately stood up and scratched his ear, unsure of what to do.

"Young man, please… sit down," Marcia blushed, averted her eyes and turned around, shouting behind her back as she walked away from them, "or something!"

Andy leaned over slightly, trying to hide himself from just sort of sticking out in public. April had to roll her lips and crane her neck to avoid laughing. If there was anything Andy was good at doing, it was being obscene. Before long, the mood was pretty much dead and she realized she was sitting in a pile of junk food. Standing up, she picked up a few bags of the marshmallows and threw them in the wayward cart they tracked down. A new plan was forming in the back of her head, and a new thing to cross of his list.

"Andy, go get the Super Soakers," April commanded, picking up useless things like hamburger and other meat, putting them on shelves where she figured beef gone bad would ruin everything. "We're gonna go home and check numbers twenty-five and thirty-two off tonight."

There was a second where Andy had to think what those were – he knew twenty-five, because they were about to finish doing that in the middle of a Kroger's, but it took him a second to figure out the latter one. His eyes lit up and they exchanged knowing grins.

"Awesome!" he yelled and sprinted off in the direction opposite of April. She wasn't sure of the logistics of all that water, or why he needed candy canes, but she had her own ideas brewing.


	8. Leaves and Lights

**A/N:** It's fun in the sun today, no strings attached to this one. Requested anonymously on tumblr as a "3x08 extension."

Enjoy, or don't. Whatever!

* * *

Outside of the wayward little bed and breakfast, sitting somewhere along a road outside of the local forests, was a haphazardly built tent. There were what at least looked like rose petals strewn in front of the entrance of the tent, obviously meant to spell something before someone had kicked them around into an illegible mess, and beside the tent was a singular, lonely looking balloon covered in mud and dirt. Except for the sounds of a few animals and low hanging branches scraping along the ground with each passing breeze, the night was silent.

April had already fallen asleep and Andy was on the verge of letting his eyelids droop closed, but something had been keeping him up. He was laying down on the hard ground with only the blanket he'd taken between the dirt and them, elbow propping his head up while he took in the image. He knew it was pretty creepy to stare at people, especially when they were sleeping and doubly especially when they were naked and sleeping, but if anyone appreciated people being creepy it was April so he figured there wasn't anything wrong.

He liked her a whole lot, and Andy wasn't even really sure why other than she was way cooler than anyone else Andy had ever met. No one else was as into the dumb things he was, especially when she could inflict some kind of emotional or bodily harm on somebody else – it was awesome. If that wasn't enough, that look she had on her face when Andy had found them was definitely a damn good reason; it was that mixture of dumb astonishment and excitement brought together by her smile that she hadn't even bothered hiding when it was just them.

Breaking through the quiet night, the wind picked up and a howling whistle traced the air outside. April stirred for a moment, blinked her eyes open, and turned to face Andy who was still in his prone, staring creeper pose.

"I should probably be worried about this," she said, stifling a yawn.

"I know, right?" he laughed and nodded.

Andy pulled up the cover April was under and sidled up next to her so that they were still facing each other, just a little more intimate. They grinned, chuckling under their breaths and moving their bodies closer together.

"You're sure you're not gonna, like, take me back to some weird sex dungeon in your basement," April had hooked her arms around his neck and was pushing herself closer until they were practically stuck together.

Andy usually hated all the stupid sappy stuff that Ann had subjected him to, but he liked the way that April tried to keep a straight face when they kissed but couldn't help herself and let a grin find its way onto her face. He loved when she took one of her legs and started to glide one foot across his, moving up and down while they locked eyes. Andy couldn't really remember much when that happened.

"No…" Andy trailed off, pulling his head back from her. "I thought we could do it in here again, that was pretty cool."

"Yeah, but this is the part where you say you're the kidnapper and I'm your accomplice," she was kissing the sides of his neck and Andy was starting to lose focus of most of what was going on around him. "Or something, I don't really know anymore."

"I still don't know," Andy admitted.

* * *

In the morning people had started to file out of the bed and breakfast, each of them looking more bleary-eyed than the last and several of them sporting claw marks and scratches. Silently Andy held a competition, and found that he definitely had more nail marks and bites on his body than anyone else. He was packing everything back into his crude knapsack when April emerged from the tent, eyes still almost entirely closed and walking on wobbly, tired legs.

"Ugh, why does the sun have to be up?" she asked, massaging a knot out of her hair and looking around their makeshift campsite. "And where'd everyone go?"

"Oh, they all left I guess," Andy slung his guitar over his shoulder and turned to face her with his ramshackle backpack, "so I figured… we'd, like, leave."

"Cool, where's your car?" April asked, stretching out in the cool morning air.

"Uhh, oh," Andy pointed behind his back into the woods and muttering something before finishing with a straight face, "I don't have a car."

"Andy, I didn't drive here," she complained, giving him a glare. "Who else is here, we can get a ride from them."

"Well, I think Ben and Jerry are still-"

April didn't give time to finish his sentence, already donning her jacket and turning around to start walking down the path leading away from the woods. Leaving the tent standing, the balloon having flown off and caught in a branch somewhere, Andy shuffled to walk beside her. They walked without saying anything for a while, Andy still smiling and curious why she was so quiet. Despite an otherwise sour atmosphere, when he put his hand next to hers April immediately took it and pushed her fingers in between his. Andy tried his best smile and she returned it with a shy grin.

"Hey, this could be fun," he said.

"Why don't we just call Leslie or someone and have them pick us up?" April suggested, swinging Andy's head and slouching while she walked. "I hate the sun."

"You're gonna have to call, because I'm pretty sure I lost my phone… uh, somewhere last night," Andy shrugged and laughed.

"Of course you did," she chuckled and pulled her phone out but hesitated. "I hate all these trees and stuff, but maybe we could walk a bit more before I call."

They exchanged looks and Andy relaxed his grip on her hand, feeling a lighter step in his feet as they kept walking down the barely constructed road. Andy was pretty sure it didn't even count as a road, since the only material it was made of was basically dirt. The heat from the early morning sun was starting to warm the ground and the air, and before long the sporadic breezes were more comfortable than obnoxious. Every once and a while April would point out a squirrel or some other little woodland animal crawling around, stopping to stare at the two of them, and returning to their daily schedule. At least an hour had passed and April had never bothered to pull her phone back out, now walking with Andy's arm slung over her shoulder and huddled up next to him.

A few times the wind picked up and leaves battered their faces, one time causing Andy to sputter because a wayward leaf had flown into his face with his mouth open. April laughed and in retaliation he picked up a pile of dead leaves strewn across the ground and threw them at her. It didn't take long for their leaf fight to die down, and they were still pulling a few of the things out of their hair and clothes for another ten minutes, but the mood stayed.

"You sure you wanna keep walking," Andy asked, partially honestly and mostly because carrying everything was getting tiring, "'cause I'm sure someone could get us."

"Nah, I kinda like this," April said, shoving him playfully with her shoulder, digging herself deeper into his side. "I mean, it's kinda dumb that everything's quiet but it's fun, right?"

"Yeah," Andy immediately responded.

Again they fell into a mostly quiet march, and Andy _did _like it. Something about the quiet Indiana morning, woods, and the sounds of real life just far enough away that it felt like they had escaped it was oddly relaxing. Listening to April explain something about one of the birds they saw flying away, and she was weirdly into its beak or something, Andy figured out why he liked the walk so much. With that thought he gave April a quick kiss on the lips and continued walking, his smile now a permanent fixture on his face.

It took them another hour before April finally gave in, quietly complaining about how annoying the ground was being and that Andy's feet had to be getting sore. Admitting that, and wondering how long the blisters would be bothering him, they sat down by the side of one of the paths they had taken. The sun was in full swing by that time, cutting through the trees and between branches and trying to find anywhere its rays could sit for a while. Little flecks of sunlight were scattered across the ground like light sifted through a colander, creating a miniature natural lightshow. Andy was still sitting down, plucking at a few strings on his guitar and trying to find a chord while April paced in front of him, talking to Leslie on the phone and trying to explain where they were.

He was playing the same three chord progression that always came naturally to him, trying to pass the time and hoping a song idea would spring to mind. April had finished her phone call but was still pacing in the middle of the path, arms crossed and looking agitated. Still, Andy couldn't help but think about how pretty she looked when she walked over one of the little streaks of light pushing through the otherwise separated treetop. Little panes of light rolled over her nose and reflected off of her lips, and a few times Andy thought the word he wanted to use to describe it was beautiful but that sounded dorky and corny so he pushed that to the back of his mind.

"Y'know, it was cute when you stared at me because I was naked," she interrupted him, "but now it's weird."

"Sorry," Andy looked down and fumbled with the pick in his hand.

April was still walking in circles and he couldn't help himself, going back to looking at her. Andy was a gross, scruffy guy who barely kept himself clean and oftentimes didn't shower. He liked to roll around in the mud and play with food, covering himself in it half of the time, and he wondered what the thing was that kept her interested in him. It was true that he now rolled around in mud _with _April, and most of the time she was the one initiating it – and usually introducing something cool and new like food fights – but it still had him a little confused. Again she caught him looking but instead of saying anything she just gave him a confused look before returning to her routine.

"All right, what's up?" she asked a little too loudly, stopping and turning to face him. A bright shaft of sunlight was crossing her face, making her usually wide eyes shine a little strangely. "You're being really weird, man."

"You just look… like, really beautiful right now," Andy strummed in between his words, letting the quiet music ring a little before he spoke again, "I dunno, I mean I always thought that and stuff but I, uhh, just sorta thought of it now."

There was a beat between what he had said and when the words processed through April's head. Andy was still playing softly, wondering if he had been too sappy for her – he wasn't even sure how he was supposed to compliment her anyways. She smiled shyly and sat down next to him, looking at his guitar.

"Think of any songs?" April leaned back on her arms for support, looking back and forth along the road impatiently. "I mean, besides whatever you sang last night."

"I forgot that already," he admitted, muting the strings and keeping a thick, warm undercurrent of playing going, "but I got a new song I think."

"Yeah, what's it called?" she squinted through the sun's glare.

"I, uhh…" he wasn't even really writing anything, just playing and thinking a few stray thoughts, "I guess it's called, um, 'April Ludgate's the Best.'"

He finished the sentence by moving his palm off of the strings, allowing the improvised progression to sound a little louder in the woods. He'd figure out the lyrics later, but he let the image of April with that little bit of light running over her fuel most of the music. April's lips quivered and soon she was giving him another reluctant grin. Her head dropped onto his shoulder as he played, mumbling along random lyrics strung together that sounded vaguely like a song. He didn't have much time to finish his work before a red sedan styled car stopped in front of them and Ron stepped out of the car.

They piled Andy's things into the backseat and took the passenger seat over, April sitting on his lap while he hummed the progression of his new song to her throughout the ride. It wasn't long before Ron told him to shut up and enjoy the silence, but it was fun while it lasted he thought. However, April wasn't done and soon she was humming it back to Andy who joined in over the sounds of a grumbling, distressed Ron.


	9. Anniversaries and Lots of Blood

**A/N: **Hey, another short one but I don't think I've quite gotten used to writing longer fluffier oneshots. Anyways, this came to my mind when I figured out it's been a week of continued one-shotting. Also, it fills a request by and-im-stefon-meyers on tumblr: "a bewildered Andy asking Leslie why April is mad at him for something."

So, enjoy. And if you want this to go on for a while more I recommend leaving me some requests/ideas/whatever on my tumblr or anywhere you can find an inbox with my name attached to it!

* * *

It was a pretty normal day in Pawnee. People moved around the sidewalks on assisted transport, people smashed their car horns loudly in frustration at the morning traffic, and the few people walking or on bicycles feared every waking second of their route. The smell of grossly over refined sugars replaced the fresh Midwestern air and no one seemed to notice or even care. Dogs barked, lawnmowers occasionally sang out, and the people that bothered let their sprinkler systems water their lawns for them. In spite of that, Andy thought there was something different that he was supposed to remember but didn't spend any more thought on it. As he was getting ready to sit down next to April before they drove into City Hall, something seemed to be making her angry. She wasn't a particularly lively morning person but she usually at least _talked _to him.

The drive, likewise, was uncomfortable. When April sat at her desk in the Parks office, she immediately started to read a magazine and seemed to be ignoring everything he tried to catch her attention.

"April," his attempt at being subtle wasn't helped by the distance between them, so his 'whisper' came out nearly as a shout. "Hey, April!"

"What?" she hissed, turning to face him with an agitated grimace on her face.

"What's up, babe?" Andy played with a pen in his hands while he spoke. "You're kinda acting all mad."

April scoffed in response and stood up, walking out of the offices with her magazine. Andy knew that walk – she _was _angry. But for the life of him there wasn't anything that stuck out to him as being so important that she would be that mad at him. Looking over his shoulder, Leslie was busy writing something into another binder, marking lines off in a brightly colored marker and nodding to herself. Andy knew if anyone could help him it was Leslie. She always knew what to do.

"Hey Andy," she said without looking up, pointing to a chair by her desk with her off hand, "sit down."

Doing as he was told, Andy pulled a chair out in front of her desk and sat silently while she finished scratching off sentences and highlighting others. Twiddling his thumbs was only so interesting before he had to talk.

"Leslie, how'd you do that?" he asked, partially forgetting why he was even in there to begin with.

"You think I can't hear you and April fighting out there?" she laughed, closing the binder and looking up to meet his eyes. "I should have timed how long it took you to come in here. That'd be fun, right?"

"Oh yeah, totally. Anyways, can you help me?" Andy scratched his head as he talked. "This morning April didn't even want bologna pancakes. She's super mad."

"That sounds horrifying, but continue," Leslie made a face and shook her head.

"No they're super good, you just throw 'em in a pan and fry the slices," Andy nodded his head excitedly, "and it's awesome with syrup."

"So, fried bologna?" She asked, more interested in a new breakfast food that had somehow never crossed her mind before closing her eyes and shaking her head again. "No! No, okay so April's mad at you and you wanna know why."

Andy nodded and Leslie bit her lip in concentration.

"Did you do something yesterday, this morning…?" she suggested but Andy didn't have anything, just shaking his head and shrugging. "Did you forget something? Ah, we'll just check the dates."

While Andy was trying earnestly to remember anything, Leslie opened the bottom drawer of her desk and pulled out a calendar labeled 'April' and another labeled 'Andy.' April's was a plain brown calendar with a picture of April giving the camera the middle finger in the corner while Andy's had a plethora of pictures with him on it and even a few Mouserat concert fliers and badges. She flipped one open and started tracing over the important dates she marked for gift-giving reference.

"Hm, last Friday I got April her first congratulatory box of stickers," she said while glancing between both of their calendars. Andy had never seen someone mark down so many normally useless dates as something important.

"Oh, I bet she _hated _that," Andy remarked, smiling to himself.

"It was an interesting day," Leslie admitted, smirking. "And two days ago you shined someone's shoe for the first time. Oh look, there's something here about today in both of these. Today you both… oh,"

Leslie's eyes widened a bit and Andy moved to look over her hands and at the date she was cross referencing. She flipped both of them shut and stuffed them back into the desk, a look of concern spreading on her face. Andy wasn't sure what today was and why it was so suddenly dire.

"Yeah, what happened?" Andy asked while he sat back down. "What could we both have possibly done today that April would be so mad at me for forgetting?"

"Andy," Leslie looked him in the eyes for a second before finishing her sentence looking elsewhere, "you got _married _today. You forgot your anniversary."

* * *

It was stupid to be mad at him and April knew that, but she figured that out of all the things Andy would remember one would have to be their anniversary. She didn't even know _why _she was so angry with him over something that otherwise should have just passed quietly without either of them caring. Their relationship wasn't exactly what most people considered normal, and that was awesome to April. Anniversaries were just another boring adult thing that they weren't supposed to celebrate. On the other hand, part of her figured that maybe they would go out and burn something down for old time's sake or steal something from City Hall just because. April even thought they'd go buy some of the good pig's blood from the butcher and have a fun slip n' slide afternoon in the park and maybe get arrested when a kid complained to their mom.

Then none of that happened, and here she was in a stupid municipal government building expected to do work instead of drench herself in Nickelodeon gack and scare people on the street. Instead of even bothering to not do anything by her desk, April was sitting on a bench in a fourth floor hallway where she usually could see at least one stabbing to keep things in perspective.

In the middle of her reverie, and side-eyeing a drug deal in the corner, her phone rang loudly from her pocket. It was Andy, so she let the call go to voicemail and decided she'd bother with him later. For now she was trying to figure out whether the guy in the trench coat was trying to sell sugar to the haggard lady. Again her phone rang and she let it do so all the way to voicemail once again, hoping he was getting how annoyed she was. Irrationally annoyed, she thought, but ticked off nonetheless.

It took three more calls before she couldn't take hearing the stupid chorus from 'Sex Hair' another time.

"Hey, I was getting worried," Andy said, "I just, um, yeah hey."

April didn't answer him, trying to figure out how long she wanted to stay mad at him before it would get boring. She decided another few minutes would work, though risking a full day of mostly feigned frustration usually meant really angry makeup sex so April had to really consider her next move. Meanwhile Andy sputtered half formed sentences during the one-sided phone call.

"Wow, that was incredible Andy," she replied, hoping the dripping sarcasm worked, "did you just think of that yourself?"

"Okay, okay… yes, I did," he admitted and April could see the dumb smile on his face in her head and wanted to be there if only to smack him. "But, Leslie said we can go home early. And you're kinda my ride, so…"

"We've only been here an hour," April said, confused.

"Yeah, but Leslie said we could go so, meet me in the parking garage?" he asked, hanging up.

At least she could be angry at home. That was a plus. Besides, April never argued when people told her she could leave early so she didn't know why she would suddenly care now. Hanging the phone up, April left the fourth floor begrudgingly as the woman realized that it was actually really fine flour that she was being sold. God she loved the fourth floor.

* * *

Andy paced in front of the trunk of the car, trying to remember everything he had set up and planned. There was an awful lot a motivated Leslie Knope could get done in an hour and despite her arguments against some of his more interesting requests, she had pulled through for them. All she could worry about was the carpet anyways, and who cared about that? April appeared a few minutes later, a stoic expression on her face that Andy considered a minor victory. Apathy was at least a step up from outright anger and by now he was well-versed in dealing with an otherwise lethargic April.

"Okay, so let's go," April motioned to the car and Andy nodded and hopped into the passenger seat.

She didn't say anything else to him on the ride and for a second he wondered if his plan would be enough. That thought didn't last long when they made it back home, April walking ahead of him willingly. He rubbed his hands together, trying to contain his excitement as she unlocked the door and opened it up, stepping inside. There was a soft swishing noise as a bucket dropped from the top of the door and tipped over, still attached to a taut looking rope. Soon a deep red liquid poured slowly onto April's head covering her front to back, head to toe and even dripping a bit onto the floor.

Turning around, there was a second where Andy thought he had made the wrong play. April's face was expressionless, partly due to her eyebrows being caked in corn syrup and dripping all over, and he was worried that he had just made it worse. Fortunately, it didn't take long before her face split into a smile and she was running into Andy to hug him and get him just as drenched in the stuff. Andy dropped to the grass and took her with him, both of them wrestling in the dirt and spreading their red trail around the yard.

"Sorry I forgot about our anniversary," Andy said finally when she was done smearing syrup on his cheeks. "I didn't think you'd care this much about it."

"Me neither," April said, spitting out some of the viscous liquid that had dropped onto her lips, "but I'm glad you didn't do something stupid like other guys would have."

"Oh don't worry, there's more," he raised his eyebrows and pointed towards the house.

She gave him another smile, a quick and otherwise weirdly sticky kiss on the lips, and got up running into the house. Andy followed after, tracing the red pattern of excited, running feet across the carpet into the living room. It didn't take long before an excited scream echoed through the house. Andy figured she must have found the slip 'n slide stretching through the backyard and was wondering how she would react to the redecoration of their kitchen when she saw it. She always did like weird, grinning skeletons.


	10. Loss and Hope

**A/N: **Hey guys, another hurt/comfort ish thingamawhatever here. Fills an anonymous request on tumblr.

Let me know whether you like it or not, because I'm bad at this sort of thing. Also if you want to pitch in on some ideas or whatever/request something, you can drop an ask on my tumblr or wherever I have an inbox. Thanks for any support you've given me throughout this bizarrely satisfying endeavor - reading, reviewing, or anything else is _super _appreciated.

Enjoy!

* * *

It was the first day that Andy didn't go with April for her checkup, which was just another banal appointment where they'd both stare at a fuzzy black and white picture and nod when the doctor pointed at a small oval on the screen. They were supposed to be excited or something, but they usually just shrugged and went about their day as usual. Andy expected it to be another day of that and had accidentally scheduled a Johnny Karate gig at the same time as the appointment, but April didn't seem to care. So he went, played for a bunch of effervescent kindergarteners, and packed away his gear to go home. It was just a regular day, filled with the things in any other day – Andy spilled coffee on himself in the morning, a kid stuck a booger on one of his guitars, and April was probably at work not doing anything.

Thinking to himself how obviously ordinary and awesome the day would be, Andy was a little surprised to be pulling up next to April's car in the driveway. She probably just took the day off, he decided. Inside the house there wasn't any sound, so he assumed April just went back to sleep and Andy walked into the kitchen to finish off whatever take-out leftovers were stashed in the fridge. Before he could get there, however, he was confronted by April sitting at the small table in the kitchen, playing with a spoon in a cup idly and looking downcast.

"Hey, babe…" Andy tried, "get out of work early?"

April didn't say anything and instead stopped the circular motion with the spoon, standing up and walking over to him. Silently she moved her arms under his, put her head against his chest, and stood there hugging him. Unsure, he returned the hug and sat in the unusual position for a while. It had to have been a long time because Andy could feel his arms stiffen and his legs get sweaty from being stuck together and next to April for so long.

Detaching himself from her, he looked down trying to gauge the situation.

"What's wrong?" Andy asked, trying to meet her eyes. "You look super pissed. Did the new guy do something stupid again?"

"I'm not pissed," she answered quietly.

"Cool, then I'm gonna go sleep," Andy said, turning around and ready to move before he heard a sharp scoff behind him. "Or I won't, that's cool too."

"Can we sit down," April didn't let him answer, going into the living room and sitting up on the couch with her knees brought to her chest.

Andy followed, sitting next to her. If someone pointed a gun at his head and told him he had to figure out what was bothering April or he'd die, Andy figured there was a ninety-nine percent chance he'd be missing his head. Normally her general mood was uncaring or apathetic, but this was distant. April was never _absent _– she liked being there to catch people's mistakes and make fun of them, or suggest an outrageous idea on the incredibly off chance that someone would approve it.

"So…" Andy started.

"Andy you know what a miscarriage is, right?" April asked, staring at her hands. "You did read that far in one of the books, didn't you?"

"I think, isn't that, like, when the baby-" Andy struggled for the definition in his head, until April's look – _that _look, the one where she had to tighten her lips and look everywhere but at him – told him enough.

"The doctor said it's pretty common in the first trimester," she explained, rubbing her shins as some sort of activity to keep her brain from focusing on the words she said. "And that we won't really know what caused it for a while, or something."

Andy didn't know what to say that could have made it any better, and in fact he was pretty sure that anything he said would probably make everything worse, so he simply sat there with his arm slumped over her back. They were quiet for a while like that, and Andy didn't realize the importance of what she was saying for most of that – their kid was just _gone_. It had been so exciting and Andy was so ready to be a dad, but now he simply _wasn't _going to be.

"I guess it's, like, the universe telling us something," April put her head on his shoulder while she spoke. "It's telling me I'm not supposed to be a mom, I think."

"Oh come on, that's dumb," Andy chided her, trying to ease the tension in her shoulders with his other hand, "you'll be an awesome mom."

"Andy, a baby literally died in me. That's messed up," she explained, pulling away from him and looking a little offended, "and I think I was right. I'm so not capable of being a mother."

"You just said that we don't know why it happened," he countered.

"We don't _know _but I know, okay?" she said, but Andy didn't know – he was just super confused. "I knew it: I knew it wasn't going to work."

Andy tried to think of any different way that she'd know this, and when the most logical seemed to be that she'd been pregnant before he just pushed that into some dark corner of his brain where he'd burn it from sight forever. They sat like that for another brief moment, the two of them quiet. He wasn't equipped to handle this situation and Andy was afraid of them getting into an argument over it.

"Look, we can try again and, and…" Andy stuttered, not sure what he was supposed to say, "and that's the best we can do, I guess."

"What if I don't want to try again?" she asked in a small voice.

"Then… that's cool," he finally said, disheartened at the news. "It's not like I can make you have a baby."

"Really? Just like that, no kid?" April asked, "I thought it was on your bucket list or whatever that thing is anymore."

"I mean it sucks, but…" Andy trailed off, scratching his beard before finishing, "and I want you to know that you'd be a better mom than that Mother Theresa lady-"

"That's not-"

"We'd be the best parents, like, ever and I want that for us," he didn't let her interrupt his sentence, continuing unabated. "But if I have to, I'd rather be married to you with no kids than have kids with someone else."

Andy didn't like saying it and part of him wished she would change her mind on the spot, but when April gave him a brief smile and she stood up he figured it would have to do.

* * *

It had been another couple of months before people started asking her questions, wondering why she wasn't showing at least a little bit, and April dreaded telling anyone about the miscarriage. Andy nearly had a heart attack keeping the secret, but as far as April was aware he was keeping things under wraps for her. She had already hated herself when she saw a little disappointment in Andy's face in the morning, and now she was sitting with Leslie over lunch, getting ready to explain why her belly was still the same old same old.

"Leslie," April started, catching her when she bit into a waffle, "I need you to not freak out, and not tell _anyone _what I'm about to say."

"Okay," Leslie answered slowly, putting the mound of whipped cream back down, "so let's talk. What's up?"

"It's about the baby," she moved her hands in a circle around her stomach, unsure what else to do with her hands.

"Oh yeah, how's that coming along? Ron's almost done with the crib," Leslie was already too excited, and April couldn't stop her without just spitting it out, "and Ben already started a futures expense report on what you guys should look forward to money-"

"Leslie there's no baby," she said quickly. "I had a miscarriage two months ago, so let's just eat after having learned that and move on with our day."

There was a second where Leslie thought April was joking, because of course she would joke about something like that, but when April returned to her food and silently jabbed at a few pieces on her plate, she made a weird sound. Reaching out she grabbed April's unwilling hand and held it in one of hers. Still, neither of them actually said anything. April just wanted to leave and pretend that none of this was happening – she really didn't want to relive this conversation.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Leslie asked.

"Because I didn't want to?" April pulled her hand away and went back to her food. "Besides, it's fine. You're the one who said we weren't ready to be parents anyways, so it works out for everyone."

"Oh, stop it," she returned, clearly offended by the last remark, "I didn't mean you weren't ready to be parents, I meant… you weren't-"

"Ready to be parents? Yeah, that's what I remember," April interrupted. "It's fine Leslie, we're already over it. Andy and I already had a big talk about it, and we're just gonna not have kids or whatever."

Leslie made a 'tut' noise and bit her lip, concentrating on something. That was never good when April had already decided on something, since that meant more arguments were coming.

"But you guys were so happy to be parents," Leslie finally said, pulling a small album out of her purse. "See, Andy's in the middle of jumping over the permits counter here and you're actually smiling in a picture. Without giving it the finger."

"Why do you have that in your purse?" April asked, a little frightened.

"Doesn't everyone keep their one hundred most important memories in a photo album on them at all times?" Leslie sounded sincere.

"No, they usually just have a phone…" April was staring at the picture and Andy vaulting over the low counter, a dumb grin plastered on his face from ear to ear.

There were days she thought about reversing her decision, a couple nights they had sex she wondered if she shouldn't have taken any pills or let him even use a condom, but April always fought against it in her head. It was clear to her that day when she got the news that her body wasn't fit to house a child – she wasn't fit to be a mother in the purest, physical sense and that made sense to her. Then Andy came into the picture and made her doubt that altogether, nearly scrubbing it away over a few months but then she remembered the feeling on that day – an empty feeling in her chest and a sagging weight in the back of her mind, barely wanting to get out of bed the next day, and making Andy promise never to have kids with her.

"April, I'm sure you haven't thought this through," Leslie interrupted her, pulling the album away from her, "but I can't tell you what to do on this one."

"No, you can't," April bit her lip and wondered.

"I'm sorry, I won't bring this up with anyone," Leslie made a motion with her hands like she was closing a zipper on her mouth. "Secret's safe with me."

They ate without saying anything else, quietly finishing their food and returning to City Hall where April left her to go to the Parks offices herself. No matter what she tried, she couldn't that image of enthusiastic Andy leaping over that counter out of her mind. He was so pumped up by the news that day, and she was pretty sure he never simmered down for another month – every day high-fiving April before they went to work and trying his best to read the book that Leslie had forced onto them. They had both worked so hard, and were ready to work even harder for the kid when it finally dropped out of her.

She just couldn't get one image out of her head: Andy holding a baby in his arms and looking like his face would split in half from the smile.

* * *

The days gliding on by after that were strange to Andy. April was acting weird around him again, like something was bothering her, but he usually let it boil over before asking her about it – he usually had the thought to talk with her earlier and realized he was oftentimes too lazy or bored by the prospect of what they would talk about. After their talk some months before Andy had taken out his bucket list and marked off his wish about having a son, chalking that up to a lost cause. He believed what he said – they'd have a great life together just the two of them, so maybe having a kid would just ruin it for them.

He expressed that thought and was met with a begrudged agreement from April, who looked a little disappointed when he said that. If anything else was confusing to him in their life, that was an absolutely mystifying response to something they'd agreed upon already. He was just trying to sweeten the deal for her and it surprised him to get some amount of backlash.

These thoughts were running through his head when April asked him to sit down for something important. It was going to be another one of _those _talks, he thought, and Andy didn't want to have any misconceptions about where the conversation would inevitably end up.

"Andy, you know how we talked about not doing this… kid thing?" April asked.

"Yep," he replied shortly.

"Okay, how do you feel about that?" she continued. "Like, is that cool with you? Are you rethinking it, like, at all?"

"Nope, still not… into it," he put on the same fake smile when he finished.

"Right," April nodded, "so you're not, like, lying to me to try and make me happy? You really don't want a son so you can show him how to throw the perfect spiral?"

Andy thought about the list and checking off both of those things prematurely. He'd be lying if he said otherwise, but he also didn't want April to feel bad about the decision they'd made. So he stuck to his guns.

"No lies here," he turned around, "no regret whatsoever."

"Well what if I said I wanted to try again?" April said from behind him and, for a second there, he was sure his heart wasn't going to slow down from the adrenaline rush. "What would you say then?"

"Is this a test?" Andy spun back around quickly, making himself dizzy and requiring him to use the counter to stabilize himself, "like is this another one of those hypodermicals?"

"Hypothetical?"

"Yes, that," he nodded, pushing himself off the counter. "This is one of those isn't it?"

April shook her head quietly, crossing her arms. He didn't know whether that was the angry shake of disbelief or if that was supposed to be answer, so Andy continued standing there. It took a few awkward seconds of silence before she spoke up.

"No, it's not," April said, "I'm serious."

"Yes… I mean, no! I mean, uh, what made you change your mind?" Andy was perplexed, sentences spilling out haphazardly. "Yeah, I thought we were just gonna go back to the creepy twins plan."

"Well, I talked to Leslie… or I guess I didn't, I just looked at her weird obsessive photography collection," April shook her head before continuing. "Anyway, I guess we can try at least. Like, I think we'd be awesome as parents and we don't want to take that away from someone, or something."

"So, this is real? You're cool with it again?" Andy cautiously walked forwards, looking around the kitchen for something to give away her ruse.

"Yes it's real, Andy," she said, biting back a smile. "Plus I want to see how ugly our baby will be."

"Oh it's gonna be so gross," Andy said absentmindedly, looking into April's eyes as she nodded. "And yeah, let's go make a baby."

He grabbed her hand and dragged her across the kitchen. She started a protest, but he was way too big for her to actually break away from.

"Right now, seriously?" April shouted after him. "I mean, I'm game but-"

"But what? No thinking, just sex," he looked to her over his shoulder. Repeating slowly, he said, "No thinking-"

"Just sex," April finished, grinning. "And then a baby."

"Yeah, but the important part is that we didn't think," Andy picked her up when they made it to the bedroom, pushing her up against the wall so he didn't have to support her the entire time himself. "I hate that part."

"The worst," she mumbled, skimming his neck with her lips for a second before Andy couldn't remember which direction was which or why he wasn't wearing any pants anymore.


	11. Movies and Booze

**A/N: **Super short fluff - made me reconsider my rating and decided it could be bumped up a notch. Nothing explicit, if that's not for you, but things have been getting a bit less PG for a while. Thanks for any feedback or requesting (which you can totally do just about anywhere)!

Enjoy.

* * *

Movie night had become sort of a thing for the two of them, and Andy certainly wasn't complaining – he was literally broke. Even so, he never understood half of the movies April picked out. Some because they were just in a completely different language and the rest just went over his head most of the time. Whenever he saw the little envelope with that weird art house video store's logo on it he died a little inside, especially when it was something like _Nosferatu _(it was basically a silent, boring _Dracula _and if there's no Keanu Reeves then who cares?) but he did get excited when he saw something called _Public Enemy _until he realized there was no Chuck D to be found anywhere in the movie.

That night it was Andy's pick though, and it was his turn to subject April to something awesome. The last few attempts at showing her his favorite movies ever all fell flat. Andy had never seen someone hate so many Steven Seagal movies in his entire life; it was baffling to him that she didn't even react at all to the montages in _Hard to Kill_. It was criminal as far as he was concerned.

"All right Andy," April sat down next to him, crossing her legs on the couch and picking up a bag of assorted candy Andy stole from a convenience store, "if this is terrible I'm revoking your movie picking rights."

"Dude, if you don't like this then... you're probably the worst," Andy finished. "I mean, who doesn't like _Airplane!_?"

"Wouldn't know, never saw it," April picked out a round candy that looked like a gumball and hoped for the best when she put it in her mouth.

"You've seen _Das Boot _and not this?" he asked, incredulous. She only shrugged.

Andy usually didn't remember the names of the weird foreign stuff she made him watch, but that one – that stupid sub movie – was the most soul-sucking experience he'd ever had to endure. Most of the images in that film just blurred past him, somehow making every passing second longer than the last and turning his brain into mush. April hadn't even wanted to make out while something stupid like depressurization happened on screen, so Andy was forced to eat copious amounts of Milk Duds or go insane.

Over the entire runtime of the movie, Andy was pretty sure he only caught her laughing once and it was at the jive-talking. The increasingly excessive drug habits of Lloyd Bridges, though? Not a chuckle. He even wondered if she could laugh at all when the Kareem Abdul-Jabbar jokes seemed to go completely untouched.

"Is it weird that you're dating someone older than you?" Andy asked in the middle of the finale, sure that April wanted to do anything other than keep watching it.

"Is it weird that _you're _dating someone younger than you?" she retorted, pulling apart what looked like a gummy worm. "It's not like you're one hundred or something."

"Yeah, but you like all this weird stuff that I've never heard of," he scratched his beard and continued, "but it's cool stuff, and I-"

"Andy it's fine, I hate those dumb action movies so you can hate the dumb stuff I like," April interrupted.

"Really?" he asked, sincerely hoping she was being serious. "I mean it's not dumb if you like it, right?"

"No, it's probably pretty stupid," she finished chewing something and continued. "If we had to like every single thing the other person liked, don't you think you'd go nuts? I mean, if I had to like Dave Matthews Band-"

"Which you do, because they're awesome," Andy corrected her.

"Sure, whatever," April conceded, not wanting to go down that road again, "but I don't think we're supposed to be into all the same stuff."

"Yeah, that sounds boring," he admitted, taking one of the chocolate bars out of the brown bag of stolen goodies.

They were silent for a little while until April left to grab something out of her kitchen. Andy wasn't sure where his original question came from, but it did make him wonder: was it weird that he was dating someone who was almost a decade younger than he was? When they hung out it didn't seem to matter but every time they tried to sneak into a bar or when a cultural divide like something as simple as movies came up it made him wonder how creepy he was being.

"Dude," April interrupted him, wide-eyed and carrying a fancy looking bottle of some dark liquid, "my parents left and they forgot to take the keys to the liquor cabinet again. My sister didn't even take everything either."

"Score!" he shouted, forgetting whatever stupid thing he was thinking about as April sat down, opening the glass bottle that just looked more expensive than almost everything Andy owned.

They took turns taking swigs straight from the crystal enclosed whiskey and soon Andy's head was feeling, of all things, sort of itchy and spinning. He loved this part of being drunk and especially when he tried to stand up, falling over and usually breaking most things in a seven or eight-foot radius. However, he was preoccupied with a flushed looking April grinding against him and kissing him with warm lips. If it ever happened with Burly Andy would never sleep a solid night again in his life, but this was _pretty _cool.

April was definitely into it, her thin pajama pants giving Andy the gist of her feelings each time she smashed her hips against his groin. Normally this would be the part where he stopped thinking, but Andy kept thinking a bunch of dumb, weird thoughts and found he was voicing them before long.

"You're… uhh, you sure you wanna do this?" he blurted out.

Andy's head exploded a little when he heard himself saying that – why, why, why would you ask that? – and he wanted to just stop _thinking_. It was so stupid and it was hard to do a lot of the time, usually getting in the way of things. Things like April unzipping his pants.

"No Andy, this is clearly you sexually assaulting me. I should call it in, in fact," she slurred.

"You're drunk," Andy returned, trying to ignore her hand. "I mean, I uhh… hm, I don't know."

"So stop talking," April said, catching his eyes through her eyelashes.

"I mean, you- you…" Andy was completely gone in her hands, but he was still trying to form sentences with all of his will, "you done this before?"

"I'm twenty, not five," she said, and Andy should have told her to stop there because now his brain was going strange places. "Are you going to keep talking? This is hard when you're drunk, it's, heh, hard when you're-"

"Good one," he groaned, laughing along with her and wondering how someone half his size had this much tolerance for so much strong booze.

Then another thought popped into his head – he was thirteen when she was five, and this would have been mega gross then. Andy didn't want to think about it, but he literally couldn't stop that image running through his head and had to jump off of the couch, pulling his pants back up. April gave him a surprised look, or what should have been surprised but passed over into the weird drunken slurry of expressions no one sober or sane can really identify.

"You okay, man? You're acting really weird," she said, laying across the couch and staring intently at him.

"I dunno, it's just…" Andy had moved to a chair in the room to avoid having to stand up for a little while.

"Are you really weirded out by this?" April propped her head up on an elbow, giving him another confused look. "Or is it something else…?"

"No… I mean, I don't know. I really, ugh…" Andy was at a loss for words, truly unsure of what he was supposed to be thinking when his admittedly hot girlfriend was the one waiting for _him_.

"Is it because of the age thing?" she sat up, apparently sobering from the conversation. "Is it really that weird to date me?"

"Well, yeah but no!" he shouted quickly when she looked a little defeated by his original sentiment. "Yeah it feels weird sometimes, and I'm not sure why… I dunno, should it be weird?"

"No, you're a dude this should be, like, awesome to you," she said. "Besides, who cares?"

Now that was a pretty good argument and Andy's sloshed brain couldn't figure out an answer. He shrugged, stepping back over to her and laying across her on the couch, trying not to crush her by just laying down and on her. April's answer of biting her lip and wrapping her legs around his waist made Andy forget _literally _everything that he'd ever known for a second because he was pretty sure he was going to burst from the friction in that brief moment.

"Do you, like, wanna-"

"Bedroom?" she interrupted.

"Too much time," he said, unbuttoning her shirt with hands suddenly losing any and all dexterity.

"Too many stairs," she agreed, shimmying the rest of the way out of her pants.

Andy didn't really think of much else that night. He was too busy remarking how awesome movie night was, at least for a little while because there weren't that many thoughts going through his head.


	12. Video

**A/N: **Mega short, I know! However, I had a fun idea that's more of an outside-looking-in approach to Andy/April. Also, this is probably one of the only times I'll include the doc crew because I just don't like writing in this style that often. Kind of like a little missing moment between the end of 3x09 and the after-credits scene of the episode.

Remember, you can always PM me or drop an ask on tumblr if you have an idea, request, or (and especially) if you have _any _feedback. Positive, negative, doesn't matter. Hit me!

Enjoy.

* * *

April was staring at an email from Leslie and the little attachment icon next to it. They were only a day into their 'honeymoon' when she started getting emails every single day asking questions ranging from work-related to excited jumbles of consonants. She loved Leslie, but there were days when that was tested to the extreme. She clicked open the attachment and smiled when it brought up her video player, and the email just had one little phrase:

_Cut footage_

* * *

"If you ask me," Leslie said, looking into the camera, "this is the dumbest thing these two could have done. I mean, this is one of the biggest decisions they could ever make and they did it all on a whim."

She took a moment to take a drink from the cup in her hand, and behind her the sounds of a party continued. The lighting was such that you couldn't really tell where she was being filmed save for the incredibly loud music, and the sounds of Tom yelling in the background, so it had to be the Snakehole. From off screen a voice started shouting.

"It's _so stupid_!" the voice of a thoroughly hammered Ben echoed through the hallway.

"But, I can't do anything about it and they're happy," Leslie slurred in response to the shout. "Besides, we all do stupid things sometimes…"

Leslie turned away, looking somewhere outside of the periphery of the camera. Following her look, it focused briefly on Ben in a corner before being shooed away by Leslie's hand and drunken ranting.

* * *

The cameraman was running now, recording the ground moving quickly as he ran down a street. A few seconds passed before he realized the camera was on, and the image goes black again.

* * *

Someone's standing in front of the camera, talking to Ron and discussing something. After a few seconds of nodding from Ron, the guy moves to go behind the camera and picks it up. He asks something that ends up being too muffled to hear properly through the crappy laptop speakers, but Ron speaks up.

"I don't care," he answered.

There's a beat between this blunt answer and a stifled laugh from the cameraman. He asks another question that sort of sounds like a collection of words but the acoustics of the room weren't helping him.

"No, I really don't give a shit," he said flatly. "That's it. They can do whatever they want – they're both adults. Marriage is for the young and stupid anyways."

The cameraman asks a question and for a split second it sounds like he mentions someone named Tammy. Ron immediately frowns and stands up, turning around and leaving the small room. There's another beat before the screen goes black again.

* * *

"What are you watching, babe?" Andy interrupted her, walking inside.

"Leslie sent me this dumb video," she nodded to the screen, moving over on the small sofa to accommodate him, "and so far it's just people talking. It's kinda boring."

As she said that the camera came back to life and revealed another person sitting down. April groaned at the sight of Ann looking like she was actually excited to answer whatever stupid questions the crew had for her.

* * *

This time the audio from the crew seemed to be audible. Ann sat at attention on a stool and from the ambient noise it was clear that Ann was being interviewed just moments after Leslie. Throughout the exchange, cutting through the quieting club and the question and answer Leslie was shouting and laughing.

"So," a quiet voice asked from off screen, "Andy and April? What're your thoughts on it?"

Ann's only response at first is to shrug, and the cameraman laughs. She flashes him a brief smile before straightening her back and coughing. Resuming her previous calm she quickly starts speaking again.

"Well, in a weird way it's kind of perf-"

* * *

April doesn't let Ann finish what she's saying before the video is muted.

"Oh come on, that sounded nice," Andy complained, moving to go return the volume to normal before April grabbed his hand.

"Exactly," she said slowly, "and the last thing I want is Ann being _nice _to us."

For a second April thought she was going to vomit when she had to fight her way through the word 'nice' in any relation to that she-witch. Andy bit his lip but sat back in the couch, watching Ann mouth something excitedly before getting up to go towards the direction of where Leslie's voice originally came from in the beginning of the clip. Another brief moment of nothing on the screen and Tom's face appeared suddenly in the center of the shot.

* * *

"I'd never get married again," he explained to the camera.

"Because the first time was already too hard," a sympathetic voice said from behind the camera. "Right?"

"No, because next time someone divorces me they might actually want my money," he gave the camera an incredulous look before turning around and leaving. A muffled groan of disappointment came out of the cameraman before the video went black and a few muttered curses sent the clip out.

Afterwards, a short message scrolled across the screen:

_There was supposed to be more footage here but then we had to interview Jerry._

_We tried, but I'm pretty sure Jim fell asleep while he was talking so for a lot of the time the camera was pointed at the floor. Jerry didn't seem to notice, so he kept talking. None of it was important anyways, so we cut all of it then burned that SD card as per request._

* * *

"Oh God, can you imagine what he had to say?" Andy laughed.

"I don't want to," she replied, scrubbing through the runtime before finding another actual interview. "I'm sure it'd scar me for life."

Andy laughed again and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before turning back to watch the video.

* * *

The camera pans up to see Chris jogging in place, pumping his hands as if he were actually running. The cameraman takes a few steps to get Chris in the shot without having to wobble around after it was clear that there was no way to get him to stop moving. After finding the right angle, he gives Chris a countdown before starting.

"What do you know about April and Andy?" the voice asks, "and what do you think of them getting married."

"Oh, they are quite possibly the best people I have ever met," he answered, huffing out his words with each exhale. "It was _literally _the most beautiful thing I'll ever see in my life, and I'm sure they'll make each other happy."

The cameraman grunts in agreement, sticking to the shot for a few more seconds before realizing that's all the man had to say. Beat, then black again.

* * *

"That man terrifies me," April admitted, closing the video player and her laptop.

"Is that it?" Andy asked, looking a little disappointed. "Was that all there was?"

"I dunno, but I'm going to go find somewhere nice and flat to lay down," she said slowly while standing up, turning around and setting the laptop down very pointedly on the table across from him. "You can join me… or you can email Leslie."

There wasn't any discussion unless you considered Andy grunting and jumping up, grabbing April and picking her up a discussion.


	13. Broken Noses and The Flu

**A/N: **So it's starting to become the norm for slightly later post-days but that should be fine (I hope). Anyways, this is a short bit of fluffy fun that I got in as a request on tumblr as "April and Andy take care of each other." Remember, you can always talk to me in reviews, PM's, but probably the easiest would be on tumblr.

Either way, enjoy!

* * *

"So do I just put the cold thing on your face or what?" Andy asked, tossing a small blue bag between his hands.

"I have a headache," April gave him a look and he set the compress on the kitchen counter. "That's for if I break my leg or something. Where'd you get it anyways?"

"I've got like three boxes of these," he explained, moving over to the couch and sitting down, "for when, y'know, I fall down and hurt myself."

April shook her head and sat back in the couch, rubbing her temples. That didn't seem to be helping but she always saw people doing that when they said they had headaches, so in the end all that did was tell April people were still full of shit. Andy moved again, bouncing on his feet as he bounded up off the couch.

"So, what do you want me to do?" he asked, smacking his hands together. "There's some bottles in the bathroom with pills in them that Burly says I'm not allowed to eat. Maybe those are good for headaches?"

"Something tells me no," she groaned. "I don't even know man, my eyes feel like they're on fire and I just want to sleep."

"Oooh, what about a massage?"

"Like, on my head?" April scrunched up her nose in confusion and shook her head. "No, that sounds weird."

"Yeah, you're right," he said seriously, scratching his face in contemplation. "I could play that weird music you like really loud – wait, no that's the opposite of what we want… right?"

April nodded slowly, hoping that the minimum amount of movement would get her idea across without her having to talk anymore. Blinking rapidly seemed to be helping a little bit but when Andy looked at her like she was about to sprout wings and fly away she stopped.

"Well, I'm fresh outta ideas babe," he slumped down next to her and threw an arm over her shoulder.

Andy's arm made the perfect spot for the back of her neck to nestle into, so April just dug backwards with her body until she was properly smashed up to Andy. Lolling her head back and blinking a few times, April already felt a little bit of pressure receding from her head. Pushing her head forward again she moved over to lay across one half of the couch and rest on Andy's side and shoulder.

"No, this seems pretty good," she mumbled into his shirt as she tried to ignore the lances of pain in her eyeballs.

* * *

April had never heard a grown man complain as much as Andy did, or at least when he had a broken nose. If it wasn't for his constant moaning she would have found his face covered in plaster hilarious, but when he kept pushing on his nose and crying out in pain she wanted to smack him.

"Ow, hey April… look at this!" he pushed at one of his nostrils causing a small crinkling noise to come from his nose. "Ow, God… that's so cool, right?"

"No Andy, ew stop," pulling her head away from him in mild disgust she pushed his hand aside. "You're gonna screw up your nose."

"Can that happen?" Andy asked, eyes going wide and hands stilled. "Can it get stuck, like my face?"

"Yep, that'll totally happen," she smirked. "If you keep doing that your nose will just… be stuck pointing the wrong way."

Immediately he dropped his hands to his side and April laughed a little. Sometimes he was so easy, she thought. He just joined in laughing, but still didn't move his hands at all from their position. April never made a concerted effort to make fun of him, unless she was incredibly mad at him then it was probably okay and mostly because he had no shame to speak of. Most times he got sick or hurt himself all she had to do was tell him something stupid like his face would stuck that way and he'd stop.

"Wait, so I could like break my nose and get a fake identity," he started, "and then, like, steal stuff and not get in trouble for it?"

April began a few sentences and stopping every time she got a few words in, not sure how to explain everything to him. Instead she just nodded.

"Does that mean we could get married as different people if you broke your nose?" he asked with a weird glint in his eyes.

"Maybe, but remember what I said Andy," she gave him a pointed look, expecting an answer.

"Yeah yeah, only when we do it and no closed fists," he nodded, smiling.

"Good job," April leaned over and kissed him, accidentally bumping into his nose resulting in another loudly voiced:

"Fuck!"

* * *

It was hard for Andy to think of his wife as anything but super hot, but if any situation were ripe for that it was hearing her hack up a lung into a toilet. He thought she'd just be immune to the flu from now on like he was, but Andy was apparently wrong. Very wrong if those noises were any indication.

"You okay in there?" he asked timidly.

"I've never puked this much in my life," she moaned in response. "How do you think I'm doing?"

He grimaced and walked back into the living room, sitting down and trying to block out the noises. Maybe he should get her some comfort food, like a pizza – but he shook that thought away remembering how well that went over the last time she was this sick. Andy never knew how to handle these situations other than sit on his hands and wait so he literally did that.

After a while she eventually came out of the bathroom looking even worse for wear than before going in. Turning around, she headed towards the bedroom where she would likely lie in bed for another day or two.

"Do you need anything?" he asked after her.

"The sweet release of death," she yelled without looking back.

"Okay, honey," Andy responded happily.

That usually meant he was supposed to leave her alone, so Andy left the house for practice. The last time he tried to help when she told him to scram just ended in anger and a few extra bruises. He was already an hour late, but hopefully Burly would understand. He did but they only had about twenty minutes before their scheduled time ended and the night shifts started, so Andy left quickly afterwards. Instead he spent the rest of the night drinking at the bar nearest the rehearsal space.

When he got back home, feet a little unsure and head totally bashed in from the alcohol, April was sitting on the couch and staring intently at the wall ahead of her.

"You… y'okay?" his speech was getting slurred as he sat down next to her.

"Fine," she answered. "Thanks for being cool about it."

"I… yep, you told me to go," he answered, nodding. "I'm a good husband."

"The best one," she answered, her head swaying back and forth seemingly without her consent, "like, ever."

"Aww, that's awe-"

He was going to say awesome or awesomesauce, at least that's what Andy thought the next day, but the thing about trying to accept compliments from your sick wife is that you want to try and avoid what he would begin to term as 'the blast radius.' It would take him a few cycles to get the smell out of his jacket and the stain was pretty much etched into their couch forever, but Andy knew that he at least did something right by ignoring April and drinking by himself.


	14. Inbetween

**A/N: **Long day! Had a cool successful audition for a band, then I got home and remembered I had yet to write something for today. Oops! Well, I hope you like another brief one-shot of stitched together missing moments and "thoughts" during some of my favorite April/Andy scenes. Remember that you can always talk to me on here or on tumblr if you have feedback, requests, or just want to bullshit!

Enjoy!

* * *

People weren't really April's thing, and she had decided early on in her life that she would stick to just messing with them perpetually, but every once and a while someone wouldn't be the absolute worst. Leslie wasn't a total nightmare despite being one of the cheeriest, hardest working people on the planet. Ron should have been her dad in an alternate universe where humanity died off and they were the last two people left, living off the land and fighting the mutated aftermath of whatever nuclear hellscape they were left in. She guessed that there were a few other people that didn't bother her so much, except Andy – she hated Andy for how confused he made her.

"Hey," he would say in the morning to her, casually.

"Oh yeah, hi," was all she'd say and April would suddenly be sitting in one of the chairs next to someone getting their shoes shined.

He liked to smile, something April regularly fought against, and he made an awful lot of dumb jokes that made April laugh more at him than them but that never seemed to faze him. Every once and a while he'd say something stupid about Ann and April would get a weird, rolling feeling in her stomach that felt like an early warning of diarrhea but really just felt like anger at Ann. Well, more anger.

"D'you think she'd take me back if I built her another house?" he'd ask her honestly. "I mean I'd have to learn a lot about how to build stuff, but it could work."

"Maybe," April would mumble. "Or you could just avoid the she-beast altogether, that'd be pretty cool too."

Then he would laugh again and April would find herself fighting back another smile. Usually that was her cue to leave, if only because the urge to smack him and kiss him was at the same time overwhelming and sickening. Sitting at her desk she could at least pretend to not do work to distract her from any thinking about the dumb shoeshine guy. It didn't matter anyway, she thought, since he was so fixated on gross, old Ann.

* * *

In the cloud of fumes, Andy couldn't really remember many conversations he had with people that came to get their shoes shined. Most of the time he didn't remember many times he talked to people anyways, but he did like it when April was there talking to him. It was weird since she seemed so young and weird, but she smiled and laughed at his jokes so that was pretty cool.

"Yo," she yelled from down the hall, holding up two greasy looking bags.

She walked up to him and gave him one of the bags and the smell of ground beef soaked in oil met his nose.

"Awesome, this is the best," he shouted, grabbing a burger with one hand and pushing the guy on the chair aside with the other as he sat down. "This is the only thing that gets rid of the headaches."

"Yeah, I know," she answered quietly, sitting down on the other chair and pulling something out of her bag.

"Oh, cool," Andy smiled at her, forgetting that he'd been chewing just before.

"Gross," April said, but instead of sneering at him like Ann always did she took a bite out of her burger and gave him the same half-masticated grin.

"Eww," he drew his head back and laughed, joined by April.

Yeah, she was pretty freaking cool. At least until she seemed to act all weird when he was talking about Ann, but that didn't make sense. Everyone loved Ann – she was awesome. But April was awesome too, and before long Andy would get another headache and wonder why he didn't just always talk to April.

* * *

April had never felt so defeated when Andy left her at the bar, a look on his face so pathetic and almost grossed out. Sneaking into bars was usually easy, but for some reason the guy had been a dick. For a second April was convinced that she was just angry at the guy for booting her out, but then the anger started getting mixed with some other weird, foreign emotion. It almost felt like she was a little… _sad_.

Sad? April didn't get _sad _over stupid dudes that stopped her from drinking, but she did feel a little broken that Andy had left her behind so easily. Betrayed – that was the word she walked away thinking. She felt betrayed by him, and felt a little better realizing that she could go to hating him.

Hating people was cool. Then, the next day, April sort of felt like crying and got even angrier at Andy.

* * *

_Too young, Dwyer_

Something was telling him to back off, to run away. But he wanted to stay and check out that cool bar April was talking about, and for a second Andy felt torn about what to do. He had to leave after that because the way she was looking at him like he was disappointed would have broken him on the spot, but Andy wasn't going to fall for it.

_Way too young_

He made up some dumb excuse and twisted around, pretending he didn't want to follow her to whatever sleaze bar was willing to accept them.

* * *

Something told him what he was doing was wrong. She was barely twenty-one and so much younger than him, or at least it seemed like an eternity of distance between them, but Andy had a hard time arguing with her when she was wearing that pinkish dress and looking at him expectantly. So he answered truthfully and if he wasn't sure that she'd already been drinking Andy would be damned if her face didn't flush at his answer.

That dress didn't really leave his mind for the rest of the night, and April smiling shyly at him was such a rare event it was basically etched into his mind forever. He liked doing that – making her smile – because it made him feel like less of a creep about liking her a lot.

* * *

Andy's brain melted a little bit when April kissed him. All he had wanted to do was try and make her not leave, because if anything was going to make his life suck it was definitely that. Then she did that weird thing with her arms that Ann did all the time and hooked them behind him, and it felt like she was inching closer and closer to him. It was a pretty awesome feeling.

"So, uhh, yeah?" he asked stupidly when she finally disconnected their lips. "Like…"

"Seems like it could be pretty cool," she said in a small voice, her eyes staying focused on his. "Right?"

"The coolest," he answered, grabbing her waist again and going in for another kiss.

Andy couldn't really think of anything better than dating April. He could win the lottery the next day and get a bunch of money, but if he had to spend all the money by himself it would get boring pretty fast – after like ten years of buying whatever he wanted, at least. He did think about how cool it would be to play on stage with Eddie Vedder but then April's tongue was in his mouth and everything seemed sort of hazy.

* * *

"We got married," April breathed into his neck, barely able to catch her breath.

"Best… idea…" Andy wasn't doing much better in that department, "ever."

He finally heaved a sigh, feeling his legs go a little limp and April leave a small trail of kisses on his shoulder when he slumped beside her. He asked her not to take off that dress they got married in, at least not for a little while, and looking at it lying on the ground beside the mattress he was pretty happy with his decision.

"All right," April spoke, already rolling over on top of him.

"Round two?" he asked, feeling a little tired until the blankets drooped and fell off of her shoulders above him. "Whatever, fuck it."

"That's the idea," April said, flashing him a brief smile.


	15. Target Practice and Fake Halloween

**A/N: **I'm realizing how reliant I am on the alternating POV, so I guess I need to work on that? Anyways, I've got a few things locked up for the next few days so I thought I'd get a short one in before things start to get angsty. Remember you can always talk to me here or on tumblr if you've got feedback, requests, or just want to bullshit.

Hopefully it's as fun to read as it was to write!

* * *

Some days April wondered if she made a mistake, or lots of mistakes based on her life – married barely into her twenties, somehow managing to stay at a job she had no right to have kept this long, and regularly forgetting to cash checks. To anyone else, living on a mattress instead of an actual bed and eating out of used Frisbees instead of plates would seem like a nightmare become hauntingly real. Even worse, they would be strapped to an overgrown child that didn't seem to have any ambition other than being way into sex and crayons.

Good thing for her that those people sucked, because at the same time she was thinking about how she might have made a mistake her husband shouted out from behind the couch with a pot on his head. He looked around for her, but she was peeking out from the side of the kitchen counter waiting for the perfect moment to strike. It didn't take long for him to get too comfortable with the apparent safety of the situation, leaning over the arm of the couch even further until April flung the egg directly at him. Her aim was too good, pinging him directly in the makeshift helmet.

"Dead," April yelled from behind the counter, leaping up. "One shot, one kill. Game over, man."

Andy followed suit, standing up to meet her hard gaze. On that warm Saturday morning neither of them seemed particularly into the idea of getting dressed, both of them in their underwear and thin shirts. And pots and pans armor, because of course you needed that – there was a sort of correlation between the amount of stuff that had to be cleaned afterwards with the fun they had. April could barely see, the black pan they used about once a year for making a ton of pasta sliding over her eyes every once and a while. A wicked gleam was in Andy's eyes and April knew revealing her position was a bad move, but her reflexes weren't up to par with her aim.

The egg smashed on her chest, spreading the runny yolk over the white shirt and cracked shell all around the kitchen floor.

"Bert Macklin didn't get this far by playing fair," Andy grunted, pulling shades from _somewhere _and donning them. "Your move now, Ludgate."

April scoffed at him, the incredible image of a slightly overweight man in nothing but boxers and a pot on his head washing over her for a second before readying another egg. When she tossed it this time he managed to avoid it, letting the wall behind him take the brunt of the damage. Turning around, Andy sprinted for the bedroom. Bounding after him, April made a mad leap and landed on his back, wrapping arms around his neck trying not to slide off his back with the help of the egg yolk.

"You never thought I'd follow you this far, did you Macklin?" she whispered into his ear. "You can run, but you knew we'd find you eventually."

"No one's ever tracked me to my secret base in Pawnee," he sighed. "I hope you know what this means though - I can't let you leave… at least, not alive."

April shook her head but didn't have much time to come up with a witty retort before Andy had grabbed her arms and swung her around to the front of him. Instinctively wrapping her legs around his waist, she gave him the wry smile that he knew all too well. Laughing, he threw his shades off and walked the both of them the rest of the way to the bedroom.

Sure, April _wondered _a few times what her life would be like if she hadn't gotten married to Andy but that alternate reality sucked ass. She didn't think about how long the smell of rotting eggs would be in the living room either, because that alternate reality where she actually cleaned up after their regular games _also _sucked.

* * *

There was never a second when Andy thought that marrying April was anything other than the coolest. Every once and a while the closest thing that he'd ever even considered that was when April seemed like she hated doing all the boring adult stuff. The first time he actually paid one of the bills all she did was groan and sulk on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and watching _Courage the Cowardly Dog _reruns at four in the morning. Andy didn't know a lot about how he was supposed to _do _a relationship or whatever, but he felt really weird changing the way he did things. Partially because he was worried changing at all would change how much April was into him, which scared Andy to death nearly every day though he'd never admit it.

"Which one do you like more?" April was holding up a Halloween costume and a terribly patchwork sweater in the other hand at the department store. "I think this one could with more severed heads, but I'm not sure."

"Well, if you wore the slutty vampire thing I'm pretty sure you'd be wearing it for about ten seconds," he answered, scratching his jaw in deep consideration. "But… the sweater looks like something a crackhead would wear."

"So you're saying the second one," she nodded, throwing the crappy packaged costume on the floor and putting the gross sweater in the cart. "You're right, but I really think this could do with some extra bloodstains though."

"Yeah, they'd really bring out your eyes," Andy answered looking around for the next aisle to visit.

April smiled and went ahead, looking at a little notepad and checking out each aisle. Andy had the boring groceries list and April was in charge of the festivities for the party. Sure they had days where they paid bills and went to work, having boring adult weeks, but then they'd throw an early-Fall pre-Halloween Halloween party like that night. Every year they had two parties – one before and on Halloween, but the first one was mostly to appease April since they never invited anyone to those – and every year the same repetitious agonizing over how boring everything was turning would dissolve into a morass of cheap beer and even cheaper fake guts.

The mundane things didn't bother Andy, and he knew that April liked at least some of them, so he had assumed some of those duties. Tossing cartons of cereal and gallons of milk into the cart was his job, and then April would slide a crate of Miller in with the rest of the stuff along with anything she had managed to scrounge up from the sparse offerings in early September.

"Find anything cool?" Andy asked, fingers tapping the cart impatiently.

"They had all the same dumb stuff from last year," April said, looking a little downcast. "The caplets weren't even there this time. How will we have a party without fake blood?"

"Don't you have like a lifetime's supply in the closet?" he had seen the crates in there and, to be honest, he was a little frightened of asking her why she had them.

"I popped all of them in Jerry's car last week," she mumbled. "He left his keys on his desk, and I kinda got carried away."

"Awesome!" he exclaimed, putting stuff on the little belt as the cashier checked out item after item, staring with dead eyes at the scanner.

"No, not awesome – I wanted to fill the bathtub this year," April stood waiting for every bag, moving them into the cart when the frail looking teenager working that night finally got finished. "You know that Elizabeth Bathory is, like, my role model. I wanted to try it out with the fake stuff before I got too invested."

"You know that's just a legend," a timid voice coming from the cashier interrupted. "She just killed-"

"Oh my God, this is why we do self checkout," April yelled, grabbing the remaining bags and storming off with the cart in her off hand.

Later that night, after Andy had driven them around all of Pawnee looking for any dollar store or department store looking for massive stocks of fake blood, April finally gave in and just dressed up in the weird sweater which Andy was starting to think was just some homeless guy's shirt based on there being no tag and smelling badly of hard liquor. At first she just sat on the couch, scowling and drinking. Andy tried everything from telling her how creepy she looked to telling her how sexy she looked, but none of it was working.

In a fit of desperation he searched her closet in the bedroom, hoping to find something. Sadly, April had definitely used _all _of those capsules (there had to be hundreds, he thought) and literally filled Jerry's car with the stuff. Andy wished he could have been there to see that.

"Sorry, babe," he said, slumping down next to her on the couch. "This year's not-really-Halloween Halloween sucks."

"I just wanted to know what it felt like to bathe in blood," she said sadly, dropping her head onto Andy's shoulder. "Is that too much to ask for?"

"Nah, I'm sure it woulda been hot," he took a sip from his beer and heard her chuckle. "And yeah, you really did use all that stuff, there's nothing left in your closet."

"Oh you shoulda seen it, I thought Jerry was gonna have another heart attack," April laughed into her drink. "He was all, 'oh my God, I just had it reupholstered!'"

Andy snorted, laughing at the image of Jerry waving his hands and getting excitable over something so dumb. April put her beer down and resumed her position, maneuvering her head so that she was facing Andy's cheek and apparently waiting for him. When he turned his head she gave him a half-smile that he returned for a second before the whiff of the sweater was caught in his nostrils again.

"Thanks for trying," she said, giving him a short kiss. "You're the best, y'know that?"

"Love ya," he said, feeling that familiar mixture of pride and short burst of happiness in his chest.

Worrying was never Andy's strong suit anyways, and April seemed happy to be sitting at home drinking with him and watching terrible fake skeletons slowly illuminate in the dark. He figured that would have to do, since the next day meant doctors' appointments and more _adult _things.


	16. Trial and Error

**A/N: **So this is probably more on the 'lime' end of things, I guess? I dunno, it was fun to write. This was requested anonymously on tumblr. Remember that you can always talk to me if you've got feedback, requests, or just want to talk.

Enjoy!

* * *

The first time they tried messing around in City Hall, things didn't go so well. Andy was sitting at his stand, twiddling his thumbs and waiting for April to come over. Usually she wasn't this late, and he was starting to get a little bored of sitting around. Just when he started to get a little worried, over what he didn't know, she appeared next to him.

"Hey, I got an idea," she said, grabbing him by the apron and running down one of the halls.

"What's up?" he asked, following her lead.

"Trust me," she answered, flashing him a wry smile.

Andy didn't know what it could be, but before he could ask further she had dragged him into a small closet. There was one shelf space framed against the wall, covered in cleaning supplies and a bucket in the corner but not much else. Looking around, wondering what was supposed to be happening, Andy was about to voice his confusion when April brushed aside most of the stuff on one of the lower shelves and leapt onto it, legs swinging and giving Andy a look that told him he'd better cross the gap and quickly.

"This is a pretty cool idea," Andy admitted, sliding his hands down to her sides and feeling her buck slightly into him from her position.

"Yep," was all she said, leaning in for a deep kiss and hooking her legs around him.

It didn't matter what she was wearing, but in the heat she had opted for a skirt and while the fabric hiked around her waist Andy couldn't have been happier for her decision. They had barely even started, Andy coming to grips with the fact that he was seconds away from staring at a topless April when the door swung open.

Freezing, April stared wide-eyed at something behind Andy. Craning his neck a little to see, he nodded to the janitor looking at them with a blank stare. It was almost like this was a daily occurrence for him judging by the annoyed look in his eyes.

"Why is it always on my fuckin' shelf…" he grumbled, picking up a box of something and turning around, muttering to himself and slamming the door behind him.

Andy couldn't stop laughing, and the mood didn't seem like it was going to pick back up any time soon, so they quietly left the small room and went back to work. So much for a good idea, Andy complained to himself.

* * *

The second time went even worse, if Andy thought about it hard enough. He could probably rank the first five times pretty easily, and the second attempt ended with even worse results. A few days after their sojourn to the closet, something had seemed to grab hold of April – and definitely had Andy. Trying to finagle sex at either April's house or Burly's was proving to be an insane task, and both of them were just about done with that.

"No one ever goes up here anyways," April explained, pushing him down into a chair by a desk on the third floor.

It was a dilapidated, nearly in shambles ruin of a floor. Every few steps you could trip on a toolbox, run face-first into a failing light-fixture, or step on _something _stuck to the floor. Andy didn't want to know what those somethings were.

"But-"

"Andy, are you really about to argue?" April asked, crouching in front of him, silencing him immediately.

This time things didn't even _start_ because the moment she had said that a voice came from the hallway leading towards the stairs. Andy didn't have time to rearrange himself, trying to get his jeans all the way back on when he saw the small frame and blonde hair that signified Lelsie enter the room April had chosen. Behind her was a group of young looking children, and Andy was fumbling the pants-job.

"And this, is where Pawnee will be putting a new-" Leslie stopped short, turning around when some of the kids stared behind her.

The look on her face was almost matched by the confused looks on the children. April crossed her arms and stood up quickly, looking back and forth between Andy and Leslie. Andy panicked, pulling his jeans up and holding them in place as he ran out of the room. April followed suit, smacking his back and yelling. At the bottom of one of the stairwells, April looked a little shell shocked by the situation they had just escaped.

"Whatever, it's fine," Andy tried, but April gave him a look like he had just sprouted another head.

"Fine?" she said, "Andy, a bunch of kids almost saw me giving you a blowjob, that's less than awesome. I'm gonna hear from Leslie for weeks about this…"

"Yeah, that'll suck," he nodded and chuckled at his own pun.

Andy was pretty disappointed, but he figured they couldn't be interrupted _again_ right?

Right?

* * *

The next two times, they tried the fourth floor. April's sister, when she was around, had been haranguing them at her house and refused to leave the two of them alone so that basically nixed the April's house vector and she was pretty sure they'd get arrested in the Best Buy if they tried anything. So, without much of a choice, they headed to the fourth floor to find a secluded meth den or hobo's abandoned blankets to use.

It shouldn't have surprised Andy that when they did find somewhere that seemed relatively quiet and secluded, a short man rolled into the room, mumbling and taking swigs from a bottle. April jumped up from the desk and Andy stood up, wiping a hand across his mouth and shaking his head.

"Just here for the show," the old man grumbled, slumping into a chair. "I 'eard from Joe about you two."

April, who was still flushed from before the creepy old voyeur interrupted them, grabbed his bottle and walked out of the room. Andy followed suit, shrugging his shoulders when the man gave a hoarse yell. Running out of the room before he tried anything, Andy caught up to April and took the bottle from her.

Not willing to give up, and a little anxious, April pushed him into another hallway that seemed empty enough. Looking through a few windows she spotted an office space that was open and looked vacant for the time being. Shoving herself through the doorway, she grabbed Andy by the hand and led him over to the desk. Sitting on it, she none too gently grabbed his head and guided him back down to his knees.

"Hey, babe, I don't wanna alarm you, but-"

"Andy, if you stop I swear to God," she snarled.

Andy shrugged but pointed through one of the windows, where the same old man was staring intently through the sole window of the office. Clamping her legs shut, April returned his stare with an intensity that made Andy a little worried for the well being of that man.

Stomping her way out of the abandoned space, Andy followed and hoped that the old man wouldn't be there the next day. This was beginning to get really old.

* * *

April had enough, and she was proving a point. Leslie and Tom had left for a short meeting, and here she was rutting herself against Andy on her desk. It was getting tiring having to walk around her house and be followed by her sister, or have Andy's creepy drummer stare at her all the time. Four times they'd already been interrupted and she needed to blow off some steam, so here they were.

"I feel real weird about this," Andy said, looking around the room and at the closed blinds like they would spring open to reveal Jerry. "Leslie's super cool, but-"

"Andy, I'm going to have sex with my boyfriend," she panted, unbuckling his belt, "who happens to be you, and we're gonna do it on this desk, so you really need to stop talking."

"Trust me, I really," and he stopped to take a breath when the cold air hit his bare legs, "_really _want to do this, but couldn't we, like, go out on a lunch break? This is… weird."

April stopped moving, looking down at the papers she was sitting on. Sighing, she pushed Andy away from her and shook her head, face downcast.

"Well, we could… like," Andy shrugged his shoulders and continued, "we could, like, go somewhere else."

"We could break into Ann's house," April nodded.

"No, that sounds weird too," Andy frowned.

"You're right, I might get Ann-butt on me," she bit the inside of her cheek in contemplation. "We could find a super gross motel room."

"I'm broke," Andy said sheepishly.

"Who said we had to pay?" she grinned. "That shitty Pawnee Lodge or whatever doesn't even lock, like, half the rooms."

Andy smiled as he finished putting his belt back on. Grabbing her hand, he dashed out of the office with her in tow. Even if the doors were locked, at this point they'd figure it out. If they had to kick Burly out of his own house Andy was pretty sure that April would be capable of it and they could probably get Natalie out of the house if they _really _tried. Andy was so desperate he didn't even care what they did at that point, and neither did April.


	17. Waiting

**A/N: **So this is from an anonymous request on tumblr. It's a little angsty at first, a little dark and probably really melodramatic but hey - that's what I do. I hope you guys like it, but it'd be real awesome if I got feedback. I love feedback, it makes doing this every day so worth it. You can talk to me wherever, but on tumblr is probably your safest bet.

Enjoy!

* * *

Andy spends all day in that room, and some days he knows he should leave to get food or get a shower but he can't bring himself to do it. Everyone's so used to seeing energetic, excited Andy that they're taken aback when they talk to him. He can't blame them since half the time he can barely stand up, sitting by a hospital bed and holding onto a pale hand, hopeful.

That day had been a regular, normal day: Johnny Karate gigs, lunch break with April, and sitting around waiting for April to get home after work. Over lunch they talked about ordering a pizza and eating it naked in the living room, just like when they first dated. They had a great marriage, but that sounded more fun than anything they'd done in weeks. He got a little worried when she took a few minutes longer than usual to get home, but figured she'd call him if something popped up. When she didn't, and when April didn't answer and no one knew what was going on either, there was a sharp bite of anxiety in his chest that didn't want to go away.

He remembers reading the text from Leslie a few minutes later, taking in every word. The phrase _car crash _was just a collection of words to Andy before, and the idea of a coma was just something that had happens to people in those dumb Lifetime movies Ann always used to watch. Andy had been hit by three cars in his life and he was always fine – but April didn't walk away from this one with a broken arm. The entirety of the situation wasn't quite dawning on Andy since he was waiting for her to just wake up from a quick nap and go back home with a cast on or something.

They said head trauma and her heart were two of the problems and she wasn't getting air to her head or something. Andy memorizes most of the diagnosis on the first day they come up with it and asks a thousand questions about her. Andy recalls something about heart arrhythmia and oxygen, but a bunch of other large words are there too and for the life of him he can't breathe and remember them at the same time. He just knows that she's stable on the first night, so he goes home when they order him to and pretends he's going to be fine when Leslie and Ben ask him about it.

"How's she doing?" Leslie asks quietly, and Andy tries not to look her in the eyes because her voice is a shambles and Andy doesn't want to think about it.

"Fine," he croaks, not realizing how dried his throat is, "I mean, besides the part where she's in a coma she's fine."

Leslie gives him a hug and for a second Andy doesn't want to let go. There are other people there too, and they're all earnest when they talk to him, but Leslie just pats him on the back and gives him a warming kiss on the cheek. Andy smiles and thanks her, internally forcing himself to drive and stop shaking when his hands grip the steering wheel.

He's never felt like this before, and he doesn't know how to process any of the information from that day. Going home, it's just Champion there waiting for him. Together they watch some of those bad TV Land reruns April always liked, and Andy orders the pizza but can barely even get through two bites before putting it down. He falls asleep the first night hoping it was just a bad dream, scratching the back of Champion's ears and pretending he'll wake up to April's really awful morning breath burning his nostrils. He doesn't though, and waking up in the middle of the night he's suddenly hyperaware and wrapped in too many blankets. Something like that anxiety is back inside of Andy and he doesn't know how to handle it, but he's pretty sure his eyes are watering.

"Hey," he says, tapping Champion awake, "let's go outside."

The dog looks almost as tired as Andy feels, but the two of them get up and head outside in the frigid Pawnee night. It takes him about ten minutes to realize that Champion isn't going to do anything, but Andy still does a few circles around the block. His hands are gripping the leash too hard, knuckles mere millimeters from erupting through skin. The poor animal looks like he's freezing, giving Andy that look of sadness-near-disappointment and he takes a deep breath before heading back inside. Falling back into bed, Andy sleeps facing the wrong way just so he doesn't have to look at the other side of the bed that night.

He really doesn't want to believe it.

He cancels all of the Johnny Karate shows he has the next day, angering most of the mothers and fathers. Andy doesn't know what to do, since usually April would help him and they'd figure out a great solution together like partners in crime except the crime was to make a bunch of little kids happy. When he goes to visit April, she looks the same as the day before – almost like she's asleep but Andy knows she snores and she frequently falls asleep with her mouth half open. Instead April's just sort of _there_ and Andy doesn't know what to do other than sit down in one of the insanely uncomfortable chairs, rest his head on his palms, and sit there.

"Hey," he tries because he doesn't like the idea of it being so quiet in that room.

When she doesn't answer him, lying back in the cot with her eyes closed, Andy lets go. Soon he's holding her hand, hoping she'll return his grip and he's smiling and feeling something hot and warm trail down his face. Someone enters at some point and tells him she's lucky, because there's a good chance she'll recover. For an instant he's hopeful, but then they say it could be a few months at the very best before they see any signs of awareness.

Now, sitting in the room like he did nearly every day for the past three months, Andy thinks back on those words. Still nothing, and still Andy pretended he was fine. He was definitely fine living without his partner in crime while she sat nearing brain death in a hospital, and no one was going to eke anything else out of him.

"Hey Andy," it's Leslie with lunch, just like every day, "let's go out today?"

"Nah, I think I'll just eat here again Leslie," he answers, grabbing the bag from her hand and sitting back down.

"Okay," she says knowingly, leaving and closing the door.

Andy pretends the last few months haven't been a waking nightmare, telling himself that he can totally live without April even if it's _at best _a few months. That's what he tells himself and when he gets to that last bit he very nearly chokes on his food at the thought, forcing it down and remembering that the doctors are adamant about her chances. When he goes home at night, being forced out by the scolding nurses and cold PA's Andy tries to write songs to take his mind off things but all of them are super dreary sounding and he just wants to sleep afterwards. Tom insists he come down to the restaurant for free food – it was half off at first but Donna nearly strangled him when he said that – but Andy spends all his time inside or at the hospital. Sometimes he does Johnny Karate shows and at first he feels better seeing the little faces of those kids light up, but then he looks around for April who always claps for him and looks at him like she's just so _proud _to be with him. He can't find her in the crowd – neither her nor that look and smile – and then he remembers everything again. He usually doesn't go back to play for a few weeks after that.

Waiting for the good news every day, Andy sits in that room for another two months.

"Mr. Dwyer?" a very old doctor enters one day, someone whose name he doesn't really remember. "I've got some great news for you."

"Yeah?" he asks, knowing full well this is just another checkup.

"Well, we've seen some notable improvement," she flips open a metal clipboard and looks down. "I can't give you a hard date because – and I hate to be frank – it's still impossible to know, but there are signs indicative of heightened awareness."

Andy doesn't know what many of those words mean bunched up together the way they are, but he's learned what 'heightened awareness' means. It's minor, and it could just be a fluke because it's certainly happened before, but Andy feels his insides do a twist and he wants to run up and down the hall until she wakes up.

"Thanks," is all he says instead, nearly choking on the word.

He immediately texts Leslie the news, who just sends him one of those little punctuation smiley-faces, and he feels himself grin a little in response. Although the others tried to talk to him and none of them were remotely trying to gussy up their feelings, Leslie usually just sat with him and was there for him to talk to. She never asked for anything more and if Andy knew better he'd guess it was much for her as it was for him. On the second day back from the hospital he visited Leslie at City Hall, unsure of what to do with himself. She asked him if he wanted to go see something that always made her feel a little better and they spent a good hour sitting on the bench in front of one of the murals. Leslie was rubbing his back while he said a bunch of nonsense, but she just sat there and responded with knowing acknowledgments and agreements. He didn't feel much happier afterwards but to him Leslie felt like one of the few people he could confide in since he wasn't going to be telling all of this to Ron any time soon.

"H-Hey," he struggles to get out even though he's been told countless times she simply won't respond to him.

Putting the phone back in his pocket, he takes April's hand again and hopes that this is the part where she can react to physical sensation. He's smiling a little, feeling hopeful again even though he knows that the last time this happened and she relapsed he very nearly had a meltdown in the hospital. Even so he doesn't care because life is boring without April and if there's anything Andy is, it's hopeful.

* * *

It's another week, then more good news. At one point her eyelids flutter open and then close again quickly, causing Andy to shout at the top of his lungs. A nurse calls in a doctor and when Andy explains what happened he smiles and writes something down. A few days pass and Andy swears he sees her eyes move beneath their lids, but that's dismissed. Still, he knows that she looked at him when he talked to her.

Johnny Karate makes a triumphant return, doing six shows in one weekend and Andy manages to get through them thinking about the tiniest little movement he felt from April's fingers on that Friday. One of the mothers thanks him and asks if he can do a show for her sister's kids the next week, and Andy says of course. He's never felt better. At home he flops down on the couch and is joined by Champion.

"Hey bud," he scratches the dog's ears and talks to him in an excited tone, "mom's gonna be home soon."

The dog perks his ears a little, and Andy nods vigorously in response. April tells him that the dog can't really understand what they're saying, but he knows Champion gets this since Andy wasn't the only one missing her. That night Andy shares a pizza with the dog, giving him a slice and watching him tear apart the crust on the floor, and Andy smiles to himself.

A few days pass and it happens.

Andy sits on the uncomfortable chair, telling jokes to April. She doesn't respond, and Andy knows she's still only bare at any level of conscious self-awareness, but he can't help himself. The doctors have been telling him it'll be any day and Andy is so impatient to talk to her again – to see that face when he finishes up a gig or her wide, dimply smile that she saves only for him – that he gets carried away with it. So carried away that he almost doesn't notice when April opens her eyes and looks around, almost frightened.

She takes a few heavy breaths and it's almost like she's hyperventilating (something Andy became a little too familiar with for the first few days), but then she calms down. Andy tries to say a few things to her but she doesn't respond, still looking over every detail of the room like she'd never seen a chair or windows before. When a doctor rushed in, Andy was starting to get scared that this was one of those situations he was warned about – all up and at 'em for a few seconds but not really "awake." The idea terrified him.

"Do you know where you are?" the doctor asks, looking directly into April's eyes.

She nods in response.

"Can you answer with a yes, please?"

"Yes," she manages to squeak out, and in that instant Andy feels like he could move a mountain with his bare hands.

"Good," he says, smiling before making her follow his finger with her eyes. "Now, do you know who I am?"

"A doctor," she says slowly, and Andy hears the sweetest thing in her voice – budding annoyance.

"Do you know who he is?" without looking the doctor points to Andy.

For a second Andy remembers that sometimes people forget things when they go into comas, or at least that's what Ann's dumb movies always said, and the doctors had told him she could have very acute memory loss for a few minutes. They said depending on that, they could gauge her recovery. When April turned to look at Andy, he thought his ribs were going to shatter from his erratic breathing. He smiles to her and a grin splits across her face, and Andy could only think of that proud look and he almost passed out.

"Yeah, I know Andy," she says and Andy makes a noise he didn't know was possible.

They don't let her leave for a while, but Andy doesn't care because she's talking to him and asking him a bunch of questions. She's not vibrant or anything, but when has she ever been, and she seems like sometimes she's going to just fall asleep but again he doesn't really care. April's sitting up in the bed and asking questions, laughing at his jokes, and smiling. Another several days pass like this, just the two of them, before April's finally given the okay to go home. Before they leave Andy lets people know that April's doing fine and he makes sure to add ten thousand of those little smiling emotes in his group text.

Waiting in the room for their ride – Leslie – to show up, she asks him how things have been going and he lies better than he thinks he ever could because the last thing she needs to know is how miserable he's been. At first she smiles but then she asks how he's actually been, and Andy wants to break down – he wants to tell April that a few times he didn't know what he was supposed to do.

"It was hard, yeah," he admits finally, "but… I, I didn't know, y'know?"

"Some of the nurses told me you were in this room, like, a _lot_," she puts so much emphasis on that word and smiles in sequence with it that Andy gets a little embarrassed and just chuckles.

"Okay, it was really hard," he says, scratching the back of his neck. "Life sucks ass without you, y'know."

April doesn't really talk about it, mostly because Andy doesn't thinking to ask her what it was like for the past few months, and he doesn't care at all. Later in the day Leslie comes by, and Andy wants to crush her in his hug because he's so happy. He wanted to do the same with April but he something tells him to wait until they let her leave, so he gets by when Leslie runs in and starts spewing forth questions and looking like she's never been happier. Andy feels the same way and April looks like she's going to get tired just from Leslie's presence, but she still smiles and seems to be actually perking up.

"Okay, well I have to go but," Leslie walked over and gave April a short hug, "you are amazing and so is Andy and both of you are the greatest people I've ever met, and I-"

She was talking as she left the room, but Andy wasn't really paying attention to what she had to say. He was too busy looking at April like she was going to disappear any second and he needed to memorize every detail of her face. He tries to follow her eyes when she looks down and mumbles something, but can't quite recall what it was about when she gives him another wide smile.

"I'm super happy to talk to you again," he mutters.

"Yeah," she responds quickly, but they're interrupted by a doctor before they can say anything else.

Luckily for them April wouldn't have long-lasting disabilities or future issues if they went in for physical rehabilitation once a week. She nods in response to everything, and Andy doesn't know what he's supposed to do with everything broiling inside of him. Andy didn't even really pay attention to much of what the doctor was saying because all he could think about was taking April home and ordering that pizza.


	18. April and Ann

**A/N: **Wow, I almost missed today! I had a lot of stuff that needed done and when I went to write in my normally slotted chunk to work through these I couldn't figure out anything that felt right today. Thankfully I had a quick burst of inspiration. Not _quite _a shippy 'shot, but the current of April/Andy is there and I like writing Ann. Also, be sure to chuck me some feedback, requests, or whatever you want in whatever inbox you can find.

Enjoy!

* * *

If there was anything that April _really _truly loathed about her job, it was when Ann came to visit Leslie. On top of being overwhelmingly nice to her at times, April still had a deeply rooted hatred for the woman at causing her to be _jealous_ over Andy's affections. Jealousy wasn't even really the emotion, but April couldn't really figure out what to call the feeling of liking someone and having them make it seem like they didn't really care. It was so stupid, but April still resented her for that weird series of emotions despite being pretty certain that Andy didn't have eyes for anyone else. Luckily for April, Ann decided that the very day April was thinking about how much she actually didn't like Ann the nurse would talk to her.

"Hey April," she said, a little too happily and _ugh _April just wanted to find a pencil and drive into her stupid eyeballs, "Leslie said she's gonna be a few so I'll just wait here, okay?"

"Why don't you just meet her wherever you're going?" April asked, pleading and hoping that Ann would see the wisdom in her words and just leave her alone.

"She told me to wait here since we're just going to be-"

"Whatever," April interrupted and shrugged her off and looked back at her magazine, pretending she wouldn't have to be in Ann's presence much longer, "just don't talk and everything will go great."

There were a few minutes of beautiful silence where April thought that maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't have to talk to Ann for another day. Those were some pretty great days, she thought. However, that was only a pipedream when she heard Ann cough a little.

"I know you're still… upset," she started and April just stared at Donna's desk in the hopes that she would just stop talking, "about the whole thing with Andy and you and, um, me I guess. But you don't have to worry about that since he's not-"

"Oh my God, stop," April lamented, shaking her head. "I don't care what you think you have to apologize for, just please don't talk to me."

Ann quieted for a second and smiled awkwardly and April just wanted anything else than to be there in that moment. She was sure that Ann was only going to have something mushy and wishy washy to say about whatever it was she thought needed to be said and there was no way she could handle that level of _conversation_ with Ann. Pushing herself back into her chair, picking the flimsy magazine back up, and turning to a new random page, April put on her best concentrated face and hoped Ann would just disappear. Preferably from the planet but City Hall would also do.

It seemed that Ann had heeded her words for a little bit but then April started to feel a little weird about the silence and, as a consequence, got even angrier at Ann for making her feel something once again. As if noticing her annoyance the older woman spoke up.

"I know we're not friends and that's probably for the best," Ann started, nodding when April did the same, "but I think this should totally be out there – you don't have to worry about me and Andy."

"Wow thanks, Ann," April snorted, laughing at the idea.

"What's so funny?" Ann asked, crossing her arms and looking annoyed in her own right.

"That you think I have to _worry_," and April put a lot of emphasis on that word by waving her hands, "about you and Andy. That's a pretty good one Ann."

"Dude, you might be weirdly intimidating and scary but I think I know jealousy when I see it," and April took a deep breath because how the _fuck _did she know that, "and it's cool. It's actually pretty awesome you care about Andy that much to still be mad at me for… whatever you think happened. Y'know, it coulda been a 'what if' situation for the rest of your life or something."

April wanted to throttle her – she was kind of right. Sure she didn't think of things in that same way, especially not the whole what if thing because that made it sound like April was one of those gross girls in shitty epistolary literature, but underneath all of that there was a kernel of truth that April wanted to ignore with all of her being. She couldn't agree with Ann on something, especially when it put Ann in the dominating position.

"Yeah, that's obviously what it is," April folded up the magazine and laughed. "I'm sure all I'd be worrying about right now is how to get into the dumb shoeshine guy's pants. Oh wait, no that's not what I'd be thinking because I'm not an airhead like you, Ann."

"Okay then tough guy," she nodded knowingly and April never felt more infuriated in her life at such an innocuous motion, "but seriously, you make Andy really happy. I may not want to date him or even really be around him all that often anymore, but it's still cool to see _both _of you happy."

There was a second – a fleeting, disgusting microcosm of time – where April felt her lips twitch as if attempting to force a smile. No matter what, she had to keep straight faced. Then, without realizing it, April had a gnawing urge to say something to Ann and she would be willing to pay anyone anything in order to not say a word.

"Thanks," she whispered, hoping Ann wouldn't notice and she could get away with sort of saying something but not really.

"What's that?"

_Fuck._

"Nothing," April said hastily, trying to filter through thousands of pre-prepared insults but finding all of them wanting for the scenario. "I said nothing, I don't talk to hookers."

"I'm pretty sure you just said thanks," Ann giggled – _giggled _– and April wanted to figure out why she hadn't already run away from this banshee.

April stood up, looking down at the ground to avoid the attempts from Ann to catch her gaze.

"Whatever, you're not the worst I guess," and April started for the door quickly before Ann got any ideas about their exchange. "Oh God, I think I have to vomit."

Behind her Ann's laughter sounded like a demon's wail, taunting her in victory, but at the same time April did think about how awesome Andy was. That made the bile in her throat simmer down a little, and April wondered if she should be angrier at Ann or not. Deciding to figure it out later, she made her way to Andy's stand to see what he was doing.


	19. Amazing

**A/N: **So I had intended to finish writing something else to fulfill a different prompt, but then some anon left me a _ridiculously _cute prompt on tumblr. I took a little liberty with the nature of it, but I hope it turned out okay. Remember that if you get any ideas, or you have any sort of feedback, you can talk to me anywhere. I'm, like, totally friendly and stuff.

Enjoy!

* * *

Andy liked to think that he knows his wife better than almost anyone but he's never been able to do so well when she's sick. Sometimes April relished in staying home, laying in bed, and sat around watching TV and eating everything in the house she can get her hands on and other times it's like every time Andy talks to her he's the devil incarnate. There must be one of those weird instinct things in him because when she's sick he feels like trying a bunch of different stuff to make her feel better and at this point in his life it's all a crapshoot whether it works out or not. That day all she said was that she didn't feel like going to work, so she didn't. For all of her bluster April didn't miss a whole lot of work days despite whatever she'd say to the contrary, and Andy knew the look of that weird sick that almost looked like a hangover all too well.

The previous few weeks April had gotten sick a few days every week and never seemed to get better throughout the day. In fact, as the day wore on, April just seemed to get worse and stay in a constant state of grouchy discontent until the next morning. She had been a bit distant with Andy too, and that bothered him but he just chalked it up to something important at work and tried not to think too much about it. Usually when he over thought things all that came out of it was a lot of anxiety and a bunch of headaches, and Andy hated feeling like something bad was about to go down in their marriage. That day, April looked the same as she did the last few weeks – sort of pale, groggy, and refusing to get up for hours at an end.

"Okay, there's a bunch of pop tarts in the toaster and a bowl of chili in the microwave," Andy started, checking off things on his hand with a marker, "and I think there's still a can of soup… somewhere in here."

Somehow there was still food in the house, which would forever mystify Andy. They barely ate anything other than take-out or stuff they stole from the City Hall cafeterias and usually most of the stuff that was sitting around had to be at least a few weeks beyond edible. Even so, he didn't like just leaving without doing something and since April looked like she would scream if he talked to her for more than a few seconds Andy decided prepping some food was the best he could do.

"Ugh, that all sounds gross," she turned her nose up to his list but didn't say anything else on the subject.

"Well, I gotta go honey, so I uh… I'm gonna go do that," he leaned down and gave her a peck on the temple before starting to turn around.

He still felt awkward leaving her like that, but she was a grown woman (she had told him as much the last time he tried to be super helpful) and he was just going to get in her way – again – so Andy had to pretend he wasn't going to care about it all day. All he could do was make sure that there was a bunch of water bottles near the bed and a clear path to the bathroom.

"Andy, don't go," she moaned, her eyes still closed and her body all rolled up in every one of the blankets they had.

"I've got, like, two shows to do this morning, babe," he said, going back to quickly sit down on the bed and rub her shoulder. "I'll be home in a few hours."

"Who cares, screw Johnny Karate," she complained and grabbed his hand, pulling it into hers and tugging lightly.

"Babe, these are really paying a lot-"

"Fine," April interrupted, pushing Andy's hand away and curling up into a ball underneath the covers.

There was always something really effective about that play, about April getting the idea into her head that he just didn't care, and it always worked. Andy had never been able to beat that move and she knew it, and he knew how often she'd try it just to win an argument. Usually though April never put on as much of a show, so Andy took a deep breath and slipped off his shoes and the pants he was wearing.

Crawling into the bed beside her, Andy pulled her closer into him and wrapped his arms around her stomach. He felt her hands move back into his and Andy instinctively put his head on her shoulder to look at her. April and Andy wouldn't admit to it but, between the two of them, cuddling was pretty awesome. Andy liked the way April would sometimes grind a little against him, or smile when she felt him enfold her entire body in his, and April wasn't going to let anyone take that togetherness away from her for anything.

"So, what's the plan here," Andy whispered, resting against April and wondering what schemes they could cook up in total silence. "Do we uh… like, do it or watch TV and make out or-"

"No, this is good," she mumbled.

"Cool," was all Andy said.

Lying there, with April nestled right next to him Andy wondered how crazy some people could be. With that smile still stuck to her face, losing a few hours' worth of money wasn't at all a big deal to Andy. He had heard from so many of his friends and family that he should be ready for when the love sort of dies down in their marriage and be prepared for when he just hates April's guts, but Andy simply couldn't fathom that. It wasn't even that he thought he was different from anyone else in that way or that it was somehow going to be different for them – Andy literally couldn't comprehend not liking April and certainly didn't get the idea of not being insanely in love with her. It wasn't an uncertainty. It was an impossibility not to want her every day. He figured that well into their sixties they'd be playing pranks on kids on Halloween and trying to convince their neighbors they were ghosts. Hell, they did that already and that would only get funnier as they got older.

"Did you drink a lot last night or something?" Andy asked, suddenly curious as to why she was so… destroyed that morning. "I didn't think you had much, there were only like two beers in the fridge…"

Now that he said it out loud, it became apparent that April had been turning down drinks an awful lot lately. She never did that – usually she was completely gone by the time Andy had only gotten a few drinks in him.

"No Andy, that's not it," she spoke slowly. "That's not it."

April rolled over and looked at him intently, something that had about a fifty-fifty success rate in terms of this being something good. Andy didn't know if this made the odds better or worse but his head was starting to hurt thinking about it so all he did was crane his neck in response.

"Y'know how I've been getting sick… like, a lot lately?" she asked, and Andy was starting to notice something weird about the way she was talking and looking at him.

"Yeah, sure," he answered, repositioning himself so that they were facing eye-to-eye.

April didn't show lots of emotion to other people, except when it was times like this, only when it was just Andy around, and then she became a little different – different in a way that made Andy feel important and special having known this side of April. When she finished asking the question, her voice did that sort of lilting sound where she sounded like she had trouble breathing and her face was trying to fight back a smile – Andy knew that look really well by this point – and at this point Andy figured that this was, at the very least, good news.

"And you know how I said I was gonna try something last month?" she asked again, biting her lip and not even attempting to hide the smile now.

Andy did remember her saying that but he just figured she was going to try a different sandwich for lunch or something. He was starting to feel a little clueless about where this was heading and it kind of frightened him. Andy knew April saw that in his face when she covered the minute distance between them and put her lips to his ear and whispered:

"I'm pregnant."

Sometimes Andy had this dream, or at least something like it where he and April would go back to the Grand Canyon and do it in the middle of the crater, and then he'd wake up around this time when she said she was pregnant. Expecting to wake up, he quickly closed his eyes and opened them back up, expecting to find Champion panting in his face and looking at him expectantly. Instead, April was still there with her little grin and looking like she was searching his face for a response to that bombshell.

Realizing that it wasn't a dream, and having a million different thoughts running through his head, Andy thought his brain was just going to shut off for a moment. In a sort of sensory overload all he could do was keep his mouth open and gape dumbly at her. Every muscle in his body was going into action, demanding to be used to pick April up off of the bed and run down the streets of Pawnee screaming about the new information. His brain was quickly trying to sort through every reaction it could and everything was coming to a screaming, grinding halt when he couldn't figure out what to do.

"That's… wow, are you sure?" Andy asked. "Like, you're sure you're pregnant? And I mean like really, super duper baby-inside-of-you pregnant and not adopting weird Eastern Europeans 'pregnant?'"

"Yes, it's the gross baby-in-the-gut pregnant," she answered him before her face dropped noticeably and she looked a little unsure. "It's cool that I did that, right? You're not mad at me-"

"Mad… at you for – I, what?" Andy could barely start sentences now let alone finish them. "This is the _coolest _thing you have ever done, babe. You got secret pregnant – with me!"

"It's not like it was a secret, I was dropping hints, like, months ago dude," she chuckled.

Thinking back on it, Andy did realize it was kind of weird that April suddenly wanted to be talk to Leslie and Ron by herself a lot more. She even talked to Ann at one point which should have been the real red flag for him, but Andy was too busy to notice it. At some point he figured that they just wouldn't have kids and while he was kind of upset at that, Andy just let it go and tried to focus on the awesome marriage instead. Being married to April and having no kids would be way better than being married to someone awful and having them anyways, so it wasn't really that hard.

"Yeah, well it's still awesome. Holy crap, I'm gonna be a dad," he whispered and didn't realize how cool of a feeling those words could have until he said them. "I'm gonna be a kid's dad and you're gonna be their mom. Dude, this is great."

"Totally," April answered, still smiling.

With that smile she destroyed every hint of worry over April not wanting kids. Then a thought came to Andy and he couldn't shake it for the life of him despite wanting to do nothing more than sit there and think about how amazing their child would be.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" he wondered, sincerely curious why she would keep that information from him.

"I don't know, I got sort of scared I guess," she admitted, looking away from him for a second. "Like, I didn't know if I really wanted to be a mom but when it finally sort of… happened, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't know it felt so awesome, I always thought it would be gross."

"Me too, but now we can do this super gross thing together," Andy said, grinning broadly.

"It's gonna be such a disgusting baby," April whispered, eyes darting between his lips and his eyes.

"Totally," was all he could say before the desire to lean in and kiss her again was too overwhelming.

All of the potential thoughts and worries were swirling in Andy's head but he couldn't the image of April holding up two tiny little arms while their kid walked out of there. He imagined seeing her face light up when a child said something to one of them for the first time, and he was going to pretend that thought alone wasn't enough to send his mind reeling with excitement. He never thought of himself as a sappy guy, but Andy couldn't stop thinking about the kid – their child.

It was, quite simply put, amazing.


	20. Yesterday

**A/N: **I had a really long night (partying on a Wednesday is for cool people) so this took a while to get through. Anyways, I was listening to Atmosphere's "Yesterday" and suddenly had a thought – we don't know what happened to Andy's dad do we? So, here comes some wangst. I hope it's all right since that song really did a number on me (I highly recommend listening to it while reading this).

Anyways, remember you can hit me up on tumblr for requests, feedback, or whatever you want!

* * *

Andy didn't know how to handle the phone call. He was a little annoyed that his mom called him so early in the morning, and how she even got a hold of his cell number was sort of beyond him. He was having an awesome dream, jumping on stage to take over for Dave Matthews and finishing out the set because Dave had said he was the best singer he'd ever heard. Andy was kind of pissed that she interrupted that but then his mother started talking and everything seemed to melt.

* * *

For the first week April figured that dating Andy would just be a whirlwind of fun even if she did find herself now developing weird emotions towards him that were a little beyond wanting to party, but that day he had been incredibly distant. That certainly wasn't what April ever anticipated from him – to be honest she wasn't even sure Andy could have an emotion that fell anywhere near the "sad" spectrum of things. In the morning he shrugged her off and at first she was a little angry but the look in his eyes was a little different than she was expecting – he wasn't looking at her like there was boredom in his eyes or that he was even annoyed with her. It was so _unusual _but April swore that he looked like he just wanted to be left alone. So she did, going to work and trying to figure out why Andy was being so hesitant.

Later in the day she went and bought one of the massive hamburgers the cafeteria sold, hoping she could figure it out with him over a greasy lunch. She found him at his stand, twiddling his thumbs and playing with the little "out for lunch" sign sitting on the counter.

"Hey Andy," she tried at lunch, putting the tinfoil wrapped burger on the little counter by the chairs.

"Hey," he said quietly, glancing over to the burger.

"That one's yours," she explained, handing it over to him and showing him the granola bar she was going to have to consider her lunch that day.

"Thanks," was all he said while he slowly picked at the foil.

She didn't know why, maybe because it meant that she was going to be super bored for the rest of the day if he stayed in this mood, but seeing Andy this sad – if she had to guess he looked like he was depressed if anything – was making her feel all _empathetic _and gross. Hopping up to the other chair she sat there for a little while watching him carve out little shapes and figures out of the metallic foil, Andy never looking up or even really seeming to register that April was there.

April wanted to ask him what was wrong and she started to wonder why he wouldn't tell her what was bothering him, but she couldn't bring herself to actually say the words. She'd never dealt with someone in this state and not just made fun of them. While she was getting annoyed at herself for being confused over how to handle the situation, Andy finally took a bite of the burger and chewed furtively. Neither of them seemed to want to talk, so April just sat there taking bites out of the granola bar. After a while he put the burger down, returning to his weirdly introspective looking grimace.

"You okay?" she asked and realized that there was a little more compassion in her voice than she should have liked. "You've been acting all… I dunno, you're being weird today."

In response, Andy looked at her and April tried to focus on his eyes but there was something behind them that struck her by surprise. He was looking at her with a look that _begged _her – to do what, April didn't know but she felt compelled to do something. She didn't how to react to this change of atmosphere so April just tried her best to improvise with the situation. All she could think to do was take his hand in hers and lace her fingers through his, giving him a brief squeeze and an inquisitive look.

On any other day, and if it were any other person, April would have laughed at the idea of trying to comfort someone. She wasn't totally emotionless or disconnected from people, but none of them seemed worth giving a shit about to actually do something like that for. April figured she could do this for Andy though part of her didn't even know why it was so easy for her and was a little scared by the immensity and implication of that emotion.

"Sorry, it's just that I-I, y'know today's been kinda weird," he said with a smile that April knew well – the kind of fake plastered on one that people tried out to force themselves to be happy. "My uh, my mom called this morning and I guess my dad kinda died today."

He made a soft noise that straddled the line between a chuckle and a strangled gasp, trying on that same forced smile and looking down at the floor while his thumb pushed against April's hand a little harder than before. April thought she didn't know to handle this situation but now she _really _had no idea what to do – both of her parents were totally alive and incredibly annoying. Andy seemed a little broken by telling her this.

"It's really weird 'cause I came to work today and I thought I saw him, like, twice on the street," he told her, eyebrows furrowed and at this point white-knuckling April's hand. "That's dumb because he doesn't even live here, and I wanted to say some stuff but…"

"Andy, I'm sorry," April interrupted, looking at him in an attempt to catch his gaze. "I'm sorry I got mad at you this morning… I-I didn't know."

Reflecting, April realized that she had been more than a little terse with him when he brushed her off so casually. It made April feel a little sick and at the same time confused why she had.

"I just… I thought I'd, like, get to talk to him or something," he seemed to be ignoring April saying anything and continued on. "I mean, I haven't talked to him in forever… like, a couple years? I dunno, and he wasn't even that old, man."

April struggled to figure out what to even say to him at that moment. The only person that April had lost that mattered at all to her was her great-grandmother and that old witch – literally, April had found some of the creepy stuff in her closets and attic – dying hadn't put her in this sort of distress. So, in lieu of saying anything, she just continued to maintain that viselike grip on his hand. Andy laughed again, this time blinking rapidly and looking away from her and that again sent that strange sensation through April that she was a little disappointed.

"Hey, let's go somewhere else," she suggested, standing up and lightly pulling his hand. "We can talk outside or something."

Andy gave her a faint trace of a smile and followed her through the building to the little gravelly courtyard outside the Parks offices. At least there April could avoid the looks of the people walking through City Hall and only had to worry about a few others getting all voyeuristic on them from the Parks employees. Sitting down on the little grey bench abutting the wall of the building, April pushed herself right next to Andy and brought their intertwined hands up to her lap.

Andy was supposed to be a fun crush to her, the fact that they were going out and drinking and making out all the time was pretty cool she had to admit but April had honestly not expected much of anything to come out of this. Now, sitting next To Andy and letting him sit there, taking deep breaths and working up the nerve to talk, April didn't mind that she felt a little something more than that.

"Hey, you can talk to me dude," April suggested, giving him another supportive squeeze. "I don't hate you, so I promise I won't make fun of you."

"Thanks," Andy mumbled and gave her that same look like a begging puppy.

Instead of continuing like April anticipated, all Andy did was take his hand out from hers and push his arms underneath hers to pull her into a hug. April didn't really have these sorts of interactions with Andy and for some reason the hug felt more intimate than anything else they'd done despite the innocuous nature of the thing. She didn't care that he was alarmingly sweaty when he rested his cheek against her head, or that he seemed to be on the verge of crying. Instead April started to get angry at herself for being originally too ambivalent about Andy's sudden change of mood and then defensive at the idea that she cared about him that much to see that.

As far as she was concerned, sitting in City Hall with Andy pushing her over to lay his head down on her lap and stretch out across the little bench, April was okay with letting her guard down a little. Andy just lay there, tapping his thumb on her knuckles while she tried to figure out if running her hands through his hair would be too weird. Based on the fact that all he did was take a deep breath, she figured that was the right call.

"I'm sorry I'm being all emotional and stuff," Andy mumbled from her lap, his speech coming out a little garbled because his cheek was smashed against her knee, "I know you're not into that stuff."

"I'm not a robot Andy," she explained, laughing and glad that he gave her a light chuckle, "it's just that I kinda hate a lot of people and they try to be emotional _at _me but this is important and stuff."

"Thanks," he said again, and April found she liked the feeling she got in response to him saying that so quietly – a little burning, aching sensation that flared up and quickly dissipated.

They returned to a comfortable silence and a few times April considered asking him if he wanted to talk more about it. She figured if he wanted to then he'd speak up, so she kept playing with his hands and hair. It didn't occur to April that she would have to eventually go back to work and, to be honest, she would love to see someone come and try tearing this apart. Even if it didn't make a whole lot of sense why she cared so much, or the concept of Andy being so distressed about something, April wanted to be there to help Andy and that – if nothing else was strange – was _bizarre _to April. She could live with a little out of the ordinary though if it meant Andy would go back to being rambunctious, energetic Andy.

It was only a few more minutes of sitting there calmly in that position before he sat up next to her and gave her a real, if a little broken, smile that made April's stomach do that little burning thing again.

* * *

Andy didn't get over his dad's death for a while and, if he was being honest, he wasn't ever really going to "get over it" like people always seemed to be able to do. On that bench in City Hall though, he couldn't help but think that if he ever had a problem with it or just wanted to talk about his dad April would be there to listen. To him, that would do. To Andy having someone there at all to listen to him was the best thing he could hope for, even if half of the time he would just break down and stop talking. It didn't matter, because he'd look up and see a little streak of light running through some dark hair and maybe April's smile.


	21. Same Feeling

**A/N: **So this is in part inspired by a prompt from thecaptainandthedoctor on ffnet and the song "Transfigure" by Jesu. A little bit of a, I dunno, appreciation fic or something I guess? I have no idea what to call it, to be fair! Anyways, remember that you can always talk to me wherever and whenever but your best bet is on tumblr.

Either way, enjoy!

* * *

He doesn't really know what to call that feeling the first time he gets it since he's staring at this short intern – he really didn't know what her job was – in that dress and she asks him a question and all Andy can do is answer truthfully. That feeling he'd learn to love was brand new that night, and when she gives him this big grin and looks away kind of awkwardly Andy gets it again and has to wrestle with it for the rest of the night.

And again he gets it when she kisses him for the first time, a sort of weird bubbling discharge that eventually just feels like a warm hand on his chest, and he tries to really focus on that and remember it. He's not sure what it's supposed to mean or how to interpret it, or even how the hell he's supposed to remember something like that, but Andy still keeps it ingrained in his memory when April gives him that list of nonsense things to do.

In reality he just misses that feeling.

* * *

There are definitely times that Andy remembers being super important and concurring with that feeling, but those seemed obvious to him. He definitely could recall marrying April and the look she gave him when they showed her Champion, but he tried to really pinpoint the little things. The little things like, for instance, when she did something as simple as smile at him in the morning or pull him over to her in bed at some obscene hour in the morning. Andy never knew what that was like enjoying those dumb little things people did, since with Ann he never really _thought _about stuff like that to begin with. He never focused on things like how April would get scrunch her face up and bite her lip when she was concentrating on something.

It was weird, being all knowledgeable about someone else. With April though, like most things, Andy was definitely happy to do things a little differently.

"Andy, did you seriously try and microwave cheese whiz?" April interrupts his thoughts one day, holding up a bowl with blackened and crusted cheese on the rim.

"It sounded good," he shrugs in response.

"Dude, you should have told me," she complains and Andy loses whatever weird worry he had. "You can't just make shitty dip and not tell me!"

He wasn't going to tell her that microwaved industrial cheese tasted like garbage. That would break whatever weird illusion Andy was held under in the light of his wife shoving a bowl in his face and looking more disappointed in the fact that she missed out than the mostly ruined dishware. It was such a dumb little thing but he just wanted to tell her he loved for it, because who else was _this _awesome? No one, just April – Andy kept telling himself that over and over again that night.

* * *

Andy doesn't hate that April's in Washington, for the most part, because it's like a cool adventure for them where they don't really get to see each other that often for a couple of months. A few weekend trips help and that's fine, but he realizes that he definitely doesn't like going home and being by himself all of the time since all he does is think and that gets really old really quickly. He goes home, feeds and walks Champion before he tries to write a song and gets bored faster than ever. It felt weird being all alone in that house, going to work, and not really having that much to look forward to when he got home other than occasionally playing with his band.

That's why when April texts him that she's on a flight home he's sitting at the Pawnee's dinky little airport for hours, ignoring how many times his leg falls asleep and how many of those awful burgers he's bought from the food court. When she left Andy did legitimately think it'd be nice for her to go do something like this, and he definitely _wasn't _worried she'd find someone way cooler in Washington with a whole lot more money than him, but that wavered quickly. There was only so much porn he could watch without April before things got really boring. Still, Andy puts up with it because April answers everything he sends her and she makes regular visits out – and he even went with Leslie once which was awesome – but he just missed April and everything that having her around meant.

"Hey," Andy hears someone shouting to him and he recognizes the voice but doesn't have the time to register it before someone's kissing him quickly. "Miss me?"

He doesn't even understand how to answer that question since he's been thinking those two words for so long, even if "so long" was only a few months. Forgetting words, he grabbed her by the waist and picked her up, spinning a few times before he stopped remembering that anymore rotations and he'd get too dizzy to walk for a minute or so.

"Uhh, yeah," Andy finally manages to get out.

It's stupid and really blunt, but then April gives him that sort of special, all-teeth smile and Andy doesn't care. He just gets that same feeling and pretends this isn't the best day he's had in weeks, jabbering mindlessly to April as they made their way to the car. He remembers that day pretty well for a while if only because they broke their record by a few hours – an entire day sitting in bed, half-sleeping and lazily having sex throughout the night.

"Hey," he says at absurd-o'clock in the morning.

When she doesn't answer him Andy shakes her back awake. At first she's a little angry but then she assumes that he wants to continue and rolls on top of him slowly, eyes bleary and barely awake. Andy's game, but he still wants to tell her something. It still takes him a second to get his bearings and remember that he wanted to say anything at all, however. No matter how tired they were April still had that effect on him.

"I love you, y'know," he yawns, somehow tired and half-hard at the same time.

"Yeah, I know," and she yawns too, before sliding back off of him and onto her side of the bed. "Love ya too."

Andy doesn't know why, but that's the best thing he's heard in weeks. Not the "love you too" part because Andy knows that, but a half-awake April mumbling it after something that he guessed would constitute sex was another one of those dumb little things that he tries to remember and keep locked in his head. It was just another one of those moments that left him feeling that same old feeling, the one that still has him reeling to this day.


	22. A Day in the Life

**A/N: **This is what I call the 'ole consolidation. I took two prompts (one from thecaptainandthedoctor from ffnet, the other an anonymous tumblr-ite) and pushed them together until I came up with something I liked. Hopefully it turned out okay and neither of you get mad at me for mangling your original ideas too much!

I'm friendly I swear, so you can always talk to me - though your best bet is probably tumblr.

* * *

Andy sat back in the little plastic chair and tried not to think about how much of a pain in the ass it would be to stand up, instead focusing on watching his wife play with their daughter and the Knope triplets. As the years went on, even as the age gap became more and more apparent, the four of them were inseparable in a way that confused Andy. The triplets were moving on to high school and still came over a few times a month to hang out with Uncle Andy and Aunt April, playing games with the younger girl. To be fair, April was glad that the only kids that came over were the triplets and rarely others their daughter's age. Andy didn't mind when she told him that, but then they were called in by a school counselor and asked a bunch of weird questions that made him incredibly angry at the guy. So he was just happy she had some friends, even if they were going to going to college when Roberta barely made it into high school.

"Andy, go get the… the thing," April shouted to him while trying her best to weave between four kids in their small yard and say something at all cogent.

"Yep, the thing – totally got it," he returned, shaking his head and walking back inside to try and figure out what in the hell she meant.

In retrospect there wasn't much she could have been referring to, since all it seemed Leslie's kids were into was sports. Somehow, between Ben and her, their interests as a whole fell entirely on everything from soccer to baseball with scarcely a concern for politics or comic books. Andy wasn't going to hesitate to teach their son how to properly throw a curveball since it didn't seem like his daughter was going to be into anything other than playing around in the dirt. That was definitely cool by them, but Andy would be lying if he wasn't a little disappointed.

Then, when she turned six, it seemed like little Roberta was way too influenced by all her time with the Knopes to be into anything other than playing soccer with the triplets. It was an obsession for the little girl and before they knew it April and Andy found themselves more invested in peewee soccer than most things in their life. By the time she was nine and the triplets were getting close to fourteen, April and Andy had supported her in signing up for all the grade school teams she wanted but Roberta only wanted to play soccer.

Digging through a pile of things in the spare room, Andy remembered the first day that April had told him she was pregnant. It was probably the greatest thing Andy had ever heard someone say in his entire life, but April kept telling him how scared she was. That was more surprising than anything since he always assumed she just didn't like kids, but after a while he discovered that she was worried she couldn't handle a kid.

Pulling out the half-mangled net and posts, Andy walked back to the sliding door leading to their backyard and watched carefully as his wife tackled one of the taller girls and was soon dogpiled by the other three. Interspersed throughout the blonde mess, Andy caught a few glimpses of Roberta and her mom wrestling underneath everything that was going on above them. He didn't know what to call that feeling other than blessed when he looked at April and wondered what his life would be like without her but whatever he assumed that feeling of being blessed was like was nothing in comparison to watching his daughter grow up. Five-thousand candles didn't even cut it when he watched the two of them play around like that.

"Now you can play some real 2v2," Andy announced, shaking the posts in his hand as he made his entrance into the yard.

He went to work setting the goals up while April managed to gather the kids inside for a break. Andy found out that he liked working with his hands because it gave him time to think without worrying about his brain getting too focused on all of that stuff, and when Ron invited him to come learn a few things when he built a crib for them he ended up working on a few of the rails himself. Even dumb little things like putting together the plastic goals felt relaxing to him. It was strange, almost like a weird domesticity he never thought he'd have with April.

Even when it was just the two of them and they had some semblance of a pattern – a daily schedule just for _them _– Andy never thought April would be the kind of mom who went to a kindergartener's soccer game. Neither did she, and at first she seemed confused at her own investment, but Andy finally understood what April meant when she had said that Andy never looked sexier than when he entertained kids.

"Babe, there's a pizza coming in twenty," April told him when she came back into the yard, "so make sure you grab that, okay?"

"Got it," Andy stood up slowly, one hand on his leg and trying his best to ignore the pain. "Yep, got it. Just gotta get a pizza."

"Dude, you gotta get that checked out," she said, watching him squint in pain. "The doctor said it was arthritis or something, right?"

"Only old people get arthritis," he explained, rolling his wrist and wincing at the dull throbbing at the base of his palm.

"Yeah, and you're old," she laughed and when he shook his head she continued in a lower voice. "You're my old man, though. My sexy-"

"Mom," Roberta interrupted, cradling a soccer ball in one arm and waving her over with the others.

Winking at Andy, she turned around to run over to where the kids were setting up their teams. Andy used to play with them, but a year before he started to get weird aching pains in his knees and couldn't run around with them that often. So they just took turns with alternates and that usually meant April took breaks so they could go inside for a few minutes or at least until they shouted for her and she had to leave him behind.

It was true that Andy was getting weirdly old but he didn't feel like it other than when he lifted something that looked light only to find his knees fighting with him the whole way. Even so, watching April fail to block a shot from the short triplet made him consider what it would be like to have another kid. They had never talked about it and Andy was pretty sure that if he brought it up he would only be inciting an argument or, at the very least, a whole lot of numbers from Ben again. He couldn't help it though and he hoped that April would eventually be swayed by the idea. Between them she was the realist and even she had to admit that having a kid, despite all of the horribly late nights and all of the money and time they lost in the process, it was really a totally different feeling and satisfaction at seeing their daughter grow up.

"Not gonna sub in dad?" Roberta asked him when April started walking back to the little stone patio Andy busied himself with every weekend.

"Nah sweetie, I think my game days are over," he smiled and she turned around, waving to one of the girls sitting out for April.

While his wife sat down in one of the half-busted plastic chairs, he pulled out another beer and handed it to her. Normally she would have accepted it gladly, downing one or two while they relaxed and watched the kids play until sundown or whenever it was that Leslie was supposed to get back from that meeting. Instead she shook her head and he put it back with a surprised look on his face.

"I don't think I should," she whispered to him, and then she made a face – that face – and Andy knew exactly what was coming next. "Hey, you know-"

"Are you?" he spoke up quickly, not letting her finish.

April was caught out, giving him a sly smile and that same look, but before she could reply to him the doorbell rang and Andy pushed himself to his feet. There was so much adrenaline rushing through him he couldn't feel the click-clack and ringing, angry jolts of pain when he walked to the front door. All he could remember was giving the delivery guy too big of a tip and running back to the kitchen. When the kids came rushing in for pizza Andy couldn't keep the massive grin off of his face and he knew April had given up all hopes of restraining one of her own when she saw his face.


	23. Cut - Restless Nights

**A/N:** This sort of a "check-up" on the Cut arc, looking forward a few years. I'm not sure how I want to do these continuities, and whether or not they go in chronological order after this one is totally in the air, but I had a jolt of an idea with this one. Anyways, remember that you can always talk to me - and let me be honest when I say it's the best thing ever when I get any messages - but I really would love to see more prompts/requests from you guys! This is as much about you as it as about me writing, so don't hesitate to send anything in to my tumblr.

Enjoy!

* * *

_4:13 AM_

His phone reads, and Andy can feel the woman beside him rolling around in her sleep. Each night he spent by her he could feel her become restless at night, sometimes staying up when he had already drifted off, and most of the time he would wake up by himself and find her watching TV by herself and slowly eating cereal at six in the morning. He knew that April had nightmares, and he'd been there for a few of them by now, but she rarely ever moved so much. By the way her hands balled up into fists and the way she looked – distressed, fighting – Andy stopped listening to the side of him that was told not to wake her up during those dreams.

"Hey babe," he grabbed her shoulder to stabilize her, "hey babe, wake up."

Andy shook her a little and after a few seconds of coercion April blinked her eyes open, chest heaving with labored breaths. Andy hated seeing her like that, hated feeling powerless against it, but the only thing he could do – like he'd done for years at this point – was be around and try his best. Thankfully, when April had calmed her breathing and focused on the room, she laid back down and fell back into a relatively restful sleep. Andy didn't get much sleep himself that night, but that was okay since April had classes tomorrow anyways and he could just pass out during the day.

He doesn't hesitate to pull her right next to him when she falls back asleep though.

* * *

_3:39 AM_

This time Andy woke up and found her sitting in the corner of the miniscule apartment, curled up around herself with her knees brought to her chest and arms wrapped around them, giving the ground a quiet, stoic stare. Rubbing his eyes and standing up, Andy walked over to her and sat down next to her with his back against the cold windowsill facing out to the Indianapolis streets.

Sometimes she walked around, other times she would sit down and think to herself. Andy hated that he never caught all of those moments simply because she was too quiet to wake him up and he always asked her why she wouldn't just come to him. He partially believed that she didn't trust him with whatever was in her head, despite everything they'd been through by that point, and he was also afraid of the nature of her thoughts and what they were telling her about him – the lies that he knew April could conjure up in her mind and convince herself were truths.

"Morning," he mumbled still half-asleep and slipping his hand into April's.

They'd been together for two years and counting and April had been hesitant to ask Andy to go with her when she decided to go to college, but it was the easiest decision he'd made in his life. Mouserat had been on a steady decline and he was getting bored of being in Pawnee anyways, so he willingly moved with her into the shoebox apartment she found the first week of ad hunting. Andy had learned how to read April's swings pretty well by this point and knew that the only role he could provide for her was to be constant and there for her, which was probably the easiest job he ever had.

In response to Andy's words, April turned to look at him and had the same self-defeating, weak glare in her eyes that he knew too well. He hated seeing her in that state, feeling like she was alone and searching for something. She stopped for a moment, her bottom lip trembling a bit, and then she moved Andy's arm over her shoulder and buried herself in his chest. They sat like that for a while, warming each other in the cold Indiana morning. Andy learned quickly that April didn't like to talk when that happened to her and she woke up paralyzed with fear and doubt.

It wasn't any easier for her, and Andy knew that, but if he could at least try then it didn't matter.

"Love you," she whispered to him in the dark corner, mumbling against his shirt as she nuzzled him gently.

"Love ya too," he answered, rubbing her arm gently and standing up.

Andy usually managed to guide her back to bed for the night, and that night she went back to sleep clutching Andy's hand in a death grip. He knew he'd wake up with a few extra cuts on his hands and probably end up with a scar or two from it but he figured those weren't anything in comparison to the scars April had. One hand entwined with hers, and his other arm wrapped protectively around her stomach, Andy hoped against all hope that she'd just get fall asleep peacefully.

* * *

_6:00 AM_

April's alarm fired on all cylinders at the exact second, waking Andy whether he wanted to be up or not. Shifting around, he felt April stand up and make her way to the shared closet. Andy knew that sometimes she still felt self-conscious about what she'd done to herself when she was a teenager, so when she grabbed her clothes quickly and walked into the tiny bathroom he stood up and ignored the aching sensation in his gut and walked to the curtain they had instead of a door.

"C'mon April, I gotta go," he mumbled. "It'll be like five seconds, but babe I seriously gotta go."

If he wanted to be honest, Andy missed when she would lazily dress in front of him in the morning and blush or make fun of him for watching. At first he felt creepy but then she'd smile at him while she slipped her underwear on and Andy felt like she was a little happier – he had that same feeling of watching April go out in the day feeling better about herself, and her body.

"Ew dude, I'm changing," she said back to him through the thin walls and barely closed curtain. "Go away, please."

"You're just getting dressed," he said and pulled open the sliding plastic.

April immediately moved her pile of clothes to cover herself and Andy tried not to look at her arms, like he was insinuating something and accusing her of another relapse, so he just moved forward and did his business. Exiting the bathroom he wondered what _was _taking her so long, moving back to listen through the thin plastic for any worrying signs. Instead he just shifting fabric and sliding jeans, slow movements but nothing that should have alarmed Andy. When she exited she was wearing the same shirt from the day before and a slack pair of jeans, hair messy and greasy from rolling around in bed with him the previous night. As a result of her anxieties, Andy learned that April still had issues with her own body that extended into her adult life – yet another part of her that drove him crazy just thinking about it, while she regularly tried to hide herself from him. She was busying herself with her hair, tying it up so that she didn't have to worry about it during classes as much, and Andy tried to figure out anything to tell her.

"Hey, you look great," he told her when she grabbed her laptop case and started for the door. "Like, everyday, but I really like the… the thing you did with your hair."

Andy considered it a victory when she touched the pulled up hair gently, gave him that shy smile of hers, and left him with a quick kiss before leaving.

* * *

_3:34 PM – Same day_

Andy only gets work at the bar they live above a few nights out of the week, so that day he spent the majority of it sitting around and trying to write a song. He missed music more than anything else from Pawnee, but he couldn't find anybody around him that had any of his same tastes and most of the time he went to practices and auditions being asked to play some crappy indie tunes or if he'd be willing to scream instead of sing.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, plucking at the strings and slowly getting more and more agitated that nothing was coming out, he saw April enter the apartment in a hurry. Her hair was a mess and she was carrying a stack of papers underneath her arm, huffing her way over to the bed and shoving the papers into Andy's lap.

"Dude, look what I found all over the walls downstairs," she pointed to an ad on the first flier – a bunch of bands and then one little opening act at the bottom with a logo he remembered fondly.

"I didn't know Burly was still playing," he chuckled and looked at the dumb Mouserat name emblazoned underneath a bunch of illegible nonsense and a few bands he recognized from auditions. "I thought the band just sort of split up."

"Oh and I called him, and he moved out here a few weeks ago to see what it'd be like and," April was talking quickly, something that rarely happened and only when she was verging on excitement, "and he's totally into you guys getting back together. Like, the band."

"Wait, he wants me back in?" Andy asked, unsure.

April nodded excitedly and he had to look back down to the posters to really come to grips with what was in front of him. When they split, it was mostly because Andy felt that everyone else was putting in the bare minimum when they wrote songs and performed. To him they were his best friends but at the same time they barely ever wrote songs, until they told him that he never let them write songs and abandoned him. Now it sounded like he had a second shot at getting back together with some of the grade school friendships he'd burned in a fit of insane, small town ego.

Andy didn't know what else to do other than stand up, take April's face in his hands, and lean down to give her a kiss. It was quick and sloppy, and Andy knew his lips would be a little sore from pushing his lips against hers so hard, but he couldn't stop himself. Afterwards he picked her up by the waist and spun her around, thankful for her height when she barely grazed her head on the low-ceiling.

"April, you are the best person in the entire universe," he said quickly. "Man, I gotta call him. D'you have his new number because his old one isn't working and, and I think I have Saturday off and maybe we can jam again…"

At some point Andy should have realized that April wasn't listening to him. She was too busy smiling at his first sentence, taking his hands, and pushing down onto the bed. It didn't take long for him to get the hint, pushing himself out of his shorts.


	24. How Does It Feel to Be Free?

**A/N: **

This is the very definition of an early post (it's technically Monday for me, so...), so don't get too excited about this happening often. I had this on the burner for a day or two, I forget, and have been chipping away at it. It is not positive, there is actually nothing happy-go-lucky here at all. I didn't even hold back on the ending like I usually do (though to be honest I very nearly wimped out early on), so yeah. I have to post this or else my anxiety will literally ruin me every time I look at it. Anyways, I hope you can still enjoy the read. Remember to hit me up on tumblr, etc.

Title is a lyric from Godflesh's "Defeated"

* * *

Empty: that was the only way April could describe the feeling every single morning. Everything feels empty, from the way her feet barely make noise while she moves through the house to the sound of her own voice at work, and April tries every day to remember what it's like to know otherwise. At first she wanted to move out and stay with her parents for a little while, but every day she tries there's another memory that April refuses to detach from. Sometimes she finds solace listening to his music, just to hear his voice again, and other times just seeing anything with that stupid logo makes her cry for the rest of the night. Crawling into bed, she'd hold their pillow close to her and bury it in her chest for hours on end in the hope that she might just wake up from this nightmare.

It never worked, no matter how tightly she squeezes her eyes and hopes – prays – that she'll hear his laugh again when he trips into bed April knows he'll never come back. No matter the force of will she tries to exert on the untouched spaces in their bed she knows it will always remain the same – empty.

* * *

On the morning that Andy was supposed to return from London, April rushed to work in an attempt to burn through the hours of the day fast enough to get Andy back home quickly. At the office, she couldn't stop thinking about seeing his big, dumb face again and all the things they'd missed out on for weeks. Scribbling down nonsense notes and barely paying attention to the phone, April waited impatiently for her lunch break when he should have called her. Instead the break went by without so much as a ring from her phone. Heading back inside, she found everyone – and April was disturbed when everyone included Jerry and Ann – standing in a sort of awkward line in and around Leslie's office. Leslie was sitting down with her hand over her mouth and when she registered that April was staring at their strange procession, she blinked a few times and motioned for April.

Inside, Ann was doing the same hands-over-mouth thing Leslie was and for some reason that annoyed her where Leslie doing it was concerning. The others were in the little central room, a few of them sitting down with Ben and Ron standing up while leaning against a wall for support. Between all of them, there was a heavy air inside the building. April pushed herself through the small crowd and leaned against Leslie's cabinets lining the wall facing her computer screen, trying to follow the older woman's eyes to the screen. It was a live feed of a joint news report from Pawnee and Eagleton, with the oblivious face of Perd Hapley widely on display and his voice coming out of Leslie's speakers. It looked like this recording was now looping based on the sudden appearance of a little slider at the bottom of the screen.

"…in what some are calling an _event_, today a plane crash from London to Eagleton was recorded in Central Maine. We know that there were fourteen Eagletonians and one Pawneean on this plane…"

April remembers blinking rapidly and every single muscle in her arms going tense in that exact moment, right before Perd says another word.

"Those are, in fact, numbers. We also know _another _number – at this time there have been no survivors found-"

When she was a teenager she had been punched in the gut once so hard that all the air left her and if she had any sort of comparison to what it was like to hear those words it would be a vicious punch to her chest. That wasn't quite it though, because she distinctly recalled a collapsing sensation in her stomach and was thankful for the support of the lining behind her. Ann was looking at her, searching her face for a response, and Leslie had turned around to April and clearly had been fighting off the better part of a breakdown. April struggled to maintain her balance, her hands gripping metal for dear life in the hopes that her nails would keep her standing, and she felt like her face was about to light on fire from all of the heat. Outside Leslie's office, Donna and Tom were sharing sympathetic looks and Ben stood up to say something to Ron. Ann had stood up and moved a chair over to Leslie's desk, moving April into it. She barely recognized moving at all, but when she blinked again she was face level with Leslie and trying to shake herself back to reality where this wasn't happening.

"April, I'm sorry," Leslie finally spoke out, and April felt like it was hitting her again. "We just found out… and, and, and I-I saw a live report going on and I…"

April just sunk deeper into the chair, trying to work through the information. The people around her were starting to become incredibly distant figures in the room, the only thing in her mind being that painful, sharp gash working its way through her stomach. Her eyes were blank, scanning the computer screen for an April Fool's Joke and finding nothing telling her it was all just some insanely twisted joke being played on her. It took her another few seconds to realize that she was just sitting in Leslie's office with her mouth half open, eyes buried in a screen, before the real, dead weight of the thing fell on her.

"No," she whispered to herself. "He missed the plane, he always misses stuff. He's always late."

April could hear Ann make a noise behind her, a sort of painful squeal, and Leslie shook her head sadly while still trying to keep her eyes focused on April without melting down with her. April started babbling incoherently, saying words she thought but she knew came out as nothing but intertwined, broken nonsense. Her hands were clutching her knees, digging deeper and deeper into her flesh and April felt herself shaking in the chair. Leslie put a hand on her knee and April shoved hers inside Leslie's, savoring the warmth of another person's skin against hers for a moment before she started shaking violently again. It didn't take long for April to feel something warm and wet on her cheek, still trying to deny everything she heard, and Leslie pushed April into her chest and wrapped her into a hug.

"He missed his flight, right?" April could feel the whine of tears in her voice, and she could barely stop herself from shaking anymore. "Andy's just… he's just gonna be late, right? Right, Leslie?"

"Shh," was all Leslie had to say to her, and April felt herself break a little.

She felt everything in her body stop for an instant, and everything start back up like a labored line of workers with no motivation. No spirit, no ambition, her muscles and organs found their way back to work with a disgruntled sigh and her body shook itself back to motion. By now April was smashed against Leslie with her head in the older woman's shoulder, trying not to let herself cry the jacket into wet pile of fabric. A few times she felt herself make a noise she would have smacked herself for even mistakenly creating, but April couldn't control what was happening. Andy was just taken from her and things began to creep up in her head – things like everything she thought she'd said that went unspoken, or the way Andy would tell her he loved her, and the way his laugh made her feel warm and at home – all of them piling up and erupting in a mess of tears. April's throat felt like it was on fire from the hoarse noises she had started to make, her eyes already unable to focus now blurry and tear-stained.

"April, come on," Leslie stood and pulled April up alongside her, "let's go home, okay? I'll take you back home, and you don't have to do anything all right?"

April's entire body was giving out and before she had even made it out of Leslie's office, Ann and Ron were taking her from Leslie with one arm slung over each of them. They had to practically drag her down to the car and, when Leslie said she'd take care of it herself, Ron shook his head and pushed himself into the driver's seat. April had barely taken notice of anything at this point but she was thankful for his steeled resolve in that moment. On the ride back to her house, and only _her _house she reflected with another shiver, she searched for Leslie's hand in the car and held on.

When they left her on the couch, Leslie refused to leave at first. April kept blinking away any tears, trying to figure out how she could find the emergency escape from this awful nightmare. In the worst of them she had never even considered this – Andy was just _Andy _and that wasn't supposed to stop. He wasn't supposed to _stop _anything and now – and April felt vomit rising to her mouth when she thought it – he wasn't _anything_. He was gone. Her Andy was just _gone_.

"April," Leslie started quietly when April pulled herself into a ball and stared into the space between where Leslie sat and the television, "do you want to-"

Leslie was barely holding on and, although she would never know this sudden deafening silence within April, she sat next to April and put her head in her hands. Together they sat like that for a while, the weight of everything bearing down on Leslie while April kept struggling for thoughts or really anything at all to ground her. She came up short however, holding her hands in their clasped place on her shins – hoping that she could crush life back into her lungs and find something other than Andy in her mind.

The sun started to go down, and the room took on a dark, roughly hewn yellow shade for another few minutes while April stared at the same spot on the wall she had been. Leslie stood finally, her face red and cried out.

"I have to get back to… I have to go, April," she said softly and leaned down to give April a soft kiss on the forehead.

Barely any of that made it into April's mind, where she was too busy focusing on the subtle differences in color from the setting sun and the perfect little lines the lights made on the carpet when they were cut by the blinds. Each one of those stray beams slowly shrunk, every crumbling tower coming to a halt at its base before disappearing entirely, and April felt more tears fall from her eyes in that position. Some of them could have dropped onto the floor but she wasn't really sure of anything that was happening around her at that point. The only thing that made any sense was the light – there and then gone. A few times she caught herself tracing their receding pattern with her fingers, pretending she could feel the heat fading away from her until everything was cold and black, but then she imagined that that heat was the warmth of Andy's hand, gliding comfortably onto hers. His grip loosened with the fading sun, and on the couch April saw and felt her husband's hand fall out of hers.

In the blink of an eye Andy, like those lights, went out suddenly and harshly.

* * *

April feels her own tears drenching the pillow every night, her hands idly grasping for somebody while she pushes herself into a tighter ball and keeps the warm pillow against her body for as long as she can stand it. She just wants to feel it again, to feel what it's like to have him there with her for another night at least, and she forgets to stop her alarm from ringing out endlessly in the morning. The covers have since long been abandoned, and April looks around the room like she'll find him coming out of the bathroom all disheveled and tired. Just like every day there's no one in the bathroom and there's nobody in the house besides her and Champion.

She takes Leslie's advice and doesn't go back to work again that week. The last few times she tries to go in April can barely keep it together, and it surprises everyone in the office that April's this broken. She doesn't understand why she can't just stopper the flood of memories when she sits down at the place she basically fell in love with Andy. But then she remembers the first time they hung out together in the Parks offices, the spots they'd sit and eat lunch together, and all of the times that April just couldn't stop looking at him and smiling like he was the greatest thing in the world. When she started crying by the copier Leslie had her taken home, and since then she hasn't gone to work.

In all of the time she spent with Andy, she never thought that this would be anything that was at all worth thinking about. If they split that would be its own thing, but this wasn't anything April had prepared herself for. They were happy, still completely in love, and now April was the only one of the pair even on the Earth at all – the thought sending her back to the pillow to bury her face in it and take in the smell like it was the only thing she lived for anymore.

* * *

Nights were starting to envelop days, and soon time had lost a lot of its meaning to April. She didn't even understand how she could still feel like this when she woke up – something as simple as seeing his clothes she wore to sleep strewn on the floor sent her spiraling out of control. Everyone knew cold, aloof April but now she was the broken, scared April that just wanted someone there. Eventually she decides that she should go into work, or at least try to, and get something done in her life that wasn't wallowing in her house. Unfortunately, she didn't realize how hard it would be to go to work by herself and something as simple and stupid as carpooling brought her back to crippling memories of the way they'd sit around together at City Hall doing nothing.

By the time she had made it there, the drive only being a few minutes long, April already felt her eyes watering and her legs get a little weaker. It was _stupid _how easily she had fallen apart, but every time she even so much as thought that her brain piled hundreds of memories and images in front of her as a sort of reminder of what she was missing. At her desk, people avoided her while April jotted down poorly scribbled notes and actually answered phone calls without immediately hanging up. Eventually someone called and April hung up the instant the phone left the base to go for a quick lunch break.

"Hey April," Ben walks by and April tries to ignore him in her quest to find somewhere quiet to be alone in but he turns around starts walking with her, "I didn't realize you were coming back to work."

"Go see Leslie," is all April can get out to him.

"Well, I was going to but I just got a text from her and she's gonna be out for lunch today," he says and April's stomach does a twist because she doesn't want to talk to anyone right now. "Why don't we just go out for lunch?"

His voice is soft and April knows he's trying to be helpful, but every inch of her feels like dead weight and April wants nothing more than to get away from him. Looking around her she spots a bathroom and quickly makes her way inside, hoping that he'll lose interest and wander off if she waits long enough. Inside, she stands staring at one of the mirrors. Her eyes look empty and stare distantly at the mirror as if trying to find something beyond it, and she could still see the bags under her eyes from the last few weeks' sleep deprivations. Running the faucet, she splashes some water in her face and tries to relax – to calm down and not let another fit of shakes and violent tears overwhelm her again. She could do this.

"What are you doing?" and it's Ben, opening the door to women's room and looking at her like _she _was the one doing something wrong. "C'mon, I can't be out forever."

"Dude, get out," April scoffs and pretends like she was doing something with the mirror other than washing away nerves.

"April," and there it is again, that voice that Ben tries every once and a while like April's some sort of sick animal that just needs to babytalked to health.

"Ben," she mimics him and suddenly she regrets her tone, biting her lip and shaking her head. "Sorry, I-I guess it's an instinct."

"That's okay," he says and now he's standing next to her and his arm is on her shoulder and all April can think is that it would so much better if it were Andy's hand. "I haven't actually seen you eat anything in days anyways, so let's go out and get something."

But April can't feel herself breath anymore, the feeling of Ben's hand on her shoulder sending another crashing torrent of memories onto her. She could feel him standing behind her, hugging her around the chest and pulling her body closer into his before she turned around and leaned in on her toes to give him a brief kiss, and April's head starts to spin as a result of the sensation. Ben realizes what's happening and keeps a tighter grip on her, but all she wants to do is find the nearest liquor store and drown in whatever was on sale. April moves around in a semicircle, looking up and hoping that she'll see Andy standing there just waiting for her to do something but when it's just a wall April loses control of her legs and falls back a little. She should have felt lucky that Ben was there, but at the same time April wonders what it would have been like to have her head smash against the hard stone flooring, and when he catches her she wishes that he would have let her momentum take her away from all of this.

After a minute of taking deep breaths, April found her balance again and stood up, turning around to meet Ben's eyes. She couldn't take the feeling of unshed tears in her eyes anymore and soon she found herself doing the same to Ben's jacket that she had to Leslie's months ago. April knows that she's starting to become delusional, but every time she has one of these minor breakdowns she hopes that she'll wake up from everything and find Andy sitting there waiting for her. Instead, all she has is Ben's shoulder to bawl into.

"I miss him so much," she mumbled into Ben's shoulder, not caring how close of a moment this was for the two of them. "I wanna see him again."

"We all miss him, April," Ben says and she can feel him sighing and stabilizing himself. "And we all miss you too."

April goes home early, after lunch, and Ben drives her back. Ever since that day she gets these shivers, those shaky and hoarse cries, and she can't get anything accomplished no matter how hard she tries. Walking into the house, she scratches Champion idly and tries again to forget everything. April attempts to find a little blankness in alcohol but all that ends up doing for her is making her hold Champion close to her and cry, remembering Andy's face when he found the dog in the corner of the shelter and his stupid grin the whole way home. She can't help it that she's gotten so used to just opening up in the middle of public places, but away from everything she felt like crying was even more pathetic – April knew she should have been able to move on by now. She _should _have stopped all of this, this awful pattern that now was ending with her blasting _The Awesome Album _over and over again, but she couldn't and the forty certainly wasn't helping things along.

Even though they never really thought about it when he was around, April starts regretting that they barely have any pictures of them together that aren't badly taken phone snaps. Despite that, she finds herself singing along to a song she's heard countless times now and flicking through dozens of pictures of them. Drowning in memories and cheap booze is the only thing April knows, focusing on Andy's voice in the songs and passing out with a bottle in her hand before the album has time to finish looping again.

* * *

_I wanna see him again_

Those words echo through April's mind for a long time, and it's a while before she eventually puts down the over-the-counter cocktail she's thrown together. She won't lie to herself and pretend that it wouldn't be easy to just finish it off and fall asleep without getting back up, but April can't even bring herself to do that simple action without thinking about how disappointed Andy would be in her. She just sees his face frowning when she holds the handful of tablets in her hand and can't put them anywhere other than on the table.

That night, after she crawls into bed and finally manages to fall asleep, April has a dream where she sits on a bench on a street she doesn't recognize and sees him. He's walking down the street with his hands in his pockets, eyes squinting against the brightness of the sun, and then he walks up to her and takes one of his hands out of a pocket and presents it to her. She takes his hand and they start walking down the street for a while, and she realizes that neither of them are saying a word at all. It seems okay though, and they continue walking down the street for a while before Andy lets go of her hand and walks away. She tries to follow him but she can't remember the way he goes so she spends the rest of the dream sitting in the middle of the street in the hopes that she'll figure out how to follow him.

April has this dream for a week and each time Andy walks up to her, smile on his face the size of a country mile, she nearly falls apart. It's almost enough to make her reconsider finding that pile of pills again. One night her dream takes a twist when he actually says something to her. The sound of voice is amazing, seeing his mouth move and his eyes full of life makes her stomach do a twist and April realizes how artificial and weak just hearing him sing on record is. This felt like reality to her.

"Hey," and his voice breaks in a way that makes April clutch her stomach like she's just been shot.

"Hi."

At least that's what April tries to say, but she can't get the word out. Her mouth feels like someone stuffed cotton inside and every time she tries to respond all she can do is choke back the syllable. For an instant Andy gives her a surprised look before everything blurs back into a haze. Waking up one night, she sits up in bed and scrambles to find the half-empty bottle sitting beside the mattress. Cracking open the cap once again, April drains it and falls back into bed where she can have a night of hazy, dreamless sleep. At least when she was drunk she could just hope that Andy would turn up in some motel in Pennsylvania trying to make his way home. At least she had that delusion for herself, so that when she speaks to herself at night she pretends that somewhere he's going to hear her.

"I'm sorry I never really told you how much you matter," she slurs to herself and the black room around her, her throat heavy, "Like, you don't even know, man. It's been the fu-fuckin' worst here. I miss everything… just, I just wanna see you again so much Andy."

The only response she gets is the heavy breathing of Champion by her feet and a low howl of a midnight wind outside. Some insane notion in the back of April's mind is screaming at her that he'll be there to answer, and then when he doesn't she can barely feel the shaking begin. Inside her room all she has is the empty bottle and the dog to keep her company, staring up at the ceiling and hoping that everything could just go back to what it was. April just wanted to see him again, and to run from the swirling madness inside of her that led to her marathon crying sessions and spending more and more money on liquor every week. Rolling her hands up in the pile of blankets, April manages to slide herself in between their spots and take up as much of the bed as possible before falling back to sleep.

As soon as she closes her eyes, the image comes back to her, the street, and Andy. The skies are a little darker and the houses look less like homes on the corridor road, shattered windows and beaten doors lining the street like badly-wrapped candies. Andy doesn't walk over to her with a comforting intent this time, either. When he reaches her, April smiles but the only thing she sees in Andy's eyes is a sad disappointment.

"You never believed in me," he says angrily with a strange glint in his eyes that April doesn't even recognize. "I was always barely anything to you, so you should be happy."

April tries, wants – desperately _needs _– to tell him he's wrong. The insanity he's speaking makes April's chest heave in rapid succession, breaths barely coming out one after another in a wild attempt at keeping her alive, and all she wants to do is to stop him. But she can't – her own silence louder than the empty words Andy was yelling.

"Face it, you never loved me. I was just a big joke to you, a big dumb joke you never really wanted around."

"That's-" and April's throat strangles the rest of the words out from her.

"You're free now April! It's gonna be awesome, you'll see – you can forget about me, go find other people, go actually fall in love," he swings his hands in a wide circle around him and April's whole body is on fire. "Look at it like getting your life back!"

The scene dissolves in her mind, Andy's face in the center of the melting void and all the anger it holds. It was all nonsense, but then April wonders if that's what Andy actually thought – if that's what he died thinking. Andy had a weirdly sensitive side that he revealed only occasionally, usually burying some emotion, but this was one side of him she never expected. It brings her out of sleep for a moment and she wakes up the next morning with a throbbing headache and a sore throat. Her hands search the bed for something to hold onto, but they come up short. She spends another shower trying to wash the tears out of her, but the only thing the water gets done is letting April cry in some imagined privacy. At least in there she pretends that it's just water rolling down her face and the pain feels less real in a brief respite – a safety of running water and horrified thoughts.

When she steps out of the shower and finds the will to put clothes on, April still has what Andy said running through her mind. One arm through a sleeve – _you hated me _ – and another chill. She slips into the same pajama pants and there he is, screaming _getting your life back _over and over again. April can hear the heartbreak in his voice and wants to touch him, to hold him and let him know that's all a lie. She just wants to see him again, to tell him everything and let him know how much he really mattered. It doesn't take much of this before she's sitting down in the living room, holding onto that stupid jersey, and April stares off – away – into the wall ahead of her as if time will bore through the siding, the flesh of the structure, and she'll find him hiding within. She'll find Andy and get to tell him that he was; no, she has to correct herself, Andy _is_ loved.

* * *

Another morning, another shot. April can barely keep the stuff down anymore, but she drinks anyways. Half of the time she's in such a stupor she can't even stand up, let alone go to work. The others try to say she's spiraling, that she's too dependent – but they don't know. None of them know what it's like to sit there, one day ready to restart your life, and feel everything disappear. Every single day of her life she tries to stop, to go forward, but all she can hear – everything she knows – is that one dream. April doesn't understand how he can think that, and it consumes her.

_You never loved me_

And April can't stop _hearing _him. In everything, in everyone, she hears him say those words over and over. In the walls his voice is like mice scurrying against joints, carrying those painful four words throughout the house like the plague they've become to her. In every inch of the house, all the squalor and stench, she wishes to be back – to be alive, and free again. April hears miniscule noises that she mistakes for his footsteps, aching to see him there in bed with her until she pushes down and hears the springs squeak again. She just wants to know what it's like to be free again, to be free-

_You never loved me_

To live in the silence, where those words lay absent and away and where she can find him again. April wants to live, to be free, but she can't bear the pain of those words. They begin to melt together into a chaos of sound, with each syllable reverberating off of the walls and return to itself to intermingle as a fuzzy, drowning torrent of noise. She grabs another bottle, barely has time to open, and is already halfway through when she hears it again – feels it rising in the back of her skull like a persistent knock.

_youneverlovedme youneverlovedme_

It's everywhere – in her blood, her bones, her home, the world. Those words penetrate everything April has ever known and she just wants them to stop, to see them for the lies they truly are, but she doesn't know how. She doesn't know what to do without him, and with those words surrounding everything she can't handle it. Trapped in her own home, a prison of insomnia and alcohol, she waits for the words-

_youneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedme_

-to stop, for her mind to be clear again. Everything will be okay, she tries to tell herself, and he knew – he knew, yeah definitely; he knew what she felt. He knew that he was-

_youneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedme_

-loved; he has to have known. She can't sleep without telling him, but then she can't sleep at all with the racket in the floor and the walls. In her body, she feels every word run across her skin like a venomous parasite burying itself deep in her. They won't _stop _and she just wants them to leave – leave, go away, she wants them gone; she wants them gone – but then she has to remember his voice, and then…

_youneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedme_

Then she has to hear the words again, spinning circles in her like an animal circling its prey. She can't escape – she wants to, she wants _to be free _but then she can't. She can't. She can't.

She can't.

_youneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedmeyouneverlovedme_


	25. Cut - Moving Up

**A/N: **All right, let's fluff it up today. When I was writing the last "check-up" (I have no clue what to call these extensions) I snuck in a line about April's anxiety asking Andy to go with her. This is that scene expanded. I hope you enjoy it and whether you do, or even if you hate it, I love feedback and would be the happiest person in the universe for a brief moment if you left something here or on tumblr.

Enjoy!

* * *

Nearing the end of the summer break, staring at a bunch of papers with a load of fancy terms like  
"acceptance" and checking online – refreshing thousands of times in the span of a few minutes – April started feeling a familiar panic rising in her chest. Sitting back in the chair, she put her hands against the edge of the table and took a few deeps trying to remember that she was nearing the finish line. She was almost there, right on the cusp of clicking a little grey box and accepting her entrance to Martin. She could have gone to more prestigious schools, but between the bills her parents had racked up sending her to a failed psychotherapist and regular living it was the best she could afford.

The problem was she hadn't told Andy at all about what she was doing.

Several times she had the urge to tell him, mostly because he was starting to get really down on himself after what had happened between him and his bandmates with the Mousrat dissolution, but she couldn't find herself doing it. In some way she was worried that he would be mad at her for abandoning him, and although she loved him April wasn't ever going to just let go of her some of the more grasping anxieties. Considering all the time they spent together it was a wonder he still bothered hanging around, but she wasn't going to stop it when every time she kissed him he still had that dumb, profound look on his face like he'd just discovered the cure for cancer.

"Hon, Andy's here," her mother called from the living room.

"Cool," she yelled back, tapping the track pad on her laptop idly and clicking away the little dropdown that kept appearing and reappearing because of it.

April had invited him over with the intention of letting him know that she planned to leave for Indianapolis. Between all of the days messing around in town and the nights they spent together April had gotten more and more comfortable with Andy around, to the point that she rarely had to speak with him if something was bothering her. He had started to _sense _things when they were off, and not having to voice the words was a godsend to her – the fact that sometimes he'd wake up sympathetically when she couldn't sleep, and sit with her in the dark just holding her was more than she could have hoped for.

"What up, squeeze?" Andy entered with, looking at the mess on the kitchen table and leaving a quick kiss on her cheek before sitting down next to her.

He was still dressed in the same dirty sweats from the night before, a jacket slung over his shoulders and barely covering up his odor, and the effects of the breakup were still heavy on his face. April hated his music, at least the actual listening to it part, so all she could do was listen to him sing bad power ballads to himself over and over again in the morning.

"Not much, just… doing something," she answered, glancing up to her mother who was making her way into the kitchen.

"Andy, please don't wear your shoes in here," Mrs. Ludgate said pleadingly, pointing at his feet. "I can barely keep Zuzu out of the mud, you know that."

"Yeah, sorry about that," he said while pulling one of his sneakers off and giving April's mother an apologetic look. "So what's the something you're doing, babe?"

April's mother laughed at the expression tacked on to the end of that sentence and April just tried to hold back a grimace. The older woman walked out of the room shaking her head, taking Andy's shoes from him to put by the front door. It wasn't that she didn't like it when he called her by dumb nicknames – they were all certainly better than "Zuzu" – but they were starting to remind her that she was keeping her plans a secret from Andy. For what reason she had even initially kept him she couldn't really remember, but she knew she had to at least tell him.

"I, um, hey I don't want you to get mad at me or anything," April started, rubbing her index fingers against her thumbs just to have something to do with her hands.

"Uhh… okay?" he gave her a confused look and brought his arms up to the table to lean his hand on them. "Shoot."

"So I applied to this dumb little school in Indianapolis and I got in," she glanced sideways trying to avoid him and focus on the little text boxes on the laptop. "I don't even know what I want to do yet, but I didn't tell you and I'm sorry and-"

"Dude, that's awesome," he interrupted with an excited shout, standing up to walk over and give her a big hug.

After he was done and he had sat back down all April could day was stare at him, confused.

"Andy, you realize I'm gonna be moving right?" she asked, still wary of his enthusiasm.

"Oh yeah," he said with a sudden realization dawning on his face, scratching his beard before he continued like he hadn't missed a beat. "It's not that far is it? Ben only has to drive like a few hours or something to come hang out here. I could, like, do that too."

"Why aren't you mad? You're supposed to be mad at me right now," April exclaimed, stopping her hands' previous movements and looking at Andy squarely in the eyes to try and find something there.

"Why?" he asked, seriously confusion in his voice.

"Because I totally did this behind your back and now I'm moving and I kind of don't want to because I'm gonna miss you a lot and I'm sort of scared," she got out in a rush before she had time to think about what she said meant.

Taking a deep breath, she watched Andy's look go from confused to a little surprised before his eyes warmed and the corners of his mouth turned up in a small smile. As if on cue he motioned for her to move closer to him. Cautiously she stepped towards him and pushed herself onto his lap and meeting his hand halfway between them.

"If you think I'm not gonna visit you every single weekend – and probably, like, most days – then you're the dumbest person I've ever known," he said softly, rubbing his thumb over the curve of her knuckles.

"I love you," she mumbled to him, looking down at their hands.

"Love you too," he replied, kissing her temple.

"But, that's not what I was thinking," April said quickly, appending her previous statement before she got too caught up in the moment and didn't bother to ask him. "I was wondering, actually, if you'd… um, come with me?"

"Babe, I'm not going to college," he stated matter-of-factly, chuckling.

"No," she laughed and smacked his arm playfully with her free hand, "I meant I want to find some piece of crap apartment and I want you to go with me. Like, y'know…"

"Like, move in together?" and Andy's face was a mixture of surprise and maybe a little fear.

"Oh, you don't have to babe," she corrected herself hastily and the moment the word babe slipped out of her mouth she wanted to pretend that had never happened. "Ugh no, I mean you don't have to. It's cool. We'll just do the other thing."

There were a few seconds, only a handful of heartbeats, where April thought he was going to fall back on his old plan. She'd miss him for sure, and she'd miss the support, but it was workable. They could definitely work it out, though it was definitely in the back of April's mind that Andy should just go with her.

"That could be cool, right?" he spoke up, interrupting her wandering mind with a thoughtful expression. "I mean, it's gonna be weird probably but it could be awesome too and I'm always down for awesome."

"Really, you're in?" she asked, a little skeptical at his sudden change of heart.

"Hell yes I'm in!" he stood up and brought April with him in her curled up position, one arm under her legs and another supporting her back.

"I seriously love you a lot, Andy," she whispered to him, her eyes flitting around his face instinctively.

Darting in, she left him with a brief kiss that gave him a hint at what she was asking from him. Understanding the subtle nudge, and the burgeoning grin on her face, he leant in and returned her kiss with fervor while April slipped her hand around his neck to grab a small tuft of hair. After a while they broke apart and Andy gave her that look that always made her feel important and wanted.

"Yeah, like I said, I love you too," and it was quiet.

It was quiet with a little undertone of wanting, almost like a beggar, and April craved hearing it. That's why she had been so hesitant about asking him, she guessed, but now – in the weird cradled position she was – that seemed like the stupidest thought in the world.


	26. Slide

**A/N: **Very brief fluff missing-moment type thing. My only inspiration for this is that drunk people can be both super enlightening and annoying to talk to. Anyways, remember that you can always talk to _me_ if you've got an idea or some feedback, like, whenever on tumblr.

* * *

April could feel her head spinning, moving in indistinct patterns round and round – sometimes stopping at a full three-sixty and other times pivoting back and forth in semicircles – while she sat there passing the bottle between her and Andy. There wasn't a whole lot they could do together considering how insanely broke the two of them were, so most times they just sat around one of the others' houses and watched TV. That night they had managed to get Burly to leave them the handle of Jack which was, sadly, starting to diminish with each pass.

"Y'know," Andy started, clearly intending to finish something until he took a drink and seemed to forget what he wanted to say.

It seemed hilarious to April for some reason, watching him sway in his spot a little trying to remember what he had wanted to say. Laughing and tipping forward, April lost her balance and nearly fell over before she steadied herself against the armrest of the couch.

"Y'know, you're awesome April," he finally finished slowly.

"Yeah, I know," she replied, stopping to take another swig before continuing. "You're pretty cool too."

"Why didn't… ugh, why didn't we just, like, do this before?" he asked, confused and squinting at her.

"Because…" April had to close her eyes and focus on staying still for a second to finish her sentence, "because of… what's her name? The one, uh, y'know the bitch that's-"

"You're awesome April," he repeated, putting the bottle down on the ground and sitting back in the chair, staring away from her and at the ceiling.

"No, that's not it…" she trailed off, following Andy's eyes to the ceiling and regretting the motion before turning back to him. "Ann, her… that's; that's why."

Andy groaned, either because of the mention of Ann or because his method dealing with his own spins was going very poorly. Either way, April sat there watching him and her head didn't clear up one bit and she still sat there wondering what it would have been like if she had gone to Indianapolis and left him here. While she considered how much fun she had been having the past few weeks, and that awesome feeling she got in her stomach when he looked at her and when they kissed, Andy just widened his eyes as he stared at the ceiling fan.

"Y'know, you're awesome…" he repeated again before his face turned serious and he shifted his gaze to her. "You glad you stayed here?"

That was another thing she learned about him, how he could be weirdly perceptive. Most of the time he was just ever so close to the real problem but, every once and a while, he'd nail it and surprise her. April didn't expect him to be that observant while drunk, causing her to close her eyes and crack her neck so she could try and kick some clarity into her system.

"Why d'you ask that?" she slurred, looking at the half-empty bottle and wondering just how bad tomorrow was going to be.

"Because… you're so awesome, and all we do is stuff like this," and Andy pointed down to the bottle before holding his hands out and talking while focusing on them. "I mean… like, I want to buy you a fuckin' boat or something. Or build you one, and… and we can go be pirates or something."

"What the hell are you talking about?" April could barely follow him by now, confused where the boat came from let alone piracy. "This is awesome."

Every time they hung out he always had a sad, disappointed look on his face. She just assumed that he wasn't as into her as he had initially thought, or something like that because her brief clarity was starting to melt away into a weird, shaky feeling. For a second April thought she was going to pass out on the spot until she heard Andy struggle with words again. He was still staring at his hands, squeezing them together, and his entire body was swaying ever so slightly left to right.

"I dunno…" he started but couldn't figure out the words to finish the sentence because his eyes were going all over the place and focusing on nothing.

"You're weird, dude," she said casually, feeling something like a smile creep onto her face.

"And you," he pointed at her, his eyes suddenly focused on her and words steadier, "you are awesome, April. You are so-"

"I know Andy," she complained, getting annoyed at him repeating those words over and over again.

"I love you, man," he chuckled, sitting back in his chair and kicking his feet up on the table.

April sat there for a moment, his words not quite connecting in her head as a whole thought for a while, and watched him drift into sleep quickly. As soon as she put her head back on the armrest and tried her best to stretch out on the small sofa, the idea coalesced in her head. She didn't have much time to think about it before she passed out.

In the morning she could only remember very vaguely what was bothering her. Leaving after a breakfast of bagel bites and flat soda, it took her until she was back in her house smashed up in her blankets against a pillow to remember exactly what he had said. Even if he was completely gone, and to be fair they were both hammered beyond recognition, he had said he loved her with a big stupid grin on his face. It was kind of awesome, and April really liked the strange feeling she got from it – almost like being picked up and dropped so hard and fast her stomach didn't know how to respond. She had to catch herself grinning in her pillow like a stupid teenager, remembering that he probably just meant it like he'd say to his friends when he was drunk. Even so, she couldn't get that ridiculous, light feeling out of her body and decided that when they went to the Harvest Festival setup she'd try it out herself – see how it felt to return the words without a thousand pounds of alcohol on her brain.

"I love you," she whispered to herself against the pillow and for a split second April wanted to vomit at how childish she was being.

Then she got that feeling again, imagining Andy staring at her like the giant child he was and pushing her up against whatever solid object was nearest. Yeah, she kinda liked that feeling a whole lot.


	27. Insomnia and Lullabies

**A/N: **Anonymously requested baby-fluff, anyone? Well, that's what you're getting! Trying to get this one out early because I have the free time this afternoon and trying to squeeze one of these in on the weekends can be really hard. If you want to make my time writing these every day a little easier, remember that you can always give me feedback or send requests/prompts/whatever you kids call them these days in to my tumblr.

Ya'll are the best, each and every one of you that reviews or even just reads. It means a lot to me and helps me keep going on this _insane _journey.

* * *

At first, and even then that only meant a few hours, it was cute: all the crapping she did, all the screaming, and every single time she cried it would only take April picking her up to calm her down. Then, when night fell, everything Roberta did stopped being so _cute _and started to converge into a so-called _hellish nightmare_. April made a pathetic, complaining noise whenever they heard the baby start crying at around four in the morning and Andy was at the point where if he sat down for longer than ten minutes in the middle of the day he'd fall straight to sleep.

"Andy, can you please get her," April whimpered, rolling back to her side of the bed. "I actually want to sleep, y'know, for once."

"Yep," he answered quickly before his primitive brain took over and pushed him into sleep and an argument.

Walking back to the spare room turned nursery, Andy rubbed at his eyes and pretended he wasn't as ridiculously tired as she was. In reality he probably wasn't and Andy knew that, and she had taken many of the nightly duties for the past week, but his eyes were barely keeping open. That is, until he started getting closer to the crying baby. Then he was fully alert because it would be impossible to drift off in that sonic fury.

"Okay, okay, okay," he tried getting louder than her, but all that did was make her stop for a second before returning to belligerent screaming. "All right, that didn't work."

He tried picking her up and doing what he'd seen April do with her – which was mostly just rubbing her back and walking circles, mumbling how much she wanted to go back to bed – but that didn't really pan out either. Feeding her wasn't the solution since all the baby did was stare idly at him and the bottle. He couldn't blame her – a plastic nipple was definitely no match for the real thing – so Andy kept her cradled in his arms while he walked around the nursery trying to figure something out. She hadn't crapped herself awake at least, because the last time that had happened April had screamed for him in the middle of the night. He thought it was someone who had broken in based on the shrill yell, at first, but then all he had to find in the nursery was April waving her hands and pointing at the half-open diaper.

Turns out, Andy's way better at handling poop than April. Probably because he had been watching the labor firsthand, and not under an epidural, and everything sort of goes out the window after you see the excess bag – the contained blood behind the placenta, the dripping _other _materials, and everything else that Andy would have been just fine never seeing come out of his wife's body. But, there he was, and so he had developed the natural intestinal fortitude that shoehorned him into changing a lot of the more troublesome diapers.

"Shh, let's go to sleep," he tried whispering to his daughter to no avail. "We can go to sleep, and then wake up, and then you can cry and we can get mommy in here."

Then Roberta, against all evidence claiming it impossible, somehow started crying even _louder_. Giving a ragged sigh, Andy tried thinking harder about how he was supposed to get her to calm down. Everything he knew was starting to fall apart, all the tricks he'd picked up from April and Leslie.

"Oh duh," he exclaimed, remembering what Leslie said, "you're tired!"

The baby whined in response and Andy knew he was right. The only problem was that he didn't know how to get her _back _to sleep. Leslie told them that she might just kick herself awake or suddenly break her own sleeping schedule, forcing them to wake up at obscene hours often, and when April asked how Leslie managed that with three kids she gave Ben a quick smile and the bags under their eyes seemed to become more pronounced.

"You are the loudest little baby, like ever," he started singing to her, trying to figure out what the hell to do with her. "The loudest, the cutest, and the… uh, poopiest."

He landed on a melody with the last line – enunciating the little suffix at the end of every word – and went along with it. Soon he was humming it when he couldn't figure out words because he was trying to find something like a toy or a book he could read to her. If it wasn't a lullaby Andy wished he had his guitar so he could actually figure out a way to make a song out of it – he had to keep reminding himself that it was a lullaby because that vocal melody kicked ass.

"Roberta, your name takes too long to say," he half-sang while laughing and picking up the little weird baby chew toy that he could never remember the name of even though April constantly told him not to call it a chew toy. "How do I make that a line…?"

When he stopped singing and humming, finally having found the pacifier lying next to where she had been asleep prior to her tantrum, Andy noticed something amazing about the room: _quiet_. Looking down, she was already asleep with two of her fingers stuck in her mouth and quietly – and that was the key word, _silently _– snoozing. Putting her down gently and then, after maintaining the support on her head all the way down like April had been so terrified that he wouldn't be able to, Andy took a step back and watched her kick a little from the sudden change in close body heat.

Andy loved his kid: he loved watching her sit there with her strange baby face that always looked either confused or completely oblivious to everything, and giving up most times he'd usually spend writing songs or practicing music for her wasn't that bad, but none of it was bad. Except maybe getting up suddenly at five in the morning to do this and that was only terrible in the moment. Afterwards, watching her sleep gave him a weird proud feeling in his chest. It was like he'd finally done it – like he, Andy Dwyer, had made a freaking baby and with the coolest chick in the universe to top it all off.

Andy really did love his life.

Giving a sigh of relief, he ambled back to bed feeling like sleep would be the most beautiful thing in the world. When he opened the bedroom door April was sitting up, earbuds in and likely listening to one of those stupid relaxation mixes Leslie had sent her. Noticing him enter, she took one out and gave him an inquisitive expression.

"She's out for the count," he grumbled, flopping down next to her and rolling over in the hopes that he'd immediately pass out.

"That was fast," she admitted. "I'm impressed, that's probably your best time babe."

"Yeah, I know," he got out through a stifled yawn.

There was a moment there where Andy almost fell asleep – and it was _so _close he could almost feel his mind going completely blank – until he felt April move in the bed. Soon her head was on his shoulder and he had to turn around. She had a giant smile plastered on her face, almost like Andy in a candy store.

"Hi," he said eyes wide and worried that this was one of those nightmares where April turned out to be a serial killer.

"Thanks for getting her, but I couldn't sleep anyways," she raised her eyebrows. "So, I was thinking…"

"Honey, I'm pretty sure I'd just pass out," he yawned again and April scrunched her nose up at his breath. "Sorry, didn't uh, brush last night I guess."

"Last night?" she asked, laughing.

"Well, this week," he admitted. "Okay, I should probably get better at that right?"

"It's a definite maybe," she nodded.

Then she threaded her fingers through his hair and pushed herself even closer to him. Andy might have literally passed out if they tried having sex, and not for a lack of wanting since they hadn't had the time for it and April was as far off from wanting it for the first little while, but he couldn't resist it when she forcefully pushed his head towards hers. Or when her hands came dangerously close to peeling the skin off of his ass, or when she bit his top lip and opened her eyes slightly and it was all kind of a blur to Andy now that he tried thinking about which part was the hottest.

He _could_, however, admit that hearing Roberta start crying and April laughing against his chest telling him to go work his magic again wasn't quite as hot.


	28. Her

**A/N: **This, without a doubt, is the most intrusive thing I've ever written. It is not biographical, but it does draw a rather large amount from someone very close to me. I was given permission to write this only because she said that I did it justice, at least while maintaining a positive ending, and I can only hope you can enjoy it.

It's definitely very AU, but even then only barely so. Either way, let me know how I handled this because... well, because. Thanks!

10.15.14 - edits and additions; clarification, etc.

* * *

She hopes that no one notices the bruises on her arms or the more subtle changes, but April can't help it when the shoeshine guy looks at her the way he does and she smiles back. She remembers and stuffs her hands back into the pockets of the jacket she's wearing, looking away and trying to forget about him.

_Him_.

That word makes April's stomach twist, like a foreign object that's been stuck in her body for far too long in need of emergency removal, and she has to sit down and focus on work for once to get the word out of her head. All she can relate to that word is hearing her father scream it at the top of his lungs, and the bruises sting again and everything starts hurting in her body like an eternal agonizing yell. Things seem to go okay for the first few hours of the day, but it's starting to become impossible to focus on anything before she has to excuse herself from a meeting.

"Hey April," Andy says to her when she passes him.

"Yeah," she returns, not even sure what he had said in the first place.

She goes home – home might not be the word she would have used – and ignores Leslie's calls for the next few hours. She's willing to take the next few weeks of lectures and berating, but she can't stand being _there _anymore. Not now, not with him. She packs things: clothes, a handful of whatever bottles are still sitting in the shower, and manages to stuff her laptop inside of the bag as well as a last thought. He's not there, and she doesn't know where she wants to go but it's not her "home." It's not that _house_.

She answers Leslie, but with a request. April can feel the shivers all over her body and the achy, whispering voice she can barely produce.

"Hey Leslie," she interrupts when the older woman begins with a tirade about responsibility.

"April?" and Leslie's suddenly calmer, like she hears the weight behind April's shuddering words. "What's wrong?"

"I just need a place to stay for…" she stops, wondering what she should say, "I need somewhere to be for, like, a couple days."

Leslie doesn't answer immediately and in that silence April feels the weight of the bag on her back like it's going to keep her tethered to that place. Home has lost all of its meaning to her there and all April wants is for Leslie to say okay and to be there when everyone else wasn't.

"Okay," Leslie finally sighs, "but I want you to tell me why."

"Please pick me up and we'll talk about it," April asks her and she tries not to think about how whiny and needy she sounds.

It doesn't take long for April to see Leslie drive up to the house, idling and waiting for her to come out. April practically sprints for the car, throwing her things in the backseat and vaulting in through the passenger side door. Leslie doesn't say a word on the ride, though April can sense her looking and trying to bore into her head with just a stare. It doesn't work, it definitely doesn't break April's resolve, and all it does is end up making the drive even more uncomfortable. At least for Leslie since all the younger girl can think is one single word:

_Escape. _

At Leslie's ramshackle organizational nightmare house, April tries to postpone it as much as possible. It's only been a few years of this, of daily emotional and physical scarring, and the wounds are still fresh in her body. Every breath in the small living room, even smaller from the stacks of books and magazines, is like freedom to her until Leslie sits down across from her on the sofa and gives her a demanding glare. Instead of saying anything, April just takes her jacket off and shows Leslie the marks – mostly on her arms and shoulders, some on her stomach, others covered by heavy makeup around her neck, but she neglects to show her the ones on her chest.

"Who did this to you?" Leslie asks, holding April's arm gently and moving a hand over one of the yellowing bruises.

April shakes her head and pulls her arm away. Retreating back to her corner of the couch, she takes another drink of the hot chocolate Leslie's made for the night and asks for a blanket. It's another hour before the older woman relents and brings her a blanket.

"I can help, April," she says in the dark before she heads off to go to sleep.

But she doesn't care about getting help – she just wants to be _away._

In the morning, they say nothing to one another all the way to City Hall. April wears the same clothes and nearly forgets to cover her neck, thankful for someone else there to remind her. No one asks why they carpool that day, and no one really seems to care which is great. Everything seems totally normal until she goes out for lunch.

"Hey," and it's Andy again.

She walks away from him, halfway to running away and hoping he'd just go away, but it's not going to work and she knows it. April just wants him to stop for a moment and leave her alone.

"Hey," he says once again, right behind her but nearly shouting. "Hey, April!"

"What?" she turns around, very nearly causing him to run into her.

"Dunno, you're just kinda… hey, you wanna get one of those new mozzarella meatball pizza things?" he suddenly asks and his voice quiets – _a lot _– like he's trying not to be abrasive or loud. "I mean, it's your lunch break so I thought… maybe, we could, like, do that…"

"No," she says quickly and turns around.

"Okay," he comes back with, all tired and sort of defeated.

"I mean," and April has to turn back around so that he knows she's talking to him, "I'm gonna go grab something then I'll be back."

Andy smiles back at her and she wants to, but can't find the will to actually give him a real grin so all April does is nod and go back to her route to the cafeteria. She quickly picks something up, some bizarre sandwich with a bunch of ingredients she would never be able to pick out individually, and makes her way back to the shoeshine stand where Andy's talking to Ann. Standing there, watching him talk to her – _her _and it's so real, _her_ – April feels her hand ball into a fist but doesn't realize she's still holding the wrap in that one until it's nearly split in two. Then he notices April, and Ann walks away, but April can barely resist the urge to scream when she sits down next to Andy and Ann's long gone.

"So, what'd you get?" he asks, and she should have known what going out for lunch meant.

"You can have this part," she gave him one of the halves from before. "I have no idea what this is, there's a bunch of meat on it though."

"Cool," and Andy takes a massive bite out of his.

April barely nibbles at her half, not really sure why she suddenly lost all appetite, and takes to watching Andy's personality change in an instant when food's involved. It was as if the weird care she heard in his voice before was just a show he put on.

"Next time just ask me to buy you lunch," she finds herself saying for no reason at all.

"Sorry," he admits and April feels her chest collapse under a different weight than she's used to.

"It's cool," she replies and it seems like her façade works because Andy gives her another smile.

"So why'd you come in with Leslie today?" he asks and April freezes mid-bite. "I mean, you usually drive here or something but I never see you guys come in together."

"I got up early," she hastily explains but all she gets from him is a confused crane of his neck. "I left work early yesterday and I guess I just got a bunch of extra sleep or something last night."

April hates how simple he is right then. She never wants to ask anyone for help, she hates the very idea of it, but she wants Andy to talk to her and ask her things that matter a little more than pizza burgers. Then she remembers that there's always going to be Ann, who despite her age _is _Ann, and April has to put her food down again before she either vomits or bursts into tears. It's been happening way too often for her liking, and the doctor said it's very natural but nothing about it's natural – at least that's what her dad said.

_Not Natural._

Andy's finally finished his food while April can only sit and think about it. It, at least before, was just another little pronoun that never affected her and now it was everything to her. _It _was everything, and she was _it _to everyone. Like an object, a thing without and within having no real identity. She was an _it _now, and Ann was _her_. But April has to try and stop thinking about that or else she knows she'll cry and cause a scene. And then questions, and then he'd know.

"You okay?" Andy asks quietly, and he feels so close to April that she can hardly breathe. "I've seen you eat a whole pizza before."

He's pointing to the little half-wrap that's barely been bitten into, and April wants to tell him like nothing else. She knows how he'll react though, how they've all reacted and she's grown tired of being punched in the face. Broken bones didn't suit her, she decided.

"Fine," she gets the word out and shoves herself away from him when his hand rests on her arm.

"Okay," he says quietly and she has to walk back to work because she can feel herself growing insistent at his touch.

The day passes by and April tries not to think about Ann or Andy or anything at all other than ensuring that she never has to look at anything resembling work. Thankfully it had only been a day so the phone calls wouldn't start coming for a few more days – April regularly stayed anywhere besides her previous house – but she wondered just how long it would take them to realize she wasn't coming back this time. At least, she didn't want to be near her father ever again. The unfortunate side effect of staying with Leslie was that April had to stay behind an extra handful of hours than she usually would have, which meant more possible interactions with people – with Andy.

She hates the feeling she gets in her lower gut when she sees him, almost like a sore reminder of her life, and tries to ignore him and everything with which he had to do. It's even worse when he's so close to her, like that day, and he seems like he's trying and cares and his touch is too exhilarating to ignore. Then she has to run, escape to the bathroom or somewhere private to take deep breaths and relax the itching feelings away.

"Ludgate," Andy's in front of the permits counter and she wants to him to be gone, and wonders for a moment if he actually lives there, "what's up? Thought you'd be gone by now."

"Why are _you _here still?" she asks defensively, opening an empty folder and staring at it hoping he'd get the message. "You coulda left, like, hours ago."

"Well, that's… true," he says and she has to bite back a laugh. "If I go home though that means I just kinda sit by myself doing nothing."

"What happened to the band?" she voices her confusion, already too interested to back away.

"Burly's got this hot new girlfriend and she's, like, super rich and stuff," he nods while he speaks though his eyes are still on her, "so that's boring. Besides, if you're gonna stay that means we can hang out more. That's cool, right?"

"Sure," she manages to get out and there's a faint smile on her lips and she can feel it but she doesn't care.

They don't really say anything much after that, which is all right by April since when Andy talked too much he usually ends up saying something either stupid or becomes oddly observant in the blink of an eye. The last thing she needs is for him to become observant of her. She half-expects Ann to come in for some reason and walk away with him, almost like the dreams and say the words that make April's entire body quiver in fear of, but that never happens. It's another hour of just them when Leslie walks out, and there's a sad exchange of glances she shares with Andy that puts April's entire body on hold.

_No._

Then he does the shitty attempt at stealing looks she's known guys to do – to other people, at least – and his eyes do that sort of roll over her arms and he actually breaks to look at her very closely. It feels like her entire body is exposed and April looks at Leslie pleadingly, but there's something else there.

"April," and when the older woman starts talking she knows it's too late to back out. "I've been talking with some people…"

With a shrug of her head to the side, she indicates to Andy who stands up incredibly quickly.

"Yeah, and I asked someone else about it and… uh," Andy's losing focus but April feels like she has to figure out a method of escape before it's too late.

Sadly she knows that Andy would be able to grab her too quickly and Leslie likely already made sure there wasn't any way out of this for her. Somehow it felt worse than just confiding in herself and pretending everyone just didn't notice her.

"Ann, he talked to Ann," Leslie explains and April groans, "and she wants to make sure you're doing all right and none of this will have any lasting damage."

"No," April says far too quickly, "I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me."

_He can't know._

It's all she can think, because if Ann knows – Ann, the beautiful nurse, _she_ – if she knows then Andy will know. There's no way he wouldn't know and April can't bear feeling his look of disgust.

"April, if you think I'm this stupid to not have figured this out by now," Leslie says forcefully, putting her hands on desk, "if you think I haven't figured out why you left your parents' house with signs of abuse all over you – then I've been doing an awful job here."

"I don't – it's not," and April feels a ripping in her chest like she wants to tell her but it's impossible. Not with him there, not with Andy _there_.

"April," Andy's hand falls on hers and she sees a crease in his forehead, a care in his voice that hits her harder than any thrown fist.

She has to pull away from him or she just might break, the truth might slip out, and April sits back down in her chair. The hormones are doing their work, and she can feel unwanted mood swings filter through her body in that very instant – searching for the right one, the correct solution. So all she can do is cry. Break down in the middle of her work in front of Leslie and Andy: one person she thought she could trust and the other that made April finally make the hardest decision of her life and continue with the transition.

It seems to catch Leslie by surprise, and Andy's definitely unprepared for it, but it doesn't take long until Andy's next to her and crouched down by the chair. Almost like he wants to be there, and then his arm moves around her shoulder and he's pulling her into his body and – for an instant – she thinks he knows. It feels like he's always known, and that it's okay and everything will be okay, but then she has to pull herself back to reality when Leslie's standing there in front of her desk and looks guilty at her own brusque attack.

"It's okay, I'm just…" and April has to take a deep breath because now she wants to say it. "I have something I want to say, y'know."

"We can help you April," Leslie says and she doesn't even know how much she already has. "You can stay at my house as long as you like, your parents can't do anything about that, and we can find somewhere for you far away from them-"

"It's not about that," and April's heart beats so fast she wonders if she'll die if she actually says it. "It's… I…"

April falters, her voice suddenly unable to work, and all she can think about is turning to see Andy horrified when he realizes the girl he's kissed twice now and who desperately wants him isn't who she says she is – that April isn't _she_. Then his hand's holding hers again and his look is just _Andy_ and part of her wonders if it'll ever be okay with him even if he does come to terms with it without having to physically harm her.

"Andy, I really like you and I want you to promise me something," she has to ask him.

"Sure, totally – anything," he sits up a little straighter and she wants everything here to be so real. "I'll do whatever."

"Just don't hit me," is all she can say.

Leslie has to turn around and walk away, and April can feel the insecurity bubbling to a font when she says it. Andy looks confused, and almost hurt, like that was the last thing he expected. It's wonderful that he thinks that now – _now _when April is April and not when she was _he _– but it doesn't matter what he thinks before. What matters to her is what he does when he knows.

"I think I can handle that," he chuckles and she cracks a small smile despite still wanting to drown in her own tears.

"Andy, seriously, just…" she sighs and slumps in the chair a little bit, "I don't even know how to say it actually."

"Then just say something, I dunno," he says by now so confused and she can't blame him, "I always say stuff and have no idea what it's supposed to mean."

"Andy, do you like me?" she asks, trying to find a way to bridge the gap she was struggling jumping over.

"Yeah, like a lot," he doesn't hesitate to respond.

"Okay," and April takes a few short, hard breaths before continuing, "do you like me because I'm a girl?"

It hurts to say it, and she hasn't even really said anything to him _really_, and Andy's only reaction is a confused look. She has to blink away a few tears when Leslie returns because she just doesn't know how to tell him this.

"Just answer that, please," she begs him.

"I mean… I don't know?" he answers, and she can tell he's being honest. "It's not _because _you're a girl you're just the coolest girl that I've ever known – no offense Leslie."

"None taken," Leslie whispers, sitting down on April's desk.

"Would you…" April's crying again and she can't help it because he's already answered her question unwittingly. "If I were a guy, would you still like me?"

April can see Leslie come to the realization immediately, but she does her best not to overreact. April's thankful for that because Andy's clearly struggling with it.

"What, like, would I still want to be with you if you were a dude?" he suggests.

"Sure," she quickly says.

"I don't know… I mean, maybe," he considers her answer very carefully. "I've never had that with a guy before so I dunno. Maybe? Who knows – life's too short I always-"

"Andy, no," she whispers. "I..."

It's a few breaths, only a handful of seconds, but to April telling him this is more important than anything else. Nothing else matters to her other than making sure he knows who she is, who she _was_, and she'd give up the next year to explain it to him if it meant acceptance. Even her own mother was only so supportive before it became clear April was alone in this, alone before Leslie and Andy. At least that's what she hoped the results were. It's so hard to think of the words though and she can feel jolting pains all throughout telling April to stop and go back to living in shame and fear of what they'd think. Then she sees Andy look at her expectantly, rubbing her back idly and with more care in his eyes than she thought possible from him, and there's Leslie who's just waiting for her to tell him. She knows, and April knows she can trust Leslie with this information, but he's a different story.

"I'm confused April," he admits, "but I really like you and if you need to tell me something this important... I, uh, don't know."

"It's really hard to just _say_," she returns and laughs a little, looking at Leslie who just nods to her silently.

There are a few more moments where they stay still, sitting the three of them together in the Parks offices by April's desk and she's just happy that two of the closest people in her life - as much as she would hate to admit it on any other day, it was true - are being _there_ and letting her take the time she needs. They're, both of them, letting her be _her_.

"Andy, you remember my birthday party?" she asks, because it's one of the most important days for her.

"Sure, I think. I mean, I kinda remember drinking a lot and you being mad at me," he looks down and gives her a little grin. "You looked amazing, I mean you always do but you looked..."

"Beautiful?" she offers, her voice catching a little in her throat.

"Yeah," he agrees readily. "What does that have to do with this?"

It wasn't that he thought she was attractive, or that he was giving her his attentions, but April felt accepted already in that moment. It made saying the next sentence so much easier, even if she was worried halfway through that it had been a mistake to tell him. She should have just gone through with her plan of waiting until after she was through with her physical transition, at least that's what she thinks. Still, the words spill out of her without struggle.

"I used to be... Andy, I'm not a girl. I mean, I am - I am in here," she has to rectify that statement because he's confused and it's fine because she knows there's so much physical evidence saying otherwise, and she points to herself to punctuate the statement. "I wasn't though, for a long time. I've always been a girl, and somewhere I always knew that, but not to other people - not to everyone else. I've always been _April _but if you looked at me just a few years ago you'd call me a he."

She doesn't know what he's going to do now that she's laid everything bare. More bare than any other person she's ever said this to. The only response she can get is quiet while his hand continues its motions on her back. His silence scares her so much that she finds herself continuing. It takes a few seconds to catch her breath because that _silence _is so damning and confusing at the same time.

"And I was so afraid that if you knew you'd hate me forever and I don't think I can handle that," she explains.

"Why would I hate you?" Andy asks sincerely, and Leslie is still silent throughout this exchange.

"Because I lied to you, and - and the last time I told someone this they weren't exactly happy about it," she has to look away from him or else she knows he'll give her another confused look and she doesn't want to explain that story. "And I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I was so scared and..."

Andy doesn't let her finish, and when he moves his hands to her shoulders there's a moment where April tenses up and expects it to come - the hit - but it never does, and all he can do is bring her into a tight hug. Leslie bites her lip and looks away, and April doesn't take more than an instant to return the embrace. She doesn't know what's elicited it, but if her last physical memory of Andy gets to be something like this that'll be okay with her. Thankfully when he breaks the hug he's still looking at her no differently - like he's still seeing April.

"I don't want you to be afraid of me," he says and it's a strange, calming voice coming out of him that's at the same time so unlike him but still _Andy_. "I care about you so much, and I don't - this doesn't change anything about that."

She knows it could be a mistake, and she knows he could still return it with violence, but April kisses him anyways. She can't help when her hands take his head and grab his hair, wanting him so badly to understand and it to be okay, and he doesn't resist. April doesn't stop when he pulls her against his body and April knows he can feel her, she knows he really truthfully _understands_ what she was about to say right in that moment because her body can barely handle with massive overflow of hormones in her system. He doesn't stop her though, and April's thankful for that at first but she knows it's only a matter of contact before he gets the full force of what that means, so she breaks off prematurely to look at him.

"You're okay with this – with me?" she asks, her voice so infinitesimally small between them she worries he'll never hear her say those words.

"It doesn't matter to me," he's almost quieter than her somehow and Leslie makes a choking noise when he says it. "I really, really like you April. Like, can I put any more really's in front of that before I get my point across?"

She knows he's still not quite there about what this actually means for them, but that's okay. April can't get over the idea that someone in her life that she actually trusts and wants to be around is supporting her now. She can barely feel the movements when she goes back to kiss Andy again and there's no shiver from him or even a second of revulsion in his hands when they go around her waist.


	29. Degenerate

**A/N**: I know, I'm about to subject you to something I haven't forced on anyone in a long time - my poetry.

With that comes all the mismanaged rhyme schemes that devolve at a whim (like this one!) but I swear it's April/Andy I'm talking about here. Anyways, remember that you can hit me up with requests/prompts on tumblr or leave feedback/review/comment/whatever wherever you can get your hands on an inbox!

* * *

Some things fit just right  
A glove for two  
I'm no object but it's okay  
We've been through more than I can say  
Glass pane, colored bright  
Reds – blues for you  
Insincere too  
Some say we're lost with no clear way  
Who cares; we know right-

From wrong, it's easy  
You – me – that's right  
Everything else is just dead weight  
Nothing, no life, not our branded fate  
Fuck metaphors – sleazy  
Not in the right way, either  
It's all a mess – but we're a mess

I'm okay with a mess  
Tell me, just whisper it –

Are you okay with this mess?  
Me, that is?  
I know I'm a mess, but we're – together –  
We're a controlled chaos  
And I can't stop looking at it

You're that whirlwind picking up speed  
Taking off with all of these shitty analogues  
Taking off with me  
Leaving behind me, you

We're left behind with "us"

And I kinda like it


	30. Congratulations and Ann

**A/N: **This will never, ever, ever happen again. Double post day, that is. I figured a lot of people wouldn't be into the whole poetry thing so I pulled this one off the backburner and decided to post it early. So, yeah, that happened. Don't fret, there will be another chapter tomorrow and all that ish.

Whatever, enjoy!

* * *

Ever since they returned from their brief honeymoon, April had been hearing nothing but congratulations and approvals from random people she didn't even know knew her or Andy. That was fine, since most of the strangers were just walking gags that she could make fun of with Andy later, but there was always one – always one that she couldn't stand hearing niceties from:

Ann.

It didn't matter the occasion – fair-weather or not – but usually April enjoyed drinking by herself, or rather she enjoyed drinking sans-Ann. That night, however, when Andy decided to take her out for a night on the town – which really just meant going to the Snakehole then making out in the parking lot until they either did something that warranted police attention or they woke up the next morning hungover in the same spot – April found herself alone when he made an emergency bathroom stop. She _was _alone, at least, until someone stumbled over and sat down next to her.

"H-Hey, April," Ann started with, and already April wanted to abandon Andy and try to explain it to him some other time. "What happened to… to Lake Michigan or whatever?"

"Left," she said sourly, taking another drink and hoping she could drown herself in the murky brown liquid.

Ann sat there for a moment, clearly too intoxicated for her own good and looked to her left for a second before turning back to April. It really didn't make sense to her how this woman was a nurse, but then again she'd seen who Leslie becomes when she's drunk so there wasn't much to hold against her.

"Nope, ain't there," Ann laughs, and it's starting to get uncomfortable.

"Isn't there some gross dude waiting for you somewhere here?" April asked, pointing her drink around the whole of the bar, sure that she'd eventually land on the guy – guys, even.

"Nope," the other woman answered shortly, looking down in her drink.

For a second April wondered what had brought her to the nightclub then, but that was squashed immediately by a cavalcade of insults all lying in wait. They all seemed to come out empty in her mind though. That was definitely different, April thought.

"Sorry," April found herself saying, unsure what she was even supposed to be sorry about.

It wasn't that she hated Ann. There wasn't so much a _hate _there as much as April would call it an intense loathing, peppered nicely with a disrespect and annoyance that made that loathing taste sweetly of total disdain. Very few people in Pawnee, let alone the world, deserved that kind of dislike but April could cook it up for Ann. That was all just for Ann and that's what made it so bizarre that her first instinct was to try and empathize with the woman. For what reason, April couldn't tell but she had said it and Ann clearly noticed the sincerity in her voice.

"Thanks April," she says and for a second April's worried there might be a hug or Ann would say something else nice.

Luckily, all that comes out of this exchange at first is silence. Or the little silence there can be found in a grungy nightclub on a Saturday night, but still it was definitely better than the screeching that was coming out of Ann.

"Hey, hey," Ann turned around in her seat in the booth and stared directly at April or at least tried to, "hey… April."

"Hey Ann," April's actually a little concerned just how much the woman's drank, but she definitely won't voice that _ever_.

"Hey, I know you hate and that's, like, that's cool man," she slurs and puts a hand on April's shoulder. "But I really wanted to con-congratulate you guys – you and, and Andy."

"Uhh, thanks," she responded, not sure what to do other than let her go on whatever tirade she thought necessary. "It, uhh, definitely doesn't mean anything coming from you."

"Yeah, yeah," Ann laughs again and she's all flushed and clearly gone beyond recognition, "I just mean, like… y'know? I mean it's so cool. I had all these super high minded ideals for Andy… like, maybe he'd, like, change or whatever."

Her speech was becoming more and more of a mess, frequently dipping into a mess of syllables that April kept trying to decipher without success. She'd settle for just about anything to make out one consonant from another but Ann started swaying and focusing and refocusing her eyes on April.

"Y'okay, Ann?" April asked warily, unsure if she should prepare for a surprise expectorate or not.

"You guys, though, that's _real_ y'know? Like, you don't give a shit that he's just Andy…" Ann trailed off, taking another drink from the tall glass in her hand. "You don't _care _and that's awesome – you just, y'know, you love him for him. I never could do that, y'know?"

Whether she liked it or not, April had to smile at that comment because at that same time Andy had walked out into the central dance floor and been dragged into dancing with three other people. He couldn't keep up with any of them, and he could barely dance to begin with, so all he ended up doing was tripping one of the girls and spilling some other guy's drink. Rushing over to the booth where April and Ann were, he very nearly knocked Ann over in his rush.

"Hey babe," he nodded to her, sitting down across from them. "Hey Ann!"

"Hi Andy," she mumbled and finally stood up after two unsuccessful attempts. "I'll leave you two… married people alone."

"Later, Ann," Andy shouted to her and despite the sheer quantity of whatever was spilled on him had a gigantic grin on his face.

After Ann left he moved over next to April in a spot where they could watch over the whole dance floor and pick and choose the dumbest people to make fun of. It was probably April's favorite pastime at the Snakehole, especially considering the clientele on the weekends. There weren't many times they did this that she had ever been bored and now that Andy was nuzzling her neck and his hand was riding up her dress it definitely wasn't going to get boring any time soon.

"Oh, what did Ann want?" he suddenly asked and whatever mood he was trying to set melted immediately with that name.

"Nothing," she growled, pushing Andy's hand back to where he had so cruelly removed it.

"Come on, you didn't look like you wanted to kill her," he didn't change his movements but now she knew he was figuring out a tactic he could use against her.

All April could think was that she kind of liked how dirty it was. In the middle of the nightclub, fairly easy to see, and now he was demanding things from her. She knew he could withhold this from her, and she just went with it.

"Oh, she was too busy slamming drinks to say anything too important," she pushed her hips closer to Andy's hand but he gave no quarter.

In fact all he did was give her another expectant look, and April was starting to lose patience with the mood and the situation. Good Lord, April thought, she just wanted him there and then.

"Whatever, she had a bunch of gross nice things to say to me," this time she grabbed Andy's wrist and gave him no way out.

"That's sweet," but April was standing up now, and had pulled him by the wrist to the entrances of the Snakehole.

They walked out, Andy's hands wrapped around her hips and holding her against him while a few people looked on. No one called the cops on them that night, at least from what April could tell. There wasn't a whole lot she could differentiate anymore anyways. To her there wasn't much to think about in the front seat of Andy's car other than to be thankful for how short she was and the folding seats.


	31. Cut - Being

**A/N: **I know what it's like to just want a friend some days, on days when it feels like you're impossibly alone, so this is a sorta play on that. I don't know, it's really comforting to think about and it's things like this - some of these familiar thoughts and moments - that make me cherish whatever friendships and relationships I still have. Makes me thankful for the people in my life.

Well, that's enough of a soliloquy for today. Enjoy the read, I hope.

* * *

Some days April sits back and considers where she is, what her life is, and a bunch of other existential crap she never considered herself at all worried about before. Despite adamantly arguing against it, she still sits and wonders sometimes – what she's really doing, or what the point is in going to school to get some piece of paper so she can go work at some crummy fast food chain anyways, and what benefit any of it all is having on her. More so, she can't stop thinking what it would be like to stop it all.

Then she stops, takes a few deep breaths, and has to remind herself to stop while she's ahead. Existential worry and college fears are all fine and dandy, at least they're healthy and normal according to the unfortunate correspondence she's had over email with the woeful Dr. Andersson, but she has to bring herself back from a darker brink more than a few times. Sometimes it's so easy and all it takes is asking Andy to walk a little closer to her on the street and other times she wants to sit alone, but that's fine too because he understands and her success rate has gotten so good that it feels almost better. She just likes having him around, almost like some strange companion in her life and for whatever reason that's more comforting than any other way she's ever thought of Andy so she starts to stick with that as her preferred description of them.

Sometime in the morning, her phone seeming so far away and part of her not caring at all how early it is, she's thinking all of this and it all seems and feels so real. Then, inevitably, she thinks what would happen when she can no longer just see the world with Andy. It's a dumb thought, almost needy and dependent which are two things that April loathes more than most, but it's still there but the idea is so thin and wispy – undefined. She doesn't know what to do other than what she's done at least once a week by now.

"Andy," she quietly says in the middle of the night.

It's not that doesn't try, because he definitely does and she knows it, but sometimes it's sort of disheartening watching him snore through that. But it only takes a little encouragement to wake him, only a few choice words, a few taps, or a bit more personal persuasion before he's ready to face whatever it is that's bothering her. She doesn't have anything for him though, and it's a bit embarrassing when she realizes that as he wakes up from a pretty deep sleep.

"Yeah?" he mutters through a yawn and rubs his eyes. "What's up?"

"I don't know," April answers and it's so stupid that she can't help but laugh.

He chuckles too, and it's kind of bewildering why that's so nice. Then he grunts something and rolls over, taking her hand with his and basically pushing her against his back. But it's okay because that position feels so nice and warm, and whatever was bothering her – something so indistinct and far away she couldn't even attempt to name it – goes away instantly.

* * *

She doesn't express it in tears, and he knows that's not really her style anymore not that it ever really was something she copped to frequently, and she doesn't say it outright to him – again, he knows. Andy's known her for too long to know anything else, and some part of him is tired of it at this point. He's not tired of being there, or even when he's told to be elsewhere, but he's so tired of seeing her like this. It's defeat, and it's weighty, and it's forced on him when April feels so alone but Andy knows that he's only allowed to support her when she wants it. He can only hope that this day, while she sits up in bed and skips every class to stay in the apartment and think to herself, he can be there.

Even at work, which is still only a few dozen feet away from the door to their apartment above the bar, he can't stop his concerns. She's stopped for an entire year, and he's so proud of her for it, but it's still bothering him to think that she might give in while he's gone. He spills more drinks and screws up two orders in the span of a lunch hour and he takes the threats of being fired in stride because Andy's worries aren't even remotely connected to working in that shitty place. When the clock strikes four and the actual bartender relieves him, Andy just wants to go back upstairs and talk to April. She's still in bed, staring at her laptop screen intently and typing away at something when he flops down on the covers beside her.

"What's up?" he asks, putting his hand idly on her leg and tapping his fingers there.

"Homework," she explains quickly, still typing while she talks.

Andy doesn't know what to say to her without making it seem like he's worried. Despite the evidence to the contrary, April still holds on to the idea that he shouldn't be so concerned about how she's doing but he can't help himself. It's almost an instinct to him at this point and he isn't sure if that's a good thing or not, if there's something wrong with life being so circular and centralized on her, but it's so engrained in him he can't think of her any other way. She says it's gross sometimes when he voices that, or when he attempts to and can't really figure out the words, so he tries not to think about her like that.

Suffice to say, that proves impossible for Andy.

"You wanna do something, like go out or…" April raises her eyebrow because his ideal date has always been going at most five feet away from the bed, "I dunno or we can sit here."

"Stop being weird," she reprimands, but after a second she closes the laptop and looks him over carefully.

"What?" he looks around and for a second Andy wonders what's wrong with his face.

He thinks he's done something wrong though he's thankful that April's saying things and being her usual dry self – things that scare Andy a little bit but only when they sort of fall by the wayside – because she just shakes her head at him and returns to her homework. Sighing, he pushes himself closer to the pillow and next to her. There's no TV in the small room, and to be honest it would be an interesting feat getting one in there, so their equivalent of sitting on the couch huddled around a screen is sitting in bed watching something on April's old laptop.

"Gimme ten minutes," she says slowly, not taking her eyes off of the document on the screen. "I'll finish this first then we can do whatever it is you're talking about."

Silently, he watches her type and delete sentence after sentence. He's not really reading what she's writing anyways but she's frequently writing an entire paragraph and then erasing the whole thing without a second thought before rewriting it and being equally annoyed at the result. When she's finally finished with her revisions, she's met with less resistance than usual when all she wants to watch are bad syndicated shows and infomercial collections on YouTube. Andy's just happy to be right there, and he thinks that maybe he doesn't need to worry about her every single second of his day like some overprotective dog. A bad day didn't necessarily mean a lapsed day, he figures, and finds himself falling asleep in front of the laptop with one arm around April's shoulder and then other slung over the side of the bed.


	32. Manners

**A/N: **Stupid early season fluff anyone? I love writing this stuff, and I'm sure there's some kind of reason why, but I really don't know it. Either way, sometimes it can get hard figuring out something that isn't just a rehash so if you get some cool ideas of your own send them in to my tumblr or wherever you're comfortable and I'll get around to it.

Have fuuuuuuun.

* * *

Lunch break's a not so uncommon "date" for them at least if the word date applies to them at all. It was such a weird, sort of unsure _whatever _it was they had. April doesn't mind it, especially because she's not even sure Andy understands that's what it is and leaving him clueless with a small kiss afterwards is weirdly hilarious to her. It's just another healthy part of her day when she watches his face go sort of blank and his face break out into a combined grin and confusion. Also, she gets to make fun of that Kyle guy and that is literally always funny, to everyone, so that was a bonus.

"Yo, lunch" she called out to him while putting two bags on the little counter.

As if on cue, the guy that was sitting down stood up and sighed sadly. He looked at the half-finished job on his shoes but continued walking anyways. By now people understood to just get out of the way around that time.

"Nice, what'd you get?" he asked, eyes lighting up when she passed him one of the small bags.

"Cafeteria burgers," she explained.

"These things are so gross," he said but was hurriedly unwrapping the burger. "I love 'em."

At first they agreed to trade off days, first Andy would buy lunch and then April and so on, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that April was just buying it every time they did this. She was just happy that buying food for two in Pawnee wasn't exactly an expensive endeavor and she just liked hanging around with him. With him the potential for stupid rose exponentially which was, to April, totally worth every cent. Normally it would be incredibly boring just sitting there with someone else, eating and talking, but this was weirdly okay with her, and Andy wasn't ever going to pass on free food. The only thing getting in the way of the silent fun was sitting there watching and listening to him eat.

"Dude," she exclaimed after one particularly noisy few seconds of chewing.

"What?" he looked side to side, unsure what the problem was.

"You eat like a cow," she scrunched her nose up when he continued to make those horrible noises.

There was a point where funny met gross, and Andy straddled that line all the time when he ate, but then he'd find that line and cross it with a running start. She could deal with seeing his food when he ate with his mouth open, and that was funny because he'd show it off to people walking by, but listening to him was a different story.

"Well, you're a… cow," he retorted, bobbing his head. "Like, a short cow."

April shook her head silently and went back to eating her food, but Andy sat and stared at his sandwich like it was going to fight back. She couldn't take her eyes off his odd behavior, watching him study the burger closely, and she was starting to get concerned for how hard he was thinking about this.

"How am I supposed to eat?" he pulled his head back away from the burger and put it gently up to his lips, putting them over the bread and slowly gnashing his teeth. "Like this?"

It was so muffled by the food still in his mouth that April could barely make out what he was saying. She had to stifle a laugh while chewing, covering her mouth so nothing came shooting out inadvertently, so she just shook her head for an answer. After a little more chewing she made an obvious demonstration by holding her food up to her mouth clearly enough for him to see.

"No, just… don't make a billion weird noises when you eat," she told him, putting her own burger to her mouth and chewing, breathing through her nose loudly to make a point. "See?"

"Oh," he said slowly, taking the sandwich back and chewing on it while making loud, abrasive snorts like an angry bull being rallied back to a pen.

It was only a few seconds of his labored breaths before his face looked like it was losing its color and he had to stop eating. April had already finished in that time, watching his bizarre attempt at figuring out something as simple as breathing through the nose, and wondering what she'd done to pick out this one. Still, with each snort it became funnier and funnier and that thought started to slip away.

"This is really hard," he huffed, looking at the last few bits of the burger like they were his Everest. "Manners are hard."

"That's what I always hear," she laughed, watching him take a deep breath and stare down the final bite.

It was getting weird watching him look at the greasy patty like it was some sort of challenge. Instinct took over and April took his hand and pushed the food into his mouth, not really concerned that her fingers were technically in his mouth and he was looking at her like she'd just shot him. She patted the sides of his mouth, happy with the results as he chewed slowly and breathed normally through his nostrils.

Then, suddenly, she realized what had just happened. It was sort of gross, in a way, but it had just seemed like the obvious move to her in the moment. Either way, Andy was looking at her like something was supposed to happen and she was starting to get uncomfortable.

"Well," she stood up, brushing her hands off on her pants and throwing her bag over her shoulder. "I gotta… y'know, work. Gotta go do that."

"Sure," Andy nodded slowly, but he didn't take his eyes off hers for what was beginning to feel like an eternity.

"Whatever, later," she said quickly, pushing herself forward with the intent to pull the same stunt as usual.

It was supposed to be a brief, little peck that was meant to be nothing more than a confusion tactic in their bizarre not-really-relationship. _Supposed to be_ was the key phrase because April couldn't help herself when Andy's hand pushed aside hair so he could rest it on the back of her neck, and she leaned in for a deeper kiss. It was awkward for her having to stand in front of the high-rise chair so she stepped up onto the little platform where people rested their feet and soon Andy was standing up to meet her.

It felt strange and sudden, but April also kind of liked it. Except for the taste of processed beef and bad dental hygiene mixing together – that was admittedly kind of gross – but still she couldn't figure out a reason to stop. Even so, she had to break because she was worried where _her _hands would end up and where this would all eventually escalate to.

"I'll, uh, catch you later," he finally answered after a few heavier breaths than before.

"Yeah, sure," she caught herself smiling but didn't really see a reason to stop doing it.

When he returned hers with a big grin and his weird, only Andy way of looking at her like she was the only person in the room she had to look away, walking away before anything more drastic happened. She didn't really stop smiling for the rest of the day, except for that time that Jerry asked for a bunch of scans of something and April couldn't help but give him a sour grimace. It didn't stop her from resuming the stupid smirk from before though.


	33. Bert Macklin and the Ring of Commitment

**A/N: **Late night! Agh! I know, I know. However, I got an awesome, anonymous request last night that made me laugh way too hard so I had to fill it. Unfortunately, tonight was also date night and I got pizza and now there's a late post because reasons and whatever.

Also, this adorable new art is courtesy of the awesome Adie over on tumblr (ffnet is a butthole about href so it's** smallnova **on tumblr)! A billion thanks for that, because it's awesome. Awesome, how many more times am I going to say that word?

* * *

Other than the occasional footsteps outside in the hallways, or even Jerry humming something, it was quiet in the Parks offices. For a day when Andy was in that was a surprise, and it was a nice change of atmosphere, but there was always something that brought reality back to them. There was _always _something to remind Ron why he should have just kept his doors shut at all times.

"Ron!" Andy yelled, clearing the distance between his desk and the door far too quickly for it to close in time.

He came into his office seconds before they finally swung to a close, chest heaving and huffing massive breaths. Clearly he hadn't kept up his exercise regime, because Andy was red in the face from the short sprint. Something else was on his mind because he kept wringing his hands and beginning sentences, pointing to them before putting them back on his hips and walking around.

"Please, come in," Ron grunted. "No, it's no bother. Why don't you have a seat as well?"

With a stiff wave of his hand, he gestured towards a chair. Andy pushed it in front of the desk and sat down, finally gathering enough oxygen to recolor his face correctly before speaking up again.

"Ron," he puffed out, pointing to his hand. "I might have, uhh, displaced… err, no I mistook my, uh-"

"What?" the older man shook his head quickly once, trying to speed up the process.

"I lost my wedding ring," Andy finally explained. "I tried looking around in here everywhere but I have no idea what happened to it."

"Okay," Ron said bluntly.

There were a few moments of silence afterwards. Andy sat there, pointing to his hand like that was supposed to mean something, and Ron kept his position with his hands folded. It seemed as if this was apparently important. Realizing who he was talking to, Andy took a different approach.

"C'mon Ron, this is important I think," he said. "Besides, that thing was kind of expensive. I think, I don't know – I stole it."

"You stole it?" Ron asked.

"Well, technically April stole it."

Again they sat quietly for a second while Andy thought. It shouldn't be _that _big of a deal, he figured, but something was still scary about telling her that he lost the ring. At best he'd have to steal a new one and at worst he'd have to buy it, both of which were terrifying. There was also the chance that April would get mad at him for being such a clumsy idiot but that happened on a weekly basis so he'd grown a pretty thick skin about that in general.

"Why are you talking to me about this?" Ron asked seriously, moving forward in his chair slightly.

"I dunno, you're the smartest guy I know so I thought you'd be able to help," Andy said, giving him an unsure glance before going back to looking at his hands.

It looked weird without the ring, almost naked. The feeling of the air on the portion of his finger where it usually sat was even stranger. There were only a couple of seconds until Ron groaned.

"Not that I care," he pointed and gave Andy a stern look, "but I'm guessing that just telling her will be an okay move, son. I don't think you'll have a problem."

"Really?" Andy wondered. "Did you ever lose any of your rings?"

"No, but I've also never worn any of them," he explained.

The doors to Ron's office slowly moved open. Andy stood up and smiled, running back out of the room and clearing the threshold just in time, while Ron closed his eyes and sighed deeply. Despite what Ron had said, Andy still had a strong feeling to get his hand caught in something or pour a bunch of mustard in a ring around his finger, but he knew to soldier on or things would just get worse for him.

All he had to do was wait for April to leave a meeting, and then tell her and then everything would be all right. At least that's what he told himself until he started to really think about it. She wouldn't just be mad at him – no, she'd be _furious_. When a small part of his brain asked why that made any sense, Andy didn't have time to think up a reason because April was already walking back to her desk. She had an agitated expression and walked with her shoulders slumped, clearly beaten from the fifteen minute mandatory meeting, and Andy could feel his heart thundering.

When she sat down he followed her, standing awkwardly in front of her desk until she looked up and around him like there was some sort of trick waiting.

"Yeah?" she asked him shortly.

There was a short span of time where Andy looked over to see Ron looking intently at the two of them. Clearly, he didn't want to be bothered for the rest of the day and was hoping to see this pan out well for him. Andy, however, was still overcome by a strictly baseless, unknown fear.

"Nothing, everything's fine. Don't even ask about it, it's fine," Andy suddenly blurted far too loudly, throwing his hands up. "Nothing's wrong here."

April looked around, confused, while Andy started to walk back to his desk with his arms still up like airplane wings. Ron wasn't thrilled with this change of tactic.

"Andrew," his voice quickly rose.

Turning around, Andy scratched the back of his neck and stared at the floor before he sat on his desk. Finally looking back to April, who had a combination of uncertainty and worry on her face, he took a deep breath.

"I think, I uhh," his throat was strangely dry. "I might have, maybe… or, no I did-"

"Andy, are you okay?" she asked, raising an eyebrow and walking over to him.

"Yeah, but I mean I think I lost my ring and I'm sorry," he quickly got out, biting his knuckle.

He closed his eyes as if expecting some torrent of screaming to begin, but when it didn't he opened one slightly to see April standing in front of him with a smirk on her face. Okay, he could deal with being poked fun at for a little while. That was much easier than an argument.

"You know what this means, don't you?" she said, her smirk changing to a wry smile.

"Um, no?" he asked warily, pulling his head back slightly and wondering what devious plan she had in mind.

Instead of responding with words, she reached into her back pocket and produced a pair of dollar-store sunglasses. The same pair he'd turned in not that long ago.

"It looks like we've got a new case for Bert Macklin," she grinned and opened her palm.

Andy gave the glasses a cautious glance before reaching for them, but April pulled her hand away at the last second. She shook her head and put them on her own face.

"And his new partner, Cathy O'Donahue," she crossed her arms and looked up to meet his eyes. "I managed to get you back on the force after hearing about this… incredibly important case."

"Honey, the glasses are supposed to be my thing…" he whispered.

"Look, just because we've been put on this case together doesn't give you the right to call me honey," she explained, maintaining her posturing stance. "Besides babe, I thought this could be cool. You always get to be the tough one."

"Oh, I get it," Andy nodded, smiling and straightening his back. "Sorry ma'am."

"Yeah, it's a real give and take son," for a second April moved to hold a cigarette that wasn't in her mouth, forgetting which character she was, before correcting herself. "Now, where's the last time you remember seeing this… ring?"

"Um, I think I was at my desk," he turned around and scanned the top of the small table. "And then I lost it."

He sat there staring at his desk, holding his chin and wondering, while April moved over to the other side of the desk. When she passed him her hand brushed over his ass, and Andy smiled at her but she only cocked her head in confusion. He couldn't tell what her actual expression was through the dark shades but he could tell where this specific set of characters was destined to end up.

"Were you anywhere else tonight?" she inquired, sitting down at his desk and opening all of the drawers.

"No, sir," he said quickly, passing over his own mistake when April gave him another wry smile. "I was here all day, except for when I went out for lunch."

"And where was that?" she stood up, crossing her arms again and looking him up and down.

"JJ's," he said, shaking his head like it was the most obvious thing. "Of course, I definitely ate it."

"No," she stopped him from walking out to the bathrooms, "I think we'll just check over at the diner first."

"Good move, partner," he agreed.

They made it to the parking lot and Andy's car, and all the way down he tried to remember where he had sat down and what he ordered. Maybe this was the key to the mystery. April was so good at helping him figure out tough stuff like this, and this new O'Donahue character was… different. He definitely liked where it was going, that was for sure.

When they were about to leave, Andy reached into his pocket to fish out the keys he hit something heavy. Something metallic, and circular, and almost _ring-like_. He laughed immediately when his hand circled around the thing and it fit perfectly onto his hand.

"Hey babe," he said through the laughter when she gave him another confused look. "Remember how I always take my ring off when I'm eating pancakes because it gets all sticky."

"Because you eat them with your hands, yes," she finished, like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Andy, really?"

"Yeah, but… um, I was thinking that maybe we just skip out on the rest of the day," he said, a little quieter this time. "We can, uh, try this one out some more? At home?"

April just gave him another smile, sat in the passenger seat, and Andy followed suit with a dumb grin plastered on his face. The case of the missing wedding ring was complete, and it was time for a little R&R.


	34. Trying

**A/N: **I'll be blunt today: I'm not sure how much more I have in me. I love this pair so much, and I love writing them like you wouldn't believe, and I'm so grateful for all the feedback and support and readership and everything. However, it's difficult. This isn't easy, even today proving a massive problem for me in terms of scheduling and getting an actual idea.

I think that I honestly would love to keep writing 1-2k every single day for the rest of time about these two adorable goons, but it's harder than that. I hate coming off like a whiny egotist here with all of this "oh, woe is me" nonsense but I knew from the onset that I'd need to have a healthy stable of requests/prompts before I could continue this. In my infinite wisdom, I decided to start burning through those rather rapidly out of some sort of obligation to make it clear that I use all of these awesome prompts.

Anyways, this is becoming overly long and probably worrisome. I'm not saying the end of the Daily is close at hand, but I'm not taking away options. I just want to make it clear how much of this is a labor of love to the fandom and to these characters (also it's a fun challenge, but shhh).

* * *

It's so stupid, and she doesn't even really like the song all that much, but she asks Andy to play it anyways. Then when he gets up on stage and announces the dedication, she gets a weird, almost queasy aching about it. Maybe it's because Ann is right next to her and at the same time it seems so stupid and awesome and a thousand other things, but maybe it's because Ann gives her a perplexed look and asks her something stupid. Either way April answers her blithely, too busy being simultaneously annoyed at her boyfriends and trying to figure out why Andy seemed so cool.

And why she cared _at all _was another mystery April would eventually have to unravel, but for now she would just be content with the idea of Ann being jealous of something she did. Then April wonders why that's a thought that she has at all – like some kind of reversal, as if April would ever be _jealous _of someone like Ann – but Andy's looking at her with thinly veiled intent as he sings.

"Just thinking of you," he croons without taking his eyes off of April, "and the way you look tonight."

And, for some reason, that odd rumbling is back and she guesses it's just hunger pains or something. So she has to go get something to eat or else she might just explode either from the spontaneous, uncontrollable smiling or the proximity to Ann.

* * *

April doesn't really get the idea behind birthday parties other than this one, the one where she can legally drink in a private establishment. All of it's such a dumb marketing scheme, and she's heard Ron's lectures so many times about this that she's gone to his way of thinking on the things, but there's something a little bit cooler about this one at least for a while. She thinks maybe it's literally only the alcohol. That definitely brought her spirits up, but she can't deny that she's worried when Andy doesn't show up for a bit. But that wears off with a few more shots, and then he gets there and it's kind of all right.

At least until she fucks it up. Well, it wasn't entirely _her _fault – obviously he started it so it's his fault – but some part, some sickeningly mature part, of April's brain is telling her it's dumb. Everything seems so stupid, all this weird jealously (a word that she hates the feel of so much she can barely think it anymore).

But she has to put up with it, because Andy's already given up and there's no reason to keep worrying about him.

* * *

Trying, that's the word she tries to work with. Maybe there was a lot more to be done to get Andy to realize his own feelings than she originally thought. But she doesn't like how the word feels on her, almost like it's expecting her to grow and adapt to him in a way that just doesn't suit April, and so she stops trying.

Then the emptiness hits her, like a blank weight that's got Andy's stupid face plastered all over it, and it's even more bewildering. She doesn't have anything to compare it to – literally nothing in her life has compared to this feeling – so April chalks it up to some stupid adult thing that shouldn't be happening to her. No, April was too good for this withering detachment.

She could _totally _keep herself from doing at all remotely concerning him. Which is why, naturally, she sleeps with basically any guy that looks at her and makes sure to tell Andy about every single one of them. Because, of course, she's above all of this and she just wants to shove his face in it.

* * *

Ron knows a lot about quite a bit of things, and April knows he's usually right when it comes to reading people too, but in this one scenario he's just being an idiot. He doesn't know anything, especially when it came to that crushing thought that maybe she didn't want to leave for Indianapolis just to make Andy sad or angry or whatever his reaction would be. Maybe, somewhere, thinking about that at all was a whole lot more painful than she'd like to let on – but she had to, it was basically the only way she could keep going without admitting that she hated that lonely feeling in her chest.

"Maybe moving to Indianapolis just to get back at Andy's a good idea," Ron shrugs slightly, looking down at his coffee mug before continuing. "What do I know?"

Then she gets that picture – one she keeps only to bring up every once and a while to either her sister or Andy – and that oppressive airiness feels stupid. All it takes is April asking her nicely, and basically giving in to whatever alcohol purchasing demands she has, and then Andy's back in City Hall asking her for more things to do.

She's already made up her mind about not going to Indianapolis, but part of her still has to make a show about it. There's something that's still in self-denial, like Andy's going to disappear in a puff of smoke if they get any sort of closure over this childish back-and-forth, so she scoffs at him and gives him a badly faked look of disbelief. Then he starts talking and when he mentions that he's willing to basically do whatever insanity she can think of just to maybe –possibly, with the tiniest chance of success – get her to stay back, and not even to rethink him just to _stay _in Pawnee, that illusion breaks so easily.

Even though she made her decision before going to see him, there might have been some bit of April that was worried where his head was in all of this. Weirdly, she's wondering how Andy will act as if she's expecting something of him more than whatever he's capable of.

Luckily for April, Andy's capable of a whole lot more than she's really ever thought possible.


	35. Cool

**A/N: **It's cold as hell here today, and that's literally all that inspired this little bit of fluff. Seriously, why is it so frigid on the East Coast today? Whatever, I hope you guys have fun with this one because it's literally just a super saccharine 1k.

Remember you can send any feedback or requests/prompts to my tumblr!

* * *

Andy's busy trying to figure out how the stupid thermostat works, and if they even have any gas to heat the house, because the only thing he's hearing from April is how much she hates the cold. She hates a lot of things, he's learning. With Burly out for the weekend April decided she would stay with him for a few days, and in this early stage of their relationship he was definitely not going to complain. Except for the times when she started talking about how much she hated everything because that was always a bummer, so he'd try a bunch of different ways to get her to have a better outlook on them.

Syrup was an easy one, and a surprising one considering how messy she otherwise was, and all it took for her to get the hint of it was him mentioning cautiously that it's good for a _lot _of different things. She definitely liked that, and he wasn't going to complain. Other things, like all the reality shows he watches, were a different story. And, as it turns out, she _really _hates being cold. It's not even winter yet, but the chilly Fall morning isn't particularly comfortable for her – sitting on the couch, legs crossed and brought up, rubbing her shoulders and bouncing in place – so he's taken it upon himself to work this out.

"Andy, seriously," she complains, "it's, like, five degrees in here. How do you deal with this?"

"Well," he starts, pressing a button and seeing no response on the little screen, "Burly usually does all of this stuff. Like, y'know, buying things and making sure that it's not freezing in here."

"Didn't he tell you how to do that?" she sounds a little incredulous, looking at him like he's insane.

"No," he takes a step back to survey the small white square.

"Ugh," she groans, putting her head in her hands.

If he was going to be honest, Andy had no idea if he was even supposed to be in the house over the weekend. In fact, it _was _a little strange that the front door was locked. April managed to pick the lock, after a couple seconds of being pissed at Andy until the cold of the night would get a lot more oppressive than either of them wanted, but what they didn't realize was that getting inside wasn't much better of a plan.

Pressing another button, Andy realized that the thermostat wasn't going to respond any time soon to his attempts. Even he knew what that meant – it wasn't going to be getting any warmer any time soon. When he sat down on the couch, April gave him a cold stare that told him she knew the same thing. Then another idea seemed to dawn on her judging by the change in her look, and Andy wasn't sure if the small smile was good or not.

"All right, I don't wanna freeze to death in here," she says as she pushes herself up from the couch.

Instead of leaving like he figures she would, because keeping April interested in sticking around him proves to be one of the hardest things Andy's ever done in his life, she walks over in front of him. Pushing him back into the couch, she furls her legs up in his lap and manages to find a position where she's sitting on his lap and facing him at the same time without it feeling like a contortionist's nightmare.

"Yeah, this is pretty comfortable," she sighs, digging her head into Andy's chest and nuzzling his neck after a few seconds.

Andy doesn't hesitate to put an arm around her and sit there, enjoying the comfortable closeness. He's a little surprised at the innocence of the whole thing, and how content she seems being there, but that's no problem for Andy. That's what's originally on his mind at least until she doesn't stop moving up from his neck to his jaw, bringing her lips to a stop at his mouth. The slight heat from her breath warms his lips, making them stand out even more to him – making this seem even more of a ridiculous situation than it already was.

"Hey," he looks down at her without moving his head, trying not to focus on how good she looks all bundled up next to him and staring at him with intent bright in her eyes.

"Hey," she whispers back, trailing off hastily when she finally closes the minute distance between them.

One thing he's sure she likes is kissing. April likes it quite a bit, if the frequency of it is any indication. Basically any time they're not saying something – and sometimes when he's something and she's being quiet – she suddenly kisses him. Sometimes it's intense, and there's a lot of biting and tongues and he can barely keep up with her, but then there's times like this where she just sort of grazes her lips against his and there's barely any force behind it. She closes her eyes and he can hear, and in this circumstance feel, her exhale deeply when their lips meet. Andy doesn't really know what to call it other than tender, and that just sounds so weird in his own head that he pushes it away.

But then her hands are on his shoulders and she's pushing her chest up against his in an attempt to get a better position on his lap, eventually settling on a barely different posture than before. She pulls her head back, rolling her lips and looking at him intently and he's not sure if there's supposed to be something he's supposed to say here or not. It's all kind of weird to Andy, on top of everything else, that April occasionally has these moments where she seems to let her guard down and become someone else. Not a completely different person, April was still there, but like she removed a mask and let him in for a little while.

It was, and in the cold air it made him laugh, pretty cool.


	36. Yet Shine You Did

**A/N: **This morning I had a weird writing spree on tumblr where I wrote a bunch of nonsense about April's character and it ended up spawning a request that really intrigued me. I've always had a theory that April deals with depression/self-esteem issues, and that's clear because I wrote a bunch of chapters under Cut talking about that, but I think this is totally feasible within the canon timeline and without the self-harm. So I took one of this anon's requests (namely, dealing with insecurity concerning Ann) and I had a little jaunt with it.

Remember that you can throw your requests at me on tumblr, or wherever I have an inbox that you know of!

Title is a lyric from My Dying Bride's "The Crown of Sympathy"

* * *

_You're not worth it. _

It's always been there, somewhere inside, and that feeling and its presence make April _hate_. Inside, she feels an innate distrust between her body and her mind like a feeling that's telling her she's a spit-take for humanity, and it makes her hate them all. She's not sure who, what, or even _why _it's inside of her every day but as far back as she can remember there hasn't been a day where the writhing tendrils didn't cover everything else. People ask her innocent questions, and all she wants to do is snap back. So she does, and they react like any sane person would. April thinks she's pleased with the results – that's what she tells herself all the time – but that feeling's always so fleeting. All that's left afterwards is an empty, flat impression.

It's not physical, she knows on some level that that isn't her problem, and it's barely even emotional but there's an intellectual misunderstanding going on between different aspects of herself. April can't link the part of her mind that's telling her that she's a person worthy of others' time and the part that's incessant about her failures. She just can't get them to meet and have it out plainly in front of her, where she can decide whether or not she's lying to herself, so April continues life accepting that she just can't fathom people being more than aesthetically interested in her as a human at best. She's less than that – she's an object.

Years, it's years like this.

She can't understand the feelings she has, and it's almost hilarious how _teenaged _she's become just in that one phrase, but then she slips idly into adulthood and they're still there. Almost like a phase that's never meant to be stuck to, that feeling sits in its ingrown root at the base of everything and shrieks whenever she tries to pull it out – that self-loathing is so harsh against her skin and yet so _real_. So April just goes on, like that's fine and a normal thing to have inside of her, and it's so much easier to eject people out of her life or just let them never get in at all. It's so much easier for her to just listen to the yells inside her mind, the persistence of their groaning disapproval, than to keep trying to root out the real issue.

Years of it, feeling like that, and April never questions any of it. It's just _life_ and it's all she's ever known.

* * *

Something about Ann – something about the way she holds herself, or maybe she's just really annoying – bothers April. Here was a woman that had things seemingly put together, in some semblance of order and life falling into place for her, but April was stuck as just April.

_Just _April versus Ann.

That's what April thinks when she first figures out just who Andy is. Not that she's unaware that there's a shoeshine stand in City Hall all of a sudden, but that's not what she's worried about. There's something else, and she's afraid of it – so scared of what it means – that she tries to ignore it. When incredible Ann could throw him out like old garbage, what chance would April have in keeping his attentions, and that wasn't even considering matching up to what Ann could offer him, and there it is again.

_You've got nothing on Ann. _

_Who are you in comparison?_

She can feel them when he looks at her just then, those little black and red hands pulling at her chest and telling her she's not enough. But April _wants _to try, and even if she can't be good enough she wants to at least feel like she's tried. It's confusing at first, wanting to try so hard for this, but she manages to shrug off that violent grip for long enough to get him to stay with her while she's on hold. It's stupid, and she knows he's worrying about Ann and Mark the entire time, but she still asks the lady at the National Parks Service to keep her on hold. For whatever reason she obliges and April's met with the terrible music on the other end, but it feels right.

It also feels right to suck on Andy's neck, but that was completely beyond her otherwise stoic reasoning. It feels almost good that she's done something nice for a new friend of hers – a new friend that she finds oddly cool and was definitely okay – and April finds she likes that new sensation. There's something there that makes her feel like she's done something good for once, and Andy makes her feel worthwhile for a brief second. It's invigorating, like a drug, and she craves it.

Then later that night as she thinks she's done something right for her friend, or whatever he was supposed to be, the weight of the situation hits her. And it hits hard, because Andy couldn't have cared less that it was April he was using to make Ann jealous. That wasn't the point to him – the point was to make Ann jealous and whoever he used in the process was irrelevant. She feels used for a moment, but she remembers that it was her idea, and April can feel them take hold of her again – those hands. But this time they're a welcome sensation, like she's returning to a friendlier territory that she recognizes where she won't have to think about how little she mattered that day in the grand scheme of things.

She doesn't have to think about it because she _knows_.

_You're not worth it._

* * *

April doesn't even remember the meaning of that sentence when Andy's at her birthday party. She knows it's dumb, childish, and naïve that she can only think that maybe he'll be okay with her now that she's twenty-one, but it's still there. And she knows that, just like every other birthday party, she just wants to go drink alone and slum around her house in sweatpants but there's something different. Then, in high school through the few years afterwards, she had no reason to do anything else and she never knew anything that constituted a real reason.

And she knows that she's been taught to think of a man as anything but a reason to do something, but Andy makes her feel _worth _in her life.

And it's reaffirmed when she decides that she'll go to the stupid club and wear that absurd dress that her mother's been trying to force on her for more than a year now. It's so fucking incredible how silly it is to her, that moment when she has to tell Andy to look away out of obligation to herself. Then, he listens to her and it feels so strange not seeing his face lit up like that, so she breaks her resolve to distance herself from him.

But then, then there's Ann.

_Incredible Ann, whose only opponent is Just April, and it's so easy isn't it?_

Clearly he's picking her. It's the only thing that makes sense, but when he talks to her later it's almost like that scene from earlier wasn't anything. And when he walks away she feels disgusted with herself that she let the most annoying human being on the planet get anywhere near her. And then she realizes that's not why she's horrified with herself – she can't deal with the fact that she had a chance, and she threw it away. It was almost like she wasn't as good as Andy seemed to think, almost like she wasn't worth it to him and he was just avoiding unnecessary conflict. She wanted to believe otherwise, but nothing else made sense to her, and she feels those hands again and they're clapping and she can tell she's made a mistake but they're always right. They've always been right about her, and of course they'd be right now, so she can only sit at home in bed and think how selfish and stupid she was being for thinking she had found something – someone – that gave her something else in life.

* * *

April doesn't know what happened, she can barely even think, but she hears "Andy" and "hospital" and that's all it takes. The speed at which she's taken over by action is disarming – she can't drive there fast enough, and she's out of breath by the time she finds him and it's just a broken arm but it still seems like so much more to her. It's all been so stupid, thinking that Andy had anything but good intentions, and she just listens to him and remembers his excited face from just before when she admitted that she liked him.

It almost felt real, just like his lips, and for a second she was convinced that maybe – just maybe, in that singular moment – she could be worth it. That maybe, in spite of crawling doubt all over her body, she was good enough. April, barely visible April, could be worth it to someone, and someone could be Andy. Her breath is gone so fast after that moment, and she makes a weird noise in the back of her throat when she thinks about it, that she can barely keep her eyes on him. It's like maybe he'll vanish after that second, but he doesn't.

Then he tells her that Ann kissed him, and the breath is gone again but it's different. It's different, but she feels something all too familiar.

It makes too much sense for her to doubt, like it's the most obvious thing that she's ever heard.

_Of course she did, and of course you're telling me this now. _

But April's struggling in that moment to breathe, because she thought that for once she could feel okay about herself, and now she has to know that she was just a second choice. She was an _option_ and nothing more to Andy, and it's crippling to hear him say it. April knows she's right – when has she ever been wrong about this – and now it feels like everything that she's told herself for years is coming back to spit in her face.

So she runs, and she has to leave him despite everything she hears from him in that room, and it hurts. It hurts so badly, so intensely, that she can't even begin to describe any relatable feeling. She just doesn't have the litmus for this sort of disappointment – disappointment in herself for believing for more than a moment that she could be worth it. April – _just _April – couldn't best Ann, the perfection that she hated. It kept reminding her, like scratching fingertips at the base of her skull, that she was a tool in Andy's quest for Ann and she was just an objective on his path to winning back someone who he deemed worthy.

Someone that wasn't April.

_Not you, you're not worth it._

* * *

There's a distinct change inside of April over the next few days after the incident. Something feels wrong with those hands, and they're not so much clawing and grasping as they're pushing and urging her on, and all April can feel is a strange desire to get back at him. It doesn't make any sense if she thinks about it longer than a moment, but it feels so right – there's a catharsis there – when she tells Andy with a smug look on her face about the guy that she picked up at the airport just before the flight back to Pawnee. She kept the illusion up when he was looking, and she did like his recharged intent, but when she went home things changed.

April feels sick to the stomach when she looks in the mirror, and wonders if this is what her worth is – if she can only get disappointment and betrayal right. In the mirror she sees the same physical appearance of the girl, but she still can't bear to look at this "April." She'd rather be _just _April than this incarnation, but she can't let Andy in again. He had done so much good, only to tear it all down in an instant, and she can't let him do that again or she just might break.

So she continues her strange show until even her tool is falling for Andy… and she can't blame him; he's pretty great.

_He _is _pretty great._

But that doesn't stop her from receding, from taking everything she's collectively known and learned about him and sorting it all out as she sees fit. It's too clear, too obvious to her, that he has some ulterior motive in his crusade to get her to understand – to get her to realize he cares, in his own words – and it still feels like, somewhere, there's going to be some clause just after. It's going to say, loud and clear, Ann and April's not sure she can handle it again.

* * *

These thoughts, all of them, come flooding back to April one night while she lies on the folded out futon next to Andy. She can't fall asleep, partly because of the crazy heat of Burly's house and partly because of those thoughts, so she stays there on her small portion of the sofa staring away at nothing. It's eating away at her, even though she's partially naked underneath the covers and she can feel Andy next to her and she's known his enthusiasm firsthand, and she can't get those memories out of her head.

_You're not worth it._

That's all she could hear in her mind, like she wasn't actually alive and awake in that moment. In the next she would wake up and find herself alone in her bed at her parents' house, and things would be right again. They would _make sense_.

"Andy," she whispers in the dark without turning around. "Andy, wake up."

She hopes that she's being loud enough, because she can barely make the sounds without feeling a cruel desire to find her clothes and leave him for a more sensible and _real _night by herself. It's sort of a blessing when she hears his breathing interrupt and a few grunts.

"Huh, wha-?" he starts and then there's a little movement from him but she still refuses to turn around.

Staring into the rest of the black room, she pictures what it would be like to not see these pitched shadows in every corner of every thought like a constant reminder. April wondered if she'd find something that brushed them away like cobwebs and showed light through, all the way through, and left her mind unclouded by doubt and worry.

"Hey, can we talk?" she asks him, still not moving.

"Sure, what's up?" his voice changes and she knows he's switching into listening mode.

"I'm… not sure," the words catch in her throat and she just wants them to come out. "I mean, I don't know I guess."

"Oh, okay," Andy says like it's the most natural thing and not a complete nonsequitur.

"Sorry for waking you up," she mumbles, already thinking about whether her keys were in her jeans or not. "Didn't really think about it."

"'s fine," he yawns.

Then, before she can figure out her plan of escape, he moves closer to her and his arm catches around her waist. His hand searches for hers and she lets him have it, and his grip feels odd – like there's something more there. Maybe it was just the hour, and she figured it was probably the lack of sleep, but the way he squeezed felt like more than she was expecting. It felt _needy_, his touch felt so wanting, and it catches her off guard.

"Andy," she says a little louder and she turns around this time.

"Yeah," he answers with closed eyes.

"Do you want me to be more like Ann?" she asks quietly.

His eyes open immediately and she wonders if she found something there, but his face switches from surprise to bewilderment almost instantly.

"No…?" he asks cautiously, his head moving backward slightly on the pillow. "Why would I?"

"Do you…" she starts and April knows she has to get the words out now or they'll never come, "y'know, if you had to do it over again would you still be here? Would you make the same mistakes and… end up with me?"

"Totally," he answers without a beat's difference between the two of them.

Something about the tone of his answer, like how he ignored that she called herself a mistake and didn't seem to think about it longer than the speed of the signal to his brain, felt right. Maybe it was because after that he sat up and she followed him, and maybe it was because he pulled her closer to him and April's instinct was to bury herself in his body heat. It was definitely something to do with the way his hand stroked her back and the time they stayed like that in the middle of the night. Something about _that _was oddly calming, and it felt comfortable despite the sweltering summer air, so she reveled in that emotion for a while before reconsidering what this all was.

Maybe it was because she felt worth it in those milliseconds of time between her question and his answer.


	37. (This) World Spins Madly On

**A/N: **This is from a drabble/prompt/request thing that an anon sent to me on tumblr last night. I just had to write this because the idea was kind of cool, especially because it allowed me to characterize the Ludgate-Dwyer baby a little more than usual. So, uhh, yeah!

Enjoy!

Title is from the Weepies song.

* * *

In five days, it's only five days, and things might get to go back to normal. Five days and April knows they'll finally be free from the tyranny of a child in their house. Yeah, Roberta barely spent any time there in the last few years as it was, but she was happy that things would go back to how she remembered them being. It was still amazing to her that a kid had made it through so much of her life under their care – and that word was so qualified for April and Andy – but all told she was glad things happened the way did. Sure, every few weeks April would find herself terrified that maybe they'd slip up again when they were definitely not ready at all for number two. There were even a couple times she thought that Roberta herself was far too much for the two of them to deal with.

Then she remembered that it wasn't just her kid, and somehow Andy proved to be more than ready to be the other half of the agreement. Even when she couldn't rely on the "just gave birth" excuse – which was admittedly a really damn good excuse – and only wanted to get sleep, Andy still took up a few extra duties. After a while, she started looking at it like a competition to see who could do the most nights in a row taking of their daughter when she was that young – that way it felt more like old times, like years they'd not forgotten but somehow had fallen to the wayside in their shambling path to maturing. Or, at least, the closest to maturity and being adults they could be.

That's probably why she's thinking so hard about Roberta leaving for college.

She can't remember the last time that they've been April and Andy. Not that the Ludgate-Dwyer household wasn't awesome, since the years of indoctrination meant their family dinners consisted of pizza rolls and the three of them lounging in the living room all night while watching whatever new obsession Roberta had. Vacations were the easiest thing ever, since she never wanted to go anywhere and April was happy to stay at home and not go to work for a week or two.

At the same time she hears the door open. Roberta shouts that she's home and April wonders just how much she's going to miss how familiar that's been.

* * *

"Mom, what are you doing?"

It's seven in the morning, and neither of them are ever up this early without extreme incentives, but April's been up for an hour folding clothes. Folding and refolding them, messing them up intentionally just so she can keep doing it over and over again. They're all of the things that are getting packed away for the first semester and April's not sure why but she feels a little extra comfort in that silly repetition.

"Laundry," she answers sarcastically, because she's raised her daughter to be smarter than that.

"Clearly," Roberta answers back, hopping up on the washer and pointing to the piles of clothes. "But, y'know, I did all of that last night."

"I know, but you did it wrong," April returns.

Neither of them says anything after that for a little while. Between the two of them, Andy's going to be the one that's overly emotional when they're finally done with an incredible extended move-in day, but April also knows that if she lets the clothes sit in their baskets and the bags, all of those stupid hampers they bought as well, then Roberta's one step closer to being away. April still remembers the first time she got her daughter to insult someone, pointing at Ben and calling him a nerd with an oblivious smile on her face, and she remembers what it was like laughing with her the first time she really understood what she was calling the older man.

She knows she's creasing her head in thought because when she does that Roberta mimics her and makes a much more exaggerated fish-face, lips pouty and focusing on her mom. It escalates like it always does, this stupid little game, with the two of them increasing the absurd grimaces they can contort their faces in. In the end April wins this time, because Roberta starts laughing when she flares her nostrils and juts her jaw out in an attempt at stretching her face out. Also she's pretty sure that her daughter accidentally got whiff of the cobwebs and dust in the corner where she was sitting, back against the wall, but it counts.

"That totally doesn't count," Roberta immediately says after recovering, still swatting away at the dust. "That's interference."

"Does too," April returns childishly, sticking her tongue out and going back to sorting and re-sorting the same clothes.

She knows that this is the part where April gets to discover new things in her own life and rediscover things she thought were long gone in her marriage. Then again, that feels empty in comparison to watching her daughter kicking her feet off the washer and creating a massive clanging every few seconds. Then she feels Roberta jump off of the machine and leave her a one-armed hug, slinging her arm over the back of April's neck for a second, before walking back to her room. It's almost enough to make her break down right there.

* * *

April knows how familiar the symptoms are, and hell if she's going to admit that in a way she hopes she's right, but for now she's got more important things to worry about. There are more important things to worry about than getting warning signs a handful of weeks in, and she knows it, but it still infuriates her that they're coming in at all. People are sending papers to her, there's so many of these stupid reports that need done, and she can't help but wonder why on Earth she had ever accepted the promotion to director. True, she was technically the first female Parks director in Pawnee – Ron never gave Leslie the chance – but it was days like this that made her want to drive a fiery hot poker into her skull.

Endless requests, complaints, and then even one phone call of all things, and April had enough. She told her assistant to watch over things for the rest of the day as she was taking it off. They've known her to take abrupt vacation days before, and it was well within her right to take advantage of those accumulated hours, so it doesn't come as much of a surprise.

Something about that little park behind what used to be Ann's lair comforts her on days like this. Maybe it's because amidst a sea of paperwork and seemingly menial tasks, seeing something she's worked so hard for – she and Leslie, to be fair – alive and well makes things a little calmer. A very young couple is walking a dog around in circles all the way across the park when she sits down on a bench, and she watches them cover every corner with the dog slowly trotting alongside them.

She watches them make mostly incoherent paths on the grass until they leave to continue their walk elsewhere. Then April's left alone on the lot, watching blades of grass move a little in the wind and wondering why no one's been cutting it to regulation – and God that thought makes part of her want to vomit immediately – but she likes it. It's quiet, kind of since Pawnee's not gotten much better in that department over the years, and she feels a little calmer.

So she goes down to the pharmacy and buys one of those stupidly named kits and stares at it for a solid minute before she tucks it away in her purse and leaves without paying for it. She knows the blind spots of the cameras too well – she stole the exact same brand from the exact same store eighteen years and some change prior.

* * *

"You're-"

"Pregnant," she finishes it, staring at him.

"That's awesome," he says perhaps a little too loudly.

It took so long for Andy to get it out of her that night. At dinner, the two of them sitting in bed and picking at the assortment of egg rolls and spiced chicken, she knew she was being distant and Andy was way too perceptive of that to just let it go. Roberta was out for the night, hanging out with her friends that she wasn't going to get to see for who knows how long, so they stayed in and kept to themselves in the bedroom. It was mostly because April was going to begin to hate walking past Roberta's room – her former room – and making her way down the hall to their bedroom, and she just wanted to stay in solitude for that last night.

"Yeah, I guess," she lets out a sigh and sits back against the pillow at the head of the bed.

"I mean, we don't have to have the kid…" he says slowly, and she just gives him a small look that tells him that's not what she's thinking at all.

She couldn't stop thinking about what she had previously assumed life would be like for them now – going back to those early years of sitting around the house naked or barely in anything, eating awful food out of whatever they could find, and sitting around making up insane scenarios and games to play. Most of them ended pretty much the same way, and neither of them were ever too unhappy about eventually falling into bed with a new set of characters in mind, but April thought she missed that.

Then she remembers what it was like being called "mommy" for the first time, and carrying Roberta on her back while her daughter played with her hair and laughed, and all of those little moments. Those games they made up over the years, the things that really made April reevaluate what she thought being a mother would feel like.

"Do you really want to do all of this," she motions with her hands around the bed and towards the rest of the house, "again?"

"Sure," he answers quickly.

In the years that have passed, all of the times April's watched him give everything he can for all three of them, April finds a different, unusual appreciation for Andy. Somehow his hair getting a little grey isn't gross and disgusting like she always thought it would be, and she's never been more turned on than when she comes home from work and this fifty-year old incarnation of her husband is still giving her looks like she's the only woman he's ever seen, so the second child's not really that surprising. In fact, April was kind of expecting it to happen earlier than this, but they really had been more careful about things than before the first pregnancy. In part it's kind of hilarious to them that Roberta always gives them a look, rolls her eyes back, and makes a choking noise whenever they're kissing for more than a brief moment.

So it's not that much of a surprise to April that they're having this conversation, only the timeline.

"I mean, you want more kids right?" she asks him plainly, poking a strangely shaped bit of chicken with her fork and making a face. "You always wanted a bunch of 'em."

"I guess, but do you?"

His question kind of catches her off guard for a second, because in some way she knows the answer to it already. April _does _but there's still something that makes her wonder if they can handle another baby, and then another toddler, and another teenager… and everything those changes meant. Also, they'd be _really _old parents and that felt weird to her.

"Yeah," she gets out after chewing on a ball of clumped up rice.

"Awesome."

That's really all she needs to hear from him.

* * *

Throughout the whole of the drive, Andy refuses to let Roberta take over. He's staring headlong at the road, barely tearing his eyes away for anything, and April's never seen him so focused on something in her life. There might have been a point in the early years where she remembers him being so adamant about his feelings, but watching him grip the steering wheel was completely different.

It was incredibly silent when they finished packing away the assortment of clothes, blankets, and everything else that April could manage to sneak into the car for the semester. Somehow, with April left to her thoughts and Roberta focused intently on her phone, it was even quieter in the car. Two hours of hearing the sounds of Indiana pass by, the occasional hum of something on the radio actually catching her ear, and then they were suddenly there and those dorms felt real. Moving everything into the car felt like it took an eternity, but on the way up – and meeting the people that she was forced to room with – the move was over before it had even started.

She could see it in Andy's eyes, and when he gave her a hug she was lifted off the ground – no mean feat considering that the girl had nearly reached his own height and wasn't as much a slouch as either of her parents – and April just gives her a sort of all-too-tight embrace. Then, when they're about to leave, she sticks her tongue out to Roberta who just sneers and pulls her nostrils up with her index and middle finger.

At least on the ride back they can talk, but they really don't. April just occasionally sighs and Andy's talking to himself about how he's so obviously not crying.


	38. For the World to See

**A/N: **Having a little fun with the anonymous request that made ch.36 happen, if fun is really the word you'd use. This is kind of a sequel to that one, taking place immediately afterwards. Anyways, remember that you can send prompts in as well to help this madness along, if you want, to my tumblr.

Title is the lyric immediately following the one from the same song as 36, because why not?

* * *

Or maybe it's because, in the morning, she's cold lying on that futon in the living room, exposed to the room despite the wealth of blankets heaped on her. Not because Andy's clearly moved from where he was the night before – somehow she ends up sleeping in more than he does half the time – or that she remembers everything she had thought that night before. It still feels right, somehow, despite what anything Andy could say and part of her wonders what would actually change if she left.

So she did.

Slipping out of the house wasn't that difficult, especially considering she had driven herself there in the first place. Driving back home, on the other hand, took a concerted effort – her hands clutching the steering wheel like it was the only thing she had in the world, and even at one point telling herself that she should just go back to Andy. But something was telling her otherwise, like she couldn't really believe everything that had happened and that she'd finally see them for what they were – lies she'd constructed. Then she remembers the way he answered her the previous night, how quickly and ardently he expressed it, and she hates what she's done already. Part of her hoped that she could stop thinking about it when she slumped into her own bed, but then it didn't really go away and she starts thinking what Andy's reaction when he figures out that she's gone will be.

And she hates herself for it. She purposefully ignores his calls and texts because how can she explain any of this to him, and she regrets it. Hate changes shape, and the only thing April can do is call it loathing. A familiar thing, loathing, and it hurts her to admit how _welcome _it feels but she can't ignore it either.

* * *

The next day at work, she can ignore Andy. She makes sure to go in a little earlier than usual, almost on time even, but he's still there. Somehow, at this hour, he's there polishing his own shoe. He's shining a sneaker, but she's not going to tell him how stupid that looks because she just wants to get out from there.

"Oh, hey!" he shouts from the seat when she's nearly taken the corner just ahead. "Hey, April!"

She stuffs her hands in the pockets of her jacket and tries to make it clear she's ignoring him. Why, or to what end, she doesn't really know anymore. But he seems to get the idea, and she's left alone for the rest of the walk.

She's pretty successful after that, she thinks. He's missing from the stand when she heads out for lunch, thankfully (she thinks for a moment why she says thankfully to herself, comes up short, and leaves that thought alone). At the same time she heads back to the Parks department and finds a pile of little paper tulips on her desk. Some of them are clearly hand-folded, judging by the horrible little petals jutting out in absurd directions, but she picks one up and finds herself staring into it. There's at least a dozen of them there, and she knows who did it instantly, but all April can do is twist one in her hand and smile, not realizing until the muscles in her face move that she's trying her damndest not to cry. It's so stupid, and she's completely above ever crying, but she still can't help it.

"You okay?" a voice asks from behind her, and Leslie's standing with her shoulder against the threshold of her office.

April doesn't turn around, hands still sifting through the paper flowers. Among them was a little piece of paper with a handwritten note on it. A lot of the words are misspelled and the handwriting's got no straight flow to it, some of the writing shooting upward as words finished only to come back to where Andy thought the base of the letters should be but couldn't stick to. Wiping at her face with the sleeve of her jacket, she knows she's smiling like an idiot at the little message but she can't help it.

_We can talk if you want, if not that's okay. Here's a bunch of flowers. The real ones were too expensive (sorry) so I made a bunch of these from the post-its on your desk._

It was true, her stash of post-it notes was totally gone. Turning around, April stood there playing with the pink one that she'd grabbed while she sat against her desk and looked Leslie in the eye. Hopefully it wasn't as clear to the older woman that she's crying, but April knows how perceptive she can be so that's basically thrown out the window immediately.

"You wanna talk about it?" Leslie walks forward and picks up the little note and chuckles softly. "Come on."

April makes a sound like she doesn't want to, but Leslie still grabs her arm and pulls her into the office. A few seconds they sit there, April continuing that low rumbling noise and Leslie sitting there uncomfortably, until April starts to leave and the other woman gives her a look. It's never stopped her before, but something keeps her there this time.

"So, why are there a bunch of badly folded paper flowers on your desk?" she asks up front.

"Because Andy's stupid," April retorts. "And he thinks it's romantic or something to make me have to clean that all up."

It doesn't really seem to matter that, despite everything she's just said, April's still holding onto that little flower. Every once and a while, between exchanges like that or when neither of them are saying anything, April looks down at the thing and smiles again. It's enough to make her sick just how much she's been _smiling _at this stupid little thing, but then again it made her think of Andy and thinking of Andy sent chills along her body and made her want to keep smiling.

"Sure," Leslie nods, like April was making any sense at all.

"Why do you care, anyways?"

It's a potent question, and it could mean a lot for how this conversation goes, but April's sincerely caught off guard by Leslie's sudden investment in this situation.

"What, I'm not allowed to care about my friends' relationship now?" she shrugs, and April likes the way that the word 'friends' rolls around in the air.

"I thought Ann was your friend?" April asks, clutching the tulip a little harder when she said her name. "Y'know, Ann – the beast in the pit."

"For the last time April, she doesn't live _in _the pit," Leslie closes her eyes and shakes her head before continuing.

"Semantics," April returns.

"Anyways, just because I'm your boss doesn't mean I can't also be your friend," the other woman starts, "and I thought that we were. Friends, I mean, because I consider you my friend."

"You say friend a lot," April mutters, but she does let a smirk escape and Leslie gives her a wide grin in response.

"Hey," another voice interrupts them, and _she's _there.

April's face falls immediately. It doesn't take much, especially when it comes to Ann, for that to happen. The moment's lost in that one second.

"Oh, Ann," Leslie shakes her head and glances at April quickly before turning back to her friend. "I definitely did not forget about today, so just wait outside for a second please."

Ann smiles at them and walks away, not bothering to say anything to April. It's good too, because April's too busy sneering at her as the nurse leaves Leslie's office. Without realizing it, her hands had balled up, and when she looks down to the flower again it's all crinkled and ruined from the squeeze. It actually makes her laugh, how silly the thing looks with one petal jutting out the wrong way while the rest of the body sat crushed in on one side, but then she suddenly gets mad at Ann for ruining it. This was obviously her fault, and April can't help thinking it. Leslie takes one look at April, the shrunken flower, and back out to Ann.

"Oh," she nods.

Leslie looks like she just figured out the missing piece to make the puzzle make some sort of sense.

"Oh," April mimics, fully smashing the flower between her hands until it was completely flat.

"April, look at your desk," Leslie points out through the office.

"Looking," she answers, watching one of the bundles of paper roll around on her desk. "I just see a bunch of dumb flowers."

"Yeah, that's all I see," Leslie stands up and presses her shirt down by the hem at her waist. "What do you see?"

She pats April on the shoulder awkwardly, and for a second April looks at her with a confused look but Leslie doesn't give her much to go off of other than those few words.

So April sits there, staring at the mess on her desk from inside the office, wondering what Andy was thinking of all of this. She could only guess how confused he was, or maybe even a little disappointed, but April still doesn't know how to handle the situation no matter how clear Andy's feelings were looking at his art project strewn across her workspace.

Opening up her hand, April looks at the little flower she's crushed before standing up to toss the thing out. There was nothing saving that one, so she was going to have to deal with only having ten or so of the other ones. Just as she walks out, letting the flattened paper fall into the trashcan by her desk, she notices someone else in the department.

Of course – what incredible fucking timing, she thinks – it's Andy standing in front of the permits counter and he watches her crumple up the remaining vestige of the paper. He scratches back of his head, and then he makes a weird noise that sounds like it was supposed to be masquerading as a laugh, before he walks out without saying a word to her. April looks down in the bin to see the lonely little flower, and she finds herself walking quickly out to try and find him. Luckily, he's just sitting on one of the benches outside of the department looking down at the floor. Sitting down next to him, April takes a second to figure out how to explain that.

"That was… sweet," she finally gets out, and the word stings on her tongue when it's used this positively. "I mean, I liked them."

Andy's head perks up and he looks at her. April responds by nodding her head and he smiles, leaning back on the bench like something was just removed from his shoulders.

"Do you wanna talk? I mean, because I wrote that. On the little-"

"Note, yeah," April nods and her face starts to feel warmer than usual, and she doesn't know what to do with her hands now that they feel suddenly cold and alone without his. "Sorry about yesterday. This kinda isn't fair to you, or something."

"It's fine. I mean, I'm okay with it. Or… no, I'm just sorta okay with it – but, like, only if you're okay." he answers, but he's doing that weird staring thing he does sometimes and she can't take her eyes off his. "You okay?"

She really considers that question when he asks it. All April's known about Andy up to this point is that he's awesome – whether that meant he was way funnier than anyone in the building, or that he was willing to accompany her on some of the more stupid pranks, or that he was sitting there looking at her like he was worried – but this is sort of different. So she answers truthfully.

"Not really."

* * *

They sit on that bench for a little while, the two of them so close but still apart, and then a little while changes to an hour. Andy's arm finds its way along her back, and somehow that feels a little better. Then an hour slips slowly into several hours, and April's head has been on his against his chest for so long that she's grown way too accustomed to the smell of him. People walk by, some of them just staring at the two of them and a few of them asking why neither of them are doing anything, but neither of them can really seem to work up the effort to care.

No words are really said between them, and April's okay with that. It should be uncomfortable, being stuck in the same position on the hard bench seats, but it doesn't stop either of them. As hours melt away into way too long, and it's getting cold and quiet in there because no one's actually still in City Hall, April finally stands up.

"Come on," she tugs on his hand, pulling him up with her. "Let's go, this place sucks."

Before she leaves April digs into her jacket pocket and pulls out one of the small paper flowers that she'd taken from her desk. She looks at it, then to Andy, and gives him a brief smirk before putting it back in her pocket. They leave through one of the emergency exits, and the whole way to Andy's house – and then for a few more hours, staying awake in bed afterwards – he doesn't let go of her hand.


	39. Shoes and Nails

**A/N: **Short day today! I have something that I need to go to in twenty minutes as I'm writing this, and it's kinda super important so yeah, but I was kind of fumbling for the idea today since I have plans for my current queue of requests. Then I remembered the little line I snuck in _ages _ago (literally from one of the first few chapters) about a prank involving Jerry's shoes and some creative fixture placement.

Enjoy!

* * *

It didn't take much – a spilled cup of coffee aimed expertly, a suggestion to change his socks, and now April was standing with Jerry's shoes in her hand in front of Andy. She gave him a mischievous grin and he returned it with a small curl of his lips and a short laugh. Turning back around, they looked around for the perfect spot to hang them when they found the doors leading into the cafeteria. He was twirling a hammer in his hand and for a second she had to change their position so that when – not if – the ball-peen went flying she wasn't in the direct path of it. Figuring out what to do with them had been pretty easy. It didn't even take as long as usual to come up with.

"We could throw 'em out," Andy suggested.

"Too easy," April remarked, making a face when she mistakenly held the old man's shoes too close to her face. "Besides, other people need to know what I have to deal with every day."

"Then," Andy's face lit up, and April arched an eyebrow ever so slightly in concern, "we bring the smell to them."

"Yeah?" she asked, cocking her head a little. "How do we do that?"

Andy sat there for a second contemplating the options. Meanwhile, April looked at the wretched argyle pattern insoles and shook her head. Looking around the department offices, she stopped when she hovered over the door to one Ron Swanson's office. Something clicked, and she didn't know why it was only coming to her now, leading to her digging up a hammer from some maintenance closet along with a few nails. She wasn't going to question why they were there, since this was too perfect to pass up. When she told Andy her plan, he just raised his hand for a high-five.

At some point these pranks should really get old, April thought. For some reason though, it's still kind of hilarious sitting at her desk and trying to maintain the cool, flat composure as Jerry looked around his desk in his bare feet. He was holding a pair of spare socks in one hand while he pushed aside things on his desk and opened drawers in his attempt to look for the missing shoes. While he was occupying himself with that, Andy was sitting at the little table in the center of the conjoining room with his fist in his mouth to stop the laughter.

She figured it would take him a few hours, or a call from someone much higher up, to get his shoes down from above the doors leading into the employee café.

Andy followed when she stood and left, and he couldn't hold it in any longer. At first it was a small laugh that started to pick up pace and volume, April rolling her lips and trying to hold back as best she could, before he covered his mouth and made a few huffing noises into his hand.

"Shh," she said, barely able to finish without chuckling.

"Oh man," Andy kept looking back to watch Jerry every few seconds, "how long d'you think it's gonna take him?"

"Jerry? Could take all day," April moved over to follow his gaze into the room.

She walked over and pushed herself against Andy's side, staring inside. Jerry's face was bright red, tinged with both fury and frustration, but he still walked around in circles around his desk searching for the shoes. Sadly, that wasn't going to prove very successful considering they were on the other side of the building.

"Good call on that one," he remarked, turning around to face her as they both sat there huddled in front of the double doors. "I never woulda thought of that."

"Thanks," she realized how quiet she was being only just as she was figuring how close they were.

And, for a split second, she caught his eyes focusing on her lips so intently that she had to step back. She had to hold her smile back in the same way as before, trying to remain focused on his eyes while they stood apart. If it wasn't for the already uncomfortable situation, the silence and Andy's insistence on attempting to say something would have made it much, much worse. Eventually he finally found a few words that strung together into something resembling a thought.

"Oh, yeah," he mumbled, motioning towards the end of the hallway and jabbing his hands out in indistinct motions. "I have, that… y'know, that thing. I gotta go to, uh, there."

"Sure," she nodded and continued plainly. "Everyone knows about the thing over there by the bathrooms."

He laughed, but then he took a second to look where he was pointing to check and see if they were actually bathrooms. Turning back around to face her, his face was suddenly serious and he opened his mouth to say something but, before he could get a word out, Andy turned to walk hurriedly down the opposite end of the hallway. If she wasn't confused by the situation as a whole, his posture while briskly half-running would have been pretty funny to watch – hands stock-still by his sides and eyes focused on something perpetually ahead of him. Instead, April was left with a half-formed sentence about to come out and a tinge of disappointment.

Feeling her hands twist the hem of her shirt a little too tightly, and a grimace forming on her face, April walked back through the doors and told Jerry he should try the cafeteria. This prank was a whole lot less fun by herself for some reason.


	40. Reflections (It's)

**A/N**: This is so fucking sappy, I tell you what. I'm sure some of you will walk away with a few extra dental bills but I hope it hasn't come off as petulant as it feels. Whatever, just have fun with it please.

As for some serious talk, I'm currently revising the schedule for this collection and will putting updates on my tumblr (anotheropti). So if you wanna keep in touch if anything strange happens tomorrow post-wise, then follow me or just check in.

**note #2: **the parenthesised and bracketed bits are from my own tendency to "listen" to characters I'm writing as I write them. For clarity, parentheses are Andy's thoughts and brackets are April's.

* * *

It's watching her from a distance, not caring what others think of it as long as she's okay with it, and then content with just being around. It's hearing her laugh at something stupid he's done, and he knows how much of an idiot he makes himself out to be, or when he speaks and knows the words are beyond stupid but maybe she'll smirk or chuckle at them. It beats in his chest, something burying itself so deep in him it almost hurts, and the thrumming of it makes breathing hard; sitting still a nightmare; his understanding of who he is melting away in its presence.

And now, he thinks maybe they can grow a little with those new roots. Just a little different, and it's not even real change… just a little growth as _them_. He's never been made happier than when that's answered with a resounding:

"Sure."

It's standing there, watching her from that short distance, and the overwhelming realization as she gives him that grin that yells back – I'm not sure of what we're doing, but hell if I'm not gonna try – and his lungs squeal in an attempt to find air that's suddenly lost. It's hearing her say that she wants to spend the rest of her life – _the rest of her entire life _– with him (_with me?_) and not really comprehending what that much time actually means, but it doesn't matter. She says yes, he's not going to answer with anything else either, and they've made it official.

It's wondering if April actually even cares about his band, like it isn't one of the most important things in his life – so important, but barely even a weed in comparison to them; to her – and wondering what that means. It's staring her in the eyes when she walks up and has a look on her face – his recently sold guitar, now stolen back for him – and it's something so different than what he's used to. It's that look, that way her eyes kind of light up when he talks about her (_it's the truth, though_) as if she's the most important thing in the world – and, God, he's never going to say anything but – and the way they spend that night so close, so long after sex, and he doesn't want to let go of her.

It's being scared that, even now, April can't trust him. Even if it means something as simple as her workday, or as important as withholding her trust in dreams and secrets, he wants to know. He doesn't _have _to know, of course (_just because she's married doesn't mean she's not still April, right?_) but it kinda hurts when she keeps things away from him like this. It's listening to her finally tell you that she does have a dream, and she's considering it but she's afraid what he has to say on the matter – and, shit, she's never been dumber in that moment.

It's supporting her in that because he can, at least, do that for her. It's figuring out why, and what's making that happen.

It's love.

* * *

She's sure he's one of the simplest people on the planet. From his lack of finesse, poise, to his candor, sometimes verging on insensitivity, all of it seems bewildering. He's one of the few people that honestly confuse her so that's probably where it comes from at first.

It's being a little concerned at the glances that fall away into looks when she turns to catch him, and then when they linger into stares. At some point she'll have to tell him to stop, but she can never really figure out the right time in the middle of a conversation or any of their more prolonged afternoons together in City Hall. It's probably wondering when genuine curiosity stopped being the primary motivator and just talking to him took its place. It's definitely when she catches herself biting her lip and staring at him, holding the cup of coffee so near that it's close to bursting over the lid.

It's the jealousy, the fury, and disappointment – and that last one so much more than the others – when she's in Venezuela. All two-hundred and forty-two voice mails [_I definitely didn't keep those for a month_] that she patently refused to listen to – or, so she says [_...because I totally didn't listen to any of them_] because she feels a sad giddiness in hearing them every day: at first excited, then a dark realization that she was supposed to be mad at him – they were definitely part of it.

(_Seriously, I have no idea why you're not answering me. If you're mad, tell me, because it's super boring without you)_

It's that one, that voice mail. It's wanting to respond.

It's at first thinking how easy it would be to run away from this all and not get married to him, but then walking and her feet carrying her without another thought when she sees his face. It's that face, watching his breath catch for longer than was probably healthy for his brain, and glancing over to Leslie that makes it seem so real [_that's not what I was thinking_].

It's seeing him so beaten down by the rejection that she has to help him. Officer Andy Dwyer is gone from his dreams, and watching fall apart in that, makes her heart give a twist [_wow… that's so stupid, it's not even remotely correct_]. It's missing the vibrancy, all the insanity in the house at four in the morning, and hating seeing him so far removed from himself. It's trying to help, finding every avenue from Tom to Ben's charity thing, just so she can see him happy again. Without him like that, she's the positive one and that's just not how they're supposed to work.

It's knowing that he's better than that, and wanting to show him just how much better he can be, that makes her get off her usually apathetic ass and help him. It's figuring out why, and what's making her do it.

It's love.

* * *

"I love you," he says, his eyes never leaving hers even when she has to look away.

"Oh my God, you can stop saying it already," April answers because the way his voice sort of croaked that out felt more important than anything else.

"I love you," he puts his hands on her waist and still refuses to break his glare.

"Andy," she complains, and if something's actually falling down her cheek she's sure as shit never divulging that information. "Dude, stop."

"I love you," he nearly growls, pulling her closer to him and that stupid jersey.

Maybe it's because everything that's happened that night is hitting her all at once but April feels incredibly vulnerable and open in that moment. With the freely falling tears, the short dress, and how close they were she can't think of any other reasons. It's definitely just some sort of stupid emotional high, she reminds herself.

"I love you too," she finally gets out, and Andy's lips shift ever so slightly but she can't get over that ridiculous feeling that those words actually mean something coming out of her mouth.

And maybe it's because he's heard it countless times now, but Andy's confused why those words still floor him. He chalks it up to the feeling of April pushing her head into his chest as they dance slowly – alone, way after the wedding when everyone's left, because she refuses to let anyone but him see her like that – to the Sinatra rendition of that song he purposefully dedicated to her. That felt so long ago, and Andy's so happy that despite the run they've had it's all come back to this.

It's just that – it's just love. Simple as, and simply put, it's everything they want.

It's them.


	41. A Brief Rendezvous

**A/N: **Very brief, fluffy nonsense missing moment thing. Double post day because I think Spare all its own is not great for some people and they just want another injection of that sweet, sweet April/Andy fun!

(trust me I do too, that's why I wrote this!)

Anyways, enjoy.

* * *

April doesn't know what to expect of Andy's brothers. There was an equally likely chance that they were all geniuses, post-graduate alums from some crazy exclusive universities, as there was that they were all the simplest people in the world. She just had no gradient for the Dwyer family yet, so when he marched all five of them in front of her she could only wait for them to say something - naturally, none of them seemed at all excited to be there.

"So, these are my brothers," Andy explains, holding his hands out in a wide gesture.

"Hey," they all collectively say.

"Hey," April responds.

They sit like that for a moment, with Andy looking excited at April and back to them, before he eventually leaps out between them and clears his throat. He starts to say something then stops, holding his hands out and shaking his head. Eventually April shoves him with her hip and gets him to say whatever was on his mind.

"So, this is April," he says and April shakes her head. "She's gonna be my wife in like five minutes."

"Not if I run away," she mumbles into his shoulder when she puts her head on it.

"What?" one of the taller brothers speaks up, raising an eyebrow at Andy's laughter in response to something like that.

"Oh, she's not serious," Andy chuckles, waving him off but when he looks down to April she gives him a look that says otherwise. "You're not, right?"

"I'll do it just so we can get married again," she says quietly, not breaking her eyes off of his. "And then I'll do it again, and again, and we can get married, like, fifty times."

"Aww," Andy gives her a small kiss on the lips and turns back around to his brothers. "So, you're all my best men."

He walks over to them and walks down the row, ticking off names – Mikey, Stevie, Danny, and so on until April realizes how clever Andy's parents must have been with nicknames – before turning them around and pushing them over to the living room turned altar. He walks back over to April, putting his arm around her shoulder again.

"You weren't serious right?" he asks, suddenly serious and concerned. "About the Julia Roberts stuff?"

"Super serious," she looks up to him again. "I wanna marry you tonight, divorce you, then marry you again."

"Cool," he nods before leaning down for what was intended to be another brief kiss.

"Then divorce you _again_," she starts, and soon Andy's leading her to the refreshments table while she punctuates every word with another kiss or movement of her hands, "and then marry you all over again and again… and again."

Her breaths were starting to get ragged as Andy pushed her onto the table, just feet away from so many people. He had apparently gotten past his fear of seeing her before the actual wedding, because now he was pulling himself back and taking in the sight of her sitting there in that short dress before peeling off his own jacket.

When he walks closer to her again, her legs naturally opening for him and wrapping around his waist, he makes a low grumbling, grunting sound in the back of his throat that makes April's whole body vibrate in response. Sadly, just as his mouth connects with her collarbone and makes its way down her chest there's a soft sound of someone clearing their throat.

"Guys," and it's Mikey, April thinks, a cup in his hand and eyes averted from them. "Let's, um, let's not do this until _after _the wedding, okay?"

"Dude, go away," Andy says after taking his mouth aggravatingly farther off her body. "Seriously uncool."

"Okay man, whatever you say," he turns around as he finishes his thought," just thought you'd wanna know that some blonde chick is talking about setting something on fire just to stop the wedding."

April turns her head up, watching through the doorway that separated the two rooms to see Leslie pacing through the windows. Andy likewise moved back and helped April off of the table, looking back to her when he couldn't clearly make out what was going on outside.

"Babe?" he asks, a real worry there in his voice.

"I'll go talk to her," she sighs loudly, as if playing mad will get her something from Andy.

"Love ya," he adds, smiling that wide grin that's so infectious to her. "Can't wait to get married to you."

"Me either," she returns, along with a shy smile. "Love you too."

He makes a sort of weird wheezing noise and she knows that it's super unattractive and kind of girly but she can't help laughing a little at it. And not even at him, because that's too easy, but rather that thought – that they were actually getting married that night. But she likes that feeling too, and it's really fucking scary and exciting all at once, so she walks outside and pulls Leslie inside to have a word with her to have as subtle a conversation as possible with her – if she mentioned that she knows Leslie's actively trying to sabotage them who knows what would happen.

Thankfully, things go off _spectacularly_.


	42. Way Too Much Sweat

**A/N: **From an anonymous request on tumblr, wondering (just like I did) what actually would have set Andy on a road to getting fit - other than Chris Pratt being super devoted to a role. My immediate response led to this one-shot. Remember that you too can be a totally awesome person, if you have any idea or request or anything to say to me at all really, and talk to me on my tumblr!

Either way, have fun.

* * *

She doesn't know when it's actually started, but April definitely notices on the third night when he rejects yet another beer from her. Usually when they stayed in – which was happening more and more, not that she minded – nights devolved into drunken rants between the two of them but that was beginning to be more and more one-sided. The previous two nights were mostly her staring sullenly at him while he played a game on the new Xbox, with occasional comments until he realized where she was going with them, and then she basically blacked out after the sex.

"Andy," she said as she sat down next to him on the sofa, "what's up with the no beer? I told you already, you can't drink like Ron. It's too-"

"Expensive," he muttered, not taking his eyes off of the TV or his hands from the controller. "I know babe, I'm just… ah, I'm not feelin' it tonight."

She sat back into the cushion on the couch, staring at the mouth of the bottle before sitting forward again. The abrupt change in her posture made Andy turn around to look at her, and she just grimaced in response. He paused the game and put the controller on the floor, turning his whole body to face her on the sofa.

"That's stupid," she finally said after a few seconds of awkward staring.

"Well, I just don't want to," he was getting visibly sweaty and his hands were starting to shake.

"Babe, you love to drink and you love to drink beer," she moved her hands up for emphasis and brought them back down with a sad thud on her thighs. "Beer is probably your third favorite thing ever."

"Yeah, that's true, but I don't… want to. I think… I guess," his voice trembled and now he was reaching for his shirt. "I don't… it's totally fine. I'm totally fine. Don't drink beer, Andy."

He slapped himself on the face and returned to taking the sweater off, sighing and rolling his back like he was covered in sweat. Somehow, in the cold Pawnee night, he _was _starting to sweat quite a lot.

"What are you doing?" she deadpanned, watching the specimen of a man she was married to rub his naked back with the sweater he was just wearing.

"Everything's all gross and sweaty," he complained, stretching his neck and continuing with the shirt.

She sat back and watched him for a few more seconds. He wasn't grossly overweight, or even incredibly unhealthy looking like the rest of the stupid town, but he definitely wasn't a symbol of fitness. It had never bothered April because, to be honest, if he looked like Chris she might think she was fucking a diving board. Plus, when winter nights got as bad as they did in the Midwest, Andy being able to literally smother her entire body was pretty cool.

Not that she'd ever admit she liked to cuddle.

"Andy, what's the big secret?" she asked, breaking her stare when he stood up to air out his armpits by swirling his arms in circles.

"Secret, who said secret? I didn't," he grunted, keeping his arms up at shoulder level and pivoting them while talking.

"There's a you-shaped stain on the couch right now, Andy," she pointed to the cushion where there was, indeed, a familiar wet spot where Andy had just been. "You have to tell me, especially if it makes you this gross."

He just shook his head in response and continued his ridiculous exercise.

"If you don't tell me," she started, unsure what her leverage was supposed to be now that he was actively avoiding beer, "then we won't have sex for… like, a week."

"What?" he stopped immediately, his hands dropping to his side, but then he smirked and motioned to his oddly sweaty, shirtless chest. "Whatever, I know you can't resist this."

"That's what you think," she returned, taking a deep breath and ignoring the fact that he was actually right.

Andy only contorted his face in a mixture of confusion and struggle, starting a few awkward sentences and pacing around, before he stopped in front of her and gave her a serious look. Or, at least, he thought that's what it was but to April it looked like constipation or just lots of squinting.

"Okay," he said too loudly, making April jump back a little. "You know how I've been going out to lunch with Chris the past week? Well, we have lunch at first and he makes me eat this super gross healthy stuff, but then we go running after."

The look on his face meant that he thought this was some big secret, especially considering how disgusting he looked at that moment, but April wasn't sure where that was supposed to come in. Still, she had to play along.

"So, what, you wanna become Chris and live to be a thousand?" she asked with more than a hint of anger in her voice.

Andy wasn't supposed to be fit or lean, and he definitely wasn't supposed to _want _to be any of those things. So hearing that he actually volunteered to go running with Chris – and likely getting just a fraction of work done in the same time that Chris easily outpaced him – struck an odd nerve for April.

"Well, I just wanted to see if I could keep up for the police test thing for next year," he explained, sitting back down and keeping his shirt wrapped around his neck like a towel. "At first, but… I dunno, then Chris told me that if I keep eating the way I do I could die from it or something."

"You could die walking down the street tomorrow," she sat down next to him and gave him a once-over, trying to figure out what he was getting at. "So why bother not eating and drinking stuff you actually like?"

"Because I want us to get, like, super old together," he looked up and had a sincere, almost shy half-smile on his face. "I know it's stupid and sappy and-"

"So you're doing all of this," she motioned towards him and lifted the beer still in her hand up, "you're not drinking beer, you're exercising a little bit, and you're eating a little healthier because of us?"

"Yeah," he chuckled, nodding like it was more obvious than anything else he was saying.

"Do you actually want to get, like, super fit like Chris?" her voice wavered a little.

"He said I didn't have to go that far and, to be honest, that guy's a friggin' machine," he laughed, unrolling the shirt that he'd taken off and sniffing it before tossing it on the floor. "But, yeah, I think it'd be cool to try. Is it… y'know, cool with you?"

She hesitated to answer – she wasn't sure if she'd like Andy's body more toned and less pudgy, fluffy teddy bear but she wasn't going to suddenly stop loving him or wanting him. Maybe at the end she'd decide that she liked him one way or the other – either a little less extra baggage and maybe a little more muscle or Andy with a minor drinking problem and a lot of fluff – but it was worth trying. The one thing she was sure of, however, was that seeing Andy this motivated to do something because he thought it would benefit the both of them was kind of eye-opening.

April wouldn't admit it freely, or sober at all to be honest, but the idea of Andy running around in circles because he didn't want to have a major heart attack in his thirties was all right by her.

"Totally," she nodded. "I mean, if you get too thin I can just divorce you."

"Huh?"

"And then date you again when you lose all that gross muscle and get back to being the super soft Andy," she pulled him up and, despite the amount of sweat still on his body, wrapped her arms around his waist.

"You're the best," he whispered before putting his arm behind her knees and picking her up. "And to celebrate my awesome wife, we're totally gonna do it."

April just shook her head and accepted that she wasn't going to bed as drunk as usual. All that meant, at least, was that it would last a little longer and she was okay with that – and, thinking on it, if he kept going with this fitness thing then _maybe_…


	43. Count Every Beautiful Thing

**A/N:** Technically related to 36 and 38. Extension of 3x14 based on an anonymous ask I got on tumblr this morning, related to me losing my mind and writing way too much about my pet theory that April is depressed/struggles with some of these issues in the timeline of the show. Either way, thanks Brianna for sparking this thought in my brain!

I love talking about this sort of stuff, or really at all, so you can come gab at me over on tumblr if you have requests, feedback, or just generally wanna shoot the shit. Enjoy!

Title is a lyric from Neutral Milk Hotel's "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea" and, likewise, the song at the end is a NMH joint.

* * *

After everyone had left the courtyard, the band and the few bystanders she'd managed to convince to sit there for a few minutes before bailing, the only two left there were April and Andy. He was sitting down on one of the benches, playing his guitar idly while looking up to her and intermittently laughing softly. For some reason she couldn't keep her eyes on him for very long without feeling another smile creeping over her face, and so she tried to keep away from him and pace.

Stealing his guitar back wasn't that hard. Sewage Joe was such an easy mark – one call to his extension, another horribly obvious phony accent, and off he went out to the parking lot to look for the Amazonian blonde in the parking lot. She had thrown a Craigslist ad out, improvising some way to get him out of his office, and his response of "which one" just made her skin crawl.

Now she was pacing in the courtyard, trying to figure out why she had even gone that far. But, it was Andy – and he was supposed to be the happy one. That was how they worked, at this point, and she didn't know how she'd deal with him if he ever fell into that weird self-esteem hole he did that day ever again. Also, having an argument with him sucked. Mostly because she ended up yelling at him for being insensitive and that was so far from the truth it hurt, but for whatever reason she had pulled that card out.

And then he sold his guitar and claimed to quit music forever. Now, though, he was sitting in the courtyard and strumming bland progressions and humming nonsense along to them. Giving in to his looks, she walked over to him and pushed his guitar away out of his lap, sliding around his side on the strap, and sat herself down where it was just before.

"Sorry about all that drama-for-drama stuff," she whispered, "I just thought you'd… sorta pay attention to stuff when I said I liked it."

"I do – I did – but… I dunno, that stuff makes me really sad and then," he sighed and looked around awkwardly before looking back up to her, "and it kinda makes me think you get super sad listening to it and, I dunno, that makes me feel weird about it."

April nodded in response, biting the side of her cheek. There were things she was comfortable sharing with Andy, and the tumultuous start to their relationship was founded on too little self-esteem and that familiar voice telling her how she couldn't be worth it. He knew that – she definitely gave him plenty to work with on multiple occasions of her getting to in her own head and blocking him out – and it made sense, to an extent, that he thought that music was making her fall back into those thoughts.

"Andy, it's not that," she pushed herself closer to him and looked away from him out to the courtyard. "I mean yeah that band's kinda depressing and stuff, but it makes me feel like I'm not the only dealing with that stuff, y'know?"

"Not really," he chuckled.

"Okay," she shook her head, "but you get why they're important to me right?"

"I guess, I just figured that Mouserat was important to you too," he swayed a little but still left April's arm slung over his shoulder while he moved around.

"They totally are, because it makes you happy," April turned back to meet his eyes, "and you're not supposed to be the sad one, okay?"

"Yeah, cool," he smiled and took to moving his hand up the small of her back.

"But, really, that band is super important to me," she explained, and Andy's hand stopped when affronted with this still serious conversation. "You know how… y'know, I'm still a little-"

"Sure," he nodded and pushed his hand into hers.

April instinctively smiled at his interruption, looking down at their hands before turning back to face him. In some ways she thought that Andy was just an insanely childish person and super fun to be around, and that was enough for her to forget some of the things she always told herself. He was escapism in human form and unknowingly kept her from returning to those dark corners, and she loved that about him. Still, every once and a while something like this came from him – something more thoughtful than he had any right to produce – and it made every inch of her skin feel suddenly alive again.

She loved that feeling of being around him when that happened, and she loved that he could intuit these things.

"Thanks," she finally said.

"Maybe we can go home and I'll listen to a song or something," he suggested, shrugging noncommittally.

"Wow, thanks Andy," she muttered with more than a touch of sarcasm.

"I know, I'm the best husband ever," he said quietly without taking his eyes off of her.

"Yeah, you're pretty great," she admitted.

"And you're the best wife in the world," he added, "and I'm super lucky and I love you and you're the best person I've ever known and-"

"Love ya too," she interrupted with as much emphasis she could in that quiet space.

If she didn't break his concentration in the middle of that sentence she didn't know how she would react. He had tried to shower her with praise before and all that usually ended up with was her getting mad at him and smacking him, but in times like this – alone, quiet, intimate – she usually let them wash over her. It made her feel, on some level, a little more normal. Maybe it was because of the look in his eyes, and that intensity they had when he said things like that, that made her heart beat a little too fast and her hands sweat way more than usual.

She leaned down to give him a short kiss, and for all intents and purposes it should have been, but Andy had moved his hand from the neck of the guitar to the back of her neck. In a second, what was supposed to be brief turned into a deeper kiss with April readjusting herself so that she was facing him on his lap, her hands stroking his chin and moving around his neck. They broke off, and in the middle of the courtyard April could see the glint of desire in his eyes. However, they _were _in the middle of a municipal government building and that could, possibly, cause some minor issues.

"Hey, let's bail," she stood up and Andy immediately jumped up after her.

"Totally," he grunted, following her and barely remembering that he had his guitar still slung over his neck. "Let's go home."

"Yeah, that sounds pretty cool," she whispers to him.

It's a lot quieter, and slower, when they get home. Hands touch in a softer way, searching for each other, and at one point she swears that Andy turned on music. It doesn't dawn on her what the music is until afterwards, because her brain's forgetting basically everything in the rest of the room that isn't Andy or her. Lying back in bed, she laughs to herself when the drums and noise kick in at the beginning of "Holland, 1945."


	44. Andy's Belated Halloween

**A/N: **Spawned from Recall Vote and the (paraphrased) line "Andy and I always used to dress up as demons and egg Larry's house."

Leaving it as the fluffy Halloween treat it's _supposed _to be since I doubt I'll even be near my PC tomorrow. Have fun guys, and happy Halloween!

* * *

"So, I haven't asked yet – but how's Andy?" Leslie asked April suddenly when she walked out of her office and past April's desk.

"Ugh," she groaned in response.

Throughout the day, April aggressively hung up on people instead of just never answering the calls and only gave Larry a cold stare when he asked how Andy was. That was the problem – Andy. All he did when she got home was lay on the couch, snoring, or in bed – still, snoring – and no matter what she did he was out for the whole night. Occasionally she'd be woken up by him at around two in the morning and he'd still be kicking around when she actually got up.

It was _annoying_.

"I thought you missed him?" Leslie inquired a little quieter than before.

"I did, and I _do_," she explained, waving a pen with her right hand. "He sleeps all the time and I haven't figured out a way to get him to stay up all day."

"Well, you could…" Leslie grinned a little, and April turned her nose up to the suggestive nodding that followed. "_Y'know_."

"You don't think I tried that?" she groaned.

That was her first idea, after all, and it had gone disastrously. It went so poorly that at one point April had actually gotten on top of him and his response was a loud, drawn-out snore. Pretty swift mood-killer, as it turned out, and it only made her incensed – and a little defeated, if she had to be truthful – that he could conk out like that.

"Maybe too much information," Leslie held her hand up while April gave a suggestive twirl of her wrist to illustrate her point. "Sorry I asked."

"Whatever," April shrugged her off, refusing to say anything else on the matter.

Instead she stared at her work and tried to focus on it. That only lasted a fraction of a second before she realized how stupid that was, given that Leslie was in full motion to make her last thirty days as councilwoman as effective as possible. April thought that, if they wanted to, the entire Parks department could likely leave for a month and there would be zero change in how the place was run. Leslie Knope was a force in her own right, but motivated like this she could carry the weight of an entire government on her back if she wanted – so April just wallowed in her own anger at Andy for having the gall to get jet-lagged.

* * *

On the drive home, and once she got there, April gave up on the idea of trying to get Andy into some sort of normal sleep schedule that night. Now she was just caught in a struggle between being incredibly mad at him and being disappointed in herself that it was this hard to keep him focused for a few extra hours at night. Inside, he was drooling on one of the couch cushions with his head buried in the armrest. Fighting an urge to smack him until he awoke for a few minutes, bleary-eyed and confused before drifting back off to sleep, April sat in front of his sprawled out legs. Turning the TV on, she held down on the little volume button of the remote until she could barely hear herself think over the drawl of Perd Hapley.

Looking over to him, hoping for a reaction, all she got was a snort and Andy shifting his head a little in response. Turning the TV back off she stood up, making a disgruntled rumbling noise all the way, and walked back to the bedroom to lie down and read something to hope that it would take her mind off things.

* * *

"Babe," she thought she heard Andy saying. "Babe, wake up…"

She figured that it was some kind of weird dream, maybe a little too lucid for her liking but that depended on where the dream ended up, so she just ignored the words.

"Hey, I got a surprise for you," she heard him whisper to her, suddenly really close.

She could almost feel his breath on her neck, which was starting to make her wonder how creepy this dream was going to get. April rolled over in bed, moving the covers over her shoulder a bit more until she felt someone prodding her. Then it turned to shaking and she rolled back to face the assailant. In the dark she could make out that it was Andy, but she could also make out a faint outline of something stick out of his head.

"Wh-what are you doing?" she yawned, looking at her phone to see the _3:23AM _and shudder.

"Come on, get up," he started pushing her out of bed and she resisted, too comfortable with all of the warmth around her and the position she'd been lying in just before. "All right, I see how it's gonna be."

April felt his weight shift off of the bed and after the soft clunk of a light switch being clicked into position, the room was way too bright all of a sudden. Sitting up in bed, she threw her hand over her eyes and squinted to focus on Andy so she could figure out where exactly she was going to hit him.

"Really, man?" she complained, still squinting until she caught sight of Andy and she shook her head. "What are you wearing?"

The something sticking off of his head was a little plastic headband with two small triangles jutting from the top. April couldn't tell if it was just poorly made or he had constructed it himself, since the little paper triangles looked like they were attached by masking tape. It was colored red and he was also wearing his favorite red sweatshirt and a pair of gym shorts – of course, also red. Ridiculous didn't begin to describe the get-up he had going, especially with the all-too excited look in his eyes.

"Get up, it's a _surprise_," he emphasized, and she wondered when he could surprise her by being up at eight in the afternoon.

Grumbling, she stood up and let him lead her by the hand outside of the bedroom. She had to suppress a smile when, in the hallway leading out, she saw a glowing red light as the only illumination there and a hanging plastic skeleton decoration. When they actually reached the living room, Champion was fast asleep in his bed with a small cap on his back and the room was indeed only covered in dark, sanguine light. The plastic skeleton was joined by a small wisp of what was supposed to be spider webs, likely old decorations they never used, draped over the couch.

"Oh cool, your surprise was to throw garbage around the house," she couldn't even attempt to hide her growing grin. "Thanks, hon, this is the best surprise ever."

"I figured since I wasn't here for real Halloween," he turned around and his lips shifted into a sly smile, "we could have our own and…"

"And it's the eighth," she laughed, "of December."

"Yeah, there wasn't that much stuff for me to get around for this," he looked around and scratched his chin, stopping on the plastic hanging and the mess of fibrous webs.

"Well, it's awesome," she let out, moving closer to him and hooking her arms around his waist.

"Wait," he raised his hand, finger pointing upward like he had an amazing revelation, "there's more."

April shook her head and had to bite the inside of her cheek not to laugh at him rummaging through a small brown bag for something. He stopped and made an excited noise sitting between a grunt and a chuckle. He jumped back up, holding an eerily similar headband to his own. In the other hand was a small orange shirt, proudly emblazoned with the Hooters logo, and the same pair of shorts he was wearing.

"Wow, I've always wanted one of these," she exclaimed sarcastically, holding the orange shirt in her hands and smiling. "You give the best presents, honey."

"It's not a present," he explained, taking the shirt back and putting the headband on the parting of her hair, stepping back a little. "It's a costume."

"Am I going as a white trash marathon runner?" she took the shorts and shirt, not breaking her inquisitive glare.

"Well… no, remember how we always used to egg Jerry's house?" he asked and April could see where this was going, and she had to look away or her actual happiness might show too blatantly. "I couldn't really get scary demon outfits, or really any costumes at all, so I had to, uh, criticize-"

"Improvise," she corrected.

"That," he pointed to her and laughed, "is why I married you. Babe, you're so smart."

She slipped into the shorts and shirt while he talked, and for a second she wondered if she should even bother with the "costume" he'd prepared. Then, when she looked in the mirror and saw his face at her ridiculous appearance she thought that things could have gone worse. Taking advantage of his likely fleeting awareness, she pressed herself into him – weird rustling of the fabrics of their shorts and all – and brought him down to her lips with more force than was probably necessary. Sadly, before she could really get a feel for how far this would go, he had broken off and told her they still had to go egg Jerry's house for it to be a real belated Halloween. The trouble was that his eyes were still locked on hers as she focused on how swollen his were from just that brief encounter.

Without another word, he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door. Thankfully April was able to convince him to at least let her put on shoes and a jacket – a weird maroon thing that she didn't even know was hers, just to keep up the bizarre shade matching that was happening there – before they left. Creeping up on the house this early in the morning wasn't that hard of a feat, and the eggs in Andy's car were less than fresh, so all in all it was a fairly easy job.

It wasn't quite as satisfying, though, as when they returned to Andy's car and her first instinct – to stop him from starting the car by hooking her leg over his and straddling him, face-to-face – was met with a loud rumbling grunt and the disposal of that stupid Hooters shirt.


	45. Aging Gracefully

**A/N: **An anonymous request for more middle-aged A/A!

Interrelated to every other kid-fic I've written in that there's a daughter named Roberta. Somehow that stuck.

* * *

For about a week after she's gone, Roberta calls every day. At first she sounds excited, and April's trying to hold it together because no part of her is ready to admit she misses her daughter – someone that had been a bane to her independence for nearly two decades – and also because the calls start becoming more and more infrequent. Andy has much the same reaction, each day without a call just shrugging and trying not to look at his phone sadly.

So they did everything they thought they wanted to do while April was still capable of it.

Not that she'd be laid up, or at least less active, for another many months but Andy wasn't in any shape to be slowing down. They both missed when the three of them would be them and Champion, and then them and Roberta, but sitting up late and eating pizza while watching all of Andy's old reality show contestant videos was fun.

_Was_.

"Andy," she interrupted his laughter at the flying leap he took on the screen in front of them, "are we boring now?"

"Babe, we have pizza and I'm pretty sure we're gonna have sex after this," he pointed to the screen and another in the long line of embarrassing takes. "That sounds pretty awesome."

"We sound like old people," she turned to look at him, ignoring the irony of her words and his graying hair. "Well, you _are _old but all of that stuff is boring."

"Even the sex?" he asked, incredulous and grinning.

"Shut up," she bumped him with her shoulder, his arm remaining over hers, "you know what I meant."

He nodded, because he honestly had known but it was going to be hard to get jabs in when she went to term, and stood up. Turning the TV off, he faced her with his arms crossed like that was supposed to mean something to her. After a few more seconds the awkward staring, and eventual eyebrow wiggling, April just assumed they were skipping to the sex right away. That was fine by her, but then Andy took off sprinting for the utility room and she could only be afraid of where his mind was going.

"Andy?" she shouted after him when she heard a loud crash.

Then he came tumbling back to the living room. Under one arm was an inflatable pool and in the other was the video camera they had bought years ago when they were still freshly married. April thought she'd gotten rid of the thing, but apparently when she told Andy to do it all that had happened was he put it somewhere out of sight.

His cleaning skills were truly impeccable, though April couldn't be expected to do much better.

"Okay, so…" he started to walk towards the sliding doors in the back, "I got the pool and the camera."

"I feel like I should ask you what those are for," she squinted her eyes, trying to get her sarcasm across as best she could.

"Oh, duh, well we're gonna fill up the pool-"

"It's October," she reminded him, nodding towards the yard and the frosting grass.

"Okay, and it'll be even better because of that," he laughed her concern off, bobbing his head and somehow exhibiting that same childish energy that she fell in love with.

"Why's that, and why the hell do you still have that camera?" she made sure to tack on that final question, because she wondered if that SD card was still somewhere in the house and not burned like she asked.

"You think we're boring, right?" he nodded, still smiling.

"That's not what I-"

"So we're gonna audition for _The Amazing Race_," he interrupted.

She looked him up and down – Andy had tried to get in shape at one point, and succeeded for about two years, but then the pregnancy had sapped all of his time to go to the gym and age wasn't helping his impressive figure – and laughed. It's not like she could do it either, but especially not with him in tow, and April had to pull herself back and wonder why the hell she was considering this at all.

Then, she looked in his eyes while he continued nodding vigorously, and thought: what the hell? What was the worst that could happen?

"Sure, why not," she shrugged and shook her head.

Andy responded with even louder laughing and opened the sliding door to go fill up the small kids' pool.

* * *

A little humming vibrated in the back pocket of Roberta's jeans, and when she swiped over to the incoming message she laughed. Looking back up, the professor gave her a harsh glare before he continued. Stepping outside, partially because she was probably going to lose it based on the title of file and that still – her mom and dad standing in the small inflatable pool that she used to play around in over the summers, clutching each other more out of heat retention than any desire to be near the other – she let it play.

They were shouting almost incoherently to each other, and Roberta could barely make out what the hell they were saying. She had to make up for that by watching them run around in circles around the pool, still talking but not saying anything she could understand.

She was right, and she didn't stop that horrible, ugly cackling until she got back to her dorm. Biology could wait, this was more important.

* * *

Then, one day a few weeks later, April gets an email and a phone call along with a letter that looks way too official to be getting anywhere near her. Somehow the schedule worked out perfectly, and even more bizarrely they were qualified, and April could finish the tapings – she knew those things weren't always live, and this confirmed it – before even really showing let alone being unable to compete.

When she went home, April told Andy and both of them started at each other more confused than they had ever been in each others' presence.

* * *

This time Roberta gets an email, and the subject line is so disturbing she thinks it's just another joke like when her mother said they'd be moving to their cabin in the woods full time. Thinking that she was actually serious when that happened, and was only swayed when they had a shouting match over it, she hurriedly clicked through to the email.

There, plain as day on the headline and when she started the embedded video, were her parents on the first episode of _The Amazing Race _as it entered its 47th season.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," she mumbled to herself.

"What?" her roommate piped up from her bed, giving her one of the myriad confused looks they shared.

All Roberta did was sigh and point to her laptop on the desk, afraid that she would fall asleep and wake up with this being a reality.

* * *

**P.S. **I have never watched The Amazing Race in my entire life.


	46. April and Chris

**A/N: **Sorry I forgot to mention this yesterday, but if you're confused why there are suddenly fewer chapters and haven't noticed yet, I moved the Cut and Spare series out to separate stories. Messed up some stuff on tumblr and I'll get around to fixing that but for now I don't really have the time to do it.

This is taken from an anonymous request for extending the depression!April idea into a one-shot revolving around her and helping Chris when he was having some issues. Not _precisely_ April/Andy, but I hope that's fine.

* * *

April could see some of the mannerisms form in Chris before he even knew what was happening, and she knew immediately what was going on. She knew all too well what a practiced veil of that inner turmoil looked like, and further she knew that his suddenly ended relationship with Jerry's daughter was only the catalyst for something much bigger. It always seemed like things started simply, with something apparently minute, when she knew just how massive and important those small things could be.

It's why, for a week, she reminds him that they're going to see a movie that weekend. Them being, namely Andy, Chris, and her. She knows he'll decline at the last minute - it's what she'd do - but she has to make an effort. It's why, when earlier in the day he doesn't seem like he's aware they have plans, she stops by his office before leaving to go home.

"Hey Chris," she says calmly when she enters the City Manager's office. "You ready?"

"April Ludgate, movie night with the Ludgate-Dwyers sounds phenomenal," he points to her half-heartedly, and April tries her best to keep a smile. "I don't think I can go, though. I have some work I need to finish up. You and Andy will have an _amazing_ time, I'm sure."

"C'mon," she pleads, unsure why she still cares until she remembers.

She remembers and sees that fake smile - that feigned nonchalance and the way he pushes her away. April doesn't really like Chris all that much: he's too happy, too chipper, and he keeps trying to make her do work. Then again, she doesn't think it'll be very cool if he remains this down on himself or where that could lead. He might deadlift himself into the grave if he kept spiraling.

"I'm flattered that you'd think to ask me," he nods, sitting on his desk and crossing his arms, "but there are some obvious code violations down by that waste dump on Main, so I really have to look at those."

"Oh wow, that sounds so exciting," April groans, looking around before shaking her head. "Look, I think you need to go out and- and you need to hang out with us."

"Really?" Chris looks surprised, tilting his head.

"Ugh, yes," she tries to hold back the scowl but it's too natural a response. "I mean, yes... c'mon you'll have fun. And you can walk Champion after, if you want."

"Champion? The world's _greatest_ dog?" Chris smiles widely again, his eyes lighting up instantly. "Except for the three legs-"

"Yeah, yeah, but-"

"He is _literally_ the greatest dog with three legs there has ever been," Chris interrupts, accenting every syllable with harsh pokes of his fingers in the air, "and that there ever will be."

"Sure," April agrees, nodding slowly.

They both quiet, April standing against the wall and Chris still smiling from his desk. She might say she doesn't like him, but that one brief moment of watching him light up again - returning to the usual Chris - made her feel like somewhere she had done something right. As much as she hated that feeling, if it meant that he wouldn't make her days horrible by forcing her to worry about him then April could deal with it. April hated doing something right if it meant work - this, this was different. Right meant she could help him.

"Y'know," April moves over to sit on the desk beside him as she speaks, "if you're... feeling down or whatever, you just need to find something."

"Oh, I never feel down," he replies, shaking his head, "I have exercise, an incredibly carefully structured diet, and myself to make me happy."

"Sure, I bet all of those are very satisfying right now," she answers knowingly, watching his mouth purse thoughtfully. "I mean, whatever it is that's got you in a... if you need to talk to someone-"

"I've never talked to a 'professional' and I don't think I need to, April," he interrupts, his face stony in its determination.

"Maybe that's the problem," she turns her head to give him eye contact. "I found Andy, and he always listens to me when I have... when I have the same problems, so - it doesn't have to be a relationship or whatever. That's dumb, anyways. Just talk about it with someone."

Chris looks like he's ready to say something, his eyebrows bunching up like he's just figured something out, but April stands up and leaves before he gets the chance to. April never talked to anyone that could have helped her, or at least anyone that had a fancy piece of paper saying that they could help her, but if that's what Chris needs he should try it. Still, she knew he wasn't going to. In the early stages she never wanted to talk about it at all, and she figures he won't be much different from her.

When she's halfway out of City Hall she hears footsteps following her at a brisk pace. It's annoying to admit that she smiles at that noise, but its barely even a whisper of one so that's okay, and when Chris eventually shouts for her to wait up it gives her the time to straighten her demeanor out. After all, she does feel kind of all right later that night when Chris takes Champion out for a walk.

Almost like she did something right.


	47. Johnny Karate and How to Be Cool

**A/N: **Anonymous request from tumblr - "Roberta's [pre-school] classmates don't believe her when she says that Johnny Karate is her dad." Went a little farther than that and had a little fun.

Lots of kid-fic requests lately. I like it! Got a few more like this, and I've got an idea that may have started from one of the plot points in this one-shot.

* * *

It's another Friday for the class in the Old Eagleton Preschool, Room 102A: a usual half-day with time set at the end of the day for something special. Roberta mostly likes her teacher, Miss Penny the seventy year old who talks like her fake Grandma, but she hates surprises like these. Sometimes they're fun, like pizza or when someone has a birthday and they all get cake, but then they sit and watch more of those stupid cartoons - the one her mom watches are so much cooler - before they leave.

That day, everyone sat down without cake _or _pizza. Or cupcakes, which were pretty much little cakes and Roberta doesn't get why they're called cupcakes but neither does her dad so that's okay.

"Quiet down," Miss Penny says gruffly, her voice hoarser than usual. "Today we have a very, uh, special guest."

The door to the small room bursts open then, making the old woman pull back before a single guitar chord echoes out loudly. Music is her favorite part of the "lessons" they have, but it's all super boring in comparison to her dad's songs. Then she's even more confused because the person that walks in _is _her dad.

"This is-"

"The return of Johnny Karate!" her dad interrupts, and Roberta's smiling because she knows the song he's playing.

Except he doesn't sing the same words over it, and instead of being about how gross mommy is they're about doing well in school. Then he puts on weird sunglasses and she's even more confused. A lot of the kids around her are extremely excited, and some of them even look like they recognize him - how could they? - and she doesn't know what to do. Eventually he stops singing the song and sits on one of the comically tall stools, except he actually fits on them and his feet touch the ground.

"Miss Penny here," he waves to their teacher who groans, "tells me some of you are being mean to each other."

"No!" the offenders yell back, clearly singling themselves out.

Roberta joins them, because James is the weirdest kid in all of Pawnee and everyone knows it. Why shouldn't she mess with his lunch? Johnny Karate - her dad, Roberta was still confused why he was called that because mommy always said 'Andy' to him - looks at her and his face falls a little before he goes back to smiling widely to the rest of them. She doesn't like how disappointed he looks.

"Well, I can tell you that," he stands up, playing a progression between his words, "that being mean isn't being cool."

And after that he breaks into a song about how cool people are nice to each other, but it's supposed to be about her stuffed penguin Cam and how he's the best stuffed animal ever. Her dad walks around and bops some of the offenders with his foot, lightly pushing them, while he sings about the mean people. When he gets to her he crouches down and sits cross-legged by the kids. She feels like he's about to yell at her but he keeps singing.

To be fair, James just didn't talk a lot. When he cried about his lunch Roberta felt bad, but she still didn't say anything. Instead she gave Miss Penny the bag of chips that she'd stolen from him. James stopped crying after the teacher gave him the bag, and Roberta felt a little better but other people kept teasing him. She wonders sometimes if he deserves it, so she just doesn't do anything to him anymore.

Now, she's sitting next to him and he's clapping along to her dad's song. When he's around music she likes him a little more.

"All right, all right," the much older woman interrupts the song, "you kids can go home now. Your parents are waiting in the lobby."

"No," Roberta explains loudly in much the same way she usually interrupts the stupid things the woman says, "my daddy's here."

When she points to "Johnny Karate" everyone laughs, even James. Then her dad smiles and swings his guitar around his back on the strap, taking her hand and walking out of the room while the rest of the kids shout various things at them. Mostly "ooh's" and "ah's" of varying intensity, a few of them sounding jealous, and Miss Penny joining in with an annoyed grumbling. Outside, in the lobby where the other parents were, her dad stops and kneels in front of her.

"Who were you being mean to?" he asks, talking in that serious voice that's a lot less fun.

"Nobody," she lies.

"Bug, you're so bad at lying," he laughs, throwing in the nickname because he knows she hates it.

Well, she hates it when other people hear it. When they're playing or at home, getting tucked in, then it's fine. Mom _really _likes the nickname too.

"Him," she points to James as he walks over to his mother. She never sees his dad.

"Okay."

Then they're walking over to the two of them despite Roberta's refusal at first. When they get over there, James's mom looks really tired and seems surprised when they walk over.

"Hi!" her dad says excitedly, waving with one hand and keeping her hand safely in the other.

"Hello," the other woman says cautiously in return, but when James waves to Roberta and she makes a noise in response she smiles.

"And you must be James," he kneels down and looks to the small boy, who gives him a quizzical look. "Well, Roberta here just wanted to say something to you."

His mom starts making weird motions with her hands but Roberta doesn't really pay attention to those. She looks up to her dad instead because she knows what he means. Sorry? Why was she sorry? Oh, right - she made James cry.

Still, that was no reason for her to apologize. You're only supposed to apologize to your dad when you steal his guitar strings or your mom when you play with her phone a little too hard. Then her dad gives her that funny look - his eyebrows all pushed together and close to that disappointment again - so she sighs loudly.

"Sorry," she says quickly and James smiles.

Then his mom does something weird with her hands again, and it takes a while of watching the little boy stare at them before he starts doing similar things with his own in response. Roberta finds that she sits looking at her own hands, wondering what cool things they were talking about that made them both so happy, until the woman holding his hand returned to looking at her dad.

"Thank you, apology accepted," she smiles and breaks away to talk to her dad.

Meanwhile the two of them are left alone, and Roberta tries to make some of the same shapes and figures with her hands. James tilts his head and then he's shaking his head, twisting his fingers in a circle. She doesn't understand that one.

"You're weird," she says slowly hoping that he'll understand her if she speaks really slow, but he doesn't say anything. He just keeps smiling.

Then they leave and Roberta asks her dad why James doesn't talk. He says something about "death and mute" and just confuses her more, so she doesn't ask him again. Why wouldn't he just say what his mom did? She couldn't really remember when she heard him say anything last anyways. Maybe mom will be able to explain it better. She always explains things better than dad.


	48. Cut - A Decision

**A/N: **Despite the fact that Cut isn't the name of the series this extends anymore, I'm not gonna start using another acronym when I don't have to. Y'all know what AU this stems from.

Either way, this was an anonymous request from a while ago that I never got around to before. Changed it a little, tiny bit but the idea is hopefully still there!

* * *

April isn't really sure why the idea of a kid is suddenly in her mind, or why she's thinking about it. Really thinking about what it would be like, but she's barely out of school and things have been less than stable in her life for so long it's weird to even consider it. But she is. They still live in the matchbox of an apartment, and Andy's only getting some money from his gigs when he remembers to ask for his share from Burly, and Indianapolis is so much more expensive than she ever expected.

But she keeps thinking about what it might be like and she always comes to the same conclusion: if she had to struggle to find a reason to get out of bed every day, what the hell would she be doing to a child? She would ruin it, destroy its life, even if part of her thinks that Andy would be the greatest dad in the world.

So, despite everything that tells her to talk to him, she ignores the feeling and lets it build inside her.

It gets so bad that, one day, she's sitting alone above the bar in bed daydreaming about a little girl. A little girl that has Andy's vibrant eyes and his laugh. She'd be a beautiful child just because Andy couldn't possibly make an ugly baby, and maybe April would be able to be okay at raising her. Though that would mean she would be a mother - a child would be dependent on her in almost every single way, from pregnancy to birth and she'd have to be able to do that - and she couldn't just shirk that duty, ever.

Now it just scares April to think about it. Somewhere she thinks Andy has the same thoughts, and he definitely thinks about marrying her because it's all he ever talks about anymore, and everything collectively frightens her. It feels real, it seems to be actually happening to her, but she's convinced this happiness will fade.

April just assumes that she'll be alone in a year, no matter what Andy says, and things will be better. They'll make more sense.

* * *

A year later, it's still frightening when she sees him standing in front of a bunch of friends and family while she walks in that absurd dress. April assumed that if she had made it to this point - every step of the way, from the proposal to the planning, figuring it all to be a dream - they would do it on a whim with no flair. There wouldn't be any flourish, but that would be okay because that would be them, but now she kind of likes the circumstances.

He's a little too fancy looking for her liking, but he never takes his eyes off of her and he's barely breathing. Even if she still wasn't comfortable in her skin, he tried - he tried his hardest, and it was all just to make her happy - and she loves him for it. It's why she doesn't run away, and they say a bunch of silly way-too-romantic things to each other calling them "vows," and it's why she's smiling through their kiss.

She marries Andy, knowing him for what feels like her entire life. Or, rather, the entirety of the life she didn't think she was going to live to see, a life that, in part, Andy had helped to keep safe. She likes that feeling, and likes the way her name fits against his just like the ring on her finger.

* * *

The thoughts come back one day in the middle of working on a commission. The client is a needy, whiny idiot that doesn't actually know what he wants, so April has to design and re-design and rework everything for him.

"How's work, babe?" Andy asks her, sitting across from her at the table in the small Pawnee home.

He asks the question every day for what feels like hours on end, but she can't blame him. What else is he going to ask her? He might ask her why she always gets touchy when he mentions how cute a family of three looks walking around their son, but he doesn't.

"This guy has no idea what he wants," she complains, tapping the trackpad way too hard, "one minute it's this font, the next he wants a different one and three new features, and now he's obsessed with the color scheme but has no clue about color theory."

"That sucks," he says, not sure what else to provide.

"Yes, it's like dealing with a child," she scoffs.

Andy leaves to go to practice with the band, everyone having moved back when he wanted to find a place for them to live. Of course, Pawnee was cheap and small and they already knew the whole town all too well so it was an easy call to just go back home. April, however, stops when she says that sentence and that's when it hits her again. She's dealt with people like that tens of times already taht week and all of them were equally as annoying.

Still, she had never complained about them like she was now. Something else was there, and she knew it, and it made her absentmindedly itch her forearm despite nothing being there anymore. She had years of physical freedom, but every once and a while she would scratch without realizing it. Then Andy gives her a weird look and she laughs it off, because they both know that never happens.

But then she thinks about where her life is - what her life is - and how quickly things are approaching something somewhat like normalcy. They were actually married and it was kind of weird, on top of that, that they had been through so much. Both of them knew how to handle arguments and how to talk to each other about their problems, and Andy doesn't know how observant he can be when he returns later.

"You wanna talk?" he asks her, sitting down next to her.

She's still working on the same site and ready to break down into furious rants over IM at the client. It's comforting that he asks her that, but when she turns to talk to him his face is clearly not concerned about her work. He's been around her far too long to just let something so massive on her shoulders go past him.

"About what?" she returns for no reason other than to temper the anger that might get unjustly redirected at him.

"I dunno, you just seemed kinda weird this morning," he folds his hands and looks down. "Dunno, a little too familiar y'know? Not about work, but it was like you had something else on your mind."

"Yeah," she admits, turning to him.

"Yeah?" his voice is a little frightened and she understands why.

He definitely has the right to be frightened, even if this time it's not as dire as this sort of conversation would have started out years ago. Now she was just considering the prospect of wanting to have a child. No big deal.

"Andy, d'you ever think about kids?" she offers immediately, not wanting to circle around the subject too long.

"You mean like...?" he trails off, uncertain.

"Yeah, like us. Y'know, having one," she explains to him. "I mean it's stupid and scary and neither of us will be able to do it. But you will, I mean. You'll be the best-"

"I totally wanna do that," he interrupts, his eyes so excited and they're screaming Andy to her.

"Yeah?" she says slowly, rubbing her arms again.

"Listen to me, babe," he takes hold of her hands and stills them on her arms, "I don't know what you're thinking. You don't have to tell me, you know that, but if you think you're gonna be anything other than the most awesome mom ever then you're the dumbest person I've ever known."

"But I am thinking that," she pulls away from him, incensed a bit at how he assumed a few words would just make everything better.

"Sorry, I didn't mean... y'know what I did mean that," he stops himself, chuckling. "April, you are so smart and somehow you managed to get us a house here and you're always right about so much. This, though, you're wrong about."

"Andy-"

"No, you - we've - been through so much crap," he's still holding onto her hands and April's starting to wonder what her real hesitations were, "and we always get through it. Our kid would be the coolest ever, and you'd be so good at being their mom."

"You'd be a super good dad," she mumbles, a small smile emerging on her lips. "I wanna see you teach our kid how to ride a bike, and how to play guitar-"

"And everything I do to make them goofy like me, you can make them really smart like you," his eyes are so intent on following hers that it forces April to meet his gaze. "And if it's a girl she'll be beautiful like you, and smart like you, and brave and awesome like you."

April can't really hide the smile anymore and she knows he's just trying to comfort her. It works though, but then when has it failed her? When has he failed her? She can't honestly think of a time, and it's what makes her nod her head and bite her lip in anticipation of his response. Naturally, he lifts her up and shouts like he was going to from the start. It's all she expects from him - that jubilant, carefree, and somehow supportive Andy he always had been - and he doesn't disappoint.


	49. Missing You

**A/N: **Comes from an anonymous request when someone unloaded a bunch of them on me and I hate that I never got to it! Requested as "Daily Skype chats from Season 6." So here are a few of the ones that I came up with and thought were fun.

Anyways, if you want to send in requests or anything you can always do that on tumblr.

* * *

"Can you just-"

"No," she interrupted Larry immediately.

"I just need-"

"No," again, she didn't let him finish.

"This is my computer-"

"Doesn't matter," she stopped him with a glare when he started walking behind her.

Whatever he was doing, and it didn't look important, April's computer was taken by IT. She, however, wasn't going to be missing a Skype call. Sure she could use her phone, but then that wouldn't let her torment Larry. Where was the fun in that? That was the one thing she had nowadays at work - making fun of his life. His wife. His kids, all of it, it was all obviously stupid. April hated that Larry didn't have to go to a lonely home.

"All right, just tell Andy I said hello," he requested, smiling.

"Or I could tell him you fell into a river," she turned to look back at the monitor, "and you don't know how to swim."

"Actually, I was on my college-"

"Stop," she quickly chastised him. "Andy's picking up, I don't want him to have to hear your stupid voi- hey babe."

The low-framerate of Andy's video was filled with a big smile and a wave. The older man slumped his head and moved to the central table where April could ignore him from a better angle. At least there he would eat his sandwich and not make April even angrier at him. Why did he get to go home to his family and she didn't?

"Woah, the courtyard looks really different," Andy looked like he was scanning behind her. "Did they do something to it?"

"It's been a week, and no," she laughed, "stupid Larry wouldn't let me use his computer even though mine's not here."

She shouted his name and the older man nearly spit out his food. Walking out of the department altogether to eat elsewhere, April was content with her ability to scare him away. At least there was that, she noted. Turning back to Andy, she smiled and pretended that seeing him through a video chat wasn't making her lonelier and angrier by the second.

* * *

April's head was ringing from the moment she stepped out of City Hall to the second she stepped foot in her house. Pounding like a hammer against the back of her skull, coinciding nicely with every woeful task and all the paperwork. The very word made her shudder. It was impossible - work was impossible - and she just wanted to get ten orders from the Chinese place they always called, drink as many of those hard lemonades she bought as she could as quickly as she could, and then pass out for at least three days.

Thankfully she thought better and only got one order, but she did take the whole case of the sickly sweet drinks out, and sat in front of her laptop. Getting out of work early was nice, especially when Leslie became a whirlwind of energy and could handle everything herself, so she managed to get a call in at home for once.

When Andy answered he was looking around her and smiling.

"Got off early? Cool," even his voice was making her brains do somersaults in agony.

"Yeah, something like that," she grumbled, picking up the plastic fork and slamming it into the rice. "This sucks, Andy."

"I know, but I don't... it's only been a few weeks," he shrugged like he wanted to get away but simply couldn't, "and I think I might be able to do this."

April pulled out the soggy clump that she'd impaled with the fork and bit down. Chewing, she shook her head. Now she was being the obnoxious, clingy one and that simply couldn't stand. On the other hand she really needed to blow off steam from the earlier day.

"I know you can," she reassured, changing tactic and giving him a smile through the camera. "I know you can do it, babe."

"Thanks honey, you're the best," he returned the smile. "I gotta go to sleep though... early morning or something."

"That sounds awful," she grimaced.

"Yeah, right? It's pretty much the worst," he sighed. "Love you."

"Love you too," she got closer to the webcam instinctively. "I miss you."

"Yeah, me too," he replied before looking down and biting his cheek. "I'll talk to you later honey."

"Bye," she managed to get out before hanging up.

If she didn't hang up then he would have to, and that would mean the call never ending. Either because Andy forgot to hang up or, more likely, April kept him up for another two hours so she could just talk with him. That was one thing she missed, and it was weird to think about because that wasn't what April immediately thought of when it came to their relationship. But, as it turned out, without Andy around she didn't have much of a reason to speak at all.

Things were dull without him, and it was starting to get on her nerves.

* * *

There were only a few more weeks before Andy was back, but April was starting to lose her mind with the distance. Boring didn't even begin to describe the days without her favorite manchild, and talking to him through a webcam just wasn't the same. Where were the pillow forts? Where were the empty pizza boxes piling to the ceiling?

April turned over in bed and looked at her phone - it was only two in the morning, so Andy would probably just be waking up. She couldn't get to sleep and it was getting irritating, like a big, sweaty chunk of her life was just pulled away.

The spinning dots and continuous tone told her that Skype wasn't going to work, so she tried calling him.

"Yeah?" there was running water in the background and he sounded tired.

"When's work?" she asked, ignoring her own yawns.

"In an hour," he answered flatly. "I'm gonna take a real shower today, don't worry."

"Wish I could be there," she said with a small smile on her face.

"Me too," he laughed. "What's up?"

"Can't get to sleep," she explained. "It kinda sucks not having you here, y'know."

"Oh, I know," she heard him close the bathroom door on the other end. "I know and, yeah, it sucks babe."

"Hey, you know... y'know it's been a while since I heard you sing," she muttered.

There was a short moment of silence from Andy after she said that. All she could hear was the running shower and, to be honest, that might have put her to sleep if she focused on it instead. Eventually she heard him chuckle, and she tried not to think about how childish this was. Sleeping was the best time of the day, and here she was unable to even enjoy that, but then she heard him clear his throat.

"April," he said slowly like he was trying to catch her attention.

"Andy," she responded.

"Y'know what, whatever," he laughed again, loudly this time, "what do you want?"

"I don't care," she was still grinning to no one but at that quiet hour, dark, it was fine. "Though that dumb one you always sing in the shower..."

"Nothing on Vitalogy is dumb," he reprimanded her immediately, but was still laughing.

"Whatever dude, just sing for me," she mumbled, rolling her head in the pillow and putting the phone down next to her.

She couldn't remember the name of it, but she did like the way Andy sang it. The lyrics weren't particularly pleasant, and she wondered why he would usually sing this one, and why hearing his voice get a little weaker when the line about how bold she was comes up. April can't think much more about it - though she really wants to - because her eyes drooped closed and she fell asleep quickly after Andy had started.


	50. Chocolate and Hot Glue

**A/N: **Missing moment from "Pawnee Rangers."

* * *

With the combined Goddess and Ranger troops, April was getting more and more frustrated at all the annoying little people that would ask her stupid questions. Somehow she had ended up taking over for Leslie when she left to go speak with Ron, and it was just about the grossest thing the woman had ever asked her to do. Except that she hadn't exactly asked.

It was more like forced conscription.

So, sitting down at the crafts table, she was forced to make sure no one hurt themselves with hot glue or scissors. How they were supposed to have fun without doing either of those things to each other was beyond April, but at least Andy seemed to be enjoying himself. He was helping a girl with her small candy badge while he worked on his own deformed sugary project.

"Do you think we should put the Skittles like a frame around this?" the girl, April knew she had no clue what her name was, asked him seriously.

"Or... you could just eat them," he suggested.

"Yeah, but wouldn't it look better if I didn't?" she returned, confused.

"Why would I want you to win?" he laughed, putting one of the small candies in his mouth. "That means you should probably do it, then."

The girl shook her head and gave Andy a strange look before going back to her little candy accessory. Meanwhile, Andy looked back at his own which to April just looked like a pile of different snacks thrown on top of each other. Maybe that was the point, she thought, but then again maybe Andy just had no idea what he was doing.

"What's that supposed to be?" April asked, interrupting Andy's clearly deep thought.

"Well, it was _going _to be a Starburst house until someone," he jerked his head towards a young boy who was busy laughing and eating candy, "ruined it so I gotta start over."

"Andy?" a quiet voice came from beside April.

Another girl had walked up to him - and suddenly April realized that Andy was the center of this whole thing with the kids either seated close to him or presenting different projects to him - and was showing him the little figure she had made. It had little wooden popsicle sticks for structure but was slowly getting molded over with chocolate and glued on pieces of other treats, even with a purple sash like the Goddesses' uniforms. The girl's station, April noticed, was further away from the rest of the kids by Ann.

April turned and watched Andy take the candy-person gingerly, appraising it.

"Dude, this looks awesome!" he exclaimed suddenly, smiling.

"It's not done yet, but I was gonna make Ms. Knope out of stuff," she said, looking everywhere but at Andy or April.

"I can see it," April added, nodding and pretending that she could see anything other than Dots for eyes and wanting to eat them.

"Yeah, it's already cool," Andy said, handing back the little candy Leslie, "can't wait to see what it looks like when it's done."

April turned and watched the girl head over to sit by Ann. While the latter busied herself grumbling and half paying attention to what was going on, the younger one was working at the caricature with intense focus. Andy had apparently given up on his own, looking around at the others. Every few minutes he would laugh when someone showed him theirs, telling them it looked great, and then staring at his own like he was disappointed. Eventually he gave up and walked away from his seat.

Initially it looked like he was simply walking around to look at everyone's work, he made it to the other side where April sat and pulled a chair up beside her.

"I don't know why you say this place sucks all the time," he chuckled.

"Everyone's having fun here," she sighed, "so of course it's dumb."

"Yeah, they get to do a bunch of awesome stuff. I wish I had been a Goddess this whole time," Andy turned before getting called over by someone.

Moments later, April saw Leslie walking towards the cabin. When she made it inside, everyone took turns having their projects checked on by her, leading to them going excitedly back to work. Leslie herself was busying herself preparing for the rest of the evening - dinner and then more hot chocolate than April had ever seen in one place - so April took her chance to talk with her.

It was strange that she felt so comfortable talking with Leslie about, well, anything. Not that she didn't like her at all, or love her, but that April felt instinctively that she was a confidant - someone with as much energy and passion as Leslie - was a surprise. Still, it was better than talking to Ann and Ron would either not even be here by this point or totally unwilling to listen to what she had to talk about.

"Hey," April called out when she had gotten close to the preparations.

"Oh, April, just in time," Leslie lit up and that worried April, "can you go get the rest of the cocoa from my car? It's just in the trunk."

"The rest?" she inquired, looking over at the two small baskets filled with packets.

"What, you think 12 pounds is enough?" Leslie laughed. "And there should be a few cans of whipped cream back there as well. I couldn't carry _everything _in."

"I carried myself and my own sleeping bag, so I don't know what you want from me," April shrugged, smiling. "But can I ask you something quick?"

"Sure," she replied, nodding. "Just don't forget that chocolate, or the cream, because it is vitally impor-"

"Leslie, stop," April pleaded. "I get it, I'll go in a second. I just wanted to ask... do you trust Andy with all these kids? Like, to watch them? I mean, Ann's here but she's weirdly focused on getting that badge."

"Yeah, I think Ann's having a really tough time. I'm thinking maybe-"

"Please stop talking about Ann," April interrupted.

"But you brought her up...? Anyways, yeah I guess I do," she shrugged. "I mean no one's gotten hurt. If anyone gets hurt I'd imagine it would be him, not them, and besides they love him."

April turned around and watched him judging three different projects at once. One of them was the girl that had sat by Ann, joined by a boy and another of the original Goddesses, and Andy was pointing fervently to the little Knope while saying something to the three of them. It was actually kind of sweet April noted before trying to wipe that thought away unsuccessfully. When April turned around Leslie's eyes were wide and she noticed that her own face was turned up in a smile. Hastily she returned to a bland, stoic face while Leslie nodded.

April shook her head, to which Leslie kept nodding.

"April, really?" Leslie asked, but it wasn't with that same level of incredulity that came out when they had a surprise wedding. "I mean-"

"No, not really," April grimaced, trying to push her excitement over a stray thought away. "What'd you think, that I was seriously considering kids? Jeez Leslie, I thought you were smarter than that. Way to disappoint me."

Walking away, and out of the cabin to go get the Diabetes-waiting-to-happen, Leslie gave her a disappointed look. April, meanwhile, had to seriously push that thought away. It was stupid anyways, but when she got back in she couldn't get the image of Andy helping all those stupid little kids with their pointless candy art out of her head. Mostly because he was _still _doing that - walking around, giving them compliments, and generally eating at least half of the extra candy that was sitting around.

Then April looked over to Leslie who was on the brink of one of those contagious cackles. That thought would have to wait, however, because there was a loud shout and, turning around, April saw that Andy had put something in his mouth that had hot glue stuck to one end. Maybe that thought would have to wait quite a while, she figured, but it was definitely there and April could be okay with the possibility remaining stuck in her head.

* * *

**an2: **I want some honest feedback from those of you that still read this - do you want more angst, more fluff, more AU's, future fics, kid stuff, etc? I'm content writing whatever comes out, but it's hard for me to tell what connects and what doesn't. I write this for _you_! I want to know what you want.

Anyways, if you want to chime in, let me know by reviewing or popping in on tumblr. Thank you!


	51. Cut - No Doubt

**A/N: **Thanks to those of you that submitted some of your favorite things you'd like to see more of! Anyone that either missed that or still wants to give me an idea what you want to see more of in this series - not requests or anything, just what you've liked so far - can do so here on on tumblr. No idea what I'm going to do with that information, but it can help give me a push like today. Or it can just give me new ideas.

Fills a request for suspected cheating, so yeah. Yikes.

* * *

For the first time in as long as she can remember, April actually gets bored sitting in the apartment alone. Most of the time it was a beautiful time for sleep, more sleep, and the occasional dip into the weird, psychotic side of YouTube. She felt almost like she wanted to go out and do something, and that - first of all - was frightening, but it was also strange because she had been waiting all day for Andy to get home.

Then, the next minute she sends him a text and calls Ben. Without any real planning they end up free for the night and it's suddenly a gross double date.

Somehow, against all her better judgment, the fact that Ben is in the same city as them, and that Leslie is actually definitely not the worst person ever, makes going out easier. Not that she hates going out at all, but it just being Andy and her is basically pointless. Any other time they could just make fun of people from the confines of the apartment without having to move or spend money, so that was always pretty great. He's still a massive nerd, and he always would be, but April doesn't hate him that much.

She got to know Leslie better too and, even if she was weirdly hyper-political and super energetic or the two things April hated most, they got along. Sometimes it felt like Leslie was this person she was supposed to know, and Ben too, but that weird sensation went away after a while. Mostly because then April nearly fell asleep because Leslie was still talking.

The one person she hadn't really gotten to see that often in the past week was Andy. In and of itself that was fine. They weren't attached at the hip, and they both spent plenty of time away from one another either at school for April or practicing with Andy, but the absences were different.

Those absences scared her because every single night would be the same:

"Hey Andy," she'd say to him, masking her own worry. "Practice was pretty long tonight. Anything wrong?"

"Oh sorry, I forgot," he would return, shaking his head. "I had... uh, other stuff to do."

He was always a terrible liar, and any time he'd lie down after that he'd be drenched in sweat, and he wasn't distant either. Every time he would get in bed like nothing was the matter and they didn't totally have plans to lie around, make out, and maybe open the laptop or skip that and just do it. But then he'd still be cuddly Andy in bed and that was nice, but equally disturbing.

So, somewhere, she just hoped that he was actually busy with something else and not someone else. April loathed those thoughts, and she knew they _had _to be unfounded - they just had to be unfounded, right? - but they were still present, and some of them made her wonder what she'd actually done for him. That was truly the most debilitating line of thinking she found herself on one day when left alone.

Andy had been there for her all these years, but was she? In her head she knew that it really didn't matter, and that in fact she was responsible for getting Mouserat back together, but it all seemed small and pointless in comparison to what he'd done for her. It was kind of sickening actually, how the sweet Andy was making her feel just as bad, and so she just sat in bed all that night thinking about it.

That's how she came to conclusion that, in combination with him refusing to tell her what he had been up to, he'd been shopping himself around for a week. It was the only reasonable explanation - he was cheating on her. So when Ben picks her up later that night, and she's barely ready because she can't stop thinking of it, it's no surprise that Andy isn't there when he comes.

"Is Andy not coming?" he asked her on the walk to his car.

"Oh, he'll come... I think," she shrugged, "I'll just tell him where we are, he can get a cab or something to take him."

"All right," Ben hesitated to walk out of the bar, turning to face her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, we're fine. I think he's just having a hard time finding a recording space that will take IOU's and waffles as payment," she donned a poor imitation smile and started to move but Ben wasn't budging.

"I meant are you okay?" he squinted.

This was the part she hated about him. If Andy took actions and did things when she was clearly not doing well, Ben talked to her. It was kind of gross, and she had told him years ago to stop coming on like that, but then he'd ask anyways and it would only scare her more. Was she okay? She thought she was doing fine, and it had been years since even the fleeting thought of finding the tallest building in Indianapolis occurred to her, so obviously she was doing well._  
_

"Stop trying to be friendly," she grimaced and pushed the door out to go find his car.

"You're the one who wanted to..." she could hear him saying behind her back as he shuffled out, "whatever, just don't scare the waiter off this time."

"I make no promises," she returned, sitting in the back seat when they found his car.

"April!" Leslie's smile was far sincerer than her own, but it wasn't overbearing. "Where's Andy?"

"He's gonna meet up with us," Ben answered for her.

"Yeah, he's got some stuff to do tonight I think," April nodded when Leslie turned around.

"Oh, well that's no biggie right? Just the three of us for a little bit won't be so bad, April," Leslie turned around to look at her. "It'll be fun, and we can get more appetizers this way. I wonder if they'll serve dessert first?"

The car ride was nothing but that, and April hated it more than any other thought in her head. Sure, Leslie was great but the moment she began on dessert it was followed by an interrogation that lasted the entire drive. April could only answer with "I have no idea" so many times before Leslie gave her a disappointed look and she had to actually think of an answer for her absurd requests. The place wasn't fancy, and to be honest none of them would have been able to afford anything above a mediocre diner.

April sat alone in front of the two of them. Watching them was grossing her out by the second, even when they weren't actually doing anything, so April remained focused on the menu the whole time. She wasn't even that hungry. Now that she was sitting down she didn't even remember what the whole point of this date was at all.

"I doubt they'll be as good as JJ's though," Leslie grumbled, scrunching her nose up at the menu. "I bet you miss that place as much as I do, April."

"Oh totally," she feigned enthusiasm, because JJ's wasn't that important to her. "Yeah, I'll always miss those... waffles, I guess."

"Oh no," Ben shook his head and looked over to his girlfriend, who was beaming. "Don't get her started on those, it takes me hours to-"

"That must be Andy," April pulls her phone out after it buzzes in her pocket. "Says he'll be late, and not to wait up for him. Awesome."

"He's probably just... found a place," Ben offered but April barely heard him. "You said he's out finding a cheap studio and that can take a lot of time."

Maybe she was paranoid, maybe a little overworked, but April didn't think that was it. Andy never missed out on free food - getting Ben to pay for their food was a special skill April had acquired that took a pinch of real hate and a little acting - but now he was going to be late and, from the sounds of it, didn't seem that bothered. But it was okay, because somewhere April understood. She was okay with it, in a way, and ready for him to return so they could talk about it.

So she could find out just how many more times she could look Andy in the eyes without hating him. That was going to be the worst feeling, and she dreaded even thinking about it because it was _Andy_, but April knew better. Even if she had never been cheated on before, that didn't make a difference - she could tell _something _was going on and Andy's unwillingness to say anything about the last week could only have one logical conclusion.

April refused to talk for the rest of the night, ordering something randomly off the menu and barely eating the weird spinach nightmare that came out, and sat watching Leslie and Ben talk awkwardly around her. It was an unusual grip on her mind this time - that familiar and terrifying doubt - but it didn't make her sick to her stomach like April anticipated, and she felt almost at peace with the possibility of it. Though on one level she couldn't fathom Andy sneaking around behind her back, on another she knew that he didn't want to hurt her and even if he was bored or done with her he wouldn't want her to know. Of course it would have to be fueled by some weird sense of wanting to constantly make her happy but that only made it worse for her.

Her thoughts made it worse, to the point that April was staring at her hands for at least an hour, until she absentmindedly checked her phone and saw that he was on his way. At least she could stop pretending that she wasn't thinking this anymore. That was a pretty calming thought. April let that keep her sane for the next ten minutes.

Ten very long minutes and then he's waved over and kissed her on the cheek like nothing was different. For the first time in a long time she actually pulled back at his touch, sliding away from him when his arm fell naturally over the back of the booth. Ben noticed, Leslie too, but Andy kept talking like it was nothing. Every once and a while he would so something strange with his free hand in his jacket pocket, but April only noticed it because their words were starting to fade. Their words fell around her without much meaning at all, in fact. Every once and a while April responded to someone with an unassuming nod or shrug, and they'd move on.

At one point Andy turned to her and cocked his head, eyebrows bunched up, but she just smiled and patted his hand.

That was apparently all he needed, and somehow so much time's passed that Ben's dropping them off, because he tried to lead her with his arm over her shoulder. Again she squirmed out of his embrace, bolting up the stairs to the apartment and struggling with her keys by the time he made the few steps himself.

"April, what's up?" he asked, sincere and quiet when she opened the door and he walked in, closing it slowly. "You were acting super weird back there."

"I need to know something," she turned to face him and tried to conjure up the will to ask.

"Sure... what?" his face was suddenly redder than before and she knew it.

She had been right this whole time. April didn't even need an answer. That was enough for her, his absurd amount of perspiration the moment he began a lie, and she knew everything.

"I need to know how long you've been... seeing people," she choked.

"I see people everyday, babe," he laughed, clearly misunderstanding until he saw her trembling. "Hey, woah, calm down... what's; what's wrong?"

April's head was starting to spin and she couldn't think straight anymore. Andy had found her shoulders at some point and was setting her down on the bed. His voice eventually came back into focus but more importantly his hands were moved away and he looked more confused than ever.

"-ril, April!" he was saying, waving at her. "Do you need me to call someone? Is this a panic attack? I never know, I'm sorry-"

"It's not Andy," she interrupted him before he got too worked up and called every hospital in the Midwest, "it's not a panic attack. Not yet, I think I'm okay though. Just get me some water, please."

"Got it," he sprung up, and she saw him looking back to her rapidly while he filled a glass before returning. "Here."

"Thanks," and she drained the entire thing in one long chug.

Taking deep breaths, April tried to remain focused on the goal here. It was to find out just so she could have some closure and not be left in an infinitely spiraling mess. At least knowing would stem the tide to a healthier torrent of pain and not the backed up flood washing over her constantly. Day in day out, even if only for a week, was horrible. She needed to cut him off if he was going to be this toxic. April had to shake herself away from those thoughts, or at least the path they seemed to be on, and get back to reality - the reality of Andy looking at her eyes and watching her movements.

"I super need you to answer this truthfully," April demanded, taking one final cycle of deep breaths before continuing.

"Whatever you need, babe," he took her hand in his and it was a sickening warmth. "Do you need more water, or can I get you food because you didn't eat and-"

"I need to know how long you've been seeing other people," she interrupted, staring back into his eyes. "I need to know Andy, or I'll go insane."

"I told you I see..." but then something forms on his face, almost hurt but mostly surprise, before he shakes his head and closes his eyes while speaking, "wait, do you mean like cheating?"

"Yes, I mean like cheating," she scoffed. "Are you cheating on me?"

April pulled away from him and stood up. Walking over to the small kitchen, she refilled the glass and took another drink. She heard him follow her the few feet's worth of distance, heavy footfalls of his weight slumping downward, but she couldn't turn around. No matter how badly she had to know she didn't want to see his face when he said it. She didn't want to see him finger something in his jacket again. When he said:

_Yes._

And then he would say he was sorry, and that he wanted to tell her, but she would understand. April would understand all too well how much he would want to get away from her.

"Why do you think that?" he muttered, fingering the counter.

"You've just been really... distant and that's my job," she explained. "I don't know, you never; you sorta never talk about your days and you're super weird about it."

"Why would I cheat on you?" he shook his head again and she saw his hand dip inside his jacket pocket again.

"What?" she wasn't prepared for that.

"Why do you think I'd do that to you?" the look in his eyes was so hurt, no longer sweaty and uncomfortable, and April had doubts about her assumption.

"Because... you do a ton of awesome stuff for me, and you're always there," she shrugged, "except when you're not, like this last week. And I think I really needed you."

"I'm not doing awesome stuff, April," Andy squints at her. "It's-"

"Dude, you were about to get half of Indianapolis searching for a clinic a second ago," she laughed, holding up the glass of water and still thankful for the easier breaths.

"That's not what I mean, I meant... I guess that's just what I _want _to do, y'know? Like, do you think I'm gonna sit here and watch you have a panic attack calmly?" he gave her an incredulous look and April noticed his hands wrap around something in his pocket again without moving away.

"No, I don't mean that Andy. You're sweet, and amazing, and that's the point I guess. You didn't want to tell me because you cared too much but that sucks too, y'know?" she tried to explain, putting the glass of water down and kicking her shoes off finally, all while working through these thoughts in her head.

"Don't ever think that," he walked closer to her and April didn't feel the need to shrink back when she looked at his hurt features, "that's the reason that I've been kinda doing stuff all week. It's kinda dumb, I know, and you're probably gonna hate it..."

"More than you cheating?" she cracked a smile.

"Honestly, I don't know!" he laughed, and finally pulled his hand out of the jacket pocket. "It was kinda this."

What he had was a box. A small, red felt box that made April's brain stop altogether and restart in panic mode. Her heart gave up trying to steady itself and her gaze flicked back from the box to him over and over again until he finally nodded.

"Andy," she warned.

"April," he started, breathing hard.

"Andy," she tilted her head, widening her eyes and staring at him.

"April," and he opened the box, leaving his hand hovering over the contents.

Whatever thoughts that were in her head before were melting away. She even had a passing concern that he was shoving aside the cheating with some incredible planning, but at the same time that definitely wasn't Andy's style. Then again, neither was proposing and there he was standing in front of her when he moved his hand inside the container. He produced the ring, silver and plain, and she couldn't focus on anything anymore.

"April, I think you're the coolest person in the world and I wasn't lying when I said I want to spend every second, all of them, with you," he moved the ring closer to her in his fingers. "So I guess I kinda want to marry you."

With her hands stilled at her side, she looked at Andy again. He was entirely serious. There was no joke here, no secret other than that ring and his thoughts, and somewhere she should have seen this coming. He was constantly joking about marrying her. It even got to the point that he tried proposing with a gummy worm he ripped in half and reattached in a circle but she just ate it. That was followed by a pretty all right night, but no marriage.

Now though, he was serious. Something was still off, though.

"Why... a week? What was-"

"I needed to, um... there's a place around the corner, that dry cleaners you hate," he scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah, those guys ruined, like, four of my shirts," she grunted. "What about them?"

"They needed a second shift and I'd already sold one of my guitars-"

"Andy!"

"But this is important, and I've got three more. Don't worry, I didn't even like the Martin that much," he shrugged her off, still holding the ring up to her. "And I was about two hundred off the one I thought I could afford, so I took the shift."

"You-"

"I got them to pay me on the first week because they were sorry about ruining your clothes," he laughed again. "So before I went to meet up with you guys I had to get this before, like, six."

"So you've been working behind my back? Not sleeping around... but working?" she was still so shook that the ring was barely even part of the equation.

"Because of this," he took her left hand and let the ring hover by her finger, "and because I totally wanna be your husband."

"This is what I mean, dude," she smiled wide this time, taking the ring and putting it on herself. "You always do awesome stuff."

"So it's a yes?" he raised his hands in preparation.

"Totally," she brought his arms down when they shot up in the air, leaning forward and kissing him gently on the lips. "I totally wanna be your wife, and I'm sorry I was being weird. Just tell me next time, okay?"

"Yeah, sorry about making you worry-"

"Oh my God, you can't keep apologizing for being weirdly romantic," she smacked his arm. "You have to agree to that or I won't marry you."

"Done," he said hastily, wrapping his arms around her and lifting her up to sit on the counter. "Deal, whatever."

"Are we getting married?" she asked him softly, her arms around his neck.

"I think we are," and he buried his face in her neck.

That was the one time, the singular moment, that April ever considered remotely that Andy would cheat on her. Thinking back on it, Andy's ridiculous money scrounging was perfect. And maybe it would be perfect, even if they were poorer than in years, if they could do it together.


	52. Say It's Better This Way

**A/N: **Requested on tumblr as "200ish texts/calls to April when she was in Venezuela."

My brain cannot handle writing like an actual text for too long, so it's not because I think they were at all punctuated or spelled correctly. I'm just incapable of writing it without fracturing my sanity.

* * *

It's easy to hate Andy now, and for some reason that's a better cure for the strange flurry of emotions, because before April was sincere and _open _and herself to him and - just like everyone else - Andy wasn't what he initially seemed. He was the exact reason she rarely let people beyond her outward persona, never let them in, and no matter what he said she couldn't let him do that to her again. Not even when it's a few hours later and she starts getting the texts that keep coming, nonstop, for weeks.

_It didn't mean anything. She kissed me I'm sorry can I talk to you?_

But all April does is growl and get angrier. As far as she's concerned she never wants to see him again, let alone talk to him.

* * *

An annoying amount of sun and drinking poolside helps assuage that feeling. Even after fifty-two texts, and seventeen voicemails, April hasn't given in and so much as looked at them. He was just Andy, anyways. Sweet and hilarious, oafish and strangely sweaty, and definitely Andy. Meanwhile, she was enjoying a guy who had an estate with several pools and abs that made her head spin.

He was definitely better than Andy. Definitely.

Which is why, of course, she takes a sojourn to Venezuela not long afterward and leaves that snob behind. He was boring anyways. April couldn't even remember his name by the time she charged her dad's card with the ticket and when she boarded she wasn't sure any of that week had happened. Maybe it was better that way, she thought. She wasn't even sure why that crossed her mind, but April instead sleeps and is happy she doesn't have to hear her phone go off for the rest of the flight.

* * *

The first few days she doesn't have an itinerary, or really anywhere to stay, but hopping between places is pretty fun at first. Stealing into small houses that look empty, wishing she'd chosen somewhere with condos by a beach that wasn't littered with oil tankers, and generally paying nothing to get by is fun. Something's missing from all of it, though. When she's in one particular place, the owner of which seems absurdly rich if he just abandons a small mansion like this, walking around the kitchen and eating the small amount of food in the freezer actually _sucks_.

Standing in the marbled room, her phone vibrates on the counter and it's the only one she's heard in four days. It brought the count up to seventy-three texts and twenty-one voicemails. Not that April was counting or that she read them despite the short delays. April doesn't know why she's doing it but she immediately, hurriedly, finds the newcomer.

_I have no idea why you're so mad. Maybe we can go out and talk about it or something. Sorry._

"Ugh," she sighs when she reads it.

Of all the things he could've said, continuing with his feigned ignorance wasn't his best plan. April ignores the phone for the rest of the night and claps to herself, alone, when she discovers a small wine cellar. At least drinking alone, _lonely_, wasn't boring.

* * *

April stays at that place for a while, another few days, before she knows she has to make it back to the airport. Sandwiched between all one hundred and thirty-two texts -

_You're the best person ever, and I'm sorry._

_This is my fault right? I think, I guess. I don't know. Sorry._

_20 minutes, Burly's place. Don't forget your kit this time, dude._

_Sorry, that wasn't for you. But if you want to come hang out while we jam that's cool!_

And so many more of them, just like that, are a few from her parents and her sister. Alongside the thirty-four voicemails, her dad screams at her a few times and April just deletes those immediately. For some reason, though, at least some version of all of those messages is on her phone. Sitting on the patio of the summer house, a glass of some incredibly expensive wine forgotten for the bottle, April lies back and stares at all the messages. Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling...

They're all right there in front of her and she still hates him. But it's different, again, and something about how strange it is somehow also makes the most sense in the world. April didn't know what the hell it was she was feeling, looking at those short messages and pleas, that made it different for him. He was just Andy, after all. Just Andy.

April's sure that when she stands up something wet is on her face. Luckily, she can tell herself that it's starting to rain and go back inside. That way she doesn't have to think about him, or about herself, and why she's done this to the both of them. Or why it feels right to her that she's doing this to him, and to herself. Maybe those thoughts are stray mistakes, errors in her usually calm detachment, but then again:

_April where are you? I'm sorry. Like, super sorry. _

"I don't know why you won't answer my messages," his voice crackles, "but I mean it. I'm sorry. You're so awesome and I messed up, I guess? I don't know. I'm confused, like really confused, right now."

* * *

She sees him at the airport. He's attractive, has kind of a blank stare, and sits next to her on the flight. Eduardo, she thinks is his name, boards for Eagleton with her and she gets a new idea. A new plan to deal with Andy. It involved less crying - well, it was hard to have less crying because April obviously never so much as gave him a second thought let alone a single tear - and a lot more angry, vapid sex.

When they land, April checks her phone absentmindedly. Number two hundred is in.

"Wow," Eduardo exclaims, "who keeps calling you?"

"Just some idiot," she returns in Spanish. "He doesn't matter at all. Kind of a creepy guy, actually."

"Really?" he nods. "You keep reading his texts though."

He points to her phone and it takes a second for April to realize that she isn't actually looking at Eduardo. Her thumb stops at the text Andy's just sent, and she barely hears what the guy standing next to her is saying, because she's too busy reading it.

_So you're just gonna be mad at me forever? Sorry. Maybe we can be friends still, because you're way too cool. I'm sorry._

It's number two hundred, it's only been a few weeks, and April wants to find Andy and be okay with him. She desperately _wants _to do that, and for everything to be all right, but then she remembers what it felt like when he said that Ann kissed him. A glass heart shattered in that second and April can barely scrape up the pieces as it is. She doesn't want to give him another chance, but she can't look at Eduardo for a few minutes because there's no rain this time.

* * *

Hatred is easier than love. Deception easier than truth, and April's okay with that. So she thinks. It's okay, and everything will be okay, she has to remind herself. All she has to do is hide behind the outward misanthropy forever so no one could see her for herself again. It's safer that way.

It's... better?


	53. Obviously

**A/N: **Kid-centric today! Requested anonymously on tumblr. I'll be filling out the requests I have left for a while but this one really intrigued me. Mostly because my first instinct was first-person perspective and that's really unusual for me.

Kinda linked to 47.

* * *

I never really thought about it too much, probably because it wasn't ever really a question in my mind, but I guess since I'm sitting talking to my parents about it there must be something there.

If anyone will understand, it's them. They're actual lunatics just like the rest of this town, every single Pawneean, so they're used to weird - mom's kind of scary, dad's somehow _not _dead - but that's the problem I think. I never thought of it as _weird _or strange, unnatural, or anything like that. It was just me. Other people don't really seem to understand that concept, and to be honest I don't really care what they think, but they've also scared me into never saying anything about it and my parents are fed up with it.

Even so, I'm still worried. Still worried of the minute chance they will actually hate me. So I'm sitting here in our living room, trying to work it out in a way they'll understand.

* * *

You don't really know how to put these things together when you're younger. Even when you _know _you don't really know, like it's an instinct or something, but it isn't what you think you're supposed to have or do. It wasn't some grand revelation for me, I don't think. I just remember being fourteen and really kissing a boy and _hating _it. I didn't hate him - he was sweet, clumsy, stupid and everything that dumb teenage boys are - but something felt strange about the whole thing.

I chalked it all up to a shitty first kiss. Real life isn't a fairy tale, y'know? You can't expect the first time someone tries to make out with you to be anything other than gross or intrusive, all limp tongues and absent minds. That's all I assumed it was, but when I told some of my best friends how terrible it was none of them understood what I meant.

"He must have just been bad," Chloe said to me and the others agreed.

"Yeah," I nodded.

She usually knew what she was talking about anyways. Every year she was always at the top of the class, knew everything that was supposedly cool, and she never had anything bad to say about anyone. Chloe was the cool "prep" that everyone hoped their high school would have, and everyone magnetized to her naturally. It was kind of amazing that she even bothered with me and whenever she gave me advice I listened. Even when I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to live up to her expectations that advice demanded, I listened.

Then when I thought about it, it wasn't really that. I mean yeah looking back it _was _terrible but I didn't know that then and all I remember thinking after the kiss was that it wasn't satisfying. Took me a year or two to figure out that's what the feeling was, specifically, but that was it: unsatisfactory. Almost like I was cheating myself out of something but I still wasn't sure what the hell I was missing out on was, or why I felt so bummed out about it.

Part of it was because the guy, James, was - is - one of my best friends. I've known him since I was in preschool and _thought _I was really into him. He was cute, as far as a long face and short nose could be, and the two years of ASL I picked up with aunt Leslie's help made me realize how hilarious he was. We did everything together for years - I remember how shitty fifth grade was; we weren't in the same homeroom just because he was deaf and needed to be in a different classroom all day - and it just felt like the natural next step at first. I didn't want to hurt him, so I tried to make it work.

It was just one kiss, and we were stupid kids so what was the harm, right?

He wasn't weird and awkward around me because we knew each other pretty well, so I thought things would be all right. I don't even remember how we started actually dating, I just remember sitting on my couch and kissing him, all jerky and unsure at first, and then we were supposed to be something else. James was still awesome, he's still great, but things didn't actually feel all that different to me throughout any of the times we hung out after that.

I think it really hit me, at least a little bit, that there was something I wasn't getting at my fifteenth birthday party. Dad had thankfully listened to mom and I about not bringing Johnny Karate back, and I just wanted a few of my friends to hang out with me. James was first, and a few others, and Chloe naturally tagged along when I asked her to come.

"Happy birthday," James signed to me when his mom dropped him off.

"Thanks," I said to his mom and shook my head at the box he pulled out of the backseat. "I told you not to get me a present. I don't even like birthdays."

"That's stupid, everyone gets birthday presents," and he laughed that wheezing imitation that still makes me smile.

And when he kissed me on the cheek that disinterest returned even when I saw his mom smile at me. Everything that woman had gone through and here I was supposed to be his friend, but I could barely work up the effort to force a smile at his gesture. To be honest, I had actually forgotten for a second. Like I expected, he was the first person to get there and dad gave him another one of those stupid speeches through me.

"Bug, tell James that he's still cool by me," he told me, "but you guys can only hang out in the living room or the kitchen until everyone else gets here."

Naturally I told him that my dad was going to be busy mowing the lawn, so we could do whatever we wanted. If he ever did want to get the right thing across he would have to learn sign language. Sadly, mom had picked up a few of my favorites and was watching me work between them.

"Or you could tell him I'll be waiting underneath your bed," she said to me, smiling.

"Let's just find something to watch," I explained to James.

I guess it was all right sitting there, at first. My parents liked him too, and dad was the one that technically _made _me be friends with him at first, so there was another expectation destroyed. It didn't bother me at all that he was sitting right up against me with his arm over my shoulder, but that was kind of the problem: I didn't really feel anything when he did that. That same disinterest in that part of our relationship was there again, willing to go along but not really pleased, but sitting there and watching as many old _Adventure Time _episodes as we could before everyone else arrived was fine.

A few more people trickled in, a few people I can't remember that sat on the floor instead of bothering to push us aside, and already things felt cramped. Cramped but, somehow, I was disappointed. All night we just sat around watching random selections on streaming, all of us except Chloe. She texted me halfway through the night that she forgot about a family trip that weekend. Later, when everyone left and I gave James a crushing hug for the new laptop case and a short peck on the lips when his mom came back, mom had an inquisitive look for me that I mostly ignored. I was too busy glued to my phone.

_sorry i couldnt make it bobby_

I loved that nickname, and I didn't really know why then. She was the only one who called me that but I liked it. It made sense to me that she gave me a nickname.

_its fine everything was boring anyways_

_james still suck at kissing?_

It took me a while to answer that, because I couldn't really remember. We didn't make out at all, except once, after that first time. I made up some bullshit story that I don't really remember but it all amounted to saying he was fine. Lying to her like that, for some reason, stung way worse. She didn't say anything to me for the rest of the weekend really. Then again I made sure not to talk to her the whole time rather than the other way around. Monday at school she confronted me about it, a little confused but mostly with a request.

"Maybe we should hang out since I missed your party," she brought up to me at lunch.

"It really wasn't a party, I told you," I laughed.

"Oh, shut up," she scoffed and for a second I thought she was serious. "If that wasn't your party then we can have a real party."

"Sounds cool," I nodded. "We could even watch some of those super sappy movies you like."

"You're the one who made _me _watch _The Fault in Our Stars_," she pointed back at me. "I'd rather watch something campy and stupid."

"We can do that, then," I added hurriedly.

"It's your party, Bobby," she shook her head. "Calm down. We'll watch that stupid movie again. It's only been what-"

"Five," I interrupted.

"Six! Six times you made me watch that, and I swear if I have to watch it again..." she exclaimed before nodding at someone behind me. "Whatever, maybe James can come too."

"Oh, yeah I guess," I shrugged and he sat down next to me.

Conversation effectively died when he sat with us. Not because he didn't understand, because I'd gotten pretty good at translating under the table for him while people talked, but I felt weird having the previous talk about parties around him. I didn't realize it then, but I didn't want him to come along. I wanted to hang out with her. It was hard to explain at the time, I guess, because I thought I'd be losing something with him there. I hadn't even known her all that long, only a few years since sixth grade, but I wanted to sit around in our PJ's and watch stupid movies with Chloe. We did that all the time and letting James in on it seemed like a bad idea.

I never brought it up with him and spent most of the day excited for that night. Whatever stupid movie ended up playing would be just for us, just like they always were, and I wasn't about to break that tradition. Maybe I should have, honestly. Looking back it might have made things a little less clear but a little easier too. Would have made things easier on all of us.

Before she even came over I was ready, decked out in gigantic flannel dad gave me and trying to ignore texts from James, and to anyone else it would have seemed like I was nervous. To me that was normal then. I had gotten used to being so restricted around my girlfriends, trying to be cool and prepared for anything, but none of them made me - and it really should have hit me then - as jittery as Chloe did. When she got there I was still trying to figure out what to watch and I didn't hear her come into my room at first.

"Hey," she got out after clearing her throat.

Turning around I forgot a lot of my worry and just wanted to smile, she always said I had a pretty smile, and laugh - _Bobby, your laugh is weird as hell but you gotta do it more _. Sitting in for a much better, less crowded and perfectly full, party was what I needed.

"I can make popcorn or I think we can order a pizza-"

"Pizza sounds awesome," Chloe sighed, sitting down on the bean bag chair by my desk. "I guess your parents are out."

"Some stupid dinner she had to go to," I shrugged, trying to remember why I didn't just put my parents' regular place in my contacts. "Had to get dressed up and everything. Dad basically had to carry her there."

"Dinner for what?" she asked me, bouncing on the small bag.

"Um, just something in her honor," I remember telling myself I was trying to figure out what was written on her shirt. "Like, an award I think."

"Oh, that sounds cool. She works for the government right?" suddenly Chloe was excited and walking over to the bed.

"Yeah, I guess," I wasn't expecting her to sit down facing me, so close, and my brain was starting to think up millions of solutions to that.

"I always wanted to do something like that, y'know?" all this energy was so strange to me, Chloe usually not totally gone but definitely always mild. "People here suck and I bet I could do a better job taking care of this town than them."

"Probably," I nodded, watching how quickly she turned on at this outburst. "I didn't know you wanted to do stuff like that."

"I guess I never talked about it with you," Chloe considered it before shaking her head. "I hear you have to be super smart to work in Pawnee now. Especially if you wanna do anything like maintenance or that parks stuff."

"My dad works at City Hall," I laughed, watching her chuckle too, before I thought about what she was saying. "You're the smartest person in the whole school."

"That's nice, but I don't think so," she bit her bottom lip hard, and I think I tried to do the same then and realized quickly that I was staring.

"You could do whatever you want, Chloe," I think is the brilliant line I came up with, mumbling but keeping eye contact.

I don't remember if she said anything to me after that. Things were kind of silent for a bit, I think, and we were still a lot closer than I thought we'd ever been. I want to keep that memory burned, but I do remember that her eyes moved quickly downward and up again and she did that stupid tick of touching her long hair and rolling it over her hand a few times. She probably still does that. I wouldn't know, I haven't talked to Chloe since then. Ever since I made the snap judgment of moving my hand onto her cheek and kissing her we haven't really talked.

Everything made sense to me then, right then when I kissed her, but I'm not sure what I thought. Probably something silly that seemed poignant at the time, like I was understanding what I was missing all this time with James, but she didn't seem to reciprocate. I didn't know what it was like to have someone meet me halfway, to want it as much as I did, so I assumed this was the right thing. To me, this was natural and felt like the thing I was supposed to do. What else was I meant to do other than kiss someone that, I think, I really wanted to? Probably do nothing, actually. It would have been easier on everyone if that was the case.

Her lips felt closer to what I imagined a kiss to be - all warm, soft and full, and my entire body was charged in a different way than with anyone else - but she didn't act like James did. Chloe didn't feel like she wanted it, and I know I was scared in that moment because I realized my mistake, and it scared me. It scared me to watch her wipe her mouth with the back of her hand. I was terrified when she looked at me like a scared animal looks at a hunter, cautious and ready to strike, and didn't know what to do.

Then when she called her mom a few minutes later to pick her up, suddenly sick, I was petrified of the way she moved around me, terrified of my presence, until she left. When I got back in bed, leaving her to let herself out, I'm pretty sure I made some disgusting noises bawling like that. Luckily, by the time my parents got home I was cried out. I definitely looked like it.

"Where's your friend, uh, the blonde one-"

"She left," I interrupted my mom shortly. "Got sick."

"Oh," she probably noticed that I was all snotty and red all over the face. "If you wanna talk about something..."

"No," I distinctly remember how quickly I responded.

I didn't want to talk about it because it never happened as far as I was concerned. As far as going to school the next day, Chloe not sitting with James and I at lunch, and being around everyone else I wasn't going to even think about it let alone say anything to anyone about what happened that night. It was a mistake, obviously, but I assumed that feeling something for her was the mistake.

* * *

I'm nineteen and sitting in the living room of my parents' house over summer break. College is terrible, mostly, but people there don't really bother me the same way people in Pawnee did. Probably because they didn't know anything about me for the most part - who really looks at someone and figures out they're gay just by spotting them - and it's nice. Even if I can't be myself, openly, to the people in my dorm I don't even know if I'd want to. They're not awful, but they're not really my friends either.

I can be open with the girl, the normal blonde hometown track star that wanted to be an author, I met through first semester math though.

"I'm Sarah," she explained to my mom when she walked in with me. "I, uh-"

That's when I brought everyone in the living room. My parents sat across from us and I assumed we would have to do the dramatic coming out together. I always knew my parents would support me, and I'll never believe they'd do anything but he happy that I was happy, but I was still scared. Well, I _was _scared. Now I'm just really confused how they knew.

"So you're the girlfriend?" dad nods to my mom. "Huh."

"Yeah, this is definitely the one," she looks back to him. "I didn't think tall brunettes were your type."

"I... have a type?" I get out. "Wait, wait, wait."

"I thought you said they didn't know?" Sarah whispers to me, her hand not trembling as much on mine.

"Oh, she didn't know we knew but we knew," dad explains before squinting away from us and scratching his graying beard.

"Bug, I raised a smarter girl than that," mom laughs and smacks dad so that he shakes out of his apparently deep concentration. "Didn't we Andy?"

"Oh, yeah, totally. Don't be stupid," he points a stern finger at me. "I mean, be happy. Right?"

"Yeah, just be happy," she pats his hand and stands up. "By the way, it was blondes."

Sarah laughs at my mom, and I really love the way she returns that with a grin. I guess it felt all right, even though technically nothing changed. I was so balled up, so worried that they would be scared of me like Chloe had been that I hesitated I guess, but it's obvious they're not going to disown me just for wanting to be happy. It's nice, really, to have something like this pan out for once.


	54. Cut - Break Down

**A/N: **Prompted by a guest reviewer here (thanks so much by the way!) as "April having a small breakdown/bad day without Andy to help her. [truncated]" Much closer to 51 than any other Cut continuity because of my way of doing that.

There's themes of, and an entire, panic attack described in here, so if you've got any issues with that just be wary it's there.

* * *

There wasn't much that made less sense to April than getting married - everything about it seemed out-of-date and basically a gigantic tax benefit - but a select few things made more sense than getting married to Andy. Despite what others would tell her, and what she knew for herself, he was one of those few that made her legitimately happy without any ulterior motive. Everything he did was just because that's who he was: a gigantic puppy who just wanted her to smile a lot more than was natural. It was sickening, almost, but thinking about him _did _make her smile. Apparently obviously, because Leslie noticed.

"You seem really happy about something," she said while spooning another large clump of whipped cream into her coffee.

April didn't know why she kept agreeing to hanging out with Leslie. The only thing that ever came out of it was being perpetually confused why this woman wanted to be around Ben. He seemed so boring and rote, nerdy sometimes, and she at least seemed all right. The very least, April got free coffee. That was always okay by her.

"You seem like you don't even want the coffee part of... this," April gestured to the small cup now overloaded with white cream.

"It's the best part of coffee," Leslie explained, finishing with a few extra inches of height to her cup. "Still kind of terrible, though."

"Yep," April mumbled.

That's all she wanted to talk about - the coffee. At least then April wouldn't have to try and explain anything to her. Sitting in the booth of the small diner a block up from their apartment, things were pretty quiet most days. April ate there every once and a while when Andy forgot that he was supposed to get the takeout or in the rare occasion they felt like doing something other than sitting in. There were only a handful of roughly maintained booths and the bar to match the grungy floors and partial lighting, every bit of it as downtrodden and understaffed as April liked.

In the back where they sat, April could look over her shoulder out the large pane glass window and stare into the streets of bumbling pedestrians and staid traffic. Something about the order of it calmed her a little bit. Thankfully, she hadn't needed a reason to go to the diner by herself and watch the cars go by alone. Things were, for once, fine. Even if just a few weeks before she was shaking in bed, worrying that Andy was moving on, and only five or so days after that she couldn't sleep because of the decision they'd made, life felt like what she expected normal was supposed to be. Her head wouldn't ever be free from constant, everflowing doubt and worry over even insignificant decisions but she could handle it with him.

Maybe that was scarier than anything else.

"I feel like we haven't gotten a good chance to talk in a while," Leslie said after taking a drink, or bite, of her coffee hybrid. "Not that you really talk to me ever, or that you really seem to want to, but-"

"We're talking now," April sighed, trying to remember what she was thinking about just moments before.

"Fair enough," Leslie motioned, stirring her coffee.

"Good," April replied flatly.

If there was one thing she liked about the movement of blind traffic, it was the detachment. Everyone did what they were supposed to do, only paying attention to other people in theory, and everything seemed to work out for them. Rules were bent and played with every few feet and people only got hurt every once and a while. It was a relaxing thought. Looking out the window, there were two cars stopped at the light by the diner and neither of the drivers were going to care at all about the other - one of them fiddling with the rearview mirror and the other holding onto the wheel and slumped over in their seat - which just made sense to April. Taking a drink from her cup, she looked back to the table and away from the street.

Maybe the scariest part of everything was that April didn't know what made things so much easier with Andy. It wasn't like laughing was the absolute worst thing in the world to do, and she couldn't help herself when he made her do it inadvertently every few minutes, but was that enough? Then again, and April took another long drink finishing the cup, where was that line to begin with? When was she _supposed _to decide what enough even was?

"How are classes?" Leslie interrupted her thoughts, the tower of sugar broken down brick-by-brick while April was busy worrying her head with too many thoughts.

"Fine," April muttered. "Everything's fine."

"Well, I know I got a little bummed when I went to my last lecture," Leslie said almost wistfully while stirring the coffee again. "There are few things you experience quite like poly-sci 400's."

"Ew," April grimaced. "I can't wait for next semester. I only have, like, one course I have to take and I can sleep the rest of the day."

"You're right, that'll give you more time for internships and work-study," Leslie nodded, taking a drink before continuing. "You'll be able to focus on building a portfolio-"

"Oh my God," April blurts out, annoyed at how far from the point she was, "you sound like my advisor. Please stop talking, I'm getting a headache."

"I've heard good things, too," Leslie smirked.

"Oh, I'm sure. I can't wait to work for some small town business for no pay just to maybe, possibly, get a job somewhere else," April scoffed, pushing the coffee cup to the side and ignoring the cooling contents. "Wait, no - I can. I'll take sleeping in with Andy over that."

"Speaking of which, how is Andy? We haven't seen you guys for a while," Leslie pounced on the topic immediately.

April remembered, then, that they hadn't really told anyone about the whole marriage thing. She half-expected to go back on her agreement the next day, but some part of it made sense to her. Andy was one of those people that did make sense to her, even when he was baffling and an idiot he somehow still fit, and this was a natural evolution. They'd figure it out like everything else.

"Funny you should ask that," April reached inside her coat on the seat, pulling out the small circlet.

"Why's th- oh," Leslie's face wasn't so much excitement but shock when April slid the thing on her hand. "Wow."

"It's cool, right?" April spun the metal on her finger a few times before it fit snug further down.

"Oh yeah, very cool, but... did you guys think about this at all?" Leslie asked, her voice a little more worried than April would have liked.

"What's there to think about?" April returned, her right hand clamping over the ring instinctively.

She knew why overthinking it would be a problem. If she did that, April would eventually come to the conclusion - somehow - that this was a bad idea. No matter the bizarre paths she took or the insane realities she twisted in her head, it would stop feeling right if she let herself get lost in thought over it. April continued to hold onto the ring in her palm while Leslie sat there, mouth half-open mid idea, trying to pick apart her argument.

"Like, how you're not even out of college," Leslie offered.

"Or how we've known each other for almost six years," April countered, crossing her arms and trying not to raise any alarms in her mind.

"You barely have a place to live."

"We don't need a giant house. The apartment's fine."

"What about when you're not getting aid that helps you pay the rent?"

"Andy gets paid most of the time."

"For what? Playing with his band in clubs?"

"I save some of his money when we remember not to spend it at the bar."

"How about when he stops getting gigs? What then? What about when you're just... when you're barely able to feed yourself because you can't get work because you don't want to take internships? Or-"

"Why are you trying to stop this?" April interrupted the other woman.

"I'm not, you just don't seem to be thinking about it," Leslie tried to explain. "I think you guys are great and obviously you think things are going well, but is it really the best choice?"

That question hung in the air for a while after the two of them stopped their back and forth. April had been thinking of that, clearly, and it was the barrier that she hadn't wanted to cross - she didn't want to answer that - because when she did she knew the floodgates would be burst wide open. Everything else would come rushing into her mind, some unwarranted and overbearing and all of them too much to worry about now, but Leslie didn't know that. Still, it was a real worry - were they making the best choice? In all of their options, was this the best one?

Fingering the ring again, April sat further back in the booth and ignored Leslie's continuing words. Things were starting to blur around her, especially whatever Leslie was saying, and April could only really feel the warming metal and the distant sounds of motor traffic along with her thoughts. Just minutes ago she had been actually happy merely at the thought of their plan but now, and it all made sense, she had doubts. April looked down at the ring and her breathing was already getting harder and harder to deal with. Something - was it Leslie, maybe it was the traffic again - kept saying something in a lilting sound that could have been a question or a car horn.

April's head started to race with incomplete, scattered thoughts - maybe Andy wasn't...

Maybe she wasn't...? Were they...? Debts wouldn't be that bad... but maybe living in Indianapolis would be? An actual wedding seemed unnecessary anyways, because who cares...? Maybe they weren't - maybe she wasn't - maybe he didn't - maybe... maybe. What if? How were they supposed to... but maybe things would be easier when she was out of school. Or not? Maybe.

April's eyes were barely able to focus on anything in the diner while she seemingly stared at everything in the small building. Her eyes flicked between things momentarily, but none of it was recognizable and that terrified her. Nothing seemed familiar at all anymore and suddenly she couldn't remember where she was or what she was doing. Leslie was there, she thought, but now she was breathing so hard her entire brain had to work overtime to recoup the intake. Everything felt like fire, from her lungs to her thoughts, but April couldn't stop it.

"Les-Leslie," she sputtered, catching herself on the table.

If the other woman said anything April didn't hear it.

"Call Andy, Leslie. Call Andy - I need Andy. Call him. He knows what to do. Call him," April got out in a single breath.

"Okay," she imagined Leslie saying.

She must have imagined the whole thing, but none of that seemed right. April could definitely see the blonde woman yelling at someone out of her shrinking field of view, a look that April thought she knew the word for but couldn't really figure out, and a phone. Even that word was hard to find. The table, despite holding her weight, didn't even seem like it belonged. Where was it? In front of her? All April could see in front of her was a hazy fog that kept shrinking and even the air in the diner was thin and barely sustainable.

Then she thought a question was directed at her but April couldn't parse it. The words were familiar but incredibly confusing at the same time, and even when she thought she twisted her neck to look out at the street even that looked empty and unfamiliar. Was she in a city? The streetlights and sidewalks were different from Pawnee and the cars were so much louder, and there were so many more of them than she remembered, but what was the place called? She went to school here, but what was it called?

"April, where are you?" she definitely heard Leslie ask.

"I-I... what? I'm here," April answered, but none of that sounded right to her, "I mean... I'm at the; we're... diner?"

"She answered me," Leslie spoke into the phone before April realized that she was sitting next to her in the booth and staring at her. "That's good, right?"

There was the sound of someone talking on the other end but April couldn't make heads nor tails of who it was. Something was trying to help her remember, but she couldn't quite get it. It felt only a few inches away.

"Okay, um, then... here," Leslie offered April her phone. "Andy wants to talk to you, April."

Leslie pushed the phone into her hand and April brought it to her ear naturally. She still couldn't really make out what was happening around her, or where around her even was, but she vaguely recalled telling Leslie to call Andy. He knew what to do anyways. She'd taught him how to handle a panic attack after she had the first one when neither of them understood what it was and she had to struggle to breathe for an hour before she calmed down to find a completely distraught Andy. April could still remember the terrified look on his face, all sweaty and close, and the appointment they both agreed she had to make after that.

"April?" she heard his voice crackle.

"Uh huh," she answered, nodding and swallowing a breath hard.

"Okay babe, listen to me... um, what's the first thing you see?" he asked her, his voice huffing like he was exerting himself.

"There's a... one of those," she blinked faster and slammed her palm on the- "table. Holding onto a table."

"Awesome, who's with you?" he groaned and April thought she heard the sound of a car outside honking twice.

"Leslie. Leslie's here," April pointed to the woman who nodded quickly, the growing fear on her face starting to fade.

"You're doing so good. You're amazing," Andy said quietly and April's breaths eased slightly. "Just.. gimme, like, two seconds."

"What?" she asked quickly, appreciating the opening fog around her vision and the clearer thoughts and easier words.

He didn't hang up but she didn't hear him saying anything for a few seconds. Then someone entered the diner and she could hear his breaths twice over and when April looked over Andy was sweating through a shirt and looked so out of breath he might collapse before she did. Leslie moved out of the booth when April scooted forward, closer towards him, and made way for her to shakily step out. As if expecting that, Andy stood by and let her move herself. Her eyes were clearer and things seemed to fade out of vision less and less, but she couldn't see much else other than him anyways.

When she stood up, Andy let her move for a bit before she had to steady herself on the table and his chest. His hand found hers, just as sweaty as the rest of him, and April squeezed it as hard as she could. He was definitely right there.

"I don't know what happened, she just suddenly... it just happened," Leslie piped up, her eyes still wide. "We were talking about... oh. Oh my God, I'm so sorry."

"Leslie, stop," April breathed out, the pressure in her chest easing up to allow some annoyance.

"No, we were talking about you guys getting married and I was; I'm sorry," this time Leslie was looking at Andy, who moved to wrap an arm over April's shoulder.

"Don't worry about it, she just - it happens," Andy found the words where April couldn't and she was thankful for that. "Sometimes we can't stop it, we just gotta deal with it."

Then the woman tilted her head at Andy's words before he left while helping April along out the door. April was thankful for the sad smile Leslie gave her, and the way that Andy helped her into a cab. After a few mouthfuls of water her throat wasn't aching like she had just been punched in the neck over and over again, and at home she could try to relax and let Andy sit with her. Holding his hand, the other playing with strands of her hair, and things seemed smoother. The world felt less jagged and angular, all sharp corners and hard movement, and more like the warmth of her reality.

_We gotta deal with it_

That's what he said in the diner. Andy understood that she couldn't help it, and things like this were always going to happen to her no matter what she did and no matter how hard she tried, and that's probably why she didn't really need to think about them.


	55. Little Else

**A/N: **A brief little idea I had. Related to the whole "April with depression" idea/theory/whatever that I still mumble about occasionally. I just kept thinking of dumb, adorable dialogue and this fell out.

Enjoy!

* * *

"Do you ever think about, like, us?" April asked him from the floor in the lake house.

"What?" Andy didn't know how to answer that since it seemed obvious.

"Like, that we made a mistake?"

He had noticed something fading in her eyes earlier, like an unspoken question or a buried worry, but Andy didn't think too much about it. Their own, short honeymoon was still the only thing he wanted to think about - that and how incredibly _happy _April had looked at the wedding. That was one of the things that made Andy feel like he was doing something right by her, just seeing her beam up at him all night and through the morning, but now it was different. She was sitting in front of the sofa, curled up in a sweater and looking up at him with something else behind those gigantic doe eyes.

Andy wasn't ever great at doing anything other than being a dope, a gigantic walking joke, and he was okay with that. Usually he was fine by that, since it seemed to make April laugh. It seemed to make her smile, something that he felt blessed to see. Except now when he felt like April was anticipating him being something else. He wanted to be, but if she was still worrying over this then he didn't know what he could give her.

"No... do you?" Andy told her honestly, resting his hand on her shoulder.

"I was just... I'm happy," she said like that was supposed to make sense, joining him on the couch.

"That's good, right?" Andy smiled briefly, turning to face her. "We're married and that's awesome, right?"

"It's gonna be the best, but don't you think... it's stupid," April shrugged and looked away from him.

"No way. You, stupid?" Andy laughed. "Seriously, what's up?"

"Maybe it was all too fast. God, this is so dumb," April still refused to look at him while she talked. "Even Leslie said we were moving too fast and I know what you said-"

"We did what makes us happy," Andy tried.

"And I am. I really, honestly am. Like, I've never felt this good before," April explained to the sofa cushions.

"I'm super confused, babe," Andy admitted finally, chuckling. "You think way more and way better than me... are you already thinking-"

"No, Andy. Don't ever think that," April quickly amended, looking up briefly before returning. "I don't want you to think about us not being _us_."

"So... what's the-"

"I can't stop thinking I'm gonna wake up one day and," April interrupted him quickly, "and this will all be a dream."

April started playing with one of the sleeves of her sweater. They'd talked, and through the mistakes both of them had made they let each other know what they were thinking just to be safe, but this was harder than the rest. This felt like Andy had no control. He just wanted April to stop but he knew she couldn't. Not that she didn't want to stop thinking like this, or that she enjoyed it, but Andy couldn't just wish her fears away.

"That sucks," was all he could say. "I can't stop thinking about waking up with you."

April's eyes shot up, searching his face. Andy didn't know where that line came from but that's what he honestly felt. Throughout the honeymoon he couldn't stop thinking about April - whether it was on the lake watching her take tumbles, screaming at him, or in bed in the quiet nights with hands held tight - and nothing else seemed to matter. No matter what he'd said to anyone in the past, Andy had never felt like that in his life. Nothing, no one, made him want to work as hard as April did.

Whatever that meant, whatever he had to work for, Andy didn't want to stop. He didn't want to stop because he would see April's smile just like then, small and understanding. Then she rolled her lips like she was considering something and when he saw her eyes refuse to meet his, he knew what to expect next. Without letting her break, because they both knew she didn't want him to see her like that, Andy pulled at her hands and she followed into his lap. Wrapping his arms around her, she intertwined their hands and pushed her head back into his shoulder. Andy left small kisses on her shoulder through the sweater, trying to figure out what he was supposed to say.

It didn't seem to be needed though. His words weren't needed, and Andy was always thankful that he didn't need to stumble over them, nor the fact that she was refusing to let him see her cry.

"I love you," she choked out, squeezing his hands tighter.

"Love you too," he punctuated with a kiss along her neck that made April turn her head towards him over her shoulder.

"I know you mean it," April's lips hovered near his, her breath hot on his face. "I know you do."

"I'll always mean it, babe," Andy feathered his thumb along her knuckles.

"Show me," she asked quietly.

Andy moved in immediately, taking her lips like he wanted nothing else. To be honest, there wasn't much else he wanted in the world other than April. With the cold lake air shuddering around them, Andy savoring the trembling movement of her hand to his face and her unrelenting, Andy remembered what else he desired soon. After she had broken off and her eyes were still red and scared, the miniscule parting of her lips into that surprised grin was it.

"I know it's stupid-"

"It's not," Andy reprimanded instinctively.

"I never really knew... I didn't know what this was," she moved their hands still together to her chest. "I didn't understand it, y'know? It was scary, and weird, and I thought I could just avoid it."

He knew what she meant, because he felt the same way. Even if he had been nearly obsessing over her, it was still terrifying that he was willing to do it. Andy was just glad she hadn't ignored it like he was even more petrified she would have. Those first few weeks where she seemed totally ambivalent to him were worse than the loathing aimed at him. At least then he knew she at least saw him.

"I'm glad I didn't," April continued. "I'm sorry if-"

"I'm glad too," Andy nodded and April's lips turned up in response.

That was it, that was all that mattered. There was little else in the world than her smile.


	56. In Comfort Be

**A/N: **I don't think I'll be posting every day of next week even though I've got some ideas, so I thought I'd give y'all a heads up!

Sequel thing to "Her" if that idea/AU isn't your bag. Deals with themes of transitioning, referenced child abuse, and safety.

* * *

It's only been a week since April left home and stayed with Leslie. Only a week since, in the Parks offices where it was only the three of them, she told Leslie and Andy. Seven short days, April thinks, and she hates work more than ever. Every day, somehow, Ann is there and she gives April strange looks - odd, leering stares that make her more vulnerable than ever - and she tries to remember that she's safe.

_Safe._

That word doesn't mean much to her. The fresh bruises from before she left are slowly leaving her but they imprint more than she lets on. At Leslie's house she can barely see two feet in front of her, but the frantic pace the woman lives at means she's never really there, and April just drinks from the massive stores of hot chocolate.

Her parents don't know she's there, and she's especially thankful her father doesn't, but other people at work notice that they go in together. They notice, but they don't say anything. Ann knows, that realization having made April sick to her stomach, and she visited once to make sure she was eating and going in to continue her appointments in Eagleton. April does, but it's not because of Ann. It's because of the oafish guy waving at her from his stand in City Hall.

"Hey," Andy says loudly, waving her over to him before kissing her quickly, "are we still on for tonight?"

"Yeah, Leslie's gone for the night so we'll just hang out there," she responds. "We can watch TV, or burn all of those National Geographics, or..."

"But we're gonna make out a lot, right?" he asks, nodding his head and smiling.

"Totally," she smiles and walks off after a short hug.

She's never known someone as supportive as Andy has been. April, at first, didn't even expect him to _understand _what she was going through - and when she told him she thought he didn't really know what the word 'transwoman' meant - but he tries. He offers her a space in a house he doesn't even own, and he says he'll go sell his guitars so she can stay in a motel if that's what she wants, and it's important to her that he tries.

It's almost important that the hesitation she expects in his touch is never there. The few moments she feels comfortable going beyond small pecks on the lips are hard at first. They fall asleep together that first night he knows, both of them in Leslie's spare bed. At first he stays on the floor, out of some weird childish chivalry, but things are quieter without him up there.

* * *

"Andy," she whispered into the dark room, hoping he was awake. "Andy?"

"What's up," his voice is slow and hoarse like he just woke up.

She moved out from under the blanket, lying outstretched with her head closer to him at the opposite side of the bed. She let her hand fall down and find him in the dark. He quickly slipped his alongside, taking her hand, and she hoped that he wasn't rolling his eyes or squirming instinctively away from her.

"I'm scared," she admitted to him.

April breathed ragged after that and Andy only responded by continuing his thumb's motions on the back of her hand. He doesn't say anything to her after that, standing up, and he walked over to her. That night, she fell asleep with Andy. With their eyes used to the darkness, she on side of the bed and he the opposite and facing her, April watched him fight back sleep until she herself drifted off - her hand still in his.

* * *

April knows that she's blessed to have found Leslie, or rather that Leslie was just as good a person April hoped she would have been, and she's happy to be around Andy more. His jokes, all of them so terrible, get her to laugh more at him than anything else. He falls _a lot _more than she ever thought possible, but he has no shame or embarrassment about it at all.

To not be terrified of living in her own house, it's something April hasn't known before and with Leslie she never feels that.

"I _have_ to go to this public forum, April. It's only an hour, two at most, then I'll be back," Leslie tells her slowly, putting on her jacket. "So if you need anything, you can call me or Andy."

"Thanks," April answers, standing up awkwardly and unsure.

"You can even call Ann-"

"Ew, no," April grimaces but lets it fall quickly. "But really, thanks Leslie. For everything."

"Oh, don't-" Leslie starts but doesn't get far.

April walks forward and gives her a brief hug before moving away like her hands stung from being so close. Leslie has to walk away because she's stammering and April swears there are tears in the other woman's eyes, but neither of them are going to bring that up. April's left alone then, alone with nothing but her thoughts. Thankfully she can feel calm in those thoughts, have a little more comfort, and it's a beautiful feeling.

When she thinks about the nights she sat in her room, terrified her dad would ask her to come into his room, there's always Andy there. In seven days she remembers those nights - living nightmares - twice, though she's tried to obliterate them from her memory, and both times he's there when she calls him, shaking.

* * *

_Ringing._

Three times, and her heart beat so fast with each successive tone April thought she might pass out. Every inch of the room she was in feels too small, and everywhere she managed to walk made her body feel too large for its confines. Then, when she wants to scream, the tones end.

"What's up!" he answered excited, and his voice brought her back to metered breaths. "April? You there?"

"Yeah... I just," she stopped, savoring the oxygen, "I really just wanted to hear your voice."

"You okay?" and he sounded more serious than just moments before.

"Can you make it here tonight?" she asked him.

"Still at Leslie's right?"

"Yeah, just-"

"Gimme ten minutes," and he hung up on her.

"Thank you," April ended up saying to the dead call.

* * *

April woke up with a start, her chest ready to burst. The dream - that same one - and she scrambled for her phone. She remembered what it felt like to come home after the second appointment, right before the hormonal treatment, and seeing her father staring at her like she had committed murder. She remembered what that first beating was like.

It was well past a reasonable hour, and she swore that he was playing a show, but she can't help calling him again. He doesn't answer her the first time, or the second, or the seventh. By the time there are eight missed calls on his phone April assumed that he lost his phone or was calling her parents and telling her exactly where she was. He was betraying her, just like-

And then, her phone vibrates loudly.

"Andy?" she had been close to hyperventilating and his name came out in a harsh rush.

She's answered by the sounds of people shouting. Silence from him. At least, that's what she recalled hearing but apparently Andy had been saying something to her.

"-be there soon, don't worry," he yelled over the sounds of other people in the background.

When Leslie's doorbell rang loudly an hour later, April bolted for the door. Andy's hands are different from her nightmare. They're calloused and rough, yes, but their intentions are different. He's soft, and he held her close. Leslie had apparently just gotten to sleep, and was obviously agitated, but she said something about catching up on next month's licensing waitlist and left them alone.

He doesn't leave her that night, and he makes it clear that he's not letting her do this alone.


	57. Be Comfortable, Creature

**A/N: **Prompted by a reviewer and anonymously on tumblr as "Andy has to fulfill his wedding vows about protecting April." I've gotten this request a couple times and, although I'm always hesitant to do continuities and extend one-shots, I think this works really well within the "Her" timeline I've set up.

So it's not technically his vows _yet_ but the idea's the same. Has themes of transphobic characters and child abuse, so remember that.

* * *

Normally the glittery night's sky would be the first sign for April to go back inside, but she didn't mind the stars so much when she was more focused on the other person outside Leslie's house with her. In Andy's lap she didn't pay much attention to the stars, not when he was busy touching her hair and turning her around in his lap to kiss him, and she wasn't that annoyed by the fresh air when it had the tinge of an air freshener. In a dim light she'd normally feel more comfortable around people but it wasn't like that with Andy - she didn't feel the need to hide from him. Something about that was comforting.

"Thank you," April said, her face hovering inches away from him.

"For what?" Andy asked, his mouth barely twitching. "Today? If I wasn't here it would have been Leslie or anyone..."

"No, not today. I mean, yeah, but more like..." April looked away from him briefly, unsure how to word it without making herself bare. "I mean, like, for everything."

"I guess I _do _give pretty good piggyback rides," he admitted and April gave him a shy smile.

"You know what I mean," she whispered, afraid someone else would somehow hear it.

If there was one thing April liked about being around Andy, it was never being afraid. Though she had doubts at first that he was going to be different, those were long gone, and she never felt in fear that he would discover what he already knew. In the myriad ways she knew people could overreact, none of them even so much as occurred to Andy and even if they did he hid them so well April only felt safe around him.

* * *

Andy knew something was wrong when April looked at her phone and she visibly shrank back. He didn't know someone so outwardly aloof could be hiding so much, but when Andy thought about it things started to make a lot more sense, and when things like her posture changed, curling inward almost defensively, he knew pretty well something was bothering her. If he hated anything, and Andy couldn't really think of much he ever disliked other than Mark but that was stupid anyways, it was watching April glance over at him and refuse to say anything.

This side of April made him uncomfortable. Not because he didn't know what to do about it, or that he even wanted to change anything about her, but because he didn't like how natural and easy it seemed to be for her to sink back into. When she was laughing occasionally and smiling every once and a while, apparently not worrying, Andy had a vague happiness he didn't really understand or remember ever feeling from anyone else. Sitting on the couch in Leslie's house while Andy April tapped the back of her phone and stared at it with wide eyes like a hand would reach out from the screen and drag her inside.

"Everything okay?" Andy asked, moving closer to April.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "Everything's fine."

Despite her words, April had moved closer to Andy and shrugged his arm over her shoulder while still staring at the phone. They were waiting on Leslie to get home so they could make one of those little gingerbread houses that Andy loved making and then immediately eating the entirety of himself. April made an offhand remark one day about never making one before, and never really wanting to, but between Andy and Leslie there was no way that would stand. The moment she said that Andy was incredulous and demanding they do one the very next day.

"Shit," she said under her breath moments later. "No, no."

"Did Leslie forget those little gingerbread guys? Oh man, you gotta have people to live in the house," Andy groaned and tapped April's shoulder absentmindedly in frustration. "That's-"

"No, Andy. I think my parents figured out I'm not coming home," her voice wobbled in a way Andy wouldn't have ever expected.

"So? No one's gonna tell them where you are," Andy tried to soothe her, but that didn't seem to be working judging by her rapid breathing.

"I changed the address at my last appointment," she explained, eyebrows furrowed. "I forgot to do it after I took my dad's card off the bill. He probably got the charge and the bill, and now-"

"Hey, calm down," Andy interrupted when she seemed to be melting over.

"How can I calm down, Andy?" she turned to give him a bewildered, frantic expression. "They know where I am now. He knows where I am."

"So?"

"So, he'll know I'm still... y'know, and with you, and he's gonna..." her words fell aside when another alert made her eyes widen further.

"When he's gonna what? What do you think he's gonna do?" Andy asked, worried at her sudden silence. "You're twenty-one. It's not like he owns you or something."

"He says he's coming to pick me up," she barely managed to say. "My dad's picking me up."

April didn't move from her position, stuck to Andy, for another minute or so and when she did it was only to rest her head on his shoulder instead of lean forward to stare at the screen. For some reason she seemed hesitant to say anything else to him and instead refused to move away from him or even let him stand up. When he tried to she only tugged at his sleeve, forcing him to stay. Andy wasn't intending to leave, but April's insistence meant that he wasn't going to move if that's what she needed.

She didn't say much when someone pulled up into the drive. April didn't react at all to the sounds of someone stepping out of the car, but when it was Leslie she let out a breath that Andy swore had been held for at least a minute. Explaining the situation to Leslie, she said much the same things as Andy but April still seemed convinced that she was going to have to leave. No matter what either of them said, she wouldn't be swayed.

Then, after an hour of silently rubbing April's arm and trying to figure out a way to make it clear she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to, Andy looked out the window to see an unfamiliar car drive by and pull up. An unfamiliar man walked to the front door and rang the bell. April tensed in Andy's arms and when he stood up she pulled away and fell back much like when she got the first text. She looked so tiny with her legs curled up on the couch, so wary of the visitor, that Andy had a brief flash of anger at whatever enemy - invisible or the man at the door - she was tangling with.

Andy's hand stopped at the doorknob for a moment. Looking back, April was staring at the door like a dam was about to smash and let floodwaters rush in the house. He smiled at her, but April didn't seem to notice, and in one quick motion opened the door and stepped out, closing it behind him. Outside of the house and in front of him was a short man who, if Andy didn't know better, would have been a kind-looking, pot-bellied little man save for his face contorted in anger.

"I know he's in there," the man said brusquely, pointing at the door.

"Who?" Andy asked, a little agitated at the man's choice of words.

"Don't play stupid," he laughed, trying to move past Andy and through the door. "Though from what I've heard it's not really playing at stupid."

"Sorry, there's nobody here other than me, Leslie, and April," Andy said, stressing her name loudly for her dad to hear.

"Oh, so he's got you on that kick too?" again he tried to force entrance but Andy stood in the much smaller man's way.

Even if Andy was able to keep him out as long as either of their energy went, he couldn't stop April opening the door behind him and stepping outside. When Andy put his arm over her shoulder, intending to keep her close, she was shaking just standing there and didn't seem to want to look up at her father. The bruises had horrified Andy, that someone could do something like that to their own kid was completely out of Andy's sphere of understanding not to mention everything else she said he had done - the physical abuse had only made her retreat further and further inward until she had become who she liked to pretend to be.

Now, Andy relished the fact that April didn't seem to move.

"I'm... I don't want to go," she said to the welcome mat at her feet.

"Then who'll pay for your bills?" her dad presented, pointing at her. "I know you used those loans for that bullshit and not college."

"I'm still not going," April repeated, her voice so shaky and her shoulders tensing up even as Andy slowly massaged her with his hand.

"Come on," he insisted, his hand reaching for April's wrist and pulling hard.

April resisted and it only made her dad try harder, nearly yanking her out from under Andy's arm. Andy watched the struggle for a second before he stepped forward instinctively to stand between the two of them. Looking down at the man, Andy couldn't figure out what was making him try so hard to refuse everything that April wanted right then. This was his kid, his daughter, and he seemed just as fine with dislocating her shoulder as he was to fume at Andy.

Andy didn't really like when he even played around rough with people, let alone hurting them. It wasn't that he didn't like messing around with his friends, his brothers, or occasionally April but when things got out of hand it always reminded Andy that he was much bigger than most people that weren't his brothers. But something was different here, something he didn't quite understand, and if he saw the dainty man make another aggressive move at her Andy didn't know what he was going to do, only that that he wouldn't hesitate.

"He's not staying here," the small man shouted. "He needs us. He can't pay for everything on his own."

"April's staying here," Andy returned, grabbing April's hand and lacing his fingers through them. "She's better off without you, anyways. People actually care about her here."

"You have to stop saying that," her father was visibly shaken by something Andy said.

"What? That she's your daughter?" a new voice spoke up, Leslie standing behind the confrontation.

"Yes, that," he gestured at April.

Andy mistook that as another move and took another step at him, forcing the man back off the step and onto the walkway leading from the driveway. Without taking his hand out of April's, Andy continued walking the man backward towards his car.

"Don't come back, man," Andy suggested, unsure if his voice was threatening or just plain goofy. "She doesn't want you around. You don't deserve a kid, anyways, the way you treat 'em."

Turning back to look at April, she still wasn't looking at her father but had lessened her incredible grip on his hand, Andy gave her the most reassuring smile he could muster before returning to the offender.

"Whatever, it's not even my son anymore," he waved the two of them off, huffing as he went back to the driver's seat. "It's just a useless waste."

"I'm not an 'it,'" April whispered to Andy.

When the car drove off, Andy turned around and looked at April. She was still staring down at their hands, reluctant to make another move after that. Andy tipped her chin up and immediately wondered how childishly romantic a gesture that was, and since it _was _April he could only assume she would hate it, but she gave him a short movement of her lips.

"You're April," he assured her.

"Yeah, I am," she responded before leaning up on her toes to kiss him.

* * *

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Andy told her.

"For everything," she found the will to finally say quietly. "I... thanks."

April didn't want to let go of his cheek, cupping his face perpetually in the hopes that she could find the strength to tell him what she really wanted to. No matter what had happened, no matter who he said he was or had even proved he was, April still had a nagging worry about those three words. They could really spell doom for the two of them and April was too used to feeling Andy's hands move along her back and hold her closer.

"Hey April?" he broke her thoughts with those whispered words.

"What's up?" she asked, wondering why she hadn't just told him.

"Wanna finish that gingerbread house?" he offered, grinning.

"Totally," she answered, standing up with him and trying to maintain his sprint back inside Leslie's house.

* * *

**an2: **I'm going to take a break for the rest of the week partly to spend some time with the family and also to work on some potential ideas for an AU that I've been sitting on since forever.


	58. And If I Am Free

**A/N: **This is actually taken from my original ending for ch.24 and combined with a scene that was running in my head all day yesterday. On Monday things will resume schedule and we'll be back to your regular April/Andy programming!

Enjoy.

* * *

Everything in April's head was that dream and all the agony she felt there suddenly real. Her eyes were hard to open in the early morning, the slightly cold air in the bedroom alleviated by covers and Andy's furnace of a body, but she looked over and saw that he was definitely there. Reaching over to his side of the bed April rubbed his shoulder and half expected him to vanish. When he only grunted she breathed a sigh of strange relief.

Closing the slight distance between them, April hiked her knees up around Andy's leg and nestled her head into the sweaty arm she grabbed. That felt more comfortable and real than anything she had dreamed. Still, something was on her mind. Something from the dream - nightmare, really - was bothering her return to sleep.

"Andy," she whispered.

He responded with a snore and an attempt at rolling on his side, which only brought April to his back. Digging her hands into his sides, she tried a different tactic.

"Wake up Andy," April tried again, clawing into the pleasant squish of his sides.

"Ow!" he yelped suddenly, turning around with a distant expression.

Instead of saying anything or going back to sleep, Andy shot his hands under her shirt and tried of all things to tickle her. Sadly, with him close and nuzzling her neck in concert with his hands, it was working and before long April was choking out laughter. Rolling in bed, April tried to stop the squeal that inevitably came out of her mouth but with Andy's beard scratching all along her neck it was a lot easier said than done. Eventually Andy dragged her by the waist to straddle him and left her with a self-satisfied smirk. Somehow Champion remained asleep on his pillow on the floor, ignoring the two of them and their early morning.

"Morning," he slurred, his hands still on her hips.

"Hey," April answered, trying to remember why she was waking him up. "I wanna talk."

"Isn't it super early...? What's up?" Andy asked with that dumb, barely conscious grin on his face. "We could just do it."

"That's a pretty good offer but this is kinda serious," April said before she leaned down and left him a brief kiss on the lips.

"Oh, okay," Andy shook his head and clearly tried to wake himself up a bit more. "All right, I'm game."

"Cool," April refused to leave her current spot, especially with Andy's hands idly moving along her lower back. "Um, I had this dream and it was dumb but... you know I love you right?"

"Uh, yeah," he told her like that was one of the dumbest things he'd ever heard her say. "I think you can tell I love you too."

"Shut up," April teased with an eye roll and a playful smack to his chest. "Andy, I don't like talking about this stuff. Don't make me ask you again!"

"All right, all right I know, okay? I love you too, babe," Andy smiled and pulled her back down to lie across him.

"I know you do, but I wanna make sure you know," she mumbled into him.

It was impossible for her to really say it in the way she wanted, but April was going to try anyways. That dream would probably haunt her for most of the day and she didn't want to leave the house without him knowing all the things she was terrified he didn't know or believe.

"I do... are you okay?" Andy looked down and April met his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine," April rested her chin on his chest and continued, "but I'm just..."

"If you don't wanna say it you don't have to," Andy assured her, bringing his hands to her shoulders. "We don't need to talk about stupid emotional stuff if you don't want, babe."

"Andy, you know you're important to me right?" she said quietly, marking his chest with imprints of her nails that left squiggly trails of paleness before returning to the slightly darker skin tone. "Not like that I love you, because I do, but... ugh, this _is _stupid."

Andy laughed but when April looked at him, and she knew that he would know that stare with the tightly pursed lips and searching eyes, he stopped and reconsidered her words. She couldn't deny that, despite how amazing and fun but somehow comforting and relaxed their life was, in some way Andy still saw her as mostly uncaring. It was a fun bit to play on for a while, it still was, but April didn't know if Andy truly knew that what she was saying was reality.

"So you're not messing around?" Andy asked seriously.

"No," she said quickly. "You know when I'm screwing around and when I'm being serious, dude."

"I know, I know!" he nodded before grinning and continuing. "I'm just super tired still and kinda, uh, distracted."

"Andy it was kind of a nightmare and it scared me," April suddenly switched, trying to get him to focus. "It scared me because I didn't know if you knew this stuff. Like, that I really super _do _love you or that you might think I'm disappointed in you or whatever."

"What?" Andy said incredulously.

"God, this is dumb... just know that I'm so happy with us and you're one of the only things that I actually care about," April got out in a breath. "Except y'know, a person and-"

Andy interrupted her with a kiss, breaking her words and train of thought simultaneously. After only a few, sadly short moments, Andy pulled them apart and held her face in his hands like she always did when April thought he wasn't paying enough attention to what she was saying. The returned gesture was, strangely, almost enough of a confirmation for her.

"I know you and if you didn't love me, you'd be gone. But you're here," Andy said, punctuating that by moving her back to sitting atop him. "You're here and, trust me, I know it."


	59. A Little Change

**A/N: **All I can say is this month may or may not be overloaded with short baby and holiday fluff. I've still got a handful of prompts to fill out but if you get any ideas about something you want me to write you can, as always, tell me on tumblr at** ask**

Enjoy :)

* * *

In a lot of ways, April didn't really understand how they got this far as just the two of them. Before that year she would have said they were perfectly happy together, just them, and that nothing would be better than living their practical joke of a life. Things were perfect because she didn't know. April didn't know she could even care so much about something that serious, or tiny, or _adorable_.

Ugh. That's what she should have said just for thinking that.

But there wasn't so much disgust in her face or her mind when April looked over her shoulder and saw Andy walking behind with his eyes glued to the little human strapped to his chest. A kid, their kid, and somehow April hadn't run away the moment the thing left her body. Andy was playing with her hands that stuck out awkwardly, looking stiff and unable to move, and muttering gibberish to her. The day would be long, out to buy clothes and shoes and basically everything they'd put off to the last minute, and April didn't argue when Andy wanted to take their daughter.

"Babe, look at these shoes," Andy called out from one of the aisles she'd ignored.

He was standing with a pair of miniscule baby shoes and staring at them with the biggest, dumbest grin he could muster.

"Yep, those are definitely shoes," April tried to deflect any instinct her muscles had to force a smile. "Are they the right size?"

"They... are!" Andy looked at them intently and returned to looking down at his chest. "Roberta's gonna get new shoes, and they're so small and cute just like her."

"You gotta stop doing that Andy," April told him, flipping over a box in her hands and reading the materials and manufacturing information.

"What? Telling her that she's the cutest baby girl in the universe? Because it's true," Andy said seriously. "Isn't it true? Yeah."

When she turned around again he was spouting out more of that inane baby talk that April normally couldn't stand, the shoes hanging around his neck just barely by the laces, and he had his hands cupped around her feet. Roberta gave that little squeal of a laugh and Andy followed suit with his uproarious shout, tickling her feet and making the baby grow louder and brighter with each laugh.

April knew she had cracked a smile the moment her daughter laughed. She knew that staring at the two of them was the stuff that hopeless romantics wrote about their topic's future lives in terrible romantic comedies about awful people, and that they were inches away from falling into a Lifetime movie plot, but April couldn't find the ounce of will to care otherwise. Closing the distance between them, April found herself playing with her daughter's sensitive feet and tickling through the socks she wore. Some part of her expected a wailing cry to follow and April agitating her once again over something she thought was the right call.

"See? You can't hate her," Andy said when Roberta continued laughing and April couldn't help but smile widely.

"Dude, I don't hate my own kid. It's a little weird, yeah," April finally stopped and the little scrunched up face pull back to the strange, even look only a young child has, "but I love her. I don't know why - she's loud, and she eats a lot, and she poops more than anyone ever-"

"At least you don't have to clean it up. You're still super bad with changing, babe," Andy interrupted, nodding and moving back up the aisle they were walking down to begin with. "Are those diapers good?"

"Yeah, she shouldn't get a rash from these," April threw them in a basket and continued on. "I'm serious Andy. Do you think I don't like having a kid?"

"That's not what I meant," Andy laughed, talking without facing her as they kept walking. "Still kinda surprised you agreed to... well, any of this."

It was a fair thought, April knew. She could barely believe she wanted anything that resulted in normalcy or what she had resisted not _that _long ago as some gross form of adulthood, but it was better than any weird adolescent misconception of what things would be.

"All right, that's fair," she admitted what she was thinking.

"But you can't look at that face and find anything to hate, right?" Andy said, mimicking the words April herself had said when she first held little Roberta.

"Yeah, it's impossible to do that," April shrugged despite Andy not looking at her and sped up to join them just ahead of her.

They left the store only a few minutes later with diapers, shoes, and a small bundle of clothes in hand. In the car, April wasn't really focusing on the road that much. She was too busy wondering why the only thing she had in her mind from day to day was the little person in the backseat. It went against everything that April thought she was about. A little misanthropy thrown together with a dash of independence wasn't what made a child work. She knew that, and April didn't feel a begrudging willingness or even the need to vomit at the idea.

To be honest, she kind of liked the idea of it. Maybe not a white picket fence, a dog with four legs, and cookouts but it would definitely be a family - whatever that meant for them, or for their already nearly disastrous life - and April wanted it.


	60. Like Little Feet

At the lake house, in the early morning before any sunlight illuminated and the dew had yet to form, April woke up and left Andy in the bed to sleep. Cool air and the faint pitter patter of her feet on the floorboards were the only company in that hour, but April didn't mind it - Andy's sweatshirt feel nearly to her knees anyways and was plenty comfortable. Crossing her arms, April trudged out to the den and tried to make out the sofa in the dim light.

All throughout the night April had been racked with a host of dreams. Some of them were pleasant, one even looked weirdly far in the future, but a few nightmares interspersed with the rest had made sleep after that hard to come by. April couldn't even remember any of them but that vague, uncomfortable feeling was still there and she needed to be alone with those thoughts.

Sitting down on the couch, April pulled her legs up so that she could remain tightly curled around herself in the twilit room. One of those dreams in that far-flung timescape April dreaded thinking about was particularly haunting and almost more so than any nightmare. In it, despite the strange blurriness regular to her dreams, April could see a vivid picture of herself walking inside a house to find Andy holding a small bundle in his arms. This dream version of herself was smiling brightly, something she couldn't picture doing for anything, and for an instant April knew exactly what Andy was holding. It scared her. The thought - the thing - _terrified _April to the core.

Whether or not they actually did that, she couldn't get it out of her head. That's how she woke up in a blind panic, almost sweating as bad as Andy, and stepped out into the chilly Lake Michigan air. Even though she knew it would entirely be her decision and that April herself wouldn't ever be guilted into anything that life-altering, that wasn't it. The real fear of it was the _consideration_ - the horror of maybe, actually, thinking about it.

Getting off the couch, April opened the door to the cold breeze outside and stepped onto the wooden deck. Leaning her back against the house, arms still folded to compensate heat that her bare legs sorely missed in that chill, she tried to think of almost anything else. Work wasn't worth spending more than a moment considering and she didn't feel like thinking about much else. They were just married, and that was pretty cool, but knowing the two of them that wasn't going to be like everyone else's idealization or her own imagined eternal loneliness. It would be different. Strange, definitely, but it was likely to just be them. They were going to be just April and Andy - just the _two _of them. That's how it was supposed to be, and that's how it would work if it could work at all.

"Hey," a voice said to her, quiet and tired.

April must have missed hearing him walk out and been so trapped in her thoughts that she ignored the sound of the door opening just to her right. Andy's tousled hair and pleasantly exhausted face greeted her.

"Morning," April answered with a dull, even tone.

"Why you up so early?" Andy asked, still leaning against the door with one hand before walking out.

"Thinking," April said tersely.

"Oh, okay," he responded.

Standing awkwardly in the middle of the deck, Andy put his hands around his stomach. Because April had taken his sweater he was sitting out in the morning with only a pair of pajama pants and a thin shirt to ward off the cold. Since it was a good enough excuse to do so, April walked over to him and pushed away his arms and slipped hers around his waist. Resting her head against him, those thoughts - that future - returned and didn't seem so bad.

"What were you thinking about?" Andy asked a little hesitantly, maybe more than April would have liked.

"Stuff," she said in yet another simple deflection.

"Sure, sure," Andy gave in and she felt him nodding. "You wanna go inside? It's, like, super cold out here."

Looking up at him, Andy's face was searching her. Whether he asked her, and if she told him had he actually asked, it didn't matter. Something was digging deep into the back of her mind and refused to leave, almost like a houseguest with too many secrets to hide and a penchant for squatting. That dream - that little dream-baby in Andy's arms - was burrowing unwelcome but real. April hadn't ever thought about something this _serious _for this long, and so hard, in all of her life. Nothing felt as adult and gross, but real and possible, as that.

But maybe that would have to wait for another day, another day when the sun was actually in the sky and they weren't freezing against each other's skin, since April gave Andy a blank stare that he returned with that grin only he had. That same toothy, bright smile she didn't like thinking about because seeing it was so much better and so much more real than anything else April could muster up. April wondered if maybe, somehow, some of those things in her dream could come true. But that didn't last long, because the moment she felt the first drop of rain on her shoulder an overwhelming desire to get inside as quickly as possible took over.

"Yeah, let's go. It's starting to rain," April said matter-of-factly, keeping an arm around Andy as she opened the door.

She likely wouldn't tell him what she had been thinking for a very long time, if at all. Something about bringing it up scared April a little in the same way that her own thoughts on the matter were frightening, but that was for another day. That day, with the rain pouring down onto the deck and smashing against the glass of the windows, April wanted to go back to the covers with Andy and forget that she considered those things at all.

The sounds of rain splashing in and smacking against every inch of the house followed them throughout the day, from the moment the clouds in the sky stoppered the rising sun to the break of night once again it kept coming. So they stayed in bed, every few minutes one of them rolling over and on top the other with a hungry gleam in their eyes. At first Andy still seemed worried about what April had been thinking, but after sleeping another hour and waking up to find April staring at him, waiting, the worry seemed to drop away.

Though they napped and slept in, lazy and awkward sex sprinkled throughout, the rain kept on. It was constant, and so was that sound - the sound of the rain moving against the house. When April went out to get a drink and something to eat for the two of them, she was reminded of the sounds she made walking along. The rain sounded familiar but something wasn't quite right. The water moved in droplets on the roof like little feet walked on carpet and wood.

April pretended she was thinking of her own footsteps.

* * *

**a/n: **I don't say this enough: I love all y'all - all the readers - so much. Also I'm sure this whole back-to-back episodes thing next month (!) will only drive me further into a spiraling insanity!


	61. Cribs and Burritos

**A/N: **An anon on tumblr requested more Ron interacting with A/A and since I got a sudden boost of "dear god April and Andy as parents is the most adorable thing ever" this happened.

It took me that ask to realize that it's been a long, long while since we've seen him in this collection.

* * *

It's one in the morning when April hears someone knock on the door. She can barely move out of bed, and to be honest her legs don't want to bear her weight any longer than they have to, so she yells at Andy until he wakes up. As if expecting her to call on him at any hour, he immediately bolts up in bed and looks over at his very pregnant wife who's still very, _very _tired.

"Doorbell," she said through a yawn.

"Should I go check it?" Andy asked, confused.

"No, you should wait for them to ring again so I can get woken up _again_," April refused to look at him, trying to squeeze her eyes into forced sleep. "You'll really love that. Go tell them there's a pregnant woman with a loaded handgun in here."

"Gotcha," Andy sped out of bed and through the house.

After a few moments of silence, she could hear Andy open the front door to yet more quiet. If April felt at all like doing anything, the kid that just did that would be in a living hell, but she just wanted to _sleep_. That would be nice. Instead she hears Andy laughing and shouting at the front door followed by a loud grunt and incredibly heavy footsteps. April doesn't bother to get up, instead pretending it was all a dream and she didn't want to disembowel her husband for being even louder.

April would eventually get to the point of forgetting the physical hell of her pregnancy, or at least so Leslie and Ann had said. All she could think was how horrible a decision she had made and that she should have never allowed Andy to do this to her. Her body was just not cut out for all of this, but then again she remembered the tiny, balled up fists of the Knope-Wyatt triplets and how stupid they all looked. April imagined what it would be like to see little fingers and a squished face that she could say was _her _kid, and felt a little less totally infuriated with her life.

But then Andy rushes into the room and he's sweaty and out of breath. April turns over to look at him wiping at his forehead and she's more curious than angry.

"Babe, you're not gonna believe this," Andy said in an exasperated voice.

"What, you found a way to speed up this monster in me thing?" April deadpanned, her head now smashed into the pillow.

"No, I don't - I don't think so," Andy considered before hopping over to her side of the bed and getting down on his knees. "Someone left us a crib on the porch!"

"What?" April asked incredulously, like Andy was going to lie to her about something like that. "We already told everyone we were going to-"

"Buy one, yeah. It's weird, I went out there and only saw a truck drive super fast," Andy still looked incredibly excited. "They left this note, too."

Andy produced a piece of paper with a single, handwritten line on it:

_Crib; made of wood. Don't buy one._

Even if she didn't immediately recognize the handwriting in the dim light of the lone lamp in their room, April only knew one person that would drop a crib off on their front porch without so much as a word. And to tell them that the thing's made out of wood as if they wouldn't know that?

* * *

Andy went in with the note and left it on Ron's desk, standing there expectant. It didn't take long for the older man to groan and look around for any passersby that might witness whatever conversation the two of them may or may not have had.

"Ron," Andy started slowly, looking down like all he wanted to do was wait for Ron to leave his desk and catch him in a massive hug.

"No," he gave Andy a look of mixed aggravation and pleading.

"That was awesome of you," Andy said, "and I want to thank you but I don't know how. So, I tried to make you something too."

There was something like fear in Ron's eyes just then. Maybe because he expected a gift that would poison the entire department, or a concoction from April designed to make him relive the nightmare that was food poisoning, but still it wasn't fear. Ron Swanson didn't fear _anything _but if there was anything that put him on guard, it was definitely a gift from those two. Andy pulled up a brown bag he was carrying and set it on the desk. The bottom of the bag bulged and had grease stains all over it, and there was the pungent aroma of beef filling the office.

"I asked April to show me how to do this," Andy pointed at the bag, "because I figured it's like changing a diaper, but not really... and April sucks at it anyways."

Andy walked out silently with his hands in his pockets, leaving Ron to inspect the mystery gift. Opening it, he looked inside and felt a prickle of a smile fall on his face. Inside was an incredibly poorly wrapped burrito stuffed with whole cuts of steak popping out of the gigantic tortilla. Digging it out and silently berating himself for the attempt at a giggle that threatened to come out, Ron saw a piece of paper soaked in grease stuck to the bottom of the bag. Shaking his head to himself, he reached down and scraped the bit of paper off of the bag and unfolded it. It only had one line, in April's slanted handwriting:

_Burrito; made with steak. Eat it._

It was awful, the steak overcooked and still thick with crispy fat that did nothing to aid the horrible taste of the meat, and Ron had to put it down after two bites - even stopping out to get a bacon cheeseburger to satiate his lunch pain - but he got the point.


	62. The Perfect Gift

April was so awesome at giving gifts.

She must have picked it up from Leslie or something like that Andy guessed, because she always seemed to know what to get him. Even when it wasn't for something like Christmas, she'd do things for him like crossing off his bucket list and not divorcing him for longer than a few hours at most. He tried to return the favor but most of the time he just couldn't figure that stuff out. Mostly because April never told him what she wanted and just shrugged, saying whatever was fine. At one point Andy tried being cute and saying all he wanted for Christmas was her, but she just looked at him like he had too many heads, so she kept being strangely thoughtful but nonchalant about it.

And with that, she kept expecting Andy to do nothing at all but that wouldn't stand. Especially not for Christmas, and he was starting to run out of time. No, Andy was going to figure out the perfect gift for April in less than a month.

* * *

"What do you think I should get her, Leslie?" Andy asked, already out of ideas. "She always tells me not to worry, and then she gets me super cool stuff."

"Like what?" Leslie said, curious despite her previous annoyance at his intrusion in her office.

"Well... uh, she got me the Reggie Wayne jersey," he explained, counting off his fingers. "That was a long time ago, but we went to the Grand Canyon and she paid for Xbox Live last month. So, she pretty much gets awesome presents for me all the time."

"So get her something like that, something that's really personal," Leslie suggested, flipping a page over in front of her and cracking a marker open.

"Oh yeah, that's what I was thinking but what's personal to April? Like a dead raccoon? Or mud?" Andy stroked his chin and thought hard about it. "No, a dead raccoon coated in mud. That might be it."

"Maybe," Leslie nodded seriously. "As much as I would love to brainstorm gifts for April, I actually have a lot of work to do."

"Oh, that's okay. I'm sure I'll figure it out," Andy laughed and walked out.

In reality, he was still lost. Dead raccoon or no, he didn't even have the beginning of an idea for what to get April. He'd been sitting on the stuffed raccoon plan for about three days and it sounded perfect, but still not good enough. Maybe he'd have to get her twenty stuffed raccoons and clean out a spare room for them, but that might be too much. Then again, what else could Andy do? He sure as hell didn't know or he wouldn't be sitting outside of Leslie's office thinking so hard about it while April stared blankly at him with her eyebrows raised.

Walking past her, he lifted a finger like he was going to start saying something to Ron before the other man pressed his little keychain and left Andy staring at a closed door just outside his office.

"What's up?" April asked from behind him.

"Oh, nothing. Uh, nothing at all babe, just... um," Andy looked over for someone to make this an easier escape but there was no one else. "Well, I'm... you're so smart."

"Hm?" April had apparently given up paying attention to him, scraping something off of the little name plaque on her desk.

"Never mind," he said quickly, rushing out of the department with an oozing sweat running down his back.

* * *

Later, Andy called Leslie for an emergency meeting. Knowing exactly what he wanted, she brought a calendar and a notepad with her. When he asked what those were for, she pointed to the calendar and told him that was April's yearlong holidays calendar and the notepad had all of the leftover ideas Leslie had when she came up with the various gift ideas for her. They decided to settle all of this over lunch.

"Leslie, you're super good at giving gifts. I mean, you told me to rip off one of the legs of that stuffed dog and April keeps that thing everywhere," he bit into his sandwich and chewed furtively. "Maybe I should get her a little stuffed me-"

"All right, that might be creepy enough to work," Leslie admitted but sighed. "Look, I was going to give her a gift card for a free day at Spawnee. You should just take that and give it to her for Christmas."

"You sure? I mean, I don't think she's gonna want that Leslie," he couldn't see April doing anything other than terrorizing the employees and getting thrown out of the building.

"That's ridiculous, she'll love my gift. She always loves my gifts," Leslie looked taken back by Andy's claim.

"I bet she's gonna hate it, but that might be the point," Andy bunched up his eyebrows and squinted in concentration. "But you go ahead and give that to her. What else you got on that list?"

"Um... she asked me for a vial of calf's blood so I guess there's that option," she flipped a piece of paper and tapped it with her fingers. "And she's already got a Jerry voodoo doll so that one's off the list."

"Wait, I think... I think I got it!" Andy jumped up and immediately sprinted for the door, slipping and stumbling out of the diner in a hurry.

* * *

April hated Christmas, more or less. People were excited and being _merry _when the only people that were allowed to be happy were her and Andy. Most of the time she liked walking around the neighborhood, tearing down lights and stringing up the yard decorations in compromising positions. Last year their neighbors knew exactly who to look for when their little Santa was waving jubilantly at the street with a festive garden gnome face first in his crotch.

It was so much better just because the Santa kept giggling and screaming _Merry Christmas! _to anyone that passed.

But Andy always made a big deal out of it and April didn't mind seeing him get so worked up in an effort to find the perfect gift for her every year. Usually he tried to get her to take off work for a few extra days, saying it would be like a second honeymoon only a lot colder and they'd stay inside all day and have sex on the couch. As tempting as that offer always seemed, she turned it down and accepted whatever song or new stuffed animal - taxidermy or not - he gave her. It was the thought that counted, or something stupid like that, she noted.

So when she woke up on Christmas morning she groaned to herself and walked out to the living room for Andy's usual present opening ritual of him tearing open everything whether it was for him or not. Instead, he was sitting upright on the couch with a small box in his hands. It was wrapped so poorly, looking like a square coated in garbage, and for some reason she started smiling.

"Merry Christmas!" he shouted, jumping to his feet when she sat down.

"Yeah, sure," she grimaced, still tired. "Get started now and maybe we can go back to sleep before Leslie calls us."

"Well, I want you to open this," he presented her the weird little, badly wrapped present.

"What is it?" she asked, pulling it apart to reveal a small flip case that she popped open.

Inside of the little case was a pack of what looked like index cards. When she pulled those out they each had the same thing written on them in Andy's handwriting, some in pencil and a few in marker:

_Ludgate Coupon!_

"What's a Ludgate coupon?" she looked at the back of the card for anything else but came up blank.

"You know how you always say stuff like we should go egg Jerry's house again and we need to make fun of Ann all the time?" Andy sat down, smiling.

"Yeah, sure. You always laugh and then Leslie tells me I shouldn't," April agreed, "which is stupid because making fun of Ann is probably my third favorite thing to do."

"Well, there's a box of fifty coupons that, whenever you give someone in the office one, they have to do whatever you want to do," Andy wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"Even murder?" April asked seriously, considering Andy's gift. "Double murder? Murder-suicide? How much murder can I get away with?"

"I think Leslie said that was one of the things you _can't_ do," Andy pulled her closer to him and kissed her. "Do you like it?"

"It's perfect," she said, giving him a brief smile. "Now, go open your stuff."

April watched him destroy several boxes and so much wrapping paper that she worried she might actually have to clean it up at some point. He screamed just like a little kid at the new video game, and when he opened Champion's bones he just looked at them confused before April explained they weren't for him. She turned one of the "Ludgate Coupons" around in her hand, the little case in the other, and wondered what the first one would be. She had a thousand ideas just then - the first was making Leslie take an emergency visit to Ann only for April to surprise her with a roadkill present - but one seemed way better than the rest.

"Andy, come here," she beckoned him with a curled finger. "I wanna spend my first Coupon."

"Cool, on what?" he inquired obliviously, standing up and only getting the idea when she gave him a wry smile and pulled him on top of her.

As it turned out, Andy was also pretty awesome at giving gifts.


	63. The Best

**A/N: **Anonymously prompted as "new parents high five." I've said this already but if we don't get a high five at the end of the series because April reveals that she's pregnant I will be infinitely furious.

* * *

A month after the birth of their daughter, Andy started to realize there was something off about April. He expected her to give every single duty possible over to him, mostly because of the hell that pregnancy and childbirth had been for her, but that wasn't where it ended. Whenever Andy was holding Roberta, and he never wanted to put her down except when he knew she needed to sleep, April had a sad, sideways leer for the two of them and not much else.

He guessed that it had something to do with the fact that, after a few weeks, the baby refused to be fed by April. They'd sit down in the living room or the baby's room and April would have that singular smile that Andy thought was reserved only for him at first, but by after a few minutes all Andy could hear was a wailing cry and then April giving her over to him. She didn't talk for much of the day after that happened.

"Hey, April," he called her over to him in the middle of the living room as he paced.

"Hm?" she turned to him and he beckoned her with a tilt of his head.

"Can you take her for a second?" he didn't give her time to answer, pushing the baby into April's instinctively cradling arms. "I gotta pee, so so bad."

"Sure," she mumbled, looking down at the wrapped up child with a hint of a grimace on her face.

When Andy came back into the living room, April was sitting down and gingerly bouncing Roberta in her arms, trying to keep some kind of movement. Their little girl hadn't yet started to cry, but Andy could see April physically preparing for it with her face held a little farther away than looked comfortable.

Sitting down next to the two of them, April offered the baby to Andy who shook his head and gave her a grin. Instead of returning it, April just looked down at the baby again and maintained the gaze until her shoulders slumped a little and the crying started, Roberta apparently woken up by the minor change of rhythm. Andy didn't know what they were supposed to do about that, but watching his wife's face shift from disappointment to a wholly different emotion - lips pursed tight and looking away from anyone in the room - made him scoot closer to the two of them.

"Just keep up what you were doing before," he tried, putting his arm over April's shoulders and looking down at the baby. "She liked that."

"Yeah, and then I messed it up," April huffed, resuming her previous rocking but only soliciting more whining. "See? I screwed up."

"Nah, she's just-"

"Andy, we screwed up," April interrupted, her eyes wild when she looked up to him. "I knew it the whole time, but I didn't want to say it."

"Whaddya mean, we screwed up?" Andy laughed, playing with Roberta's free hands, tiny little things, in his finger.

"I mean, I don't think I can do this," her arms kept going at the slight rocking but the crying continued. "God, I'm not cut out to be a mother, Andy. You won't be a bad dad, but I can't do it-"

"What? That's nuts!" Andy interjected, confused by how frightened she suddenly seemed. "You're the best mom."

"Andy, I can't even feed my own baby," she looked back down and Andy knew the look on her face right before she looked away - too much blinking, no eye contact, mouth half open. "I can't do it, I shouldn't have done this. I can't-"

"Listen to me," Andy gripped her shoulder with his hand still over her. "We can do this - you can do this. I know how excited you were, and you can't lie about that. You were so pumped, at least until the baby started growing and then you were just super angry-"

"Andy, I can't," she shuddered, looking back up to him. "I don't think I can do it."

He was about to respond to her insane claims, but then he realized something was different about the room. Looking down at the bundle in April's arms, there was no crying or whining - just a sleeping child. April looked down as well, but she didn't seem nearly as impressed as he was. April seemed like she knew the exact reason for the sudden nap and Andy assumed she was still unsure of herself.

"She just misses her mom's voice," Andy grinned.

"No, it's because you're here," April retorted, refusing to believe any of this was her doing.

"Let's put her to bed, okay?" he suggested, standing up with the two of them and leading April into the spare room turned nursery.

That same, blue disappointment was in April's eyes even when they laid their little sleeping girl in the crib. She crossed her arms and stared down inside, a kind of thoughtful blankness on her face until Andy brought them closer with his arm. She looked up to him for a moment before laying her head on his shoulder.

"You can do it," Andy reassured her.

"You really think?" April whispered, accepting his massaging arm on her tired shoulder.

"Totally," Andy said without hesitation, turning April to look at him directly.

"What makes you so sure?" she asked, looking up at him and glancing down at Roberta for a second before returning to him.

"Because you're the best person ever, and you trust me with stuff, and I believe in you," Andy continued to smile at her, letting go of her hands for a moment. "April, you're gonna be the best mom in the world. Probably the universe."

"I love you," April said, a meek happiness on her face that Andy knew as her begrudging acceptance of his support.

"Yeah, love you too," he raised a hand in the air like it was the most natural thing in the world, and April immediately high-fived it.

She lingered on his hand, her fingers eventually lacing in his. They stayed rooted on the spot, April eventually turning to look down into the crib. For the first time in a few weeks, April gave a brief flitter of her lips, curving upwards at the little figure still quietly asleep with her hand in mouth. Andy was going to guide April out of the room but that task was going to be impossible, her hands glued to the side of the crib.

Andy left the room, expecting April to come out not long after. She stayed in there for a few more hours, and when the baby woke up Andy only heard his wife speak to their daughter. It was mostly nonsense and her venting, but the initial crying stopped and April continued to talk for a long while.


End file.
